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Recovery Articles

December 8, 2016 By Castimonia

Narcissism, Lying, and Evil

Originally posted at: http://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2014/12/16/narcissism-lying-and-evil/
by applyingmybeliefs

In his book “People of the Lie” Christian Psychiatrist Scott Peck makes this statement:

  • Lying is both a cause and manifestation of evil.

For Christians, the epitome of evil is the spiritual being known as Satan.  Jesus made this definitive statement about him:

Jn 8:44(b) – He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.  ESV

I would say that Scott Peck’s statement is consistent with the words of Jesus, and I realized that when I read the book.  The statement stimulated my thinking about people being evil or at least having evil parts or tendencies or thoughts or behaviors, and how we see them manifested in our culture.

Peck, as a Psychiatrist sees the world with a scientific perspective and in the book he explains how the evil inner part of people shows up in their actions, in their relationships and in their personalities.  In fact he goes as far as saying that evil comes out of narcissism.  Again this seems to be supported by scripture; here is the description of Satan supplied by God, together with the reason why he was thrown out of God’s presence and favor.  Does this sound like the ultimate narcissist?

Eze 28:12(b) – 17(a) – You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.  You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering, sardius, topaz, and diamond, beryl, onyx, and jasper, sapphire,  emerald, and carbuncle; and crafted in gold were your settings and your engravings.  On the day that you were created they were prepared.  You were an anointed guardian cherub.  I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God; in the midst of the stones of fire you walked.  You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you.  In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.  Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.

When I consider or meditate on these things I’m left at the place where I ask myself some questions like this:

  • Does Satan really need to talk to us to tempt us into doing evil?
  • Is his self-appointed role one of developing narcissists?
  • Does evil come from a narcissistic personality or a lying character or both?

I have long believed that Satan doesn’t have to do anything for us ordinary folk to commit evil acts; we all have the propensity inside us to do evil.  And I have also long believed that lying is an act of evil.  I only have to look at my past life to demonstrate that!

I have learned that so many of the best liars are narcissists, as I was in my past.  In the ministry I operate I see it consistently in the form of a broad spectrum.  Some narcissists are so far gone that it is almost impossible to work with them.  When they’re confronted with the truth that the world does not revolve around them and they have a destructive effect on people around them, they reject the message and leave.  Mostly though, I see narcissists who struggle with the issue of evil, although it is disguised as compulsive behaviors, bad choices or addictions.

So then, when we come across a person who persistently lies, according to Peck, we ought to assume that a big part of their character is evil, and a major feature of their personality is narcissistic.  Out of my personal experience I find this to be a reasonable generalization, not always accurate, but a good place to start work from.

Why do people lie?  Why does Jesus call Satan the “Father of lies?”  Why does Satan continue to lie (deceive the nations – Rev 20:8), and why will he continue to lie until he is vanquished?  According to Jesus, and Peck agrees, it comes out of an individual’s personhood, or their personality.  The personality trait or type pictured in scripture and in Peck’s book is narcissistic.

Narcissism is one of two forms of self-love pictured in scripture, and interestingly in secular psychology.

Narcissism is an unhealthy self-love.  It is characterized by grandiose thinking, pride and the maximization of self with the minimization of others.  It values its own opinions and dismisses all others.  It elevates personal importance as a supreme truth, and reduces all others as of no consequence.  It believes it is always right.  Consequently narcissists are blind to truth.

It is this blindness that is the source of lies in a narcissist.  This is why Satan can never speak truth; he is a 100% narcissist.  This is also why an addict lies constantly; he or she has the major personality flaw of narcissism in their personhood.  Even when confronted with undeniable truth, an addict will still deny it.  To deny truth is to deny self for a narcissist.

Some people believe that an addict’s biggest struggle is with their drug of choice.  This is not so, their biggest struggle will always be to overcome their own narcissistic personality.  Without overcoming this, the addict is always going to be an addict, and always be vulnerable to a relapse.  The addicts who don’t have a serious narcissistic side will be much more able to get through their recovery than those who have a deeper flaw.  Knowing this helps to explain why some addicts respond to treatment or recovery better than others.

The person who chooses biblical self-love in obedience to Jesus’ simple command is way less likely to succumb to the pressure of temptation to act out with compulsive and addictive behaviors.  This is where the command is located:

Mk 12:30-31(a) – You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  ESV

Love God, love yourself and love your neighbor.  Using God’s definition of love:

1 Cor 13:4-7 – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

As we can see the love described by God is very different from the self-love of the world, which is narcissism.  Real self-love elevates God onto the throne of a person’s heart; narcissism elevates self onto that throne.  Therefore to overcome narcissism a person has to abdicate their internal throne; a decidedly difficult choice and task

What are the “take-aways” from this discussion of narcissism, lying and evil?

  • Narcissism causes a self-blindness which may be the central cause of lying.
  • Narcissism and lying may be the source of evil thoughts and actions.
  • Narcissism is hard to overcome.
  • Compulsive or addictive behaviors are likely to be sourced in narcissism.

For those of us in recovery, narcissism ought to be a serious part of our discussion with our counselors or mentors.  Confession of narcissism and much prayer may be necessary to get to healing:

Jas 5:16 – Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.  ESV

Yes, narcissism is a sin, it does need to be recognized in front of God and others, and it does need to be prayed over.

While we may know we lie, and will confess it, how many of us can admit we have evil inside us and have narcissistic tendencies?

Lying, evil and narcissism are tough things to deal with.  But it is so worth it to get them exposed in our lives and let God be put squarely on the throne of our hearts.

 

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, alcoholic, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

December 7, 2016 By Castimonia

Journal Through Recovery Entry 16: Yep, I am Insane

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. – Step Two

For it is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose. – Philippians 2:13

Yep, I am insane. I just finished step two. My sponsor and I meet for breakfast every week to check in, catch up, and try to restore me to sanity and stability. So, a few weeks ago, he told me we needed to move forward. To take the next step. To really look at my need to be restored to sanity. So that means I am insane? Evidently so.

He challenged me to make a list of my top ten most insane behaviors while acting out. Ok. That shouldn’t be too difficult. I completed my first step and disclosure so I have a pretty detailed listing of my behaviors. Only, that was really just a summary. A recitation of my life of addiction and acting out. Awesome. That was such fun.

Only this is different. In order to be restored to sanity I need to really face my own insanity. I told my sponsor, ok, I get it. I acted in inappropriate ways. I didn’t think about the consequences or the risk. Well, maybe I did but they didn’t stop me. So yes, I know I was insane. Evidently that isn’t enough.

My sponsor told me I needed to approach step two Biblically by using Psalm 119:9 as the basis:

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. – Psalm 119:9

Using this verse as my guideline, I had to identify three behaviors that best represented insanity in the course of my lifetime of acting out. Just three, huh? I think I could probably come up with more but ok, three it is. My three were that I committed adultery and broke my wedding vows, I lied repeatedly to my wife and family and friends and everyone, and that I exhibited hypocrisy by judging others and claiming to be something I was not – a man of integrity. Ok, damn, that hurt to write and to read. Now I had to take those and look at what the Bible says specifically about each of those by identifying scripture that addresses each.

Matthew 5 recounts the words of Christ in stating that anyone who looks on a woman with lust in his heart has committed adultery. I guess those second looks do come with consequences. Wow, I had read those words many times before. I just hadn’t really incorporated them into me. And they fit so well. Ok so that is the first.

There are multiple references in the Bible about honesty. Or in my case, the lack of honesty.  Let’s call it what it is…lying.  As I sought out references for this second insane behavior, 1 Thessalonians 4:6 caught my attention, to say the least. To paraphrase brother Paul, God punishes those who take advantage of others. Wow, that is so harsh.  In my case, so true. I had used falsehoods and lies to take advantage of my wife, my affair partners, my co-workers, my bosses, my company. God punishes those (me) who do that. I understand, God. I get it.

And finally…hypocrisy. I don’t really have to search far to find it. I just turn to Titus 1:16 where Paul uses God’s words to describe hypocrites. He calls my actions detestable and worthless for doing any good. My behavior, my actions, the core of my life…made me detestable and worthless.

I am tired. I am tired of who and what I was. I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing all that I am not. God, only you can take this from me. I am insane.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

December 6, 2016 By Castimonia

Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 31: Working Step 3

https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/podcast31-step-three.mp3

We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God, as we understood God.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Step 1 we talked about how “I can’t,” step 2 was “He can,” and now in step 3 we know “He will” if we let him.   Turning our will over to God is difficult because we have been given free will and our selfishness likes to hold on to control. However, there is freedom in letting go. We can see God at work when we give him absolute control over our dreams, actions, and wills.

Jorge and Doug discuss practical ways to work this step as well as how to make that decision to turn over our wills to God.

For more information, please email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org

Filed Under: podcast, Podcasts, Purity Podcast, Sex Addiction Podcast, Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

December 5, 2016 By Castimonia

How Many Therapists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change!

Filed Under: Humor, Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

December 4, 2016 By Castimonia

Temporary Meeting Location Change – Saturday, December 10th

Due to a church-wide event this weekend at The Fellowship, the Saturday morning meeting is temporarily being moved to another location for this Saturday only.  The meeting will resume at The Fellowship the following Saturday, December 17th.

St Bartholomew Catholic Church
5356 11th Street
Katy, TX  77493

Conference Room First Floor

Meeting will be in the Family Life Center, West most large building (same building as the last time we met at St. Barts).  See map below or click on this link: https://st-bart.org/campus-facilities

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: addiction, gratification, Jesus Christ, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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