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Former Porn Star J**** S*****s’ Story

The next few posts on Castimonia.org will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry.  I urge everyone who reads this NOT to go searching on the internet for more information on these women as it would most likely bring up old ponographic content and constitute acting out.  Be satisfied about what you read here and praise God for delivering these women from the bondage of the pornography industry.  At the suggestion from sex addiction recovery experts, I have removed the name (both real and actress) of the female mentioned in this post as to not trigger recovering sex addicts into “searching” for “more information” about her which could lead to them sexually acting out with pornography.

Former Porn Star J**** S******s’ Story
by S****** L*****| Sat, 12/31/2011 – 4:38pm

Former porn star M**** aka J**** S****** shares her powerful story how she escaped porn. She also speaks candidly about the illegal drugs, STDs and horrific work conditions in porn. M**** was active in the porn industry from 2005-2010.

My young life was chaotic. I had an alcoholic mother and no father around. I was sexually abused for the first time at 4 years old. It continued until I was nine when the man that had been abusing me finally moved away.

At 11 years old I got myself up and got a ride to church every Sunday, I even went through classes and got baptized!

Unfortunately I strayed from the church and lost my virginity at 12 to my first boyfriend who was 3 years older than me. I soon became pregnant and had my first abortion. It was heartbreaking and I feel guilty to this day for it.

My teen years weren’t much better. I was a good student but rarely went to school I moved out for the first time at 15 with my boyfriend who was 11 years older than me. Then moved back home until my mom decided she was moving to Reno to be with family and she didn’t want to bring me with her!

I continued to move from guy to guy to try and find love and to feel complete when God was waiting for me all along, I just didn’t realize it yet.

At 17 I was hard into cocaine, and meth. I planned on either stripping or doing porn. To me it made sense. I hated myself so much and felt like such a reject that I really didn’t care what the consequences of my actions were. I woke up every day wanting to die.

So I found an ad in one of the local papers to be in a porn movie and I went and did it. I felt dirty, totally hollow, like my soul had just been sucked out of me, but I had so many people telling me how pretty I was and that I would make it big if I moved down to California, they even set me up with an agent! I finally felt like I was someone, like I was valuable even if I had to do something that made me feel so empty and sad (which I had been doing most of my life anyway).

I did around 60 films in the time I was in porn and managed to get herpes and had gonorrhea or chlamydia countless times. My agent that was so close to me and I truly felt like we were friends kicked me out of the agency house when I found out I had herpes.

I did gonzo porn to start out and it was the most degrading, embarrassing, horrible thing ever! I had to shoot an interactive DVD which takes hours and hours of shooting time with a 104 degree fever! I was crying and wanted to leave but my agent wouldn’t let me he said he couldn’t let me flake on it.

I also did a scene where I was put with male talentthat was on my no list. I wanted to please them so I did it. He put his foot on my head and stepped on it [triggering language removed]. I freaked out and started balling; they stopped filming and sent me home with reduced pay since they got some shot but not the whole scene.

People in the business are so fake. Like a certain man (I won’t mention his name but I really want to keep other women away from him) signed a contract to build a website for me and I would see a certain amount of the profit. I have not gotten a cent from him to this day.

So I was homeless living in a shoot house with a few porn stars, for a little bit until I found yet another man to move in with. One of the people I lived with is dead according to S******’s dead porn star list.

I just want young girls to know it’s not a glamorous life. its gross, dirty, everyone has diseases and do not care who they give them to, agents will screw you over, friends will turn their backs on you, it’s all about the money no one cares if you are hurt, a complete junkie, anorexic, on the verge of suicide, or highly depressed, as long as you can still make them money, but the second you get herpes or hurt its like they never knew you in the first place.

And don’t forget the DVDs will stay out there for years after you quit. There will be stuff on the internet, people will know who you are when you start a normal job and they will judge you on it.

God saved me in a miraculous way. It happened one night when I was up at my apartment in Oregon (I lived in the agency house for 2-3 weeks and took a week off and flew back to Oregon every month).

My best friend and partner in crime at the time were trying to get our hands on some cocaine. We were bored and wanted to party. We kept calling and texting everyone we knew. No one had any.

Then finally after hours of trying to get some a friend called me and said he had some. While he was talking to me we had already gotten in the car and were speeding to his house which was about 45 minutes away from where we were at.

So we got there and went up to the door, he let us in. There were a few other people there I didn’t know. He informed us that he in fact did not have the eight ball he had promised, but he had mesculine instead. At this point in my life (I was 19) I had never tried hallucinogens knowingly (I had gotten laced weed a couple times). I was pissed and I let him know it, but he said he would give us a discount on the mesculine and it was really fun.

My friend and I were both finding to numb ourselves so we decided to do it. He took out a couple cookies and took out a dropper of liquid he gave my friend (who weighed much more than I) two drops, she ate it. Then he did 6 drops on mine and I was fine with that I figured I had such a tolerance for other drugs this would be just the same.

We drove back home, neither of us felt anything. I called him up and bitched him out; he swore we would feel something soon. Well my friend got bored and said she wanted to go out so she started getting ready. If I didn’t have drugs in my system I would go nowhere I was kind of like a hermit when I wasn’t high.

Then all of the sudden the blinds to my patio started to move, and I thought oh no it’s starting… My friend left with her boyfriend. I was stuck on the couch watching the blinds. Then a few minutes after she left my fingers started to go numb, then my hands, then my arms… before I knew it I was scrambling trying to make a phone call to someone who could help me.

I thought I was finally going to get my wish, I thought I was going to die. I soon realized I didn’t want to die, I wanted to live and the only way to do that was to call someone for help. I was too afraid to call 911. I called my boyfriend. He got mad that I had taken mesculine and hung up, and then I called my god mother who lived close by. She came and got me I guess (I don’t remember anything after the phone call to her).

She took me to her house and laid me on the couch. She said I was pretty much unresponsive, the only way she knew I wasn’t dead was the fact I was still breathing and I could squeeze her hand after she squeezed mine.

What was going on in my head during this time was wonderful and horrible at the same time.

I heard this voice that I learn in my hallucinogen induced coma to be God. God was asking me simple questions like when was the last time I ate? My answer: Days, I finally realized I was starving.

God asked when the last time I slept was? My answer: days. I realized I was exhausted. God gave me a seat to sit down.

Then the demons came. God told me to keep looking at him and ignore them. I kept my eyes glued to the shining light that surrounded the most beautiful loving eyes.

When I looked in them I felt the most love I have ever felt, I felt totally submerged in love and happiness, but I couldn’t help but to feel and see the most horrid looking monsters I had ever seen ripping my flesh and scratching my limbs out of the corner of my eyes, along with the most horrible noises I have ever heard in my life! I tried my hardest to keep focused on God and ignore these demons that were tearing me apart.

God gave me rules to live by. He told me I had to eat; I could no longer starve myself. God told me to quit drugs. And he let me know all the music I listened to and people I idolized was all fake. I didn’t need to try and live the life that I saw on TV. I needed to be who He intended me to be.

God let me know he wanted me to go to school, and he wanted me to write. There are certain things in my hallucination he told me that I was told never to repeat, but they were wise words of wisdom.

Then God said he had to let me go and I couldn’t come with him yet. I felt the most sadness I have ever felt, and that’s saying a lot seeing as how I have been clinically depressed for most of my life! I said okay and I felt myself being sucked down, it was almost like falling.

I woke up. I was in my Godmothers bed, my body was sore and my ears were hurting and ringing from all the terrible noises I had been subjected to. Everything around me looked so dull and colorless, nothing looked like it used to. I thought the world had ended, and in a way my old world had ended at this point.

My god mother took me back to my apartment. My friend was there with her boyfriend. They asked me where I had been. I told them I was at my godmothers casually, afraid to tell them about this scary yet incredible hallucination I had just endured.

Silly me I took off back to California. I figured what I had seen was nothing, although the thought of God telling me my purpose and telling me what I was doing was wrong stuck with me.

Soon after going back I found out I had herpes and got thrown out of my agencies house like trash. They even stole my clothes, and bedroom set. Anything I didn’t take with me that day in my friend’s car was not there when I returned.

I felt like God was trying to show me this wasn’t the way, but I still ignored him. I moved into a shoot house with a few people. Well we didn’t really move in we just stayed there without real permission from the two men that rented it, but they were nice enough to let us stay as long as we acted as extras and “acted” in movies for them.

There were drugs everywhere in this house, actually one of the guys that rented the house died of an overdose (God bless his soul.) I numbed myself with drugs and alcohol daily. I didn’t leave the house. I just stayed there and got sloshed, I was totally ignoring that voice that told me what I was doing was wrong.

Until one night a man stopped by and for some reason when we were alone and hanging out I told him about what happened to me and that God had told me what I was doing was wrong and I was tired and wanted out.

The next day I moved to Hollywood with him. It was nice. His apartment was quiet. I knew I could get off drugs living with him, seeing as how he didn’t drink or do drugs and worked out every day.

When I got my strength back I started working out with him every day, and I would go to the pool on the roof, tan and read the bible.

Psalms 1:1-3 became my favorite scripture to read.

1. Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the wicked, Nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of scoffers: 2. But his delight is in the law of Jehovah; And on his law doth he meditate day and night. 3. And he shall be like a tree planted by the streams of water, That bringeth forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also doth not wither; And whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. 

I began to pray and read scripture all of the time. The man I was living with did help me sober up but he wanted me to continue to shoot porn movies (He was a camera guy for a producer who is now dead as well, God bless his soul).

I left him and moved in with a barista from Starbucks. He was renting a room and I had my whole life (or what was left of it that the agency girls didn’t steal) in my car. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I started going to church every Sunday and I would cry through every sermon. I felt I had betrayed God and there’s no way he could ever forgive me, but soon I realized he had I just needed to forgive myself.

I moved back to Oregon as soon as I could and started my recovery. It was very difficult with no money and a messed up head from years of using cocaine and meth, but I managed to do it. I started to see a counselor, I continued to read scripture and pray.
The last few years have been focused on my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical recovery. I still am damaged and traumatized from what I put myself through and others put me through in the Adult Industry.

I now have a fiancé, a wonderful little boy, I have graduated school to become an esthetician, and I am still praying and reading scripture. Recently I have not been attending church.

I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia recently and it has hindered my life quite a bit, but I am thankful to God for giving me a doctor who knew enough about my condition to diagnose me and refer me to the Frida center which is a whole practice just focused on fibromyalgia! I pray they can help me with my condition so I can be up and moving and not in so much pain. I ask others to please pray for help with my condition. Prayer is very powerful and I believe it will aid in getting control over my illness.

M**** writes to S******:

I found your site awhile ago and just reading your story and others storys really helped me to stay strong. Thank you for helping me to get my story out there just as God willed me to do!
Thank you,
M****

S******: Please pray for Megan to be completely healed from fibromyalgia and that the LORD would bless her marriage and family and open doors for her to use her writing gift to bless millions. If you would like to send a message to M****, please email it to info@thepinkcross.org and we will forward it for you.

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I Cannot Live Without Her

I Cannot Live Without Her
November 4, 2012
Originally posted by a partner of a sex addict

When I first met her, it was love at first sight.  She was perfect. She is perfect. She has beautiful green eyes,  smooth skin as silky as sateen, her body is as natural as the sun. Sometimes, she awakes me with sexy red hair, slightly covering her breasts.  She always wears a smile, her eyes looking directly at mine, teasing me, kneeling on her knees, holding another man’s genitals, whispering that she would do the same – to me. I dream of her, my eyes closed, my hands on myself, the earth moves rhythmically  like a wave until it shakes. It feels good. Very good.

I cannot live without her.

I find myself thinking of her every moment of forever, and I cannot have enough of her. Her presence hypnotizes me at the office. I imagine her coming in for an interview. A white button down with only a slight trace of a nude bra. A black pencil skirt leaving the rest to imagination. A pair of blue eyes with straight black hair as fair as a mane. “Sir,” she said, “I need this job and I am willing to do anything for it” – with a playful display of seduction and a juxtaposition tone of innocence. “Tell me about yourself,” I asked, slowly unbuttoning her shirt while showing her power over me by pressing my hips against hers.

I cannot live without her.

In the evening, she makes me wild. Willing to please and open-minded, she allows me to experiment with anything I could possibly imagine, and it is this sense of freedom without any judgment that I adore.  Sometimes, she shows up at my home fully clothed, throwing pieces of her clothing on the floor like a carefree boy, tearing me apart as if I were her worst enemy. Then, we have sex, like a machine. Sometimes, she shows up at the hotel in only a robe, showers with soapy foam like the movies, thirsts for me as if I were the sweetest in the world – even if she is tied up in ropes like an injured worm.

I cannot live without her.

She is my best friend, my comforter, my everything.  She is always there, whether I am single or in a relationship, whether I am happy or in pain, whether I have a webcam or not. She always looks at me with those eyes, those kind, accepting eyes from where I find respect, adoration and love, those tender yet powerful eyes that take me to a place of warmth, where all pain goes away, where nothing matters – except she and I and happily ever after.

I cannot live without her.

Soon, nothing else matters, all I want is her.  She is everything I have ever wanted.  I don’t understand why others can’t see things my way.  She is perfect in every way, she satisfies all of my needs, yet my friends, my family don’t understand, they detach from me causing me great pain and feelings of abandonment.  But she is there, she will not abandon me, will she?

I cannot live without her.

In time, other than her, I am alone.  I don’t have time for work, I don’t have time for family, I don’t have time for friends.  All I have time for is her inside the vacuum we have created.  Her beautiful blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes mesmerize me, I cannot look away, she is everything to me.  Nobody understands, if they did, they would not have distanced themselves from me.

I cannot live without her.

I have lost my job, my income, my family, my friends, but I haven’t lost her.  She is still with me, she loves me, she wants me, she needs me.  I lust after her more and more.  I see less and less of her, but I can always close my eyes and imagine the dark black hair, soft brown eyes, and soft white skin.  She looks at me and I melt.  I must see her, I have to see her, and I will see her.  Maybe I can see her at someone else’s place?  Maybe I can sneak in, just to meet her.  Maybe I can just break into that house, she is there, waiting.  After all, our love is worth the crime is it not?  Our love is worth even murdering those that stand in our way!

I cannot live without her.

And now I sit alone, in this cell, like an animal.  It was an accident, I didn’t mean to kill the owner of the house, I only wanted to see my love.  What happened to me?  What happened to her?  She is gone, I cannot not find her, it has been years since I saw her.  I am so alone, I feel like dying.  The promises she spoke to me were all empty, they meant nothing.  I gave up everything for her, my wife, my children, my friends, my job, my health, my sanity and there is nothing left of me than an empty shell.  She is not there like she promised she would be, she is not taking the pain away any longer.

God, I need help….

I read this post (later modified by me) originally posted by a former partner of a sex addict who was consumed with pornography and sexually acting out that he destroyed the relationship; she finally left him.  This is an example of the denial that all sex addicts experience in their addiction and how they see pornography or pornstars, even at a subconscious level.  To them, pornography is a great fantasy to where they can escape – the actress, their wife, girlfriend, partner who falsely promises to satisfy all of their needs and protect them from the pain and hurts of life.  An “security blanket” which is wrapped around their necks, slowly strangling them until they die.

The next few posts on Castimonia will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry. 

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Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – 7/13: Silent is Never Golden When it Comes to Sexual Addiction

In this Saturday’s meeting we were blessed to hear the letter written below by Keith to his now deceased younger brother. I warn group members to be mindful of heir emotions and any emotional triggers they may experience after reading this letter.

By Keith D.

This is hard to write given the circumstances.  However, I need to write if only for myself.  I hope others who are struggling with sexual addiction and who are thinking that taking one’s own life is the only option dealing with sexual addiction.

You were nine years old and in fourth grade and I was a freshman in college when the family moved to Texas.  I don’t remember a lot about you growing up except you riding your plastic snoopy and being in cub scouts as I was busy playing sports and working.

I go to meetings where there is an empty chair in the middle of the room and we talk about “our problem”.  Up until this time, the chair has been nameless and faceless to me.  However, now this particular chair does have a new name and face.  His name is Steve.  He was a father, a brother, and good friend to many.  He had an infectious smile and laugh to go along with it.

Hearing of your death came to me as a total surprise.  I started asking questions like “why” and “how come?”  I knew there were a lot of questions that there were not answers for.  I often wondered over the years if the same terrible things happened to you as a child as they did me, that is, if our neighbor sexually abused you too.  I felt we were never close enough that you would answer me honestly so I did not ask.  From the outcome of your life (i.e. being registered as a sex offender) I can only assume so.

When it comes to sexual addiction, silence is never golden!  This disease thrives in secrecy.  The only way to overcome it is to expose it and take responsibility for one’s actions, to ask God to shed His light in every dark area, and confessing your sins and weaknesses to others so you may be healed!  Pride, shame and condemnation empower this disease and has kept you in shackles for years.  It is only through humility and the Power of Jesus Christ that breaks these chains and sets one free.  For who the Lord has set free is free indeed!  I have found this freedom and wish you were here to tell you about it.

I need to ask for your forgiveness because I was not courageous enough to stand up against evil.  I did not stand up against the evil and sick things our neighbor did to me and what he may have done to you as well.  We lived in a small town and my classmates were already calling a homosexual because of my deep friendship with another male classmate.  That does not excuse my actions.  Please forgive me for being silent.  I wanted to speak up but I just couldn’t muster the courage.

The bible talks a lot about relationships. It says that “friends love at all times, but brothers were born for adversity”.  This scripture has taken on a new meaning for me.  We were born in the same family and born for adversity.  However, we never lived in the potential and relationship that God has called us.

Secondly, it says that a three-strand cord is not easily broken.  We did not have deep conversations about the Lord until just three years ago at our niece’s high school graduation.  It was the first time we talked about things that mattered in life.  And after mom had passed just a few weeks later, it was you that rose up and said not to let our relationships go by the wayside.  I was proud of you for rising up.  That is what I should have been done as an older brother, protecting and looking after my siblings as our parents have passed. 

I also know that no man lives and dies to himself.  That in both your life and death you impacted so many people.  You enjoyed life no matter what the circumstances or so it seemed as it could be seen in your smile and laugh.  If only you could have seen all the people that filled the room and all the tears that were shed.  Although you were divorced, she still called you her husband and buried you wearing your wedding band.

I wish you could have seen how hard your sixteen year old son cried after the funeral.  I cried for him knowing that this was a path you chose.  It is not the only path though however.  I found a Gentle Path and something called “Rigorous Honesty” for people like us that can help us with “our problem” and bring us back to sanity.  I wish you could have heard the anger in your boss when he spoke at your funeral as he was the one who found your limp body hanging in the air.  I have found one the only one who needed to be hung once for all, the one who died for our sins and the one who died to set us free!

There are two paths one with this sickness and disease can take.  One path leads to death, confusion, heartache and a lot of questions.  This path offers a permanent solution to a temporary problem and situation. 

As I looked at your face, I can tell you are finally now at peace.  You are no longer being tormented by the demons of addictions in your life.  However, there is peace along the other path too despite of one’s circumstances.   It is the path where you find Jesus and can share His love and compassion with others who are struggling with the same issues.  He has told us that there will be many trials and tribulations, but we can have peace in spite of our circumstances.  In fact, we can rejoice because those who truly find Him find true peace as He has already won the battle over sin and death.

The other path, although may seem insurmountable and very difficult at times, is a path you take with others.  There may be many tears on this path, but at the end this path leads to life and the crown of life as those who choose this path are over-comers by the word of our testimony and the blood of the Lamb.  I wish you were here for me to tell you of this path.

I do not know why or how we chose the paths we did.  It could have very easily been me lying there in that room.  I do know that it is only by the grace and mercy of God himself that it was not. 

When I attend the meetings from this point on, the empty chair is no longer empty.  I wish that it still was.  However, my voice will no longer be silent.  Forgive me for being silent.  Your death will not be in vain.  Silence is never golden when it comes to sexual addiction!

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Pastoral Moral Failure: All Too Common

Pastoral Moral Failure: All Too Common
By prevailing word ministries
December 2, 2012

Alas, another pastor that love and possibly, worship sex more than loving God and maintaining the sanctity of his call to the ministry.

Like many of us, we ruin ourselves in secret before we are exposed. In a chapter in my book called Secret Sexual Sins, there is a chapter called, “Come Clean. Or Be Exposed!” This is what the Lord said to me before I repented.

There are many pastors that live secret lives. Let me reiterate a statistic. There are over 300,000 churches in the United States. 50% of pastors struggle with porn. That means 150,000 churches have pastors that are living in Secret Sexual Sins.

I was one of those pastors until December, 2008.

My friend, Pastor DL Foster posted about another pastor falling (courtesy of Charisma.com) because of Secret Sexual Sins.

You can read the article by clicking this link.

http://www.charismanews.com/us/34772-pastor-isaac-hunter-admits-to-adultery-with-former-stafferavailable

A few of us pastors agree. It is now a regular occurrence. It’s been 4 years since the Lord delivered me from porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation.

Why do I mention this?

Few articles really get to the nitty gritty of a pastor’s Secret Sexual Sins. Many of you are so stunned when you read of a married pastor, with children, committing adultery, but rarely do we discover the fuel of adultery. Rightfully so, Pastor Foster points out that the root cause is the undisciplined pastor’s heart, also known as the fruit of the Spirit, called “self control,” as the root cause of moral failure.

What goes undetected is the Secret Sexual Sins occurring in the life of a pastor. The discovery of adultery is just the exposure of a deeper problem that rarely is discussed.

Porn and masturbation in the life of a pastor.

The other two things that is not noted is the sexual immoral woman that the book of Proverbs speaks of, and the wife, and kids affected by this momentary laps of judgment.

We are to avoid the sexually immoral women like the plague. Now, not every woman is sexually immoral, but there are predator pastors that take advantage of emotionally unstable women in church.

Then again, there are women that strategically, and deliberately intend to use their femininity to secure the love of a pastor. Not to mention that there are Jezebels on assignment to sexually sacrifice their body for church power.

In Dr. Betty Price’s book “A Warning To Ministers, Their Wives, and Their Mistresses,” she warned of the constant battle in the local church of pastors seeking illicit sex from women in and outside the church. In her book, she pointed out that there are many women that intentionally hunt down pastors. Sitting in the front row to intentionally get the pastor’s attention, sexually, in no uncertain terms, is one of the main ploys of sexually immoral women. In one instance, Dr. Betty Price told of a story of a woman that went right into Dr. Fred Price’s office on pretense of receiving pastoral counseling, and straight up solicited him for sex. Because of Dr. Fred Price’s spiritual discipline, being strong in spirit, he resisted her temptations.

That’s why as a rule for me, I never counsel women, and I never counsel women alone. I’d rather lose them to another church and pastor than to risk any appearance of evil. Suit yourselves but I refuse to counsel women alone. Brothers, you are not that strong and you should never fool yourself.

Dr. Betty Price shared that those that successfully engage a weak willed pastor, were mesmerized by the “anointing” on a pastor’s life and Dr. Betty Price indicates that this is the one thing that attracts women to a pastor. After these women have sex with a single or married pastor that one time, that mesmerization departs.

They are no longer infatuated with that anointed man of God.

But as with all women, connection and then to disconnect, unless you are a harlot, is not that easy. Dr. Betty Price counseled several women, caught in the web of sexual sins to leave that preacher. And they do not. Churches are left with a house of harlots with the pastor as the head pimp.

In the book, “Betrayal Of Trust,” the introduction in the book speaks of a Brooklyn, NY pastor in Brooklyn Heights, in the late 1890′s was accused of adultery. The woman lost her husband and it’s been a she said he said kind of issue. After accusations when flying, and a church meeting, the church sided in with the pastor that nothing went on. They swept the issue under the rug. And this is the long standing policy of churches. That when someone is verifiably caught or if there is a hint of sexual immorality, the issue is swept under the rug. The pastor remains in the pulpit and everything is “hunky-dory.”

Getting back to the book, one of the most outstanding observations is that pastors that are caught in the act of adultery are either predators or wanderers.

A predator is one that sexually hunts for one woman after another. No different than a serial rapist. Then the wanderer is one that strays from his wife for a one night stand. But even as a wanderer, solicitation of multiple prostitutes is part of a wanderer until it enters sexual addiction level three where the criminal element heightens the orgasmic experience. That criminal element involves being a serial rapist to child porn, to child homosexuality.

But few look behind the scene and discover a pastor’s secret life of porn and masturbation.

In the above story by Charisma, it may be possible that Pastor Hunter may not have been involved in porn and masturbation. We do not have the facts regarding this. But we know that in most cases, acting out has a starting point. And it usually is porn and masturbation.

The Lord Jesus reveals Secret Sexual Sins when a man looks at a women to lust after her, that he committed adultery with her in his heart (see Matthew 5:27-28).

In Dr. Patrick Carnes’ cycle of addiction, it all begins with “thoughts or fantasies.”  Then it goes to ritual. Then it goes to “acting out.” Then it goes to “remorse.”

I mentioned this because the top of sexual addiction begins with thoughts and fantasies. I will point out that not every one is sexually addicted.

Sexual addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop yourself from sex or masturbation.

When you cannot stop looking at a woman sexually, it is lust and it is adultery. Job 31:1 says, “I have made covenant with my eyes, why would I look on a handmaiden?”

When a man cannot stop looking lustfully at a woman, this is where the core or root problem is (see James 1:14-15). The lack of discipline in this regard is 100% behind pastoral moral failure. It is indicative of a lack of intimacy in prayer with God. The late Dr. Ed Cole, the father of the modern day men’s movement with the Christian Men’s Network, said, “Prayer produces intimacy with God.”

E. M. Bounds said, “A prayerless pulpit begets a prayerless pew.”

Preachers can act out ministerial at the drop of a hat. You can’t fool your way through prayer.

It’s the same with singing for God, or being a music minister for God, or being a church secretary for a pastor.

He is not the first and he certainly won’t be the last. With immorality overrunning the church where the demonic LGBT agenda is being swallowed whole by sinning pastors, helping to cause the church to renounce the righteousness of God, the more pastors fail the standard, the argument from the world holds a form of truth.

We are hypocrites.

Finally, the wife and kids affected by the adulterous pastor. It is clear that betrayal on this level has brought embarrassment and confusion to his family. The wife in the moment loses her self esteem, dignity, and honor. It will take time to ask God for grace to get through the initial and long term affects of her husband’s foolish act of sexual pleasure.

The wife will experience the devil bringing a lot of questions to her mind. The devil with suggest to her that she is not as beautiful as the secretary or porn stars he’s been watching. The devil will suggest to her that her bedroom inadequacy and unavailability for sex was due to her increased workload was the cause. The devil will bring up past arguments that led to a husband’s cold shoulder.

And more things like God is not going to repair the marriage. That God doesn’t love her. And on and on. But this is the moment where whatever is brought to your mind, is to be refuted by the Word of God. She will need to confide in another woman of God, in a safe environment, that will objectively deal with her in a compassionate manner. The road to her healing is long and difficult. At this stage, it is recommended that difficult decisions be put off and just get through the moment of the infidelity with the grace and love of God.

The kids need to be told the truth, depending upon their ages. They must understand that what their daddy did was sin and that it wasn’t in God’s plan. That sexual sin is of the devil. If at all possible, they need to be cared for while the process is ongoing. They must experience some semblance of normalcy as possible. Professional Christian help is available and should be sought as reasonably quick as possible.

It’s not the end and God’s grace can get you through the moments. Wives that experience this horrendous act must never place blame on themselves. They must get through the moment and allow God to work with them where they are.

Church. Let’s do a better job in our sanctification. Let’s get closer to God in prayer and obedience to the Word.

This does not have to be common.

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Sex trafficking now an ‘epidemic’

Sex trafficking now an ‘epidemic’
Once a victim, Virginia woman says she’s now a ‘survivor’
Read more: Sex trafficking now an ‘epidemic’ – Washington Times

Six months ago, Barbara Amaya said she  was watching a story on television about teenage girls being trafficked for sex  in her Northern Virginia neighborhood when she realized that she, too, had been  the victim of sex trafficking — four decades earlier.

“I didn’t know I had been trafficked,” she told an audience during a panel  discussion on human trafficking sponsored by the Universal  Peace Federation and the Women’s  Federation for World Peace at The Washington Times. Ms. Amaya writes a  column called Telling It Like It Is for the Communities section of The  Washington Times website. “I viewed myself as a prostitute.”

Ms. Amaya, now 56, said she was a  13-year-old runaway from Fairfax when she was sold into sex trafficking at 14th  and Eye Streets in the District and later was taken to New York City where she  was trafficked for eight years. Like a lot of girls forced into sex trafficking,  she said she had been abused as a child and at 12, began running away from  home.

“I was a walking target,” she said. “I didn’t have low self-esteem, I had no  self-esteem.

“I was raped so many times, I can’t remember. I became addicted to heroin and  numb to what happened to me,” she said, adding that her trafficker dumped her  when she was “no longer valuable to him.”

Ms. Amaya described herself as “a  survivor” and is now working to vacate her criminal record in New York City  under a new law, but lamented that “this is still happening to young girls. What  happened to me is not unusual.”

The Universal Peace  Federation was founded by the late Rev. Sun Myung Moon, founder of The  Times.

Three other speakers who work to stop human trafficking said it has become an “epidemic,” both in the U.S. and worldwide.

“There are 27 million victims of human trafficking worldwide,” said Cynthia  Turner, executive director of SeraphimGLOBAL, an international public health  and community development organization. “The number is staggering yet incidences  of trafficking are often underreported.”

Human trafficking generates billions of dollars each year in illicit profits  in the United States and globally through the entrapment and exploitation of  millions of people, mostly women and children. The growing illegal trade in  human beings for sex or forced labor isn’t limited to either rural outposts or  the world’s largest cities.

Ms. Turner said the root causes of  human trafficking are poverty, sex abuse, drug dependency, violence and broken  families.

“All nations must speak in one voice to end trafficking,” she said, adding  that America must lead the fight.

In the United States, the number of persons said to be the victims of human  trafficking is between 14,500 and 17,500, according to Julie Southwell, a field  organizer for Amnesty International USA, a human rights organization. But she  said, “The actual number is much higher.”

Yvonne Williams, executive director of  the Trafficking in America Task Force, a Tennessee-based nonprofit, said America  is suffering from “an epidemic of modern slavery known as human trafficking.

“No one signs up to be a sex slave,” said Ms. Williams, adding that an Alabama study  found that 50 percent of trafficking victims were introduced by family members  to it due to drugs or poverty.

Ms. Williams described as “fabulous” a  speech President Obama gave last week on human trafficking, although she said he  should have talked about working to curb the demand for trafficking. In his  speech, Mr. Obama called trafficking “modern slavery” and “one of the great  human rights causes of our time.”

Last month, he gave seven countries listed by the State Department as making  little effort to control human trafficking including a pass on  government-mandated sanctions and a loss of foreign aid, citing national  security concerns. They were Libya, Saudi Arabia, Algeria, the Central African  Republic, Kuwait, Papua New Guinea and Yemen.