CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Meeting Topics

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Temptation, Sin, & Death – VIDEO

A friend of mine in recovery contacted me after hearing that I was looking for ideas for other recovery-themed movies and after seeing one of the movies I edited.  At first, when he told me the name of the movie, I was skeptical because of the nature of the film.  Yet, as he explained the scripture verse that he wanted me to use in reference to one scene of the movie, my ears perked up and ideas started to flow.  As usual, I went overboard on the movie and added other scenes that correspond to other scripture verses but that can be related to the film and theme as a whole.  Another thing I liked about editing this movie is that it is one of my all-time favorite science fiction / horror movies.  I’m wondering at this point how many are reading this text versus skipping to the movie or for those reading it, if they have any idea which movie I am referencing.  The movie is Alien.  “Did he just write ‘Alien’ as the movie that inspired the topic of this post?”  For those that do not like Sci-Fi movies or have never heard of this movie, below is a short description of the film:

A mining vessel, Nostromo, sent to investigate an SOS distress call encounters an alien that begins to kill the crew members one by one.

To my friend and me, this movie is really an allegory for what Christians deal with every single day on their way “home” to heaven from earth.  We are told in scripture by James that every person is tempted by their own selfish desires and if we allow the desire to conceive and sin because of these desires, then it gives birth to a spiritual death.  In recovery, we are tempted to sin just about every day whether it be through lying, stealing, cheating, excessive lustful thoughts, or sexually immoral activity.   Another point of this film is to show how our sin, even if “only pornography and masturbation that doesn’t hurt anyone” (/sarcasm) can and will affect those around us.  In this movie, one man’s sin becomes a hideous monster that destroys the rest of the crew of the Nostromo except for one who stands and fights against “temptation and sin” as all Christians are called to do.  In real life, our sexual sin can and will affect those around us, our closest relationships, our family, our friends, our jobs, our ministry, etc…  It has the capacity to destroy all of those things if we choose to give in to our temptations and sin.  What James precedes the warning with is a blessing for the man who is tempted but does not sin. This is something we should all strive for, to not sin when tempted, as we walk this 80 or so year journey home to Heaven. 

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.  And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.  Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.  These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. – James 1:12-15

Disclaimer: Although tempted to watch the original movie from where this clip was taken, a person new to recovery should consult their therapist, sponsor, and/or accountability partner on whether to watch this film.  It is a Sci-Fi “Horror” movie that could trigger an individual to medicate their fear or anxiety. Also, the excessive violence (some of which I removed from this clip) can be harmful to your recovery if you are like I was early on; prone to medicate the viewing of violence and associated guilt.
As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
 
FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Iron Sharpens Iron – VIDEO

I recently watched “300: Rise of an Empire” and although not really impressed with the movie as a whole and how Hollywood has distorted history and also added a completely fabricated and unnecessary sexual scene to this movie, I thought it had some deeper recovery-related gems.  For those that don’t know much about this movie (and I don’t expect those early in their recovery to watch the entire movie) here is a summary from Wikipedia:

Based on Frank Miller’s latest graphic novel Xerxes, and told in the breathtaking visual style of the blockbuster “300,” this new chapter of the epic saga takes the action to a fresh battlefield-on the sea-as Greek general Themistokles attempts to unite all of Greece by leading the charge that will change the course of the war. This film pits Themistokles against the massive invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes, and Artemesia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy.

Nevertheless, in watching this movie, I did pick up on  the recovery-related themes.  Maybe it was me trying to find some sort of redemptive quality in a poorly made movie, or maybe it was the Holy Spirit saying to me, “use this material, men will ‘listen’ when you speak to them through these films.”  I don’t know which one it was, but I’m hoping it was the latter.  The subtheme I saw in this movie is similar to the one found in my United We Stand video based off the Battle of Carthage in Gladiator.  In 300: Rise of an Empire, the leader of the Greek forces, Themistokles, rallies his troops by encouraging them to fight for one another; to fight for your brother.  This resonates with me in recovery in that not only do I fight this battle for sexual purity every day, but I also fight alongside, with, and for my brothers in recovery.  The bond we have formed is stronger than any other bond I have found in my life, apart from my bond with God and with my wife.  These men in recovery know me better than my own family of origin and they fight for me, as I fight for them.  I titled this movie, Iron Sharpens Iron based off Proverbs 27:17 where we are told, as brothers, to sharpen one another, prepare one another for battle, support one another, and fight for one another.

Disclaimer: Although tempted to watch the original movie from where this clip was taken, a person new to recovery should consult their therapist, sponsor, and/or accountability partner on whether to watch this film.  It has a sex scene with some partial nudity that could sexually trigger the individual. Also, the excessive violence (some of which I removed from this clip) can be harmful to your recovery if you are like I was early on; prone to medicate the viewing of violence and associated guilt.
As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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A Declaration of Independence

A Declaration of Independence
Originally posted on July 4, 2012

Today, we celebrate Independence Day in the United States of America.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have been given in this country.  Some of the freedoms I had, however, were very harmful to me.  These freedoms included the freedom to view and use pornography, the freedom to pursue happiness in legal forms of sexual acting out, and the freedom to worship my own god; sex addiction.  I have also been given new freedoms, the freedom choose a recovery program that satisfies my needs, the freedom to say “no” to sexual acting out, and the freedom to call Jesus Christ my higher power, and worship Him fully without fear of persecution or harm against me or my family.

Independence means a lot of things to different people.  The definition is written below:

in·de·pend·ence /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəns/ [in-di-pen-duhns] noun 1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent. 2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

In my case, it is freedom from the control of my sexual addiction and the behaviors associated with that addiction.  Every July 4th, I not only celebrate the independence of these United States of America, but I also make the following declaration written below, as edited from the original Declaration of Independence.

I, Jorge S., a recovering sex addict, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intention, do, in the Name, and by Authority of Jesus Christ and my healthy being, solemnly publish and declare, That I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of sexual compulsive behaviors, that I am Absolved from all Allegiance to demoralizing and incomprehensible compulsive sexual behaviors, and that all connection between me and my addiction, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent man, I have full Power to levy War against my addiction, conclude Peace of mind, contract Alliances in my recovery, establish psychological therapy as needed to do all other Acts and Things which a healthy, sexually pure man may of right do.  — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, I mutually pledge to my Life, my Fortunes, and my sacred Honor.

My declaration is short and to the point, definitely not as elegant as the one written by our Country’s founders.  Also, I wish it was as simple as making the declaration!  The United States had to fight a war, and subsequent wars against the British to gain their independence.  Furthermore, the United States had to continue to battle against other foreign nations in order to gain full independence.  And later, it had to fight a Civil War (a war against oneself) in order to maintain its independence!  Even today, the United States continues to fight to maintain its independence, this fight may be against terrorists, against energy monopolies, against corruption, etc…  The point is, the United States of American has continued to fight to maintain its independence and must continue to fight.

In this same way, I need to continue to fight against my sexual addiction.  I can’t let my guard down.  If I do, then I will have allowed my addiction a foothold into my life and that makes the fall easier!  I must be always vigilant in my struggle to maintain sexual purity.  Sexual Purity is not a right, it is a privilege given to me, by God, on a daily basis, and I must always be grateful for that privilege and do whatever I can to maintain it.  I have not been and am not perfect, however, I will continue to strive for progress, not perfection in my recovery.

So I not only declare indepenendce from my sexual addiction but also that I will do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety. One moment at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Cat’s in the Cradle

Today, I played a popular song by Harry Chapin in honor of father’s day tomorrow.  I relate very much to this song as I have struggled with (and continue to sometimes struggle with) the “Father Wound”, more specifically, the Absent Father Wound.  My father, although present in my life during my early childhood, was extremely busy with studying for his masters and doctorate degrees. I felt as if he wasn’t around (or didn’t want to be around his children, especially me because I was “spoiled”). He kept hardcore pornography around and within reach of a 4 year old (me), cheated on my mother multiple times, and physically abandoned us when I was in high school (he emotionally abandoned us when I was younger).   The ending verses of the song ring very true, I grew up to be just like my father, both in my Sexual immorality and in that I no longer speak to him (and I tried weekly phone calls when I entered recovery but found we had nothing in common and even worse, he placed his work over speaking to me, further wounding me). I chose to practice “healthy detachment” from an unhealthy individual.

Thankfully, I have worked a 4th Step on this resentment and although I am still emotionally triggered by Father’s Day, it doesn’t sink my “emotional ship”.  I know he did the best he could given his upbringing and the situation we were in. If it wasn’t for his sacrifice in leaving his job to pursue a higher education and bring his family to the United States, then my life would have been completely different, and not in a good way considering there is little recovery in my country of origin.

Nevertheless, I don’t deny the emotions that rise up from this wound, I acknowledge them, and ask for God’s continued healing of these wounds.

Furthermore, as a father, I can take the message in the song and not make the same mistakes my father made (at least since my entering recovery).  I have two very young daughters and one on the way.  I acknowledge that I am not a perfect father, only God is, but I will raise my girls to glorify Him and do whatever I can to minimize the wounds I inflict on my children.

I wrote this recently in my journal concerning my father wound: All I can do is accept the past, learn from it, and change the future for my children. 

Click on the play button on the embedded player below to listen to the song.

Cat’s In The Cradle
by Harry Chapin

Child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and he said with a smile
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kid’s got the flu.
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, son?”
“I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
We’re gonna have a good time then.”

Take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This audio clip may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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United We Stand – VIDEO

One of the things I have appreciated in my recovery is the ability to spot recovery-related items in Hollywood movies.  In the movie Gladiator, there is a scene where the gladiators must fight in the Colosseum in Rome replaying the Battle of Carthage.  Out numbered and overpowered by chariots, the gladiators, led by the outcast General Maximus Decimus Meridius, are commanded to “stay together” to survive.  As men in recovery, we have learned that we need to stay together, as part of the group, in order to battle the addiction.  For me, this translates to, making phone calls, attending meetings, sponsoring others, and reaching out to those that still struggle.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.