Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
Gentlemen, we are sending out this post to notify you that as of Friday morning we are planning on having the Saturday morning Castimonia meeting at 10am. If for some reason this meeting is cancelled, a cancellation notice will be posted to this site.
Please do not drive through high water or a dangerous situation to get to this meeting if you do not feel safe.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.
We must be willing to forgive. We must remember that we have been forgiven by the Lord. He has forgiven us by His love, grace, and mercy. We didn’t deserve forgiveness but because of His love and His grace He chose to forgive us and to lay down His life for us. How much more should we be willing to forgive. If we desire to walk as one we must be willing to forgive one another.
One of the great weapons of the enemy to try to separate and divide God’s people is offense and causing us to become bitter and unwilling to forgive. Throughout our lives we will be hurt by others. We live in a world filled with broken people and more than that the body of Christ is filled with broken people who are in transition so naturally we will get hurt or offended at different times in our lives.
But the key is not to allow our bitterness or our pain to control us and dominate us. Not to allow the pain we feel to bind us and cause us to pull back from others in the body of Christ. Let us simply be willing to forgive. Let us cover over the transgressions that may have been done to us. Let us see people for who they are and understand that we all make mistakes. Some the mistakes are bigger than others but the truth is that all of us are in process and if we can remember this and be willing to forgive then we will walk in unity and the power of the Holy Spirit.
26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger can be a dangerous thing. We are all human so therefore we are all broken. We are imperfect people who on a daily basis is following the leading of the Holy Spirit. But from time to time we may fall into the pitfall of allowing our flesh to lead us instead of the Holy Spirit. One manifestation of this is anger.
We are surrounded by people who are broken and who also make mistakes. A person may cut us off in traffic, a person may say something or do something that offends us, a person may do something that either injures us or injures someone we love and as a result we may become angry. What we do in response to this anger is the key. The anger we have will either control us or we will control it. We must guard our hearts from being led by our flesh or our emotions.
One of the greatest ways that we can be led by the Holy Spirit is abiding in the Lord each day. By spending time in God’s word and prayer it will prepare our heart for everything we will face and it will make us more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. The more time we spend with the Lord the more we will be transformed into His image. This is key when dealing with anger. The Lord will empower and strengthen us to be led by the Holy Spirit instead of being led by our flesh and our emotions.
… are a lot like this.
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. – 1 Corinthians 10:13
How many times have I heard this…”God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” I call bullshit. I even repeated that axiom over and over. I said it to other people. I prayed it. I thanked Him for not giving me more than I could handle, all the while not being able to handle all I experienced. Burying the pain and heartache and loneliness as deep as I could drive it. I couldn’t handle it. Well, I couldn’t handle it in a healthy and honest way.
I can point to so many instances in my life that were more than I could handle. The death of my best friend. The complete isolation and abandonment of being passed off to my aunt and uncle. The shame of being sexually abused. The unending self loathing that came with hiding my violations of our marriage vows. The impact on my wife of my disclosing my lifetime of manipulation and lying. I couldn’t handle or bear any of those. Not in any way that was honoring to God or myself or my marriage or my family.
I didn’t trust God. If he truly wasn’t going to give me more than I could handle, then why did He give me more than I could handle? What happened to that loving caring Savior that was supposed to take those things away from me? Why did I continually experience overwhelming hardships under which I would crumble over and over? I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why…I claimed to be a Christian. Wasn’t He supposed to provide us special protection? The sin and shame and self loathing was supposed to be for those who didn’t believe.
After I entered into what I call recovery, I started working through a 12 step program through a men’s support and recovery group called Castimonia. I got a sponsor, someone I knew. I disclosed my sexual sin to my wife and somehow was still married. I wrote and read what’s called a first step to my recovery group. This was my entire history of isolation, shame, sexual sin, lying and manipulation. And yet, men told me that they could identify with my story. They had similar experiences and were thankful of the reminders and were there for support. I was thankful for the support, but I can honestly say I didn’t see God in my recovery. I saw the support of other people, I saw the community and relationships with other men through my recovery group. I just didn’t understand why God had allowed all this to continue. He was supposed to not let me experience more than I could bear.
I read step three, “We turned our life and will over to the care of God as we understood God.” And that’s when my real recovery began. That realization. I had not turned my will over to Him. Ever. I had given Him my salvation as I understood it. I figured I had the rest. I didn’t trust God. Not with anything more than after this life. This life was mine. And what I had always thought was true. I couldn’t bear all this myself. See, I missed that last part of 1 Corinthians. He will provide a way out of temptation. For me, I had to first trust that. Trust that He would provide a way. And depend on Him. How many times had I missed that way out?
This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
