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October 21, 2018 By Castimonia

Wrestle with God

All of us at one time or another come face-to-face with our past. And it’s always an awkward encounter. When our sins catch up with us we can do one of two things: run or wrestle.

Many choose to run. They brush it off with a shrug of rationalization. “I was a victim of circumstances.” Or, “It was his fault.” Or, “There are many who do worse things.” The problem with this escape is that it’s no escape at all. It’s only a shallow camouflage. No matter how many layers of makeup you put over a black eye, underneath it is still black. And down deep it still hurts.

Jacob finally figured that out. As a result, his example is one worthy of imitation. The best way to deal with our past is to hitch up our pants, roll up our sleeves, and face it head-on. No more buck-passing or scapegoating. No more glossing over or covering up. No more games. We need a confrontation with our Master.

We, too, should cross the creek alone and struggle with God over ourselves. We, too, should stand eyeball to eyeball with him and be reminded that left alone we fail. We, too, should unmask our stained hearts and grimy souls and be honest with the one who knows our most secret sins.

The result could be refreshing. We know it was for Jacob. After his encounter with God, Jacob was a new man. He crossed the river in the dawn of a new day and faced Esau with newfound courage.

Each step he took, however, was a painful one. His stiff hip was a reminder of the lesson he had learned at Jabbok: shady dealings bring pain. Mark it down: play today and tomorrow you’ll pay.

And for you who wonder if you’ve played too long to change, take courage from Jacob’s legacy. No man is too bad for God. To transform a riverboat gambler into a man of faith would be no easy task. But for God, it was all in a night’s work.

Today’s devotional is drawn from Max Lucado’s Next Door Savior.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

October 11, 2018 By Castimonia

SECOND Castimonia Meeting in Searcy, Arkansas to Start Saturday, October 27th!

I am humbled to announce that we will officially be starting a second Castimonia meeting in Searcy, Arkansas on Saturday, October 27th.  This is our third meeting outside of the state of Texas!  This is exactly how God’s ministry should grow.  A member that attended in Katy was brave enough to take it to his location in Arkansas answering, “Lord send me” and as the need arose this individual and the other trained facilitators decided to start a second meeting!  I am very grateful for these men’s bravery and for their faithfulness to the Lord through the toughest time of their lives.

Location information is written below.

Beginning Saturday, October 27th
Saturday Mornings
9:00AM – 10:30AM
Fellowship Bible Church
1921 West Beebe Capps
Searcy, AR 72143
(Please pull all the way around the back and enter the “Warehouse” at the far left of the back lot)
Call Doug for more information 281.665.0280

Praise be to God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for all He has done to grow His ministry!

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, strippers, trauma

September 7, 2018 By Castimonia

Step 9: Pursue Peace With All People

Originally posted at: Pursue peace with all people

by Humble servant

14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; 16 lest therebe any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. 17 For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.        Hebrews 12:14-17

We are called to pursue peace with all people.  We live in a world that is full of much diversity.  We have people from many different cultures and religious backgrounds.  Jesus said that broad is the road that leads to destruction and many will find it.  But narrow is the road that leads to life and few will find it.  The sad truth is that there are many more nonbelievers in the world than there are true believers in Jesus Christ.

But no matter what we are called to pursue peace with all people.  No matter if people persecute and stand against us we are still called to love them and pursue peace with them.  There is no greater testimony of the love and grace of God then when a true follower of Jesus Christ prays for those who stand against them.  All people are simply lost sheep without a shepherd and until people come to true faith in Jesus they won’t have their eyes opened to the truth.

We must understand what a person meditates and fixes their mind and heart on is what will drive the decisions and actions of their lives.  The life we live is simply a compilation of all the choices we have made in our lives.  When people injure us or offend us we must have the heart and mind of Christ.  We must examine what the Lord said upon the cross as people hurled insults at Him.  He simply said forgive them Father for they know not what they do.  No matter how badly a person has persecuted or injured us we must continue to pray for them.  Pray that their eyes and heart be open to the love, truth, and grace of who Jesus Christ is.  Once a person’s eyes are truly open to the truth their life will be changed for an eternity.

 

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

August 26, 2018 By Castimonia

What does the Holy Spirit do?

by altruistico

The Bible is quite clear that the Holy Spirit is active in our world. The book of Acts, which sometimes goes by the longer title of “The Acts of the Apostles,” could just as accurately be called “The Acts of the Holy Spirit through the Apostles.” After the apostolic age, there have been some changes—the Spirit does not inspire further Scripture, for example—but He continues to do His work in the world.

First, the Holy Spirit does many things in the lives of believers. He is the believers’ Helper (John 14:26). He indwells believers and seals them until the day of redemption—this indicates that the Holy Spirit’s presence in the believer is irreversible. He guards and guarantees the salvation of the ones He indwells (Ephesians 1:13; 4:30). The Holy Spirit assists believers in prayer (Jude 1:20) and “intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God” (Romans 8:26–27).

The Holy Spirit regenerates and renews the believer (Titus 3:5). At the moment of salvation, the Spirit baptizes the believer into the Body of Christ (Romans 6:3). Believers receive the new birth by the power of the Spirit (John 3:5–8). The Spirit comforts believers with fellowship and joy as they go through a hostile world (1 Thessalonians 1:6; 2 Corinthians 13:14). The Spirit, in His mighty power, fills believers with “all joy and peace” as they trust the Lord, causing believers to “overflow with hope” (Romans 15:13).

Sanctification is another work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer. The Spirit sets Himself against the desires of the flesh and leads the believer into righteousness (Galatians 5:16–18). The works of the flesh become less evident, and the fruit of the Spirit becomes more evident (Galatians 5:19–26). Believers are commanded to “be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18), which means they are to yield themselves to the Spirit’s full control.

The Holy Spirit is also a gift-giver. “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them” (1 Corinthians 12:4). The spiritual gifts that believers possess are given by the Holy Spirit as He determines in His wisdom (verse 11)

The Holy Spirit also does work among unbelievers. Jesus promised that He would send the Holy Spirit to “convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:8, ESV). The Spirit testifies of Christ (John 15:26), pointing people to the Lord. Currently, the Holy Spirit is also restraining sin and combatting “the secret power of lawlessness” in the world. This action keeps the rise of the Antichrist at bay (2 Thessalonians 2:6–10).

The Holy Spirit has one other important role, and that is to give believers wisdom by which we can understand God. “The Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:10–11). Since we have been given the amazing gift of God’s Spirit inside ourselves, we can comprehend the thoughts of God, as revealed in the Scripture. The Spirit helps us understand. This is wisdom from God, rather than wisdom from man. No amount of human knowledge can ever replace the Holy Spirit’s teaching (1 Corinthians 2:12–13).

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

August 10, 2018 By Castimonia

Responding to Relapse: Dealing With the Shame

originally posted at: http://www.careleader.org/responding-relapse-dealing-shame/

August 24, 2016 by Dr. Jeff Forrey

im was introduced earlier this week in Responding to Relapse: A Pastor’s Questions. His wife of eight years, Rachael, had been shocked to discover he’d been regularly viewing Internet porn for about two months. In all their years together, he had seemed like an upright Christian man with strong morals. After Jim had started meeting with their pastor, Paul, he’d stopped viewing Internet porn. So, Rachael and Pastor Paul were surprised and dismayed all over again when they learned Jim had gone to an adult bookstore to purchase pornographic material in print, instead!

Suppose, however, that Jim reports incredible shame over his behavior at this point. Suppose Jim’s experience epitomizes the definition of shame suggested by Ed Welch: Shame is “the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did … You feel exposed and humiliated.”1 What kind of hope is there for someone like Jim?

Shame can facilitate or frustrate sinners’ progress

Although relapses into sinful behavior can provoke a sense of shame in people, depending on the mind-set of a person, the impact of the shame can be very different. Notice from the definition above that shame results from a global self-evaluation by a person. Shame is not a limited assessment of specific behaviors; it is a holistic assessment about one’s overall personhood. The totality of its scope makes it difficult to bear—and to change. However, central to dealing with shame is identifying the standard that was used as the basis for evaluation.

Shame might facilitate spiritual growth

Although shame is not pleasant to experience, it can be a prod for spiritual growth. In the Bible, shame can be a sign of a properly functioning conscience. If the conscience is not functioning properly, people can ignore and violate God’s law with little or no remorse. In these cases, feelings of guilt and shame are dulled or diminished. Jeremiah describes this condition with graphic clarity:

10prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit.

11They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious.

“Peace, peace,” they say, when there is no peace.

12Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct?
No, they have no shame at all;
they do not even know how to blush. (Jer. 8:10b–12a, emphasis added)

In Jeremiah’s situation, what made the priests’ and prophets’ conduct detestable was its deviation from God’s will. They had convinced themselves that their false message of peace was true and acceptable! The priests’ and prophets’ retrained consciences did not register the shame they should have experienced that could have curtailed their false teaching.

Jim’s conscience is registering his sin, and so it would appear that his shame is appropriate. Pastor Paul could capitalize on this and guide Jim further in his spiritual development to move beyond this sin. (See my article Responding to Relapse: A Pastor’s Questions for suggestions on how this could be done.)

Shame might frustrate sinners’ growth

There is another possible direction Jim’s shame might go, however. Suppose Jim returns to his pastor’s office two months after their counseling had helped him regain sexual purity and their conversation runs like this:

“Hi Jim! It’s good to see you. What can I do for you today?”

“Paul, I’m struggling again.”

“Jim, have you gotten back into porn?”

“No, not really. I mean, I do sometimes remember those images, but I haven’t gone looking for new ones. But, I just can’t believe how much I’ve hurt Rachael.”

“Has she brought this up in a recent conversation?”

“No, she hasn’t. But what kind of man must I be to have done this to her? I wasn’t raised to think any of this is acceptable. Five—ten—years ago, I never imagined I’d do this sort of thing.”

In this scenario, Jim feels defiled or stained by his past sin all over again. If left unchecked, this shame will frustrate his spiritual growth. Assuming Pastor Paul had walked him through what the Bible teaches regarding God’s readiness to forgive our sins because of Jesus’ death on the cross, what else can be said to help Jim? Here is a tactic Jim’s pastor might use with him.

Defiling shame is cleansed by the blood of Jesus

Pastor Paul might help Jim see there is a subtle pride at work. Jim always had considered himself above this type of sin. Now that he knows he is not, his image of himself is shattered. This has produced a nagging sense of uncertainty for him. But Jim must learn to rest in Christ’s sufficient sacrifice for his cleansing.2 No one can ask for anything more, because God says nothing more is needed. “For by one sacrifice he [Jesus] has made perfect forever those who are being made holy” (Heb. 10:14; see also Heb. 9:14).

A good illustration of this sufficient cleansing power is found in the Apostle Paul’s experience. Like Jim, Paul—as Saul, the Pharisee—thought of himself in positive terms, which he rehearses in Philippians 3:5–6: “Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.” He expands on his zeal for persecuting the church in Galatians 1:13: “I persecuted the church of God [whom he thought he was serving!] and tried to destroy it.” Then, his encounter with the risen Christ forced him to see how wrong and self-deceived he was.

Later in his life he recounted again what he had been like as a non-Christian, yet in even more unflattering terms: “I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man” (1 Tim. 1:13). Recognizing this, Paul was overwhelmed with how God blessed him through Jesus (see v. 14). Here is the bottom line for Jim: “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.3 But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life” (vv. 15–16 ESV, emphasis added).

Jim can be reminded that if the Apostle Paul could be cleansed and be used by God as he was, then Jim has no reason to view himself any differently. In fact, Jim should find himself echoing the exuberant praise of the Apostle: “Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen” (v. 17). His Lord deserves nothing less, because Jim deserved nothing more.4

Dr. Jeff Forrey
Senior Writer/Content Developer

An expert in the field of biblical counseling and education, Jeff contributes regularly to CareLeader. With his knowledge of theology and his skill as a writer, he brings valuable contributions to the Church Initiative editorial team.

Jeff has been a counselor and trainer for the Center for Biblical Counseling & Education (St. Louis, MO) and Biblical Counseling Center (Arlington Heights, IL). He has taught biblical counseling for Evangelical Theological College, Trinity College of the Bible & Theological Seminary, Westminster Theological Seminary, and Reformed Theological Seminary.

Jeff is a graduate of Delaware Valley College (BA, biology), Westminster Theological Seminary (MAR, counseling/theology), the University of Alabama (MSPH, health behavior), and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (PhD, educational studies).

Footnotes:
  1. Edward T. Welch, Shame Interrupted (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012), Kindle edition, chap.
  2. Our redemption can be described by different terms because of its varied effects on us. If Pastor Paul emphasized the element of “forgiveness” (a legal term) in the past, then Jim might benefit from thinking about another element, “cleansing,” which is especially pertinent for dealing with shame, which is readily described as “feeling dirty or defiled.”
  3. Foremost, or the KJV’s chief of sinners, most effectively conveys the idea that Paul saw himself as especially deserving of God’s wrath, not because his sins were any worse than others, but because he led the charge in trying to undo what God was doing through Christ. He was the “foremost” because he was “at the front of the line,” so to speak.
  4. Pastor Paul also could point Jim to the woman at the well in John 4. Or he might point Jim to the one time prostitute, Rahab, mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1. These women’s experiences should reinforce for Jim: “Where sin increased”—even sexual sin, even Jim’s sexual sin—“God’s grace increased all the more” (Rom. 5:20).

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, relapse, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, shame, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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