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September 1, 2016 By Castimonia

Relapse of Monumental Proportions …

It’s sad to see a relapse.  I don’t know if Anthony was in recovery but either way, maybe it’s time he got into recovery or serious about his recovery.  May God grant him serenity!

Originally posted at: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/08/29/anthony-weiner-just-blew-his-a-second-chance-at-a-second-chance

Anthony Weiner just blew his second chance at a second chance

By Amber Phillips August 29

UPDATE: Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma Abedin, are separating. An updated post follows. 

In May, Anthony Weiner bared all to the world — again. But for once, it wasn’t by accident. A new, cringe-inducing documentary about the disgraced congressman’s run for mayor of New York City — and the sexting revelations that crashed his campaign — had just been released.

The documentary was so strikingly honest that we at The Fix wondered whether Weiner was trying to to have a third go at public life by airing all his dirty laundry. After it aired, Weiner, a Democrat, became a reliable anti-Trump voice in New York City media. He even tried to bait Donald Trump Jr. into running for mayor of New York City against him.

If elected office was Weiner’s goal, though, he just blew it by breaking the one rule of redemption: fully come clean.

Just two weeks ago, when he was asked if his sexting days were behind him, he seemed to deflect. And now we know why: On Sunday night, the New York Post reported that Weiner had recently been sexting with a woman who is not his wife. Making the story even more cringe-worthy, the New York Post reports that Weiner sent a suggestive photo of himself while his toddler son was in the bed next to him.

Weiner didn’t deny any of this. He told the New York Post that he and the woman “have been friends for some time.”

“She has asked me not to comment except to say that our conversations were private, often included pictures of her nieces and nephews and my son and were always appropriate,” he said. By Monday morning, Weiner had deleted his Twitter account. By Monday afternoon, his wife, Huma Abedin, announced the two were separating.  The day after these revelations, Weiner isn’t just facing questions about his political career. He’s facing questions about his parenting skills. And for the third time, his questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son in a potentially dangerous situation.

The irony here is that Weiner had finally appeared to be cleaning up his soiled public reputation.

A world existed where the arc of Weiner’s career looked like this: sext while a member of Congress, resign, apologize, run for mayor, weather revelations that he didn’t stop sexting when he got caught the first time, lose the primary for mayor, star in an unflinching documentary about that painfully embarrassing moment AND possibly have an opening for a third chance at public office.

“We’re all flawed,” said Kristen Hawn, the Democratic half of the bipartisan Washington communications firm Granite Integrated Strategies, when we talked in May as the documentary was released. “And I’m not saying everybody will forgive him, but I do think there’s something in all of us that appreciates a politician who is willing to take responsibility for his or her actions, being forthcoming with the voters and asking for forgiveness.”

The catch, Hawn theorized, was that Weiner had to finally decide to be honest and contrite about his sexual struggles. (Or at least, give the perception that he felt bad and then be smart enough not to get caught doing it again.)

Earlier this year, Weiner seemed to be walking that path. A few months before the documentary came out, he spoke in a remarkably candid interview with the Huffington Post’s Candidate Confessional podcast about what went wrong in the mayoral race.

“Love him or hate him,” I wrote then, “his 45-minute reflection on himself and the scandal reminds us there’s still a breathing, thinking, calculating human being behind the headlines of a politician gone awry.”

But looking back, Weiner seemed to be trying to have it both ways by dropping hints about his sexual escapades without outright acknowledging them. Weiner hadn’t ever actually said he’s stopped sexting. As my Fix colleague Aaron Blake pointed out, as recently as two weeks ago he told the New York Times’ Mark Leibovich: “I’m not going to go down the path of talking about any of that.”

Weiner continued: “But I will say this: There’s no doubt that the Trump phenomenon has led a lot of people to say to me, ‘Boy, compared to inviting the Russians to come hack someone’s email, your thing seems almost quaint.’ “

What Weiner probably should have been saying this whole time is that he’d worked hard and finally kicked the habit. (And, it goes without saying, not been sexting behind the scenes.) Anything less means Weiner may have just used up his ninth political life.

Amber Phillips writes about politics for The Fix. She was previously the one-woman D.C. bureau for the Las Vegas Sun and has reported from Boston and Taiwan.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, Anthony Weiner, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, politics, porn, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexting, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma, Wiener

August 31, 2016 By Castimonia

Journal Through Recovery Entry 02: Counseling?

“Counseling………..do I need counseling? I really think this is a waste of time.  What will he tell me about me that I don’t already know?”

These were my thoughts after scheduling my first counseling session. I had seen a counselor before.  He really only had what I told him to go on and I only went to humor my wife to keep our marriage together.  I was able to manipulate him easily.  I didn’t think this would be any different.

My wife’s counselor suggested that my wife make it a requirement of continuing in the marriage that I see a counselor. Not just any counselor.  One that worked directly with her in the counseling practice.  Someone that I actually knew.  He was a nice guy.  I had heard him tell his story before to others at the church I used to attend.  He had a history in this kind of thing, you know, in admitting to being unfaithful like I am.  He shouldn’t be much different than my previous counselor.

By agreeing to see him, I figured this would make me look good. I set up the appointment.  On the day of the appointment, I went in his office looking sufficiently contrite and ashamed.  He asked me to tell my story, why I was there in my own words. So I did.  I told him my story, as much as I was willing to tell.  I told him everything that my wife knew and was feeling great about myself.  If this was counseling, I had this covered.

When I finished, he just looked at me. And waited.  For a long time. An uncomfortably long time.  Then he said, “Thank you for telling me that.  But there is more, isn’t there?”

Dang.

So, here I was at a decision point, a crossroads. This was not what I expected, but I had an opportunity. This was a chance for me to unburden and release the junk in my life that I have never let go of before. I was scared and nervous and actually very much wanting to withdraw and isolate.  However, I saw sitting across from me someone who had been where I was and didn’t seem to be judging me based upon what he could already see.

So I unburdened. For the first time in my life, I was honest.  I started as far back as I could remember and let go of all the things that have weighted me down into despair and shame.  I didn’t realize how much shame I had deep in my life. I guess I have been denying the impact that my years of acting out have had on my psyche and especially on my self-worth.

I cried. I don’t know why whether it was from the shame of verbalizing my actions, the relief from unburdening them, or the terror of having just let another person see who and what I was. What surprised me the most was that I didn’t die. The world didn’t end. Lightning didn’t strike me. I just knew one thing for sure, I couldn’t go back to what I was, being hidden.  The only question for me now was……..now what??

 

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, counseling, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

August 31, 2016 By Castimonia

Castimonia’s Paratus Men’s Retreat 2016 – Early Bird Registration Ends TONIGHT!

This is a final reminder that the early bird price of $135 will end right before midnight TONIGHT!  Regular registration will begin at Midnight tomorrow. Only 8 spots left for early bird registration.

Here is some information on the retreat.  I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat is at the bottom of this page.

Friday, November 11th – Sunday, November 13th.

Castimonia’s Paratus Retreat is sponsored by Armaturam, LLC and is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.  Paratus, Latin for equipped.

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

Castimonia Retreat

The link above will take you to our host site Armaturam.org.  If the link doesn’t work, copy and paste this link below:

Register by following this link: https://armaturam.org/castimonia-retreat-registration-page/castimonias-paratus-mens-retreat-2016-25634086242/

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, retreat, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

August 30, 2016 By Castimonia

Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 15: Michael John Cusick – Sex Addiction Recovery Interview

https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/podcast15-michael-john-cusick1.mp3

Michael John Cusick is the author of “Surfing for God” which details his story and struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. He highlights the power of addiction within the chemicals of the brain based upon years of conditioning. His book highlights ways to breaks those patterns of behaviors to live a light fully in the freedom of Christ.

He is an expert on the addiction to pornography and the practical and spiritual steps necessary to break free from that bondage. He is the founder and President of “Restoring the Soul” ministries in Denver, Colorado as well as a lead counselor and spiritual director on staff.  He currently resides in Littleton, Colorado and enjoys his family and the outdoors.

For more information about his work, ministry, or intensives, please visit www.restoringthesoul.com , www.surfingforgodbook.com or www.michaeljohncusick.com

For more information on the podcast or to get help please email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org.

Filed Under: podcast, Podcasts, Purity Podcast, Sex Addiction Podcast, Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, Michael John Cusick, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, Surfing for God, trauma

August 28, 2016 By Castimonia

People More Likely to Divorce After They Start Watching Porn, says Study

Originally posted at: http://time.com/4461451/people-more-likely-to-divorce-after-they-start-watching-porn-says-study/

by Belinda Luscombe

As film genres go, pornography is the most divisive; few art forms elicit such ardently different feelings from critics and fans. Now a new study suggests that pornography may actually physically divide people too, namely those who are married.

Married people who start watching porn are twice as likely to be divorced in the following years as those who don’t. And women who start watching porn are three times as likely to split, according to a working paper presented at the American Sociological Association on Aug. 22. However, porn appears to have a less negative impact on marriage if couples watch it together.

The paper also finds that stopping porn-watching lowers the likelihood of divorce for women, though not for men.

While porn’s effects on relationships has been much discussed in academic literature, and even this magazine, this is the first study—if its findings hold up under peer review—that traces the effect on marital stability.

The authors used longitudinal data from the General Social Survey, which tracks, among other things, marital happiness, porn-consumption and marital status. It analyzed results from more than 2000 participants over three time periods, focusing in on participants whose porn-watching habits altered during that period. That is, the individuals did not watch pornography when first interviewed but had taken it up by the time of their second interview, or they did watch during their first interview but had given it up by the second.

The analysis found that 11% of people who started to watch porn between the first two time periods were divorced by the second time they were interviewed. This compares to 6% of people whose porn watching habits were unchanged, but who were like the new porn-fans in every other way. Among women who started watching porn solo, the proportion who divorced was 16%, or almost three times as much.

Conversely, female porn watchers who gave up the genre were only about as third as likely to be divorced as those who kept up the habit. Male abstainers’ chances of getting unhitched were not that different from guys who kept up the habit, although the authors caution that so few men give up porn that the sample size is too small to be reliable.

The findings also suggest that porn’s effect on marriage appears to be strongest among younger, less religious people who initially report higher levels marital happiness.

Could it be that people started watching porn because their marriages were already unhappy? “We don’t think it’s the relationship quality leading to the porn use and divorce,” says says lead author Samuel Perry, an assistant sociology professor at the University of Oklahoma, because this is data taken over time and not just a snapshot. “We are pretty confident about establishing the directional effects.”

Perry could not definitively explain why the impact was so much stronger on women than men, since that ran counter to previous scholarship on the issue. “That’s a bit surprising because everything else I’ve seen on porn use in relationships suggests that men’s marriages are more negatively affected by their porn use,” he says, “primarily because they’re using it more often for the purposes of masturbation rather than intimacy.”

Previous studies have found that porn has an accelerating effect on a deteriorating marriage: husbands in poor relationships tend to consume more sexually explicit material and consuming more sexually explicit material also leads to poorer relationships. Some sociologists have speculated that men turn to porn as a way of lifting their mood about their difficult home life and that the porn then becomes an easier route to sexual satisfaction than being with their partner, so they disinvest in the marriage.

It’s worth noting that Perry is also a member of the religious faculty at Oklahoma. Might his beliefs be coloring his attitude towards explicit sexual content? While he says he’s not trying to ban porn, “I certainly have moral beliefs about whether I’d want my kids to watch porn. Or my wife. But you counter that by subjecting your data to scrutiny, which I’ve done. I’ve sought to remain as neutral as possible.”

Perry’s findings also run counter to another recent paper out of the University of Western Ontario, which found that large fraction of people in a relationship who used porn reported that it had no ill-effects. In a survey of 430 people who were asked open-ended questions about their or their partner’s pornographic use, the most common response was that it had no negative impact.

“While a similar number of positive and negative perceived effects were identified, generally speaking, positive effects of pornography use were reported more frequently than negative consequences by participants,” says the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, “and there was a predominant tendency for participants to reject the view that pornography contributes to negative consequences.”

Some of the ways in which watching porn had a positive effect were that partners learned about their likes and dislikes, could talk more openly about sex and enhanced their intimacy. Women also said their partners’ porn use took some of the sexual burden off them. Negative effects were reported too, including the development of unrealistic expectations and feelings of jealousy. “All of these issues seem rather obvious in hindsight,” says the lead author Taylor Kohut, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology. “But here’s the thing, these perceived effects of pornography use are not really being studied in a serious way. They’re just not on the radar.”

While that study was of real people, and not just numbers, the sample size is small and was recruited by an ad that asked for people to talk about pornography and their relationship, which may mean that it drew a population more comfortable with their and their partner’s porn-watching habits in the first place, and therefore less likely to report negative effects.

Perry believes that in the context of relationship, rather than in secret and with masturbation, porn-watching may have a different effect. “My research suggests that the isolation and shame are a big part of the problem.”

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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