Roger’s journey of recovery has allowed him to face the pain of his childhood sexual abuse and to see how much of his acting out was an attempt to prove that he had what it took to be a man.
sex addict
More than 40% of children under 12 have watched pornography – and experts say it’s turning teenagers into SEX ADDICTS
- The majority of sex addicts begin experiencing problems before the age of 16, says addiction expert
- 40% of those questioned had watched porn under the age of 12
- Broken homes, single-sex schools and poor sex education also to blame
Easy access to online pornography and poor sex education are largely to blame for teenagers suffering from sex addiction, a leading expert has said.
Sex addiction therapist Paula Hall said almost half of those who suffer with the problem first experienced problems before they turned 16.
Her claims come after a survey she conducted in conjunction with the counselling organisation Relate found 40 per cent of teenagers had used pornography before the age of 12 and 90 per cent felt it was to blame for their addiction.
Easy access: The increase in online porn has been blamed for a rise in sex addiction among teenagers (posed by model)The research also suggests that factors such as parental separation, single sex schooling and limited sex education are all contributing factors.
And nearly half of those surveyed had experienced some kind of childhood abuse or assault, indicating this to be a major cause of the condition
Hall’s survey of people with sex addiction, conducted for her new book Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction, looked at the age most people started, what factors led them there, whether they sought help and the consequences of their addictions.
She defines sex addiction in its simplest terms as: ‘a pattern of out-of-control sexual behaviour that causes problems in someone’s life’.
Russell Brand claimed sex addiction almost ruined his careerThe survey also highlights the contrasts between male and female attitudes about sex addiction.
Substantially more men seek help than women, with 57.3 per cent of men seeking professional help, and only 38.3 per cent of women.
In women, ‘affirmation and feeling wanted’ was their biggest ‘reward’ for their sexual behaviour, with 80 per cent of them citing this as the reason.
For men, ‘excitement’ was identified as being the biggest reward
But the results also indicate the damaging consequences of sex addictions.
Sixty-five per cent of those questioned struggled with low self-esteem and almost half experienced mental health problems.
Nearly half had lost a partner because of their behaviour and a quarter said it had effected their sexual functioning.
Furthermore, 63 per cent said their sex addiction had wasted time and 42 per cent that they’d wasted money.
When asked what the biggest influence was on their sex addiction, ‘easy access’ and ‘lack of education’ were both cited as more significant than ‘negative’ childhood experiences.
Watching pornography was also identified as being the most common result of addiction.
As Hall states: ‘The reality of the Western world today is that ‘opportunity’ is everywhere and people, with or without a background of trauma and/or attachment difficulties, can now indulge their sexual desires and run the risk of becoming addicted’.
The results of the survey have been published in her new book, Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction.
Earlier this year, Keir Starmer, the Director of Public Prosecutions and the country’s top prosecutor said that teenage relationships are becoming more abusive because of the easy access to internet pornography, expressing his concern about the ‘exposure of young people to all sorts of material’.
He admitted there could be a link between the easy access to internet pornography for children and ’emerging research’ about increasing violence in teenage relationships.
SIGNS OF SEX ADDICTION
Dr Patrick Carnes, one of the world’s leading experts in sexual addiction, suggests there are various possible warning signs:
Feeling that your behaviour is out of control
Feeling unable to stop your behaviour, in spite of knowing the consequences
Persistently pursuing destructive and/or high risk activities
Using sexual fantasies as a way of coping with difficult feelings or situations
Needing more sexual activity in order to experience the same level of high
Suffering from intense mood swings around sexual activity
Spending more time either planning, engaging in or regretting and recovering from sexual activities
Neglecting important social, occupational or recreational activities in favour of sexual behaviour
Porn Aftermath: 3 Simple Steps to Help Your Child Process Their Feelings
Posted on July 18, 2013 by Kristen Jenson
Sadly, it’s inevitable. At some point your child is going to be exposed to pornography. Hopefully, you’ve talked to them about what it is and why it’s dangerous. But even after several porn talks, kids need help sorting out their confused feelings. If they feel comfortable talking with you after they’ve been exposed, you’ve just added another layer in their armor against pornography. Especially if you can stay calm and reassuring.
I recently came across an excellent video on the Women for Decency website produced by LifeStar Network, a pornography and sexual addiction recovery organization. Jeffrey Ford, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses three steps you can take to help your child after they’ve seen pornography.
1. Ask: How did your body feel? Ford advises parents to recognize that pornography arouses sexual feelings, which physically feel good. Acknowledging that sexual arousal feels good will avoid shaming your child about having normal sexual feelings.
2. Ask: How did you feel emotionally? Kids often say they feel sick to their stomach or “yukky” after seeing pornography. This is confusing. How can my body feel good but my emotions feel so bad at the same time?
3. Explain that marriage is the right time to experience sexual feelings. Teach them that both their bodies and their emotions can feel good when they grow up and find someone they love to marry. Sexual feelings are good and normal and designed to bring two people together and keep them together in a committed and loving relationship like marriage.
Depending on the type of pornography they’ve seen you may also want to reaffirm that sex is not about hurting another person, but it’s about showing kindness and affection.
Pornography gives very mixed messages to kids, which are extremely confusing. The worst case scenario is to have a child turn to the internet for more information on pornography. As a parent, you can provide a safe setting for sorting out the confused feelings produced by seeing pornography.
I highly recommend watching this 4 minute video What if my child has been exposed?
Please leave a comment and let me know if you thought it was helpful! Thanks!
Ben’s Story (video)
Pornography hurts… (Video)
Stacey tells her story of growing up in Africa, becoming a minister’s wife, and finding out her husband had a secret struggle with sexual addiction. Hear how God brought them through and restored their relationship.
