CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Character Defects

By

By Keith B.

NotUnknown.com

So the Lord sent Nathan, the prophet to tell David… – 2 Samuel 12:1a

Throughout my life, I lived a fragmented existence. I had a separate compartment for each of my identities. I put on my father and husband identity while home with my family. When I left for work, I put that persona away and donned my ambitious and cutthroat corporate climber appearance. At church and with family, I became a devout Christ follower and judgmental Pharisee. In isolation and shame, my addict ruled them all. That was my story. Isolated. Alone. Transparent to no one. Accountable to myself.

King David, yes that King David, had it all. His story was the basis for all rags to riches stories. He was a shepherd. The youngest son. The least of these. And who Samuel described as “a man after God’s own heart” when revealing to Saul that he would lose his kingdom. David ascended to the throne, united the Israelites, and dominated his enemies. He lived in community with God, transparent. Until he didn’t.

The Israelites had engaged in battle with their enemy, the Ammonites and had routed their forces. David sent his army to lay siege to their capital city. It was spring time, the time when kings went out to battle with their armies. But David stayed behind. He stayed home. Alone. Away from where he was supposed to be. Unaccountable. He went for a walk in the evening time. He saw Bathsheba. He wasn’t where he was supposed to be and had no one around to hold him accountable.

You know the story. He had Bathsheba brought to him. He slept with her and sent her away, thinking he was safe. His secret would remain that way. Only, she sent word to him that she was pregnant. So he tried to hide it. He had her husband brought in from the battlefield to spend time with his wife and sleep with her, thus hiding that David was actually the father. When that didn’t work, he orchestrated her husband Uriah’s death on the battle field. And promptly compartmentalized that and went on being king.

So the Lord sent Nathan, the prophet.

I have read that passage many times. I assumed that Nathan was sent to confront David because he was a prophet. Only, Nathan was much more than that to David. Nathan advised David earlier in his life to not focus on building a temple, that God had a different plan for his life. Nathan would later name David’s second son. Nathan would support David when one of David’s son would try to overthrow his kingdom. Nathan wasn’t just a prophet. He was a friend, a confidant, a brother. Someone who loved David enough to risk telling him the truth and hold him accountable.

The Lord sent Nathan to tell David a story of a rich man taking a poor man’s lamb, to illustrate power and influence unchecked, and to confront David for his hidden sin. Nathan obeyed God and called out his king and friend. When I read this story so many times before, I thought that was it. It wasn’t. Nathan remained loyal to David. God showed David mercy in judgment but also consequences in his sin. Nathan didn’t point a finger at David. He walked along side him through those consequences. He loved David and supported him as a friend the rest of his life.

Dan and Jay are my Nathans. So are Corey, Sean, Josh, Hayden, Jeff, Jeff, John, Doug, and so many others. Guys who love me, know me, and will absolutely hold me accountable in Christ. Surround yourself with people who know all of you and who love you enough to walk with you through your own celebrations and trials.

https://castimonia.org/2018/07/16/7131/

By

Different effects of stress on the brains of men and women related to empathy

originally posted at: http://www.psypost.org/2016/07/different-effects-stress-brains-men-women-related-empathy-43688

BY  ON JULY 6, 2016

The different effects of social stress on the brains of men and women are related to their response to empathy for pain, according to a study published this July in the International Journal of Psychophysiology. The study provides evidence that each sex may engage in distinct mechanisms to cope with stress.

Empathy is an essential aspect of social functioning. It allows people to build an understanding and mental representation of other peoples’ emotions and feelings. Research suggests that the brain mechanisms involved in how people empathize with others in painful circumstances involve two distinct responses. Firstly, there is an early emotional response seen in front-central regions of the brain; and secondly, there is a later cognitive evaluation, over the parietal area, where attention is either directed towards or away from stimuli.

As humans are a highly social species and face social stress on a regular basis, it can be expected that stress affects how people react to their environment. Therefore, the extent to which someone empathizes with another in pain is thought to be influenced by social stress.

Within this area, it has been proposed that men and women are distinctively affected by social stress. Men supposedly become more self-oriented, engaging in “fight or flight” behavior, whilst women react by creating and caring for social networks.

The study, led by Cristina Gonzalez-Liencres of Ruhr-University Bochum, involved 60 healthy participants (30 women and 30 men), half of which were exposed to short-term social stress. To measure empathy, researchers recorded the electroencephalography (EEG: which detects electrical brain activity) of the participants, while they observed photographs of hands in painful and neutral situations. Participants also had to fill in an assessment of their empathy in response to the photos and had their cortisol response to stress measured (via saliva samples).

Results revealed that different effects of social stress on the brains of men and women were related to their response to the pain empathy task. The late brain activity, associated with cognitive evaluation, was uniquely associated with a change in cortisol in stressed males. This was despite similar empathy ratings reported by all participants. This suggests that men used more cognitive processes in response to social stress and provides evidence that each sex may engage in distinct mechanisms to cope with stress.

The findings are useful to help understand the unique effects of social stress in men and women, as well as for the separate mechanisms that each sex undertakes to cope with socially stressful situations. This may be useful for understanding psychopathological conditions which are influenced by high levels of social stress.

By

5 Signs of True Repentance in an Addict

Originally posted at: http://www.careleader.org/5-signs-true-repentance-addict/

August 18, 2016 by

When I’m counseling and establishing goals for somebody who’s struggling with a drug addiction, or has in the past and is now clean, I really keep it simple. There are just five fruits of repentance that I look for. They’re based on Matthew 22:37–40 (ESV), which says: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

I want those people struggling with addiction to love God with all their heart, all their soul, and all their mind, because they have loved their idolatrous pleasure—the object of their addiction—with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their mind. So now it’s all about transferring that great passion—that passionate commitment to the idolatrous pleasure—and transferring it to the Lord.

1. Is there humility?

The first thing I look for is humility, which shows they’re not feeling like they are entitled or that they deserve more. Instead, they need to think about what they have been given. They’ve been entrusted by God with the treasure of life and of living for Him. One of the problems with some of the current Christian addiction programs is that some of them really just foster living for self, even though the addicts have technically “recovered” or “achieved sobriety.” They might not be doing drugs anymore, but they are still just living for self.

I do want them clean and sober, but that’s not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is for them to live for the glory of God and to become more like Jesus Christ. We’ve got to get them to love God—and to love God with reckless abandon. Ironically, they did that very well with their idolatrous drug of choice. Now they’ve got to do it for Jesus. Many are sort of committed to God, but they’re not all the way committed. They don’t want to pour out all their alcohol. They keep a little stash somewhere. And so, you’re helping them to live in a humble way, in dependence upon God.

2. Is there a willingness to serve others?

The second part of that passage is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The addicted person really does love him- or herself. It may not look like it. It may look like self-loathing. It may look like self-pity, but even that translates into, “I deserve better than what I’m getting.” And so, you’ve got to get addicted people out of themselves, loving their neighbors, by finding ways for them to serve.

I find that people who have struggled with addictions have great gifts. They might not be the most organized people. They might not be the people you would pick to be Bible study teachers. But they can greet people. They can serve on different projects, perhaps doing outreach or another aspect of service. If I can get them loving other people and serving other people, then that is a win. The focus is not turned inward where they’re looking at themselves morbidly, but they’re looking outward at, Whom can I serve? They will need to be forewarned, however: they’re going to have to fight that temptation to go back to pleasing self and living for self.

The last three fruits of repentance are from Ephesians 5:18–21 (ESV), one of the quintessential passages for addiction. That passage says,

    And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
3. Is there a growing sense of responsibility for oneself?

Out of those verses there are three fruits that I really want to see. One is that they’re responsible—that they’re taking ownership for their lives. Too often people who habitually get drunk with wine think like victims. They might have been victimized. But, beyond that, they’ve learned to think about life as though they’re just a pinball, bounced around in the pinball machine. They feel like everyone is hard on them; they’ve been dealt a bad hand, that kind of thing. Thinking change is beyond their control, they do not take steps to change what’s going on in their lives. I often see such a victim mentality, and I want to combat it with one of being responsible and obedient to Christ. When I see someone who’s taking responsibility and not blame-shifting, not trying to play a victim card, then I know that person is doing well. That person is being transformed and is living in a different way than when he or she was addicted and living in idolatry.

4. Is there an attitude of thankfulness?

The next fruit I look for is being grateful. I find that people caught in addictions tend to have a “woe is me” mentality. However, if all they see is themselves and what they want, then they miss all the blessings that God is giving them. I think that’s a big part of what trips up addicts. So I want to help them cultivate a grateful heart.

5. Is there a submissive spirit?

The final fruit I look for is submission. Fools and rebels may be very bright intellectually, but they’re living in a way that’s against God’s Word. It’s foolish to do that. On the flip side, wise people might not be the most intelligent, but they’re obedient and submissive. That’s what I’m looking for. I’m looking for someone who says, “I don’t have all the answers. I can’t do this myself. I need God. I need the church. I need the body of Christ to help me.” Those are the things I’m really pushing for and listening for.

Dr. Mark Shaw

Dr. Mark Shaw is executive director of Vision of Hope, a ministry of Faith Baptist Church in Lafayette, IN, (http://www.faithlafayette.org/voh). He is an ordained minister, certified alcohol and drug abuse counselor, and certified biblical counselor. He has over two decades of experience working with addicts in both secular and Christian programs.

By

Yoda’s Advice For Entering Recovery

Recovery is about changing our false beliefs not just stopping the unwanted activity.  We must learn to live life on life’s terms.