If you want a better world, Composed of better nations, Inhabited by better states, Filled with better counties, Made up of better cities, Comprised of better neighborhoods, Illuminated by better churches, Populated by better families, Then you’ll have to start by becoming A better person. —Tony Evans
ptsd
Sexuality and Marital Intimacy
Posted by James Browning on November 14, 2013
A good marriage is best friends with passion. Without the passion, you just have a friendship. For some, being companions is sufficient. But for most, it is not. One of the major casualties of the harried pace of modern marriage is the loss of sexual intimacy. It is too steep a price to pay. While communication is the most frequently mentioned issue in troubled marriages… a diminished sexual relationship at the center of most troubled marriages. Men and women are different. While these differences get debated in some circles, when it comes to sex, they are real and very clear. Unfortunately many couples fail to reflect on these differences and integrate them into an understanding of how to be successful partners. Start with arousal patterns. Men are quick to be aroused and relatively quick to achieve orgasm. The “spike” rises sharply and drops off just as sharply. Men are especially aroused visually; brain research documents this. So looking at other women, at magazines, videos, and online pornography play a much bigger role in the sexual life of men. Women are aroused more slowly and after achieving orgasm, tend to remain at a high plateau of arousal before dropping off. These are very different physiological patterns. No wonder it is a challenge for couples to really experience mutual satisfaction. These differences must not be ignored; instead they must be incorporated into the lovemaking process. It is also important to understand the psychological implications of the different genital anatomies. For men, sexual intercourse is an external act. This has evolutionary implications about the need for prehistoric men to “seed” many partners in order to insure survival of the species. It is part of what allows men to more easily separate sex from love. But, for a woman, to have intercourse means allowing a man to enter her body. That is a deeply personal act and men need to appreciate this. It is why women complain about the need for emotional intimacy before they can be sexually active. Combine this with the difference in arousal patterns and it becomes much easier to understand why it is so important for women to experience meaningful foreplay.
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” – Simone Signoret
It’s a Mad World
There’s the waitress who refuses to look in your direction. The oaf who drifts across the highway without using his blinker. And the cheerful, recorded voice that draws you deeper and deeper into voice-mail hell. The most minor annoyance can send us into a fury. But have you ever stopped to think why we get angry? What is anger, anyway? “Anger is a natural emotion,” says Charles D. Spielberger, PhD, a research professor of psychology at the University of South Florida who has studied anger for 25 years. “There is nothing abnormal about it.” Anger might be normal, but it does affect you physically. When you get enraged during a traffic jam or at your kid’s soccer game, your hormone levels increase, your breathing quickens, your pulse and blood pressure soar, you start to sweat, and your pupils dilate. Basically, your body is gearing up for action. This is the “fight” part of the “fight or flight” response. Spielberger says anger has an evolutionary advantage: “Fear and rage are common to animals, too, because it helps them to fight and survive.” The problem is that, nowadays, anger isn’t always so useful. Most of us don’t run into man-eating tigers standing in line at the DMV. The physical effects of anger on your body can be lasting. Some studies have shown a connection between anger and high blood pressure, depression, and heart disease. One study found that people highly prone to anger are three times as likely to have a heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease as less angry people. So what’s the solution? Should you cork up your anger or regularly blow your stack? Experts say neither. Whether you hold it in or explode in a rage, frequent feelings of intense anger may pose the same health risks. The key is to make your anger constructive. Spielberger says that the first step is self-awareness. Don’t allow yourself to fly into a rage. Instead, be conscious of your anger. Stay in control. It’s the only way to figure out exactly what is making you angry. Once you can identify the real problem, you can try to solve it rationally instead of getting pointlessly furious. If you’re angry with someone, talk about it in an assertive, but never aggressive, way. If a certain situation sparks your anger, learn how to prepare for it — or better yet, avoid it — in the future. By R. Morgan Griffin
http://men.webmd.com/features/what-does-anger-do-to-your-health
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain
Merimnao 5 Year Celebration Reminder (and Childcare)
On this upcoming Saturday, January 10th we will be having Merimnao’s fifth year celebration event. It begins at 3:30, the presentation part begins at 4 and concludes (we estimate) at 5, we will then spend time chatting with each other and meeting new friends. It is being held in the life center at the Fellowship, 22765 Westheimer Parkway.
Please make every effort to be there.
Some details:
We will have a combination of audiovisual and testimonies for the first part of the presentation. In the second part we will recognize some of God’s handiwork and some people, talk a little about what Merimnao is (for the visitors) and then discuss the vision for the ministry going forward.
Childcare is available for children up to 12 years. This is free for this event! Come a little early if you are dropping kids off. Childcare will be in the Student Building, rooms S101 and S102, it will be available from 3 to 6 pm.
Bring any and everybody you want, especially spouses. Invite people you personally know are engaged in helping ministry or recovery ministry, as leaders or participants.
We will have coffee, Kosmos will be open too and we’ll have some snacks and water.
MINISTRY LEADERS – Please make sure this is announced this week in each group meeting, and invite all present and past group members, because from these people as a group will come future leaders. E-mail the invitation as you see fit.
AND – We will have a resource center. So if there are some things you want to display please be sure to bring them.
AND – Make yourself available to talk to people, after the presentation, who might want to know about your ministry.
Finally – can we please ask that every person reply to this email in some way, so we know you received and read it. – Thanks!
Recovery Works!
Treating Codependency is not something a doctor does to or for a ‘patient’. It is more like having diabetes. The patient has to learn how to take care of themselves every day for the rest of their lives. Recovery starts when a Codependent understands and has insight into their condition. …I almost always strongly encourage… Codependency Recovery groups. Group is like the gym. It is where a Codependent goes to lift weights and get stronger… Group therapy rocks – it is inexpensive, weekly, powerful, fun, insight building and affirming. Recovery from Codependency is not just about gaining a strong voice. It is also very much about learning how to take good care of one’s self. It is about learning how to take the time to have fun, to exercise, to have a huge hobby that enriches your life and to nurture one’s self well. It might involve getting regular massages, joining a book club, making new friends, scheduling travel with your newly romantic and sensitive husband, getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising often, getting enough help in raising the kids, getting help with the household chores and getting enough alone time. Doesn’t all of that sound great? You can make it happen. You are in charge of your own life. The Recovery process for Codependency is an adventure. It is not torture. Recovery works. You just have to work at it really hard over a period of time. Today is the best day for you to start… From “Codependency – A Serious Disease of Lost, Confused, Undeveloped and Other-Centered Selves” by Mark Smith http://www.familytreecounseling.com/fullarticle.php?aID=278
“Scars are not injuries… A scar is a healing. After injury, a scar is what makes you whole.” – China Mieville
