On The Days You Don’t Care
by Intentional Warriors
There are days when Jeff doesn’t care. There are lots of men at all stages of dealing with their addiction to porn and masturbation who have days like those Jeff is describing.
Sometimes I feel that all I want to do is masturbate or look at sensual material on the computer. I don’t want to turn to other guys, talk to my wife, or spend time with God. I want my favorite drug of choice to make me feel better.
i have had some days like that since The Confession years ago. But fortunately, by God’s powerful Grace, there have been very few. And when i have had those days, God has been quick to remind me of the death it would lead to if i returned to my old ways. i had such a heavy dose of fear and panic in the early years of my journey that the thought of returning caused me to break out in a sweat.
But that is not true for everyone. And there have been days when that fear was not as strong; therefore, it was not — alone — enough to prevent a relapse. There haven’t been any relapses, but Temptation doesn’t rest.
Jeff’s thoughts are the sorts of things i hear from guys i work with in my men’s group. Sometimes they just want it. They don’t care about purity or anything else.
The thing that’s great about Jeff’s blog post is not so much his candor, but his description of what happens next on those days when he wants it.
These are the days I have to make myself take steps of obedience. I don’t feel like reaching out to guys, but I make myself because I know it’s the right direction to go. I don’t feel like reading the Bible, but I make myself do it. I don’t feel like writing my feelings down in a journal and praying it out to God, but I make myself.
One of the things that we must all come to terms with as men with this addiction who have undertaken this journey is the simple fact that sometimes it comes down to Doing the Work. Nike had the slogan years ago: Just Do It. There is something to that as it relates to this battle.
One of the reasons for Intentional Warriors is to call on the truth that as men we are warriors and, as warriors we train ourselves in how to fight. A warrior will train; he will — in Jeff’s words – make himself do what needs to be done for the sake of mission.
Our mission is clear: purity and freedom, even when purity is a more distant want than the immediate appeal of illicit sexual pleasure.