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Jesus Christ

October 26, 2013 By Castimonia

My World Just Fell Apart: Now What?

originally posted: http://porntopurity.com/blog/2013/05/08/my-world-just-fell-apart-now-what/

You just found out your husband has been living a secret life.  Whether it was Internet pornography, fantasy, strip clubs or prostitution, maybe even an affair…the truth is out.  Life as you knew it has been turned upside and you are paralyzed with fear.  Where do you even begin?

These are the things I wish someone would have said to me in the first few weeks to follow:

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  This is unlike any pain you’ve ever known. The consequences of your husband’s sin has ensnared you as well.  It isn’t fair.  You did not deserve this.  It is not your fault.

God has not abandoned you or your husband.  He knew this day would come.  He has actually made provisions to care for you in very specific ways during this season of your marriage.  Seek Him hourly.  Write down verses that speak of his loving kindness towards you.  Trust His promises.  Don’t stop praying.  Don’t push Him away for letting this happen to you.  Looking back, I believe Jeff getting caught was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage.  It was a necessary event so repentance and true healing could began. I’d much rather live in a painful reality where hope exists than in a blissful lie.

You need to share your pain with someone.  Our society and our church has made sexual sin a secret sin, which only makes it more destructive.  Find a Christian woman that you can be real with.  Let her pray with you and share Scripture with you.  Let the Body of Christ minister to you.  Some people do not know how to respond to a revelation like this – they may not know what to say.  They may not be able to deal with it and their silence will be painful for you.  Prayerfully, find someone else that you can confide in. Ask them to check on you daily.  When your world is broken, the loneliness is unbelievable but the truth is a Christian is never alone.  The Holy Spirit it always there to minister to your heart.  And a Christian friend is like the shoulder of Christ.

Don’t share your story with everyone.  Don’t use this as an opportunity to show the world how sick your husband is.  Don’t punish him by pointing out his sin to others.  Don’t set yourself up as the victim.  It’s not that you don’t deserve comfort. You do, but not at the expense of your husband.  Be very careful with your righteous anger.   In reality, his sin is no different than yours.  Prayerfully determine who you should share your story with.  What is your motivation to share?  If it is to publicize his sin, stop.  Let God handle the consequences of his sin. That is His territory.  Your job is to focus on the healing power of God in your own heart.

Your marriage can survive this.  Others have.  Mine has.  It may help to read books from those who have been on a similar journey.  I was really comforted when I realized that others had felt similar feelings of abandonment and hopelessness.  I was encouraged by what they had learned from the Lord.  In some ways, I feel that reading their story motivated me along the path of grieving rather than staying stuck in that pit of hopelessness.

Seek Christian counseling.  Find a Christian counselor who specializes in sex addiction or intimacy issues.  It may be expensive, but the insight you will receive from a counselor knowledgeable in this area will be priceless.  We struggled whether we couldn’t afford our Christian counselor, but in the end, I didn’t think we could afford not to go.  I was determined to address our issues head on.  Our entire marriage was hanging in the balance.

If Christian counseling is not an option, find out what resources are available to you?  Do any churches in your area have a Celebrate Recover y group or sexual addiction ministry?  Find out what they have available for the spouses.

Don’t blame yourself.  I can’t speak from experience here, because unlike most wives, I didn’t blame myself at all.  I didn’t feel guilty or unattractive.  I was just mad.  And then I felt sad for my husband, my self, others who were in bondage in secret.   But I understand that many women, most women,  feel devastated to know their husband was “cheating on them” whether it be physically or emotionally.  Be assured, this has much more to do with your husband and how he views himself than it has to do with how he views you.

Don’t make any major decisions or changes.  You are on an emotional roller coaster and just getting through a day may seem a chore.  Do not try to make any major decisions regarding your marriage, your future, or your home during this tender time.  Because we were in ministry, our denominational  leaders pressured my husband to leave the area.  In hind sight, the additional drama of selling a home and relocating to another area was not in our family’s best interest at the time.   The priority should be on allowing Jesus to do some major spiritual surgery so he can begin to heal your wounds and your marriage.  Everything else is secondary.

Above all, just take it one step at a time, knowing the Lord walks with you all the way.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, trauma

September 24, 2013 By Castimonia

Finding Light in the Darkness of Pornography Addiction

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/141091137/the-heart-of-the-matter-a-documentary-feature-film

Finding light in the darkness of pornography addiction

We are back online again to raise funds for our film! Hopefully, many of you seeing this new campaign are our fans and strong supporters who’ve been rooting for us to get this film made for many months. And we pray that there are many more of you who are discovering (and donating) to our project for the first time.

Watch this additional video from behind the scenes on our first shoot to get a glimpse of why so many amazing people volunteered to be a part of the film.

We began work on this film in January of 2012, under the name Shamed. Here is a link to that original Kickstarter campaign so you can see where we started.

With the funds raised there, we started production by shooting 24 awesome, beautiful, and powerful interviews (which you can see a glimpse of in our teaser video above).

Now, we want to clarify the full budget of this film has always been $200K+. Understand there was no miss management of funds resulting in the request for more funds. We’ve always had a vision to create a film that will be the most engaging visually for viewers, and that takes a certain amount of spending!

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts, Videos Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, castimonia, christian, escorts, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity

September 11, 2013 By Castimonia

God Bless America

911

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, castimonia, christian, escorts, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Sex, sex partners, sexual purity

September 9, 2013 By Castimonia

RFK’s Sex Diary: His Secret Journal of Affairs

It is truly sad when a man tries to “do it himself” when there are a variety of sexual purity recovery programs are available.  One can’t just pray this away and do it on your own, as evident in Robert’s life.  I hope he gets into therapy and a recovery program before he sinks further down the scale of sexual impurity.  I don’t know Mary Richardson Kennedy’s background, but it is my opinion that Robert’s addiction drove his wife into alcoholism, depression, and finally suicide.  I have copied the entire article from the original NY Post site so in order to remove any triggering ads/articles associated with this topic.  – Take what you like and leave the rest.

By Isabel Vincent and Melissa Klein
September 8, 2013 | 3:40am

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s journal is full of mistresses and Catholic guilt. On Monday, the Post also exclusively revealed RFK’s secret slams against Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Governor Cuomo.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. grappled with what he called his biggest defect — “my lust demons” — while keeping a scorecard of more than two dozen conquests, according to his secret diary.

The thick, red journal was found in their home by his wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy, who, distraught over their impending divorce and Kennedy’s serial philandering, committed suicide last year.

090513TBDiary16TB
RFK’s dirty diary

A copy of the 398 pages, reviewed by The Post, details RFK Jr.’s daily activities, speeches, political activism and the lives of his six children in the year 2001. But they also record the names of women — with numbers from 1 to 10 next to each entry.

The codes corresponded to sexual acts, with 10 meaning intercourse, Mary told a confidant. There are 37 women named in the ledger, 16 of whom get 10s.

On Nov. 13, 2001, RFK Jr. records a triple play. The separate encounters — coded 10, 3 and 2 — occur the same day he attended a black-tie fund-raiser at the Waldorf-Astoria for Christopher Reeve’s charity, where he sat next to the paralyzed “Superman” star, magician David Blaine and comic Richard Belzer.

It was a hectic month for Kennedy, who traveled to ­Toronto, Louisiana and Washington, DC — and listed at least one woman’s name on 22 different dates, including 13 consecutive days.

Most women are identified only by first name in the ledger. They include a lawyer, an environmental activist, a doctor and at least one woman married to a famous actor.

A Post reporter who questioned Kennedy Friday about the diary was first met with six seconds of stunned silence.

“I don’t think there is any way you could have a diary or journal of mine from 2001,” Kennedy then said. “I don’t have any comment on it. I have no diary from 2001.”

The diary is laced with Kennedy’s Catholic guilt over his infidelities, which follow the same pattern of affairs pursued by his uncles, John F. Kennedy and Ted Kennedy, as well as his own father.

Victory!
Victory!

On days without a woman’s name, Kennedy would often write “victory.” This meant he’d triumphantly resisted sexual temptation, according to a source close to Richardson.

“Despite the terrible things happening in the world, my life is . . . great,” he wrote on Nov. 5, 2001. “So I’ve been looking for ways to screw it up. I’m like Adam and live in Eden, and I can have everything but the fruit. But the fruit is all I want.”

The 59-year-old son of the assassinated US senator was so tortured by his desire that spending a month in jail in Puerto Rico was a welcome respite.

“I’m so content here,” he writes during his July 2001 incarceration for taking part in protests of the US Navy’s bombing exercises in Vieques. “I have to say it. There’s no women. I’m happy! Everybody here seems happy. It’s not ­misogyny. It’s the opposite! I love them too much.”

Yet Kennedy adds, “I love my wife and I tell it to her every day, and I never tire of it and write her tender letters.”

Nine years later, Kennedy and his wife separated when he filed for divorce. And on May 16, 2012, Richardson, 52, committed suicide by hanging herself in an outbuilding on the couple’s Bedford ­estate.

Kennedy’s cheating had become a huge issue in the marriage.

Richardson told a friend that her husband noted the names of his romantic conquests on pages in the back of his journal under the preprinted heading “cash accounts.”

The journal begins with word that Richardson is pregnant with the couple’s fourth child.

The couple had known each other since Richardson was 14 and a boarding-school roommate of Kennedy’s younger sister, Kerry. They married in 1994, weeks after Kennedy divorced his first wife, Emily Black, with whom he had two children.

Richardson was pregnant with their first child, Conor, when they married. They moved into the 1920 clapboard house in Westchester County.

090513TBDiary9TBKennedy, an environmental lawyer and board president of the nonprofit Waterkeeper Alliance, spent much of his time traveling to give speeches, according to his diary.

He had recently been weighing a possible Senate run for New York, before Hillary Rodham Clinton stepped into the race. Richardson stayed home with the children.

The beautiful brunette struggled with depression and alcoholism. Her husband described her at her funeral as “fighting demons.”

The couple was not yet divorced when she died and were bitterly arguing over issues involving custody and finances. Kennedy had temporary custody of the four children and was dating actress Cheryl Hines.

A sealed document in which Kennedy portrayed his wife as an abusive alcoholic who beat him up and threatened suicide in front of the children was leaked to the press.

Kennedy said in the affidavit that by 2001 he had “lost hope” in his marriage and was “committing numerous infidelities to keep my sanity,” according to a published report.

Mary Richardson Kennedy committed suicide in 2012.
Mary Richardson Kennedy committed suicide in 2012.

But his journal paints a different picture. He barely mentions his wife’s emotional problems, making just a passing reference to her struggles with depression.

When he is jailed in Puerto Rico, he writes on July 8 that “I finally spoke to my wonderful wife and that was a joy. She is very strong and cheerful.”

The couple’s son, Aiden, was born just days later. He writes: “I’m so proud of my Mary. She has become the woman I fell in love with — through hard work. She has overcome her fears, enshrined her faith, abandoned self-pity and blame and immersed herself in gratitude and God gave her a baby . . . a beautiful and serene and happy soul. I am so happy. I couldn’t be happier or more grateful for the life and the wife God has given me.”

He also found time to muse on his own weakness.

“After daddy died I struggled to be a grown-up . . . I felt he was watching me from heaven. Every time I was afflicted with sexual thoughts, I felt a failure. I hated myself. I began to lie — to make up a character who was the hero and leader that I wished I was,” he writes on July 25.

Kennedy writes near the end of his jail sentence that he has a “three-point plan” for “fixing my greatest defect . . . my lust demons.” He doesn’t write down the plan, leaving the subsequent days of the diary blank.

An entry five days later reads “Drove to Cape with Mary and all the kids.” By mid-August, he again records women’s names in the back of his journal.

Robert Kennedy Jr.’s diary sheds light on his infidelities.
Robert Kennedy Jr.’s diary sheds light on his infidelities.

Kennedy holds back on any detailed description of his conquests and bizarrely portrays himself as a kind of victim. He uses the word “mugged” as shorthand for being seduced.

“I narrowly escaped being mugged by a double team of [two women]. It was tempting but I prayed and God gave me the strength to say no,” he writes on Feb. 6. A few days later, on Valentine’s Day, he gives his pregnant wife orchids, he notes.

On May 21, he writes about hosting dinner for Leonardo DiCaprio, driving the actor to the city and then meeting someone else in Manhattan. He notes he “got mugged on my way home,” recording a 10 with the name of a woman next to it.

“I’ve got to do better,” he adds.

In another entry, he tells himself to “avoid the company of women. You have not the strength to resist their charms” and to “be humble like a monk. Keep your hands to yourself. Avert your eyes.”

In summer 2001, Kennedy writes that “I have been given everything that I coveted — a beautiful wife and kids and loving family, wealth, education, good health and a job I love yet always on the lookout for something I can’t have. I want it all,” he writes. “No matter how much I have — I want more.”

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, castimonia, christian, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, Kennedy, lust, masturbation, porn, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitutes, ptsd, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, trauma

September 3, 2013 By Castimonia

CORRECTION – Saturday Morning Meeting Location Change

I copied the wrong time in the previous announcement!  It should be 10AM not the previously written 7PM!


SATURDAY, September 7th – MEETING LOCATION CHANGE:

This change will only affect the Saturday, September 7th meeting.  It will return to it’s usual location on Saturday, September 14th.

Time: 10:00AM – 11:30AM
Location:
Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church
Mansion, Room 301
2655 South Mason Road
Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: Affairs, castimonia, christian, healing, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, pornography, pornstars, prostitutes, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sexual purity

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Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit organization


This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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