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prayer

December 1, 2020 By Castimonia

HOW L-O-N-G, LORD?

SOURCE–Adapted from:  Stepping Stones/Lighthouse Network

Transformational Thought

Have you ever said those words, “How long?” As in, “How long, Lord, until my prayer is answered? How long until life gets better? How long do You want me to do this without seeing results? How long do You want me to suffer? How long do I have to ‘just hang in there?’ How long ’til my kids get along? How long ’til my loved one stops drinking?”

When Joseph was sold into slavery and later spent years in prison, he must have asked, “How long, Lord?” When Moses led the Israelites around and around in the wilderness, he surely thought, “How long, Lord?” When Noah was ridiculed for 100 years while he built an ark on dry land, he must have wondered, “How long, Lord?” The Israelites have been wondering for centuries, “How long until the Messiah comes?” But each one of these trusted God. They respected Him enough to continue obeying Him even when it seemed that all hope was gone.

Perhaps you are involved in a ministry that seems to go nowhere. Yet, you know the Lord wants you there. Maybe you have been praying for an unsaved loved one for many years. Or perhaps you have a business that just doesn’t come together, but the Lord has led you to continue. Be encouraged to revere God by continuing to obey him, even though you may wonder, “How long, Lord?”

Our nature is to want our agenda now. No waiting. Nobody else calls the shots. We avoid discomfort and demand what we want when we want it. My kingdom come; my will be done. But waiting and patience are powerful teachers of many truths. This is how character and many psychological skills are developed. God knows the right timing. Bend to His timeline and your peace and growth will be unbelievable.

Today, be confident that God loves you. Examine your life to see what situation or area makes you impatient … frustrated … irritable. Make sure you are doing a good job with your part of the issue. Then accept that God has a different timeline than you do. Learn the lesson He is teaching. The situation is in your life to grow you … that is God’s purpose for all that comes into your life. He has a perfect plan for us. We (and others) just keep messing it up. His timing is always perfect because it is His timing. As Noah did, keep on “doing all that God commands.”

Prayer

Oh Father, Lord, help me honor You by trusting You and being willing to wait on You. Even though I get discouraged at times, help me remember that You are in control and that Your way is the best way. Your timing is the best timing. Help me be patient so I can show the world I am willing to wait on You, Lord. Thy kingdom come, not my kingdom come. I really don’t want to take over responsibility for the whole world, even though sometimes I act like it. I pray this and all prayers for the one who demonstrated perfect timing, Jesus Christ.  AMEN!

The Truth

I patiently waited, LORD, for you to hear my prayer. You listened and pulled me from a lonely pit full of mud and mire. You let me stand on a rock with my feet firm, and you gave me a new song, a song of praise to you. Many will see this, and they will honor and trust you, the LORD God.

Psalm 40:1-3

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: porn, porn addiction, pornography, prayer, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, waiting

November 1, 2018 By K.LeVeq

Moving Towards God

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By Keith B. @ NotUnknown.com

At the age of nine years old, I understood and accepted that God sent His son to die for me and redeem my sins. I began a journey on that day to know God. Unfortunately, that’s all I did. I began. I didn’t continue. God stayed where He was. Available to me and waiting. I got…sidetracked.

My contact with God wasn’t constant. God was like that neighbor who would knock and not go away, even when I wouldn’t answer the door. I could just feel Him peeking in the windows. So I went my own way, avoiding His gaze, trying to stay just out of reach.

My friend Sean and I were at breakfast one morning, drinking Denny’s outstanding coffee. We were talking about God and knowing Him. Sean held his hands apart.

“Buddy! God is here, and I am way over here. I am either moving toward Him or away
from Him. There is no inbetween!”

Sean speaks in exclamations. That is part of what I love about him. He also speaks from God. I love that about him even more.

Knowing God requires structure for me. Without it, I follow the sound of my own voice. My own voice has always eventually led to destruction. So, to purposefully know God, I put structure in my everyday life. For me, that started with how I make decisions.

What do you do when you are faced with a difficult decision? Maybe you are trying to decide whether you should look for another job. You don’t know whether or not you should stay in a marriage that doesn’t feel alive. Your parents health is declining and you don’t have any idea what to do. Do you have someone you can turn to for guidance? Is there someone you trust completely? Your mother? Brother? Spouse? Best friend?

What about the day to day stuff? Should I apologize to my wife for yelling at her when she started the whole fight by nagging me about the shirt I didn’t pick up and take to the laundry room? My daughter’s best friend stopped talking to her and sitting with her at lunch. Does anyone care about that or is that something you should just take care of on your own?

I found that in all decisions, big stuff and small stuff, my decision making stunk. I convinced myself I made great decisions. Only, when faced with the results of my decisions, I realized I didn’t.

Sean reminded me that God knew me in my mother’s womb, the number of hair’s on my head, the intimate parts of my life I felt too much shame to share with anyone else. And He never walked away. He waited for me to realize how much He wanted to be a part of all my decisions. To do that, I had to let Him into all my decisions. I had to learn how to move towards Him.
In my life I move towards God in a number of ways. I pray purposefully. My friend Lance recently talked about his day being a constant conversation with God about the big things and the little things. I do that. I read His word looking to know more about Him, not about me. Li-wei taught me how to read His word to seek who God says He is and what can I learn about His character. My friends Dan and Jay meet with me every Saturday, to do life together and to speak His word into each other. My wife Roxanne and I pray together for our marriage, our sons, the future, today, for big and small things.

Have you introduced purpose into your life? What are you actively doing to move towards God?

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, castimonia, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, prayer, recovery, sex addiction

April 29, 2017 By Castimonia

Prayer and Recovery

https://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/prayer-and-recovery/
by applyingmybeliefs

Most spiritual programs of recovery admonish us to pray.  Some pray to “higher powers”, some to God, as they know Him, and others to Christ who is the one true God.  It seems that non-Christian recovery programs implicitly agree with the Christian perspective that prayer changes things.  So they pray to their higher power and the real God hears and answers their prayers in accordance with His will and purposes.

God almost begs us to pray when He tells us this in His word:

Jas 5:16(b) – The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

While James 5:16 is a great recovery verse, it actually is not the best verse on prayer and recovery in scripture.  This is:

Mt 26:41 – Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  (Also recorded in Mk 14:38)

This is Jesus instructing His disciples on prayer as He Himself is going through the agony of knowing He is about to be crucified.  This instruction was not just for Peter, James and John; it was also for us and is every bit as important today as it was in the moment back then.  As Jesus speaks this He is quoting from the prayer Psalm that He gave David close to 900 years beforehand:

Ps 51:12 – Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

If you recall, Psalm 51 was penned after David was confronted by Nathan over his sexual indiscretion with Bathsheba, another man’s wife, and his subsequent murder to try to cover up the sin.  David was tempted, and his flesh was weak.

In Christian recovery we often talk about putting on the armor of God, as listed in Ephesians 6.  What we sometimes forget is what Paul said right before and right after.  Before he says our enemies are not flesh and blood, immediately after listing the armor he says to pray.

So when Jesus is instructing us to watch out and pray because our flesh is weak, He is speaking of personal spiritual warfare; our inner unsanctified person and our temptation versus the Spirit of God inside us.

All of this suggests that one of our greatest tools in recovery is that of earnest prayer, the kind of prayer mention in James 5:16.  It also implies that those who don’t pray might struggle more than those who do.  Interestingly there is research that suggests that this is true (Carter 1998, The Effects of Spiritual Practices on Recovery From Substance Abuse)

What is your experience of prayer in your recovery?  Have you decided to be like David, called by God, “A man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22)”, and pray over your own weaknesses?

 

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, castimonia, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prayer, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

November 23, 2014 By Castimonia

Revelation

It was January, 2010 and I’d been in recovery for sexual addiction for almost ten months. I remember sitting in my office, my stomach turning as I thought about the possibility of attempting to take custody of my daughter Elizabeth away from her drug-addicted mother.  In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do but in my mind, fear paralyzed me.  You see, although I felt we needed to take custody of Elizabeth, the choice was not up to me.  My wife would have to be onboard for this to work out, if she wasn’t onboard, then it wouldn’t matter what I wanted or what Elizabeth needed.

The previous December, I had learned that my last affair partner had given birth to a baby girl.  Although I wasn’t 100% sure it was my child because of the mother’s promiscuous lifestyle, I knew that the probability was higher than normal due to the amount of time spent with her;  Another (huge) consequence from my sexual immorality.  At first, her father called me to discuss the baby and wanted me to relinquish all custody of the child so that she could be raised by her and her family; pretty strange for a father to call to negotiate for his adult daughter.  What I didn’t know was that the mother had been using drugs throughout the pregnancy and after giving birth she tested positive for illegal drugs.  Initially, I felt God was speaking to me through His word when I read about Hagar and Ishmael being “set free” and God promising to make Ishmael into a great nation, protecting him, caring for him, making sure he was safe.  This is what I felt would happen with Elizabeth.  Even after verbally agreeing to relinquish my rights, I had a very uneasy feeling.  This feeling lasted for almost a month when we finally found out that CPS had been involved in this case and Elizabeth’s mother had actually lost her rights and Elizabeth’s grandmother had taken over as custodian so that Elizabeth’s mother could still “raise” her. I was heartbroken.  I felt helpless.  I felt that I couldn’t let Elizabeth be raised by a drug-addicted mother in a dysfunctional household.  I wanted to do something, I had to do something, but not without my wife being onboard.

We met with our family attorney who filled us in on the legal issues involved with taking a child away from her mother and how difficult it would be to do this; near impossible unless the mother harms the child or is incarcerated, both of which we did not want Elizabeth to experience.  So I sat in my office and I worried.  At this time, I was listening to a Christian satellite radio station and they had Mac Powell, the lead singer of Third Day giving insight into their song, Revelation.  He spoke about how the song isn’t about the book of Revelation or the end of the world, it was about prayer for God to show him the way, to give him a revelation on what he needed to do. I broke down and cried at this point; the weight of this decision tearing a hole in me.  Then the song began:

“My life, has led me down the road that’s so uncertain. Now I am left alone and I am broken. Trying to find my way, trying to find the faith that’s gone.  This time, I know that You are holding all the answers.  And I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances, on roads that never seem to be the ones that bring me home.  Give me revelation, show me what to do. Cause I’ve been trying to find my way, I haven’t got a clue….” 

https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/05-third_day-revelation.mp3

I wept and I prayed.  I prayed, I prayed, I prayed for God to show me what to do.  “I can’t let this little baby girl grow up in that lifestyle, I can’t just sit back idle and allow this to happen to her; allow another human being, my daughter, to grow up to be as dysfunctional as her mother and her father.  I need to take action, I need to do something, but Lord, I can’t do this without You and without my wife.  I don’t know how to convince her to love Elizabeth enough to want to take custody of her, to endure the difficult battle ahead of us, to keep our marriage together as we struggle to do what is right.  I have to answer our attorney soon on what we intend to do.  Lord, give me a revelation on what to do with Elizabeth.”

At this time, as I was finishing my prayer, I received a text from my wife with the simple words, “Go ahead take custody.”  I couldn’t believe my eyes; I began to weep.  How could this woman, who I betrayed, lied to, cheated on, and hurt so deeply want to be a part of raising a little girl that wasn’t even hers, and worse, was my affair partner’s child?  The Lord put it on my wife’s heart to love all children and understand that it wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault that she was a product of two very selfish individuals and that she should not have to suffer because of our (my affair partner and I) poor choices.  I believe it was at this point that I stopped living in fear of my wife and began living in freedom with my wife.  I had feared my wife leaving me for such a long time (I’m codependent as most addicts are) and I knew that her unselfish decision to take custody of Elizabeth was a love so powerful, that it could only come from God.  Jesus was loving me through my wife and her unselfish actions.  She could have held on to the anger she had for my activities and sought revenge on me, or worse, divorced me because of this other baby, but instead, she showed me a tremendous amount of grace; a glimpse of what God shows me.  Her grace, and the grace of God, changed my life forever. It was love and grace that God used to restore me, not anger and condemnation. I am thankful to my wife for so many things, but especially thankful for this.

It was a long and drawn out custody battle that went on for over a year.  Back and forth, back and forth, between grandmother and mother and us with tens of thousands of dollars being spent on attorneys and back child support. I don’t know how the Lord sustained us, provided for us, or how He kept our marriage together during one of the most difficult years of our lives, but He did.  It’s one thing to be in recovery working a proper program and couple’s program, but it is another to add a custody battle in the mix of it all.  There was a lot of prayer involved in this year, particularly from 2 Chronicles 20:15, where the Lord says, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” I learned to turn over this custody battle to God, for Him to do what was in Elizabeth’s best interest, either to be a huge part of our family or to remain with her grandmother and mother.  Either way, we were preparing to say, “blessed be the name of the Lord.”

On April 1, 2011 we officially took custody of Elizabeth with visitation by grandmother, a miracle by Texas custody rights standards.  It is very difficult in Texas for a mother to lose the rights to her children unless she has really messed up, and I mean REALLY messed up.  It’s actually a sad state of affairs that children have to suffer when there are other, healthier people willing to take the role of custodian be it another family member or through adoption.  But perhaps that’s what the Lord wanted to show us, that He can do what is impossible, sustain our marriage in the worst of situations and bypassing the laws of the State of Texas.

SAMSUNG
Astros Faith & Family Night with Third Day, 06/2012

A couple of years ago, I finally had the opportunity to see Mac Powell and Third Day perform after a Houston Astros game.  The photo above shows the band performing the song Revelation but also shows a building in the background outside of the stadium (top center of the photo).  That building is the Harris County Civil Court Building where all family law issues are decided.  It was in that building that my wife and I took custody of Elizabeth.  It is almost fitting that the building is in the background of this photo of Third Day and I don’t think it is a coincidence at all.  Elizabeth has a much better life now, because my wife made the commitment to trust the Lord, not me, in all of this.  She knew that there was something much bigger than her, me, or our marriage at stake in making this decision.  My wife has been more of a mother to Elizabeth than she will ever experience with her birth mother, and she fights to keep her safe, and loves her like her own daughter.  That gives me hope.  If God can take this mess of  a life, transform it, and also transform the wounded heart of my wife, then anything is possible as long as we seek Him in what we do.  Next time you listen to the song Revelation, think about this story, and how God has a plan for you and your family.  No matter where you are in your recovery, I pray this story gives you hope.

Happy 5th birthday to my Lizzie LooLoo, we love you very much!

20140622_180931
Photo of Maddy (left), Lizzie, and our new daughter, Lexi.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, Answered Prayers, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, Christian Music, Emotions, escorts, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, Mac Powell, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prayer, Prayer answered, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Revelation, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity, spouses, Third Day, trauma

November 15, 2012 By Castimonia

The Repentant Prayer of a Sinner

I read the prayer below on another website and thought I’d share it with y’all.  I’ve used it many times since I first read it!  I hope it helps you as much as it has helped (and is helping) me.

The repentant prayer of a sinner.

Hi Good people, I have been thinking and there are sometimes during the journey to recovery, our sinful nature leads us into temptation. I would like to share a prayer from the deepest part of my heart.

Redemption prayer:
Oh God, why?
Why do I have to go through this again?
How many times will my eyes lead me to fall?
How come my eyes crave for a peep?
Why do I long to get one more touch?
She is someone else’s daughter, sister, mother.
Why do I objectify women, through a weird fetish?
Why am I overcome by evil?
Why Oh God, do I defile my body through my eyes?
Why is sin so sweet, but only for a moment?
I do not want to do this any more,
I surrender the struggle to you,
I repent of lust of the eyes,
I repent of lust of this damned flesh,
I repent of every hint of sexual immorality I have fallen to.
Wash me with the blood of Jesus.
Purify my heart, mind and body.
You are all I need Jesus,
You are my only true satisfaction,
My saviour, my deliver, my Lord.
Oh God, I pray that you teach me,
Teach me your ways,
Teach how to love you more,
Teach me how to hate sin,
Teach me how to hide the word in my heart,
I desire to give you my all,
I make a covenant with my eyes,
Not to look at any woman lustfully,
So please help me God.
The devil and all his ways were defeated on the cross,
Equip me to battle,
Equip me with God’s full armor (Eph 6)
In Jesus name I pray.

Please see this link on real repentance http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachingsplay.asp?teaching=S609

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prayer, prostitute, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, strippers, temptation

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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