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Understanding Childhood Trauma Exhibited in Adulthood – VIDEO

Once again, continuing the theme of “300: Rise of an Empire” I found a third subtheme in this movie.  Although not really impressed with the movie as a whole and how Hollywood has distorted history and also added a completely fabricated and unnecessary sexual scene to this movie, I thought it had some deeper recovery-related gems.  For those that don’t know much about this movie (and I don’t expect those early in their recovery to watch the entire movie) here is a summary from Wikipedia:

Based on Frank Miller’s latest graphic novel Xerxes, and told in the breathtaking visual style of the blockbuster “300,” this new chapter of the epic saga takes the action to a fresh battlefield-on the sea-as Greek general Themistocles attempts to unite all of Greece by leading the charge that will change the course of the war. This film pits Themistocles against the massive invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes, and Artemisia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy.

Nevertheless, in watching this movie, I did pick up on  the recovery-related themes.  Maybe it was me trying to find some sort of redemptive quality in a poorly made movie, or maybe it was the Holy Spirit saying to me, “use this material, men will ‘listen’ when you speak to them through these films.”  I don’t know which one it was, but I’m hoping it was the latter.  The third subtheme I saw in this movie is that of a violent and vicious female naval commander, Artemisia, who shows no mercy and destroys her enemies.  What we see in 300: Rise of an Empire, is a discussion that takes place between Themistocles and his generals discussing Artemisia and her childhood.  Here we see a child who was severely traumatized, through no fault of her own, and who grows up to be, to put it bluntly, a psychopathic killer.  This movie does a good job establishing the connection between childhood trauma and the acting out of that trauma in adulthood.  There are many in recovery who experienced a tremendous amount of childhood trauma, even to the extent of what is shown in the film, who have medicated the trauma by acting out in a variety of ways. Understanding this childhood trauma and how it affects those around us is important because we begin to feel empathy for the individual and not hold on to our resentments against them.  Trauma does not excuse the acting out, it only allows us to understand why the individual is choosing to act out in a very destructive ways; ways that show a need for safety and self-preservation.  I hope you enjoy watching this film as much as I enjoyed making it.  It’s amazing how many recovery themes one can find in the average Hollywood movie.  I encourage you to look deeper in to the media you watch and see what the Holy Spirit is telling you about that media.

Disclaimer: Although tempted to watch the original movie from where this clip was taken, a person new to recovery should consult their therapist, sponsor, and/or accountability partner on whether to watch this film.  It has a sex scene with some partial nudity that could sexually trigger the individual. Also, the excessive violence (some of which I removed from this clip) can be harmful to your recovery if you are like I was early on; prone to medicate the viewing of violence and associated guilt.
As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Needs for Validation, Love and Connection

People generally become love addicts due to a past history of abandonment from their primary caregivers. Adult love addicts usually recognized as children that their most precious needs for validation, love and connection with one or both parents were not met. This affects their self-esteem dramatically in adult life. It results in a conscious fear of abandonment and an underlying subconscious fear of intimacy. To a love addict, intensity in a relationship is often mistaken for intimacy. As with any addiction, recovery from love addiction is a process of self-discovery. It requires taking specific steps: breaking through denial and acknowledging the addiction; owning the harmful consequences of the addiction; and intervening to stop the addictive cycle from occurring. Ultimately, love addicts must enter a grieving process to address the underlying emotional pain that is at the core of the addiction. Love addicts experience withdrawal symptoms. Working with a therapist can help guide the love addict through the process of talking about childhood experiences of abandonment, navigating through the feelings of pain, fear, anger and emptiness that may surface, and releasing old emotions that contribute to negative acting-out behaviors. A solid relationship with a skilled therapist trained in love and sex addiction can help guide the love addict through this process. From “What is Love Addiction?” By Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CST, CSAT
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/26/what-is-love-addiction/

“When one has nothing to lose, one becomes courageous. We are timid only when there is something we can still cling to.” – Don Juan

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Lieutenant Dan’s Redemption – VIDEO

One of my all-time favorite movies is Forrest Gump.  For those that have never seen Forrest Gump (or have been living in a cave for 20 years), Forrest Gump is a 1994 American epic romantic comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom. The film was directed by Robert Zemeckis and starred Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Gary Sinise and Sally Field (Wikipedia). It details the story of a man named Forrest Gump through about four decades of United States history.  I never really understood why I enjoyed the movie until I entered recovery and was able to see the various recover-related subcomponents intertwined with the main story.

One recovery-related subcomponent I really enjoyed was that of the story of Lieutenant Dan Taylor.  Lt. Dan, as he’s often referred to in the film by Forrest, is your typical Christian American, patriotic but a Christian by name only.  In other words, he wears his Christian cross, but when tested in life, he gives up on the hope that only Christ can bring and eventually becomes an alcoholic. We then see his powerlessness and unmanageability, also known as his “self-destructive behaviors”.  Then we see him restored to sanity by a power greater than him, God.  Throughout this film, we see God’s plan for Lt. Dan unfolding, slowly, until his redemption at the end.  It is a reminder to me, that even in the tough times, that God keeps His promise and I need to be strong enough to believe, rather than run to my addiction.  I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for comments and scripture verses at the bottom.  As always, take what you like a read the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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What is a Hero?

By Keith D. one of our Castimonia facilitators

I was given a book titled “Out of the Depths” (Author Edgar Harrell) by a very dear friend of mine this past Father’s Day. When I first glanced at the title of the book, I immediately assumed it was a book of recovery.   Rather, it is a story about 900 of the 1,200 man crew that were swimming in shark infested waters for five days in the Philippine Sea after the USS Indianapolis was hit by two torpedoes just weeks before the end of WWII.
 
Inside the front cover was a beautifully written note from our friend saying that the review of this book made her think of me.  She knew of my (our) problem as she is my wife’s best friend as my wife confided in her.  In it she writes “you are definitely a man of courage, faith, and endurance”.
 
Lt. Col. North writes “It has been a great blessing to spend most of my life in the company of heroes.  By “hero”, I mean a person who has wittingly put himself in grave physical jeopardy for the benefit of another.  Heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Through self-sacrifice, fortitude, and action, whether they succeed or fail, heroes provide a moral and ethical framework-and-inspiration-for the rest of us…..Real heroes are selfless…..Many of the marines that with whom I was privileged to serve for nearly a quarter of a century were heroes.  The firemen and police who rushed into the World Trade Center buildings and the Pentagon on 9/11 fit the description.  Today, a good number of soldiers airmen, Marines, and Guardsmen that I cover for FOX News certainly meet the criteria….It (this book) is a tale of men tested beyond anything they thought possible-and how they responded with bravery, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair.”
 
For some reason, I cannot get past the Foreword of the book.  In its three pages, Lt. Colonel Oliver North writes about heroes.  What he writes about heroes is true.  However, there are other men (and women) that are heroes to me.  Although these men that Lt. Col. Oliver North writes about are heroes, there are other heroes that he does not write about.  I cannot help but think of myself and many other people like me, who have struggled with pornography and sexual addiction.  It has reshaped what a hero looks like to me.
 
The heroes I am thinking of are rarely in grave physical danger.  However, they do face other dangers that may appear to be just as large if not larger than any physical danger.  These dangers live in the mind in the form of fears.  Some of these fears include whether one may lose his job, his marriage, family, and friends for the pursuit of disclosure and recovery.
 
Every time I attend a meeting I am in a room filled with heroes.  Each member’s story is unique and faces his own challenges.  Just as Lt. Col. North wrote, heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Each one is a hero in their own right and I have learned to draw on the strength of these heroes. 
 
This is what a hero looks like to me:
  
To me…..a hero is someone who finally “comes clean” after years of acting out
To me…..a hero is in recovery whether he is separated from his wife and family, or his marriage ends up in divorce
To me…..a hero is someone who takes a polygraph
To me…..a hero is someone who practices rigorous honesty over sobriety
To me…..a hero is someone who has not been sexually intimate with his wife for 20 months but still hasn’t acted-out and is believing for the healing of his marriage
To me…..a hero is someone who recognizes he is struggling and calls another brother to avoid acting out
To me…..a hero is someone who gives a first step
To me…..a hero is someone who has shared his struggle with pornography and sexual addiction to his wife’s parents or to their children
To me…..a hero is a man of God who admits he is wrong and is willing to make amends
To me…..a hero is someone who chooses the pain of recovery rather than abandon his family and live in his (or her) addiction.
To me…..a hero is a man of courage, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair!

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Not In Control

imagesca529z9uaddictionPeople with an addiction do not have control over what they are doing, taking or using. Their addiction may reach a point at which it is harmful. Addictions do not only include physical things we consume, such as drugs or alcohol, but may include virtually anything, such abstract things as gambling to seemingly harmless products, such as chocolate – in other words, addiction may refer to a substance dependence (e.g. drug addiction) or behavioral addiction (e.g. gambling addiction). In the past addiction used to refer just to psychoactive substances that cross the blood-brain barrier, temporarily altering the chemical balance of the brain; this would include alcohol, tobacco, and some drugs. A considerable number of psychologists, other health care professionals, and lay people now insist that psychological dependency, as may be the case with gambling, sex, internet, work, exercise, etc. should also be counted as addictions, because they can also lead to feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, despair, failure, rejection, anxiety, and/or humiliation. When a person is addicted to something they cannot control how they use it, and become dependent on it to cope with daily life. What is the difference between a habit and an addiction? Addiction – there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved. Habit – it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction. Put simply – with a habit you are in control of your choices, with an addiction you are not in control of your choices.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/addiction/

“Shame was an emotion he had abandoned years earlier. Addicts know no shame. You disgrace yourself so many times you become immune to it.” – John Grisham