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Porn Is Killing Sex

Porn Is Killing Sex
Originally posted to:
http://intentionalwarriors.com/2012/10/26/porn-is-killing-sex/

Marc Barnes, a blogger i just stumbled across, wrote a fantastic piece about what he calls “sustainable sex.”

He writes with wit and wisdom, and is wicked good with images and turns of phrase.

For example:

Our culture is sexually schizophrenic.

All in all, we cannot make up our minds between getting our freak on and collapsing into an armchair, bored and dissatisfied.

In their death throes, humans fade into nothingness while flailing in fits of energy. At the end of all action, there is a panic of action. This saddens me to no end, for sex is awesome, beautiful, unifying, and life-giving, and yet we see mirrored in our sexual culture what we see in death — grotesque action on the way to final inaction. Is sex dying?

Pornography and subsequent masturbation have set an impossibly high standard for women. Men have seen hundreds of fake-breasted, airbrushed, aroused-to-the-point-of-myocardial-infarction pixels, all contorted into positions that would make an Olympic gymnast proud — before they have lain with an actual, warm-blooded woman.

Read the full blog post.  He makes some comments about contraception to which i don’t necessarily subscribe, but his point that it fuels what he refers to as a consequence-free approach to sex — which is very damaging to us — is well taken.

Barnes encourages his readers to, respectfully, give our culture the bird and walk away from what it is trying to sell us in terms of sexuality. Are we sexually schizophrenic? Absolutely.

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Porn Before Puberty

Porn Before Puberty

On a recent ABC News Nightline, anchor Juju Chang reported on the growing and frightening phenom of pre-teens learning their sex-ed from internet porn. A forthcoming film entitled “Sexy Baby: A Documentary about Sexiness & the Cyber Age” provided a launching point for the piece.

In a nutshell: A generation of kids are learning about sex, not from their parents, but from internet porn.

Here’s a quote from the Sexy Baby website:

“Most youngsters know someone who has emailed or texted a naked photo of themselves. Many kids have accidentally or intentionally had their first introduction to sex be via hardcore online porn. Facebook has created an arena where kids compete to be ‘liked’ and constantly worry about what image to portray—much of what was once private is now made public…We found that the adult entertainment world…is trickling into the mainstream world…”

Trickling? Hmmm…I’d say flooding is a better word.

Winifred, the teenage girl who was interviewed by Chang (and is one of the pre-teen subjects of the documentary), admits that she posts sexy pictures on Facebook which cannot be viewed by her parents. Instead, every boy at her school sees them. She realizes that the image she creates of herself forms an expectation for her behavior, producing a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. sexy pictures=sexy Winifred).

So why does she do it?

(Photo removed)

“We’re getting messages from everywhere saying if you dress this way you are going to be either treated well or feel powerful. Sex is power.”

This sexual currency used for social popularity and acceptance has become a normal part of adolescence throughut our culture. (See my post on sexting for more info.) Parents seem genuinely confused about how to limit their kid’s consumption of porn or even if they should.

In the ABC piece, Winifred’s mother recalls the girls she knew in college who were raised in overly restrictive homes and then went “wild” once they had their freedom. She doesn’t want that for her daughter so she gives her the freedom to wear provocative clothing and post sexy images of herself online.

Clearly parents are confused.

But wait! There’s one glimmer of hope from Winifred!

“If parents are able to talk to their children about what real love and real sex is later on in life, most of the kids I know would trust their parents over two porn stars that they’ve never met.”

I hope she’s right!

But… I’m not sure that’s always the case. Especially if parents continue to condone overtly sexual behavior and clothing in their pre-teen children. Or if they wait too long to seriously discuss sexuality and pornography.

Dr. Jill Manning, in her audio presentation, Let’s Talk About the Elephant in the Room, tells the story of a 9-year-old boy who started watching pornography online, getting into homosexual porn as well. When his parents finally sat him down for the “sex talk,” he dismissed their version of sex. He realized they didn’t know anything about it.

They did know something about it, but their description of sex and his porn-infected view were worlds apart.

How can parents protect their kids from internet porn? What can they teach them and at what age? Let me know what you think! What are your experiences in teaching your children a healthy view of sex before they get exposed or curious about pornography?

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Woody’s Story

22 years ago today, I entered a rehab facility for help with sexual addiction.

I was 35 years old, and for the first time in my life, I began to grow up.  One thing I have learned about myself, I was immature because I was stuck in my childhood.  I was sexually used, then abused from the time I was 8 until I was 12 years old.  That locked me into my childhood.  I grew up full of embarrassment, shame, anger, fear and neglect.  Ironically, the one thing that was the source of my shame became the one thing I used to make me feel good.  Sex.  Masturbation, porn, girls, fantasies, daydreams, these became my way of life.

I became two personalities, basically, a public persona and a private persona.  Who I was publicly, was all about image control.  I projected a public image of myself that I wanted others to see, and I held onto the private persona so I could retreat into my hidden world.  Eventually, I got to the point where I knew I needed to stop, I knew I wasn’t a man of integrity.  I wanted to be honest, but I was a liar.  I wanted to live in such a way that I didn’t have to spend my time looking over my shoulder, trying not to get caught doing things I shouldn’t be doing.  I told myself many times, with the gravest of sincerity, “I will never do that again”.  I was never able to keep that commitment, though.  I discovered, later, I didn’t lack the desire to stop, I simply didn’t have the power to stop.
I was a very lonely man, even though I was married, and I used to look at other married couples and wish I had what they had.  I knew I could never have what they had unless I came clean and got honest.  But, there was a high price for honesty.  It could cost me everything to get honest and I might lose my marriage, my job, my future.  The fear of that high price kept me from coming clean for a long time.
I tried all kinds of ways to deal with my problem, I figured, as long as I never did any of those things again, I would never have to tell anyone anything, I could just go on living and be honest from this point on.  But, I always knew, deep inside, that doesn’t work.  So, on May 18, 1991, I began, what eventually became a month long process of coming clean to my wife.  Eventually, I realized I needed professional help, but not before denying I needed that help.  So, I paid that high price to become honest.  I resigned my position as a pastor and checked myself into a rehab facility here in Houston.
22 years ago today, and I have had a few slips, but I never returned to my old lifestyle.  I am one person now, not two.  If you were to watch me secretly and compare me to who I am in public, you would see I am no longer two “Woodys”, I am one person.
I live in freedom today, because I surrendered my will to God’s will, and prayed for His strength to do for me what I could not do for myself.  I’m no longer a liar and I practice rigorous honesty on a daily basis.  Now, when I disappoint my wife, it isn’t because I betrayed her and broke my wedding vows, but rather, it’s because I’ve done something that normal husbands do that disappoints their wives.
My sobriety cost me everything too!  I was homeless for about two months, my wife and I were separated and heading towards a divorce.  I discovered though, there is no price too high to pay for sobriety.  No matter what the cost, I was willing to pay it.  That hasn’t changed in me in the last 22 years either, no price is too high to pay for my sobriety.
It is amazing to me to be the recipient of so many absolutely undeserved blessings in my life.  My Bride and I did not divorce, instead, we worked it out and are truly in love with each other today.  I have a home and two new cars, all paid for.  I am debt free financially and am able to give generously to support Christian and other charitable causes.
I still go to 12 Step meetings, and sponsor other men who want to recover from sex addiction.  I will always be grateful that I received grace and forgiveness, especially when I least deserved it.
Praise God, I am a free man.
My name is Woody, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and a recovering sex addict, and I have been clean and sober for 22 years.

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Dignity: Women are People

October 8, 2012 · by

KS is a single mom who has been the victim of sex trafficking and sexual exploitation. She was with us recently when we shared with a group the truth about human dignity as it relates to the social and human costs of pornography with its connections to the sexual abuse and sexual exploitation of our women and children.  Afterwards, a man who had been a user of pornography and exploiter of women, approached KS to apologize and ask for forgiveness for being one who so wrongfully abused young women like her. It was a powerful experience. (KS will share more of her story with us in the coming months.)

Most of us would agree today that any system that subjects women, children and men to exploitation for money, power, and personal gratification goes against the very being of our Creator. William Wilberforce was the crusading Christian reformer who was responsible for bringing an end to the cruelty of the African slave trade.  He understood that all people have been made in God’s image – and one of the attributes we inherit and portray is human dignity.

Therefore, acknowledging that all women, and children, are indeed Somebody’s daughter and Somebody’s son literally captures the essence of every person’s value and human dignity created in God’s image.

We encounter opportunities every day to repaint the landscape of our culture, to see the hearts of people be awakened about the issue of pornography and its related activities.  We simply need to be willing to make these issues part of our everyday dialogue.

A community leader recently said, “William Wilberforce realized that he couldn’t end slavery until England realized that a slave was a man…now, get the men of America to understand that women are people.“

We truly can become a nation that honors and values the dignity of every woman and every child.

She’s Somebody’s Daughter. He’s Somebody’s Son.

Let the conversation begin.

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Stating the Obvious

Posted on October 8, 2012 by

 

by Noel Bouché

I’m having one of those days.  You know, one of those days when, for whatever reason, your tolerance for pretense, apathy, insincerity, superficiality, ignorance, and indifference is particularly low.  One of those days when you just want to, well, call a pole a pole.

So here goes.

Porn is evil.  It is prostitution, it is sex trafficking, and it exploits, it demeans, it corrodes, it poisons, and it is everywhere.  Including in your home.  Do something about it.

Sex is sacred.  God created it, blessed it, and speaks about it with a holy frankness and candor throughout Scripture.  You should too, and so should your pastor.

Marriage is beautiful.  Honor it, celebrate it, protect it, enjoy it, and fight for it.  Today.  The opportunity to do so will be there if you look for it.

Children and teens are being assaulted.  Pimps and traffickers have access to them 24/7. Especially the pimps and traffickers who moonlight as media executives.  Wake up and lead these beautiful young people to Jesus, who gave everything for them.

There.  Just had to unload that.  No footnotes, no citations, no references.  Thanks for listening.  Peace out.

Noel Bouché serves as Vice President of pureHOPE.  If you would like more straight-forward, no-poles-barred talk in 140 characters or less, you can follow him on Twitter @noelbouche.