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On The Days You Don’t Care

On The Days You Don’t Care
by Intentional Warriors

Over on xxxchurch last week Jeff Fisher wrote a blog post that tells it like it is.

There are days when Jeff doesn’t care.  There are lots of men at all stages of dealing with their addiction to porn and masturbation who have days like those Jeff is describing.

Jeff says:

Sometimes I feel that all I want to do is masturbate or look at sensual material on the computer.  I don’t want to turn to other guys, talk to my wife, or spend time with God.  I want my favorite drug of choice to make me feel better.

i have had some days like that since The Confession years ago.  But fortunately, by God’s powerful Grace, there have been very few. And when i have had those days, God has been quick to remind me of the death it would lead to if i returned to my old ways. i had such a heavy dose of fear and panic in the early years of my journey that the thought of returning caused me to break out in a sweat.

But that is not true for everyone. And there have been days when that fear was not as strong; therefore, it was not — alone — enough to prevent a relapse.  There haven’t been any relapses, but Temptation doesn’t rest.

Jeff’s thoughts are the sorts of things i hear from guys i work with in my men’s group.  Sometimes they just want it. They don’t care about purity or anything else.

The thing that’s great about Jeff’s blog post is not so much his candor, but his description of what happens next on those days when he wants it.

Jeff says:

These are the days I have to make myself take steps of obedience. I don’t feel like reaching out to guys, but I make myself because I know it’s the right direction to go.  I don’t feel like reading the Bible, but I make myself do it.  I don’t feel like writing my feelings down in a journal and praying it out to God, but I make myself.

One of the things that we must all come to terms with as men with this addiction who have undertaken this journey is the simple fact that sometimes it comes down to Doing the Work. Nike had the slogan years ago: Just Do It. There is something to that as it relates to this battle.

One of the reasons for Intentional Warriors is to call on the truth that as men we are warriors and, as warriors we train ourselves in how to fight.  A warrior will train; he will — in Jeff’s words – make himself do what needs to be done for the sake of mission.

Our mission is clear:  purity and freedom, even when purity is a more distant want than the immediate appeal of illicit sexual pleasure.

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Pornography Fueling Human Trafficking

Pornography Fueling Human Trafficking
Posted by

Attention: Pornography is causing more pain and suffering than many imagine. The Internet is the latest means of encouraging sexual fantasies, but the devastating impact of pornography is anything but a fantasy. There are victims, real victims.

Ken Camp of the Baptist Standard has written a helpful story that connects pornography to human trafficking. Ken covered a recent “Freedom Ring” event at First Baptist Church of Commerce that dealt with trafficking. Freedom Ring is an alliance of Christians against human trafficking, and the Texas Baptist Advocacy/Care Center and Woman’s Missionary Union of Texas are key partners in the effort.

Pornography represents a form of commercial sexual exploitation with “branches and tentacles that reach into our homes,” said Noel Bouché, vice president of PureHope. Pornography constitutes 10 percent of the Internet’s content, and its creators use trafficking victims—many of them minors—in porn production, Noel Bouché, vice president of PureHope, told the Commerce gathering.

There is an evil at work here that is hard to comprehend, and it’s fueled by money, much of it paid by viewers of pornography.

Christians need to realize the magnitude of the commercial sex industry,  said Tomi Grover, founder of TraffickStop, which is supported by the Texas Baptist Cooperative Program and the Mary Hill Davis Offering for Texas Missions.

“Pornography in the United States makes more than the National Football League. It makes more than Major League Baseball. It makes more than the National Basketball Association. In fact, it makes more than all three combined,” Grover said.

“It’s a global problem that’s happening in our own country and that’s being channeled into every home,” Bouché said.

Grover made a staggering comment. ”The average age of exposure to pornography is 8 years old,” she said. “Exposing children to porn is like putting their brains on opiate drugs.”

Bouché urged Christians to pursue a four-fold response–pray, understand, resolve, and engage.

Why respond? Because Scripture teaches that every person is his or her brother’s keeper, and God hears the cry of the oppressed, said Van Christian, pastor of First Baptist Church in Comanche. Churches cannot escape their responsibility to God when it comes to responding to issues of trafficking and sexual exploitation.

The Baptist Standard story provides more detail on the conference.

This needs to be talked about in our churches–from the pulpit and in smaller groups. It’s not easy to talk about, but the need is there. People are hurting and suffering. We need to care enough to do something.

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My Time with an Ex-Porn Star

At the suggestion from sex addiction recovery experts, I have removed the name (both real and actress) of the female mentioned in this post as to not trigger recovering sex addicts into “searching” for “more information” about her which could lead to them sexually acting out with pornography.

My Time with an Ex-Porn Star
By Frank Park
Originally posted at The Resurgence

For Mars Hill’s Real Marriage sermon “The Porn Path,” we flew up C****, a former porn star who’s since become a Christian, as a special guest to be interviewed in a Q&A with Pastor Mark and Grace as part of the sermon. After the event, I chauffered C***** and her friend to the airport to catch their flight home to LA. Due to the severe snowstorm that hit Seattle this winter, her friend was able to get on a last-minute flight, but C***** missed her flight altogether. This meant that I ended up spending a few more hours with her. Little did I know that my time with her would be life-changing.

As we waited to be sure her friend’s flight successfully took off, C***** began to share her story, much of which she did not tell at the event. Her words brought all that I had learned about the effects of porn to a completely different level. It suddenly became very real. There was a real face behind the facts, a real voice behind the statistics.

I took away three major things from our conversation that will forever remain with me.

1. Women Are Extra-Special

1 Peter 3:7 tells men, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

When I read the words “weaker vessel,” I don’t see it as saying women are the weaker sex or unequal to men, but rather that women are extra-special, especially your wife.

C*****’s story helped me to see that being a man means treating women (and in the future, my wife) with extra special care, love, and respect. I am to treat them as I would the most delicate vessel in my pottery collection—not because it is prone to break, but because it is invaluable.

2. Porn Is Real

I know firsthand how addicting porn can be. During my college years, I was serving the church and watching porn. I was leading worship and watching porn. I was a leader in the church and watching porn. It was a love-hate relationship. No professing Christian, after watching porn says, “I’m glad I did that.” We know it is wrong by conviction from the Holy Spirit and regret it after the fact—but we keep going back.

If you’re looking at porn, know this: real people are involved and real damage is done. When you watch porn, you are supporting and encouraging the sexual, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse of real women, not just actors.

Talking with C*****, my disgust over my history of watching porn and my gratitude to Jesus for redeeming me from that horrid habit simultaneously reached new highs. I wish every guy could sit down with C***** for five minutes and just talk to her. If that doesn’t convict him, I don’t know what will.

3. Jesus Can Redeem Anyone’s Story

What stood out the most to me as C***** shared—despite all that she had been through over the years with guys (not men) treating her as a commodity rather than a person and disrespecting her entirely—was that she told her story with a smile on her face.

C***** knows without a doubt that her past does not define her—Jesus does. She knows that in Christ, she is righteous and spotless without blemish. She has hope for the future because of Jesus. She knows that Jesus is using her past to redeem others in the present. She now works for a non-profit organization called Treasures, which aims to reach out to women in the sex industry with the message that they are loved, valued, and purposed by Christ.

For those of you struggling with porn, know this:

  • There’s no such thing as “free porn” —it’s a lie.
  • Real women are being hurt in the porn industry.
  • Porn promises what only Jesus can fulfill.
  • Because Jesus conquered sin and death, this sin can be put to death once and for all in your life. You are fighting a battle that has already been won through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.

Jesus really can and will redeem anyone’s story.

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7 Negative Effects of Porn

7 Negative Effects of Porn
By BJ Stockman
Originally posted at The Resurgence

Porn is a problem. It’s a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it’s embedded in the surrounding culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence upon the media and the acceleration of technology, paired with the accessibility, anonymity, and affordability of porn all contribute to its increasing impact upon the culture.

Pornography affects you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not, and it is helpful to understand some of its negative effects, whether you are a man or woman, struggling with watching it, or simply a mom or dad with a son or daughter. There is a plethora of research on the detrimental effects of pornography (and I do not think that what follows are necessarily the worst of them), but here are seven negative effects of porn upon men and women:

1. Porn Contributes to Social and Psychological Problems Within Men

Anti-pornography activist, Gail Dines, notes that young men who become addicted to porn, “neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” (Pornland, 93). Dr. William Struthers, who has a PhD in biopsychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago, confirms some of these and adds more, finding that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible (Wired for Intimacy, 64-65). Ironically, while viewing porn creates momentary intensely pleasurable experiences, it ends up leading to several negative lingering psychological experiences.

2. Porn Rewires the Male Brain

Struthers elaborates,

As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired For Intimacy, 85).

In a similar vein regarding porn’s effect upon the brain, Naomi Wolf writes in her article, “The Porn Myth,”

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.

3. Porn Turns Sex Into Masturbation

Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.

4. Porn Demeans and Objectifies Women

This occurs from hard-core to soft-core pornography. Pamela Paul, in her book Pornified, quoting the research of one psychologist who has researched pornography at Texas A&M, writes,

‘Soft-core pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with soft-core pornography is that its voyeurism teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’ According to Brooks, pornography gives men the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relationships. In other words, pornography is inherently self-centered–something a man does by himself, for himself–by using another women as the means to pleasure, as yet another product to consume (80).

Paul references one experiment that revealed a rather shocking further effect of porn: “men and women who were exposed to large amounts of pornography were significantly less likely to want daughters than those who had none. Who would want their own little girl to be treated that way?” (80).

It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.

Again, it needs to be emphasized, that this is not an effect that only rests upon those who have viewed porn. The massive consumption of porn and the size of the porn industry has hyper-sexualized the entire culture. Men and women are born into a pornified culture, and women are the biggest losers. Dines continues,

By inundating girls and women with the message that their most worthy attribute is their sexual hotness and crowding out other messages, pop culture is grooming them just like an individual perpetrator would. It is slowly chipping away at their self-esteem, stripping them of a sense of themselves as whole human beings, and providing them with an identity that emphasizes sex and de-emphasizes every other human attribute (Pornland, 118).

5. Porn Squashes the Beauty of a Real Naked Woman

Wolf, in her own blunt way, confirms this,

For most of human history, the erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn (Quoted in Wired for Intimacy, 38).

6. Porn Has a Numbing Effect Upon Reality

It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man. Paul comments,

Pornography leaves men desensitized to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life…Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations about sex and numbed emotions about women…When a man gets bored with pornography, both his fantasy and real worlds become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring…” (Pornified, 90, 91).

7. Porn Lies About What it Means to be Male and Female

Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).”

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Three Things I Wish You Knew About Porn

September 25, 2012 by mattfradd

I was recently asked to write an article entitled, “Three Things  I wish Every College Student Knew About Porn.” Though I could have come up with a lot more, here were three that came to mind:

1. The reasons porn is not wrong.

Porn isn’t wrong because sex is bad or the body shameful. Porn is wrong because sex is good and the body magnificent! As Christians we must never forget whose idea sex was in the first place. It was not thought up by Hugh Hefner or Cosmopolitan magazine but by God! In fact, the very first commandment in the Bible from God to humanity is to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28)! And as philosopher Dr. Peter Kreeft once noted, “I do not think he meant for us to grow oranges and invent calculators.”

Porn is wrong because it removes sexual intimacy from its natural context, turning it into a commodity to be bought and sold. It has been rightly said that the problem with porn is not that it shows too much but that it shows too little – too little of the human person. Porn reduces the mystery and beauty of a man or woman to a collection of body parts to be used rather than recognizing them as persons to be loved. It reduces the great mystery and sanctity of human sexuality to a trivial activity that need not be of any real importance.

2. Porn is not just a man’s issue.

While it is certainly true that men have cornered the market on visual pornography, it’s not true that women don’t also struggle. One survey revealed that 34% of female subscribers of Today’s Christian Woman’s online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. Because pornography is predominantly consumed by men, many women who struggle with pornography feel an even greater sense of shame and isolation.

One young woman I know put it this way:

“For over seven years, I was addicted to hardcore pornography, masturbation, and lust—and I am a woman. Often we hear that women may struggle with fantasy and romance novels, but porn—porn is a guy thing.

One of the most shaming statements I ever heard was, ‘Women just don’t have this problem.’ I started to lose hope after I heard that. How do you argue with the ‘fact’ that only men struggle with porn? It is sad, because this mindset is causing so much damage to women. It causes many women to question their sexuality and wonder if they are homosexual because they are involved in a sin ‘only men’ get caught up in. It isolates them, silences them, keeps them trapped in this sin and drives them further away from freedom and into the darkness.”

If you or a woman you know struggles with pornography, be assured that you are not alone. Help is available, and healing is possible. You might begin by visiting the website Beggars Daughter.

3. Porn stars don’t enjoy what they do!

When I inquired of a friend of mine, a former porn star, if this was the case, she said, “Well, there are several reasons why girls get into the porn industry, but a hardcore sex drive isn’t one of them. I know, because that’s what I used to tell people in interviews.”

Another former porn star put it this way:

Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say ‘I want you’ is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time, and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to fake it with.

That’s right – none of us freshly dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us…. Some women hate it so much you can hear them vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro Lights… but the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts.

Porn “immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world” (CCC 2354). One such illusion is that the women in the porn industry enjoy making porn. While this may be a convenient illusion for those seeking to justify their porn use, the reality behind the fantasy is another story entirely.