CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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It’s Funny Because It’s True!

It’s Funny Because It’s True!

I saw this comical photo floating around the internet a while back.  To be honest, I did not see the Saturday Night Live skit in which this photo was taken, so I don’t know the context.  What I found funny, was the caption that went along with the photo.

In here we see a man willing to admit to murder rather than have his internet search history made public.  How many of us, at whatever the cost, wanted to hide our internet activity?  I know I have.  When I was in my addiction, I made certain of “cleaning my tracks” so that nobody would know what sites I had visited.  I was too ashamed of my internet activity to have anyone find out about it and too ashamed to find help for these behaviors, amongst others.

When is enough going to be enough?  When are you going to seek real help for a sexual purity problem that has been plaguing you for perhaps most of your life and that keeps manifesting itself in different ways over the course of your life?  Perhaps it began with lustful thoughts and fantasies, then compulsion over those lustful thoughts and fantasies and then moved onto masturbation, and then onto pornography, and then onto having multiple sex partners; all to try to fill some void in your life that in all honesty, only God can fill.  I’ve seen it happen in my life and don’t want it to happen to anyone else.

Perhaps you are the guy that “only” struggles with viewing pornography, with or without masturbation.  Maybe you think, it is “ok” to do this since you aren’t having affairs or have multiple sex partners.  But if I were to compare your brain scan to that of a man that sexually acts out with multiple sex partners, guess what?  Not much difference!  Stop the insanity; seek real help for a real problem!  Stop hiding behind self-help books and the insane thought of “My God and I can handle anything alone” and start getting into a support or recovery group.  You cannot handle this all by yourself, no matter how many lies you believe from the enemy!

You are not alone in your struggle; it’s about time you finally said enough is enough.  I, for one, am thankful that I no longer have to erase my internet history or feel guilt or shame about the sites I visit.  I no longer have to worry about my wife getting on the internet and “stumbling” on something inappropriate I viewed.  I especially don’t have to worry about my daughters seeing something inappropriate their daddy saw the night before!  How horrible would that be if I inadvertently passed on my sexual addiction to my daughters because of the pornography I watched the night before and now they found it by accident?  Although, I had no intention to harm them, my activity on the internet has already harmed them and my wife!

And wives, If you don’t have proper internet filters installed,  I want you, today, to go into your internet history and look at everything that has been viewed in the past couple of weeks.  You might need to search via multiple browsers installed on your home computer, maybe some installed by secret.  And if the internet history has been erased on any of these browsers, then it’s time to have a frank and open discussion about installing filters and what is and is not appropriate to bring into your home!  If you are not technically savvy, you can e-mail Castimonia and we can help walk you through on how to do a proper and thorough search.

I once heard a great prayer at a Castimonia meeting, “My prayer is that every man is thrown in to recovery by discovery by their wives.”  Sometimes, it is the only way we will be willing to seek help.  Hitting rock bottom is terrible, but I am thankful that rock bottom is what it took to get me into recovery and acknowledge that I have a problem and that I need help!  Recovery with Jesus Christ is such a beautiful place to live.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Video – John’s Story, Part 2

John discusses his denial, losing his marriage, hitting rock bottom, and entering recovery.  He talks about attending his first recovery meeting and what recovery has done for him and his life.

“I’m at the bottom, I’ll do anything.  And she suggested I go to a meeting.” – John; speaking about the advice his knowledgable therapist gave him about his sexual addiction and getting help.

Please visit http://www.addiction2recovery.com for more videos and information.

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Video – John’s Story, Part 1

John talks about his sexual addiction, how it began, and how it affected his life.  He also does a great job describing his dysfunctional family of origin.

“It was like someone lit a bomb and threw it in my life, I was totally absorbed by it, totally sensantionalized by it and it just mushroomed my sexual addiction…” – John; speaking about the first time he discovered his father’s pornography.

Please visit http://www.addiction2recovery.com for more videos and information.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – 07/28/2012 – Luke 18

In today’s meeting I read the scripture below from Luke 18.

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else,   Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

In working the 7th step (and in our recovery), we need to understand what being “humble” really is, and what it will gain us.  When we humbly ask Him to remove all of our shortcomings, we are coming to him like the tax collector, asking for God’s mercy because we are sinners.  Even in our most perfect of days in recovery, we still can sin.  It is important to always remember that it is progress not perfection and that pride comes before the fall.  The moment we become like the Pharisee and “show off” all we do in our recovery for our own glory, not God’s, is the moment the relapse back into our old ways begins.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Addicted to Love

Addicted to Love

It’s interesting I ended up in this meeting.  In never thought I would be in a room with other men addicted to love and sex or relationships.  However, after hearing numerous first steps I knew this was the right place to me.  With help from my sponsor I have been able to discuss these issues, write them down, and then present them to you in an effort to begin the healing process.

My earliest childhood memories were not the most pleasant.  My father was very affluent, and everyone looked up to him, it wasn’t until really started looking at my family of origin that I found traces of sex and love addiction among him.  I was his second child from his affair partner, whom he actually married when my mother was pregnant with my older brother.  The sad thing is, my older brother died shortly after he was born, maybe a punishment for my mother and father’s sinful behavior?  I do remember being given everything I ever wanted.  My father and mother provided a lot for me, we had an enormous home and I was looked after by numerous caretakers as well as my parents.  Going back to my family of origin, in entering recovery and asking the questions that needed to be asked about my family of origin, I found out about my father’s adultery and how he met my mother.  You see my father was into voyeurism and lusted after my mother.  He took the extra step and began an affair.  Thankfully, he married my mother so technically I wasn’t some unwanted pregnancy.  My father was, however, in denial for some time about his actions until he was set straight by a close friend of his who pointed out what he had done.  After that, he began to turn away from that lifestyle, unfortunately, not enough.  He still acted out with other women, marrying them one-by-one.  Maybe that’s where I got part of my problem, genetics?

I remember growing up with a bunch of half-brothers and half-sisters, it was quite dysfunctional.  I didn’t complain, I was my mother’s only child and she took great care of me, but she was still emotionally drained and heartbroken at my father’s sexual activities.  When I was old enough, my mother prepared me begin the process of taking control of my father’s business.  I was given the best education and was absolutely ready.  As a side note, just before this, two of my half-brothers got into a feud over one of them raping the other’s sister (the assailant’s half-sister) and the rapist was murdered in cold blood.  Now that is crazy, but perhaps this helps you understand how insane my life growing up really was compared to a “normal” family.  That half-brother of mine even tried to murder my father so he could take over the business, but he ended up getting killed in the process.  Really messed up!

I remember the day my mother forced my father to give me control of his company by using guilt and some shame in the process.  I already suffered from a distant father wound, but now I could see the overly bonded mother wound coming out.  My mother was basically controlling my life and forcing my father to give up control to me.  It was like some crazy soap opera!  Furthermore, my other half-brother who initially tried to take control was murdered, but I won’t say who did it or why.  It sounds like my life is completely out of control at this point, but it gets worse!

I remember my first wife, she was very beautiful, but if I am brutally honest, the marriage was arranged in order to help me and her father in business dealings.  I wonder how many men have married their wives because of their father-in-law’s power and business.  I loved her, moved her to my newly built home but it wasn’t the love I wanted.  It wasn’t like the movies or as read in books; it wasn’t the “fantasy” I searched for all my life.  So what did I do? I started looking for another wife to fulfill what I thought real love should be; a fantasy!

Furthermore, while married, I began writing romance books, poems, and short stories in an attempt to deal with my love addiction.  One short story ended up selling world-wide and was a very poetic story about a man and a woman, in love, making love to one another with God present in their relationship.  I’m not sure if it was the mixture of the content and the poetry that made it such a best seller or just that it was written by someone with so much power and prestige.  Now that I look back, it was a cry out for me for help!  I have a problem and I can’t seem to admit it, I keep searching for that great romantic fantasy with each and every woman I am with, but I can never find it.  I even tried to help my children with my book on wisdom and living a godly life.  That too became a popular best-seller, but alas, I didn’t listen to my own advice – isn’t that the case most times, we can give great advice but don’t always follow our own!

By the time I entered recovery, I was plagued with depression and suicidal thoughts.  I even wrote about it, which I will discuss in a bit.  Just before entering recovery, I experimented with my wife and her worship of ancient cultures and ancient gods, not the God I originally knew growing up.  She had me performing all these ancient near-east rituals that revolved around sexuality.  I enjoyed them; it helped feed the fantasy and my addiction.  It made sex more powerful to my addict, but afterwards, I still felt empty, completely and totally empty.  It seemed life was meaningless.  While married to her, I wrote about how meaningless life had become apart from God, the real God, not some ancient false god where sex was the main worshiping ritual.  That too became a best-seller, but I was still empty.  All the publicity tours about my love poem short story and now this book on life being empty and meaningless all meant nothing to me!  I all wanted was real love, however, now I realize that I don’t even know what is considered real love.

I have learned over and over, beginning from my childhood, to believe in a fantasy love, not a real love with ups and downs.  As I review my powerlessness and the unmanageability in my life, I can see the common theme; I “fell in love,” thought I was happy for a while, something would go wrong, and then I would exit and find another woman with whom to fall in love!  It was a vicious cycle, I couldn’t stop, and in reality, I didn’t want to stop.  And finally, it hit me, without God (my God, not some ancient false god) life has not meaning, without meaning, life has no purpose, without purpose I have only one way out – suicide!

I mentioned the meaningless and suicidal thoughts as well as my entire story to my therapist and he let me know that I might have a sex and/or love addiction.  He talked to me about support groups I could attend and a program I could work through.  By the time I entered recovery, I had spent over 50 million dollars on my addiction, either through various wives, acting out material, or houses, gifts, trips, etc… that helped fuel my addiction.  I have had more wives than I can possibly remember.  This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, but someone close to me told me I, that in my long lifetime, that I had been married 700 times, and I had 300 women I took care of on the side, those of which I would have sex with whenever I wanted, call them affair partners if you wish.  My search for the perfect love has been futile and worthless and I have lost countless years of my life in pursuit of a happiness that cannot be found apart from God.

Hello, my name is Solomon, and I am a sex and love addict.

The above post is my own interpretation of King Solomon’s life had he lived today.  It is taken from various parts of the Bible, most notably 2 Samuel and 1 Kings.  The tragedy of all of this is that the problem began with his father David and was passed on to his descendants until the time of Jesus Christ.  Solomon had a very dysfunctional life, made the best he could out of it, but at the end, he strayed from God and allowed his wives to influence him negatively.  I don’t believe there is a prayer like David’s Psalm 51 where Solomon asks for God’s forgiveness, but he does a great job of illustrating how meaningless life is apart from God when he wrote Ecclesiastes.  I hope everyone man’s life gets to the point where they are crying out to God for help, that they hit that rock bottom and realize they need help, and that they begin attending support and recovery groups for their problem.  Don’t let it go this far, get help now, before it is too late.

Take what you like and leave the rest!