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March 14, 2015 By Castimonia

Conquering our Fear – VIDEO

I recently watched “After Earth” and I thought it had some deeper recovery-related gems.  For those that don’t know much about this movie here is a summary from Wikipedia:

In the future, an environmental cataclysm forces the human race to abandon Earth and settle on a new world, Nova Prime.

One thousand years later, the United Ranger Corps, a peacekeeping military commanded by General Cypher Raige, comes into conflict with alien creatures who intend to conquer Nova Prime. Their primary weapons are the Ursas: large, blind predatory multi-limbed creatures that hunt by sensing pheromones the human body secretes when scared (they literally smell fear). The Rangers struggle against the Ursas until the impassive Cypher learns how to completely suppress his fear, in effect becoming invisible to the Ursa—a technique called “ghosting.” After teaching this to the other Rangers, he leads the Ranger Corps to eventual victory.

In watching this movie, I picked up on  the recovery-related theme.   The subtheme I saw in this movie is that of fighting through and conquering our fears.  This resonates with me in recovery in that I tend to medicate my fear of the unknown with unhealthy activities, even compulsively watching television or sports.  There are a number of fears in my life but one of the things that I have become present to over the last few years is that fear is not real and this is stated clearly in one of the scenes of this movie.  For me, I have to understand that fear is simply Future Events Appearing Real, which means I am afraid of something that has not occurred or may never occur!  I hope this movie helps you with any fears you may have.

As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts, Videos Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity, trauma

August 27, 2014 By Castimonia

Christian Right Fights Porn In The Dorm

A conservative Christian lobbyist group’s latest crusade is the elimination of  pornography on college campuses.

Read more: http://swampland.time.com/2013/07/18/christian-right-fights-porn-in-the-dorm/#ixzz2adw1LPEJ

The Family Research Council isn’t afraid to pick a tough fight. It has pushed  for the teaching of intelligent design in public schools,  endorsed the requirement of a one-year waiting period for couples with children  who want to get a divorce, and publicly discouraged the extension of civil  rights to homosexuals. Supporters of the FRC, a conservative Christian lobbyist  group, gathered Wednesday to discuss the organization’s latest crusade: the  elimination of pornography on college campuses.

Fighting “Porn in the Dorm”—as the FRC called their Family Policy Lecture on  the subject—is an uphill battle.  A 2001 study conducted by scholars at Texas A&M revealed  that while 56% of men admit to using the Internet to access sexual explicit  materials, 72% of college-aged men readily say the same. Recent figures show higher percentages of porn site  subscriptions in zip codes with a great density of young people and those with  undergraduate degrees.

The prevalence of porn on campuses hasn’t defeated Dr. Patrick Fagan,  Director of the Marriage and  Religion Research Institute and Wednesday’s speaker. An Irish former grade  school teacher and trained clinical psychologist, Fagan has worked on family  issues in Washington with organizations such as the Free Congress Foundation,  the Department of Health and Human Services, and the Heritage Foundation. His  controlled tone, combined with the hum of the FRC’s air conditioning and free  Potbelly’s sandwiches, lulled the audience of about 40 young professionals into  a comfortable midday trance reminiscent of Sunday school.

“Our teenagers today cannot know what is natural sexuality,” he said, citing  a UK study frankly titled, “Basically…porn is everywhere.” Fagan compared modern  American society to “pagan Rome,” claiming that the proliferation of sexual  deviancy in our country is a direct threat to the “people-forming institutions”  of family, church, and school. He considers the matter of paramount importance  to civilization as a whole. “Sexual intercourse, like atomic energy, is a  powerful agent for good if channeled well, but for ill if not. Healthy societies  maintain their stability by channeling the sexual energies of young adults into  marriage,” says his 2009 paper, “The Effects of Pornography on Individuals, Marriage,  Family, and Community.”

Fagan blamed today’s plague of pornography on modern media. One of his slides  included the May 2011 cover of Vogue Paris, which features a  pouting Kate Moss being groped by five anonymous male hands. Christian  organizations have pointed fingers at everything from technology to politics  when it comes to porn. In a 2013 fact sheet without footnotes or citations, a  Christian vendor of Internet filtering software called Covenant Eyes claims that 24% of smartphone users store pornographic  material on their mobile devices. The organization says that 79% of porn  performers have used marijuana, and “politically liberal people” are 19% more  likely to look at porn than others.

Using data collected by the Marriage and Religion Research Institute, Fagan  cautioned his audience about the personal consequences of pornography  consumption as well. He flipped through a slide show of charts that correlated  porn use and addiction with high  divorce rates, abortions, and deviant behavior. According to his research, those  who are exposed to porn as young adults become desensitized to its dopamine  rush, which can lead to the pursuit of distorted fantasies involving children,  the invalid and even vampires. In an earlier statement released by the FRC, he  cautioned, “For college students, the use of pornography is especially  problematic. Away from home and surrounded by friends, co-eds are susceptible to  an addiction that can destroy their education, their relationships and their  future.”

Relationships damaged by pornography use, said Fagan, can include the peer  connections that young adults learn from while at university. Though college is  a social phase of life, the consumption of porn draws individuals into  themselves and discourages positive interaction with others.

Linda Williams, a professor film studies and rhetoric at the University of  California, Berkeley, begs to differ. She and college educators around the  country have used pornography as a teaching tool and a basis for classroom  discussion. “I do believe pornography reveals a great deal about who we are as  Americans,” Williams told TIME. “Its sheer popularity warrants examination, the  same way we have studied soap opera, television and other popular media in the  past.” New York University, Vanderbilt, and Bates College are only a few of the  institutions that now use sexually explicit material in film, law and sociology  classes.

Though he opposes the exposure of young adults to pornography, Fagan claims  that he is not against academic freedom. In fact, he would like to see an  increase in the research and discussion of human sexuality on college campuses,  because he believes that informed students will choose abstinence over porn. The  centerpiece of his presentation was a graph showing that the adults who enjoy  the most frequent and pleasurable sexual activity are monogamous,  God-worshipping partners. “The single biggest irony is that by and large, those  who enjoy the sexual most, that have the most frequent sexual intercourse, are  those who follow the Judeo-Christian way,” Fagan told TIME.

Read more: http://swampland.time.com/2013/07/18/christian-right-fights-porn-in-the-dorm/#ixzz2advCVB23

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, prostitute, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual impurity, sexual purity, STD, strippers, trauma

July 4, 2014 By Castimonia

A Declaration of Independence

A Declaration of Independence
Originally posted on July 4, 2012

Today, we celebrate Independence Day in the United States of America.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have been given in this country.  Some of the freedoms I had, however, were very harmful to me.  These freedoms included the freedom to view and use pornography, the freedom to pursue happiness in legal forms of sexual acting out, and the freedom to worship my own god; sex addiction.  I have also been given new freedoms, the freedom choose a recovery program that satisfies my needs, the freedom to say “no” to sexual acting out, and the freedom to call Jesus Christ my higher power, and worship Him fully without fear of persecution or harm against me or my family.

Independence means a lot of things to different people.  The definition is written below:

in·de·pend·ence /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəns/ [in-di-pen-duhns] noun 1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent. 2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

In my case, it is freedom from the control of my sexual addiction and the behaviors associated with that addiction.  Every July 4th, I not only celebrate the independence of these United States of America, but I also make the following declaration written below, as edited from the original Declaration of Independence.

I, Jorge S., a recovering sex addict, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intention, do, in the Name, and by Authority of Jesus Christ and my healthy being, solemnly publish and declare, That I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of sexual compulsive behaviors, that I am Absolved from all Allegiance to demoralizing and incomprehensible compulsive sexual behaviors, and that all connection between me and my addiction, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent man, I have full Power to levy War against my addiction, conclude Peace of mind, contract Alliances in my recovery, establish psychological therapy as needed to do all other Acts and Things which a healthy, sexually pure man may of right do.  — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, I mutually pledge to my Life, my Fortunes, and my sacred Honor.

My declaration is short and to the point, definitely not as elegant as the one written by our Country’s founders.  Also, I wish it was as simple as making the declaration!  The United States had to fight a war, and subsequent wars against the British to gain their independence.  Furthermore, the United States had to continue to battle against other foreign nations in order to gain full independence.  And later, it had to fight a Civil War (a war against oneself) in order to maintain its independence!  Even today, the United States continues to fight to maintain its independence, this fight may be against terrorists, against energy monopolies, against corruption, etc…  The point is, the United States of American has continued to fight to maintain its independence and must continue to fight.

In this same way, I need to continue to fight against my sexual addiction.  I can’t let my guard down.  If I do, then I will have allowed my addiction a foothold into my life and that makes the fall easier!  I must be always vigilant in my struggle to maintain sexual purity.  Sexual Purity is not a right, it is a privilege given to me, by God, on a daily basis, and I must always be grateful for that privilege and do whatever I can to maintain it.  I have not been and am not perfect, however, I will continue to strive for progress, not perfection in my recovery.

So I not only declare indepenendce from my sexual addiction but also that I will do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety. One moment at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Filed Under: Meeting Topics, Monday Night Meeting Topics, Saturday Morning Meeting Topics, Sexual Purity Posts, Thursday Night Meeting Topics Tagged With: 4th of July, addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, Freedom, gratification, human trafficking, independence, Independence Day, Intimacy, July 4th, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, STD, strippers, trafficking, trauma

June 30, 2014 By Castimonia

Numbing the Pain

imagescadidyrh1Addiction to substances or activities can sometimes lead to serious problems at home, work, school and socially. The causes of addiction vary considerably, and are not often fully understood. They are generally caused by a combination of physical, mental, circumstantial and emotional factors. Addiction, often referred to as dependency often leads to tolerance – the addicted person needs larger and more regular amounts of whatever they are addicted to in order to receive the same effect. Often, the initial reward is no longer felt, and the addiction continues because withdrawal is so unpleasant. According to Medilexicon’s medical dictionary: Addiction is Habitual psychological or physiologic dependence on a substance or practice that is beyond voluntary control. According to the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), published by the American Psychiatric Association: Substance dependence is When an individual persists in use of alcohol or other drugs despite problems related to use of the substance, substance dependence may be diagnosed. Compulsive and repetitive use may result in tolerance to the effect of the drug and withdrawal symptoms when use is reduced or stopped. This, along with Substance Abuse are considered Substance Use Disorders. Most people think of illegal drugs when they hear the word “addiction”. However, prescription drug addiction is becoming a serious public health problem in the USA and many other nations. Prescription medication abuse was described as “an epidemic” by researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center College of Medicine in a study they reported on in November 2012. The scientists explained that doctors today treat pain differently than they used to years ago. This change has led to an increase in prescription drug abuse. In the USA in the 1990s – the decade of pain treatment – not only was there a change in medication, but also policy. Pain became the fifth vital sign doctors looked out for, along with respiratory rate, blood pressure, body temperature and pulse rate. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/addiction/

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” – J.K. Rowling

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, anonymous sex partners, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, prostitute, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, trauma

June 21, 2014 By Castimonia

Courage to Heal

Courage to Heal
(By John Joseph*)

The recovery process is an active one that demands a lot from me. It isn’t a passive progression that happens on its own—I must be a daily, and often aggressive, participant. I don’t like that, but it is true.

To deny my responsibility to pursue wholeness in the areas of my broken soul is to give my past power to destroy me through addiction, depression, and shame.

Am I going to let that happen?

The terrible truth is that there’s something in me that works against me. Call it my “addict,” my “disease,” my “inner child,” or the “devil.” Its name doesn’t matter. It’s still out to take me down in any way it can.

John Mayer wrote some poignant lyrics about this in his song Gravity:

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh I’ll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away[1]

How many of us survivors have found ourselves on the edge of the emotional cliff, ready to jump off again? How many times have we acted out the same demeaning behavior only to go down the shame spiral again? Why do we feel the constant weight of what Mayer calls gravity in our bones that brings us to the brink, again and again, of throwing it all away?

Our various faith traditions may call it karma, fate, fortune, or sin. Whatever it is, it will gain the upper hand and destroy me if I am lazy or unmindful of it.

To recover is to have the courage to heal every day.

(*John Joseph is a pseudonym of a pastor. He’s a regular contributor to this blog.)

*****

[1] Writer(s): John Mayer Copyright: Reach Music Publishing-digital O.B.O. Goodium Music, Specific Harm Music, Sony/ATV Tunes LLC

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, prostitute, ptsd, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, trauma

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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