CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Feelings for Thursday

The post below was copied from a spouse of a sex addict.  In understanding our own addiction, we must also understand the pain and trauma we have caused our wives.

Feelings for Thursday
Posted by Samantha Baker on September 20, 2012

How I feel about myself looking back over 5 years:

Devalued
Emotionally Violated
Traumatized
Emotionally Abused
Unloved
Used
Could never meet expectations
Never good enough
Abandoned
Criticized
Broken Vows
Lied to
Detached
Betrayed
Disrespected
Vulnerable

My emotions now:

Emotional Pain
Hurt
Anger
Rage
Shame
Guilt
Turmoil
Fear
Numb
Empty
Isolated
Lonely
Confused
Obsessed
Lost
Broken Trust
Heartbroken
Depressed
Stuck
Constantly Triggered
No longer special

How do I feel about the future:

Unsure
Scared
Fear
Cautiously Hopeful
Meaningful
Emotional Intimacy
Honesty
Empathy
Understanding
Trust
Forgiveness
Communication

But the big question is, how to I get to the hope of the future and out of the pain of the now?

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A Little Humor Based on Reality

I saw this comic a while back and couldn’t help but laugh and share it.  I’ve heard so many stories in my recovery meetings where computers were infected and nearly destroyed by men who unwittingly downloaded a virus with the “free” pornography they were trying to download.  Imagine if our computers could literally “see” the stuff we watched or downloaded while acting out in our addiction?  Yes, I believe they would be physically ill as much as our partners were when they found out the stuff in which we were involved.

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Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content

Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content
Originally posted by Scott Williams

From Psychology Today:

“Adult Content .. Penn St officials head to cou...Children as young as 8 and 9 are coming across sexually explicit material on the Internet and in other media. Although research is just beginning to assess the potential damage, there is reason to believe that early exposure to sexual content may have the following undesirable effects:

Early Sex. Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

In another study, boys who were exposed to sexually explicit media were three times more likely to engage in oral sex and intercourse two years after exposure than non-exposed boys. Young girls exposed to sexual content in the media were twice as likely to engage in oral sex and one and a half times more likely to have intercourse. Research also shows that teens who listened to music with degrading sexual references were more likely to have sex than those who had less exposure.

High-Risk Sex. The earlier a child is exposed to sexual content and begins having sex, the likelier they are to engage in high-risk sex. Research shows that children who have sex by age 13 are more likely to have multiple sexual partners, engage in frequent intercourse, have unprotected sex and use drugs or alcohol before sex. In a study by researcher Dr. Jennings Bryant, more than 66 percent of boys and 40 percent of girls reported wanting to try some of the sexual behaviors they saw in the media (and by high school, many had done so), which increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

Sex, Love and Relationship Addictions. Not every child who is exposed to sexual content will struggle with a mental health disorder, but research shows that early exposure to pornography is a risk factor for sex addictions and other intimacy disorders. In one study of 932 sex addicts, 90 percent of men and 77 percent of women reported that pornography was a factor in their addiction. With the widespread availability of explicit material on the Internet, these problems are becoming more prevalent and are surfacing at younger ages.

Sexual Violence. According to some studies, early exposure (by age 14) to pornography and other explicit material may increase the risk of a child becoming a victim of sexual violence or acting out sexually against another child. For some people, habitual use of pornography may prompt a desire for more violent or deviant material, including depictions of rape, torture or humiliation. If people seek to act out what they see, they may be more likely to commit sexual assault, rape or child molestation.

Preserving Our Children’s Youth

Early exposure to sexual content in the media may have a profound impact on children’s values, attitudes and behaviors toward sex and relationships.”

Related articles

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Separation Anxiety

 (This post comes from Anonymous.)

Sexual abuse began so early in my life that I missed the chance to become my own person in the way that I should have at an early age. My initial identity was formed as someone who existed to bring another a sick pleasure.

The secret use of my body to satisfy someone older and bigger was the first place that I felt valued as a human being and that identity stuck to me like hot glue. Fortunately for me, I have come to know that that was only a false identity and not the real me.

Babies and small children often suffer through what we know as separation anxiety. Having been so close to the mother in the womb and at the breast results in fear and anxiety when infants experience separation. I have experienced a different form of separation anxiety as I have faced the reality that the early identity formed in me was the wrong one. Or worse, that it was forced on me by my abusers. I became an object and not a human to them and then to myself.

My abuse stretched out over many years, and I was acting it out in multiple sexual relationships primarily as the sex-slave of others. I lived to pleasure others and took that role because it was the only thing I knew. I was the powerless one and the partner always the strong one. It was sheer hell in so many ways, even though I thought I wanted this. I didn’t know that I was living out the wrong identity for many years after the abuse. Eventually, truth broke through.

I’ve spent many years untangling the effects of abuse. I’ve made great strides in separating myself from the false identity forced on me and in developing the real me, the man who has power over my own mind and body. This causes anxiety at times when I seem to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Like a baby, I don’t know who I am apart from the abuse that “mothered” me in many ways. But with each day I find that I won’t die becoming the real me.

I will live and I will live well.

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The Addiction VS. Your Confession

The Addiction VS. Your Confession
Originally Posted by SemperFi2Christ

If you’re plugged into the Word then you know the power of the tongue. Just want to remind you that you can use the Sword of The Spirit, the Word of God, to defeat pornography and masturbation! Yes, it is true. Speak over yourself first thing in the morning.

“Today, I am free from all addictions, temptations, and lusts, the Holy Spirit, my friend and comforter, is working overtime to show me the way out. He leads me by the still waters. I am an overcomer of the Devil through Christ Jesus and I lash out against condemnation with the power of His Blood. I am SAVED, and I know that sin is not applied to me. I am not under the law, so I need not sacrifice anything to God, but claim the righteousness bought by Jesus. Thank you God for sending your son. Amen”

You don’t have to say it verbatim, but I encourage you to speak something, OUT LOUD, over yourself so that it starts to permeate your thinking. Remember, BELIEVE what you say. Believe God.

God bless brothers and sisters