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Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Affairs

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 07: Preparing for Disclosure

“Hi, I need to reserve a date for an intensive for my wife and I.”

Did I just say that out loud? On the phone?  And really do that?  Ok, I think maybe I need a counselor AND a psychiatrist! My insides hurt.  I am in the early stages of realizing something important, I think:  I don’t want to hide anymore.  I don’t want to lie anymore.  I don’t want to feel this dirty anymore.

In my group meetings, I hear guys talk about how their recovery is their own. One guy said something I actually wrote down: my recovery success isn’t dependent on how my wife responds.  When I heard that, it didn’t make sense to me.  I didn’t get it or even believe it.  That’s why we are all here, right?  To try and appease our wives and save our marriages?

That is what I have been doing. Trying to appease my wife and save my marriage.  Surviving one day at a time.  Sometimes I sleep upstairs in the guest bedroom when my wife doesn’t get overwhelmed by anger.  Sometimes I sleep at a friend’s house when she can’t hold back her hurt and it encompasses both her and me.  So I had been riding this roller coaster of emotion with her through her hurt, letting that be the barometer of my recovery.

This week one of the shares in group was from John 5:6 where Jesus saw an invalid on the side of the rode and asked him “Do you want to get well?” And I answered YES, I do.  I don’t want to be this anymore.  I see a glimpse of what it means.

I was in the car on the way home, listening to the Message on XM radio and heard this song from Casting Crowns about a man who was demon possessed. Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be free? Lift your chains, I hold the key. All power on heaven and earth belong to me.” I do want to be free. Two months ago I didn’t believe that was possible.

I don’t want to be what I have been. I don’t want to be someone who immediately lies. I don’t want to hide in my deception and darkness. I have prayed this prayer before over and over.  What makes me think it will work this time?  I have hope, though.  I have met guys who have been where I am.  They prayed the same prayers over and over with no change.  Until they got help, until they came clean, until they set a baseline for honesty.  They started group, they entered recovery fully, and they disclosed to their spouse.

So, here I am. Calling to schedule my intensive with my wife.  I am actually the one on the phone, scheduling the disclosure, paying the deposit, organizing this for both of us.  And………praying she will go.

“Yes, thank you. Those dates will work.  I will be looking for your confirmation email.”

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 21: Doug’s Sex Addiction Testimony – Celebrating Recovery

Doug utilizes his Celebrate Recovery testimony to share his struggle with pornography, lust, and sex addiction. He shares the history and foundation of his life that built pathways that developed into addiction.

He highlights the negative choices that he made as well as the chaos of living in addiction. He shows the grace that others can show as well as the true freedom that is possible in getting the help needed.

He is currently sober from alcohol and sex by staying involved in programs that are designed for sex addicts. His story will show how no one is too far gone from the love of Christ and the redeeming power of God.   We can all find hope in recovery through honesty and reliance on others.

For more information on the podcast or to get help please email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org.

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Self Discovery

Truth

self-discovery

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Common Regrets of Divorced Couples or 5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Originally posted at: http://jimdaly.focusonthefamily.com/5-ways-to-strengthen-your-marriage/

Terri Orbuch is a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She recently identified some of the top common regrets of divorced couples.

“Divorced individuals who step back and say – ‘This is what I’ve done wrong and this is what I will change’ – have something powerful to teach others,” Orbuch says.

Here are five things divorced couples regret not having done more of with a few comments of my own:

1. Boost your spouse’s mood

Encouraging and affirming your spouse in very simple ways can go a very long way. One study found that when a husband reported his wife didn’t express love and affection (not necessarily sex) the couple was twice as likely to divorce.

2. Talk more about money

As we’ve discussed on numerous broadcasts, money is a magnifier of problems but it’s also a common source of significant tension. Don’t keep secrets. Establish a family budget and stick to it.

3. Get over the past

Couples who can’t forgive past hurts grow bitter and resentful. Again, talk it out. Write a letter. Talk with a friend.

4. Blame the relationship

Studies suggest that 65% of divorcees blame the ex-spouse for the demise of their marriage. When discussing relationship problems, Dr. Orbuch suggests saying “we,” not “you” or “I.” For example, you might say, “We are both so tired lately,” not “You are so crabby.”

5. Reveal more about yourself

Dr. Orbuch recommends: Every day, for 10 minutes, the couple should talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship. No problems. No scheduling. No logistics.

Do you resonate with these findings?  What might you add as # 6 on this list?

 

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Let’s Talk About Porn – EVENT

Visit LetsTalkAboutPorn.com to find out more or to register.

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