Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
John talks about his sexual addiction, how it began, and how it affected his life. He also does a great job describing his dysfunctional family of origin.
“It was like someone lit a bomb and threw it in my life, I was totally absorbed by it, totally sensantionalized by it and it just mushroomed my sexual addiction…” – John; speaking about the first time he discovered his father’s pornography.
Please visit http://www.addiction2recovery.com for more videos and information.
In today’s meeting I read the scripture below from Luke 18.
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
In working the 7th step (and in our recovery), we need to understand what being “humble” really is, and what it will gain us. When we humbly ask Him to remove all of our shortcomings, we are coming to him like the tax collector, asking for God’s mercy because we are sinners. Even in our most perfect of days in recovery, we still can sin. It is important to always remember that it is progress not perfection and that pride comes before the fall. The moment we become like the Pharisee and “show off” all we do in our recovery for our own glory, not God’s, is the moment the relapse back into our old ways begins.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
Filters
YUCK! Tap water tastes horrible. Well, maybe only i
n Odessa, TX, but tap water isn’t the most pleasant tasting water I can drink. Although tap water isn’t deadly in the United States, it may contain unwanted particles that affect the taste of the water. In Mexico, however, it is important to not drink the tap water due to it being non-potable; it hasn’t been filtered through proper water treatment. This unfiltered water can lead to illness, even death!
The same goes for the internet. The internet is a very useful tool to society; we can connect with others across the globe, share ideas, share project information, pay our bills, make friends, etc… However, there are darker sides of the internet, those that can cause serious emotional and mental harm. Obviously, because of the theme of this site, only one of these darker sides will be discussed in this post; pornography.
In a recent technical article posted in the “Online porn is huge. Like Really, Really Huge. Who Knew?” post on April 13th it is estimated that 29 petabytes (kilobyte (kB) -> megabyte (MB) -> gigabyte (GB) -> terabyte (TB) -> petabyte (PB) – smaller to larger. As a comparison most computer hard drives are measured only in gigabytes!) of pornographic data is transferred every month. In another associated article an estimated 30% of all internet traffic is related to pornography! Below are some statistics on pornography consumption. Keep in mind that these numbers are from 2006 and have become more alarming in the past 6 years.
Again, keep in mind that most of these statistics are from 2006. One can easily imagine how much worse i
t has become with the increase in high-speed internet connections across our country as well as the advent of High Definition pornography. The most disturbing aspect to me is the large number of children being exposed to pornography. I hope you understand that pornographers are predators; they WANT your children to view pornography. They create URLs similar to names of children characters and turn existing children’s characters into sexual objects. For their business to thrive, they NEED you and your children to become addicted to their drug so they can keep selling it to you.
For the sake of my target audience I won’t list any actual website names, but during my sex addiction specialist training a few of the sites, that have innocent names of children’s characters that are actually pornography sites, were mentioned. It’s everywhere; pornographers mislead children and adults into stumbling upon their product. They corrupt young and old alike, without care of consequences or fear of retribution. They infect humans with their product, all in worship of the almighty dollar! The sad reality becomes that instead of stumbling upon this material, kids and adults get hooked and now find excuses to get onto those sites.
So hopefully you are beginning to understand why we all need proper internet filters on our computers. Without filters, it is too easy to find pornography on the internet. I call it “six clicks of separation” where one can find adult content on the internet within six clicks or websites. It’s easy to do, especially with all the side bar advertisements on various sites these days.
In my case, as a recovering sex addict, I need the filters to block pornography on my computers. I have filters at work and at home. I don’t want the material in my mind, I don’t need the material in my mind, and I especially don’t want it in my house. Therefore, I have instituted these external boundaries for my own health, not for some sort of restriction. My sponsor always tells me, “When my internal boundaries fail, it is good to have external boundaries.” And to be honest, I don’t ever want my two children to accidently visit an adult site! I don’t ever want them to go through what I have been through in fighting this addiction; the pain the suffering, the tears, and the anguish, not only for me, but for my loved ones. It is just too easy to get hooked on pornography, it is too easy to access it, but it is in no way easy to get over it and to fight the addiction on a daily basis!
We install filters for our own mental health and the health of our children. Filters are not meant to police the individual and our children. If we talk openly and honestly about the reality of pornography and sex to our children, we can help them establish their own internal boundaries on what is and what is not appropriate to view on the internet. We can’t shelter our children, but we can help make their life easier by making accidental access to adult or pornographic material harder!
And a word about those husbands or fathers that rebuke the idea of internet filters in their
home. There is a high probability that these men do not want proper filters because they are the ones looking at inappropriate material! These selfish men are so consumed with their own sexual sin that they refuse to see the benefit to their family and children. I will remind those men that as of my SAS training in 2011, the average age of exposure to pornography for boys is now 5 years old (9 for girls); I was exposed at 4 years old. Don’t let your selfishness or pride destroy your child’s life. If you truly care for your children you will install proper internet filters on your computer. Think of it this way, if you knew that a vaccine with no side-effects could prevent a deadly virus from causing damage to your child now or in the future and save them and you years of heartache and pain, would you not be willing to give it to them? Are you willing to look back in 20 years when your son or daughter is making amends for their own sexual addiction and realize you could have helped prevent this had you invested in a proper internet filter? The choice is yours.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
A PDF with suggested internet filters and accountability tools and websites is attached below. Updated copies may be found under our resources page.
Suggested Internet Filtering and Accountability Software:
Below is a graphic that displays various statistics of the consumption of pornography, most of which is produced in the United States.
Tomorrow, I’ll discuss why internet filters are a must for ALL families!
We Humbly Ask God to Remove All Our Shortcomings.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
In step 4, we listed our character defects, in step 5, we admitted them to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, and in step 6, we became entirely ready for God, not us, to remove our defects of character. Now, in step 7, we ask God to remove all of our shortcomings and we do it humbly.
So what does it mean to be humble? Of course, as an engineer, I have to list the definition so as to avoid confusion:
hum·ble/ˈhəmbəl/
Adjective: Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
Verb: Lower (someone) in dignity or importance: “I knew I had to humble myself to ask for His help”.
In understanding what humble really means, I was able to really submit to God by lowering 
my own importance well beneath that of God’s importance. In my addiction, Sexual acting out was my “god” and I was it’s only begotten son. I was the most important man in my life, I did not care about others, only about my own sexual satisfaction or own personal wants. After I hit rock bottom and I saw my powerless over sexual acting out and how crazy my life had become I began the process of becoming humble; well, actually God began that for me. I then saw how insane my behavior truly was, I needed help from my higher power, in my case God thus lowering my own importance compared to Him and to others around me. I then went on to give myself to Him on a daily basis, not always perfect, but progressing in the process of turning my life and will over to God’s care. And then I did my internal search and saw who I really had become. I listed my character defects and all my wrongs and I really knew I needed His help.
As an addict, I am too familiar with humiliation so I must distinguish between humility and humiliation. The SAA Green Book defines humility as being teachable, vulnerable, and open. I need to be open to new ways of thinking and new ways of living my life. I need to be teachable and learn these new ideas as well as emotionally vulnerable to others, asking for their help as my recovery continues. Humility, for me, is not walking up steps on my bare knees to show that I a humble worshiper, it is not dragging a 200lb+ cross on my back as I whip myself (or others whip me) with torture whips from the Roman Empire era. The latter two seem more like humiliation … to me.
Just asking for help from others is an act of humility and of being humble. Understanding that I can’t do this by myself is a wonderful gift; it feels great to know that I am not all powerful and I need help, every day. I also have come to the understanding that change occurs on God’s
time, not mine. As an addict, I was used to the quick fix, the instant gratification, the quick escape. In my early recovery, I felt the same could be done for my healing; quick and easy with no pain or suffering! I was very, very wrong! I often commented how I would have entered recovery 10+ years earlier than I did and the comments I received back after many meetings was, “it’s all in God’s time, not ours.” It took me working through my own recovery to really realize that everything happens on God’s time, when God says the time is right, not when I say it is. I also need to keep in mind that I need not be concerned with the results, all I need to do is ask.
One of my favorite ways God works in my life is through other people in and outside of recovery. I often state in my weekly Bible reading group that God uses men (and women) around us to speak to us. Sometimes these people “tell it like it is” and point out to me a character defect that has risen up, which in turn allows me to be entirely ready and then humbly ask God to remove it! There are many other ways God uses people to do His work in our lives, but that is subject for another post.
It isn’t until we have looked at all these character defects and humbly asked God to remove them that we are ready to repair any harm we have done in the past. If we do not look closely at these character defects, they might come forward during our amends, things like pride, resentment, fears, etc… might interfere with our Step 8. So it is important to be in a place in our recovery where we can have these character defects removed (even just temporarily enough) so we can move forward and make the list of the persons we had harmed, without having these all too familiar character defects pop up and interfere with the recovery process.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
In today’s topic I read from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book
This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
