Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
Jorge and Doug discuss the practical steps in working Step 6. How do we take ownership in our recovery and still step aside for God to heal us? What does that look like?
This is a difficult step, and it marks a major shift in our recovery as we now are taking ownership and creating more confidence in our sobriety.
Email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org for more information. And remember you are not on this journey alone!
Keith B – Not Unknown
First, I hope all of you are surviving this difficult time in Houston. I know I don’t have to describe to any of you the stress, anxiety, turmoil that is present in all of our lives right now. This is one of the few times I can use you and we statements to describe the impacts of Harvey on all of our lives and our homes. Whether you have a worst case scenario or you have just been riding out the after effects, we all are balancing the conflicting and overwhelming emotions that have hit us, our families, friends, workplaces. I know one thing and one thing only in this time…He is faithful, even when I am not.
The stress and anxiety started for me personally last week, when I returned to work after a few days off to take my son to college and to care for my dad who is in hospice care in my home state. I got back to work last Monday and started the process of trying to catch up. That’s when my boss came to meet with me and let me know that she had decided that I wasn’t really a good fit for the organization and that she had determined that the company would be separating me. Welcome back!
I wish I could say I was surprised and caught off guard but I really wasn’t. I knew that my working relationship with her wasn’t going well. It wasn’t. It hadn’t since I started about 18 months ago. My first few months there were different from my last year. Because for the last year I have been in recovery. My attitude and focus on work has changed. I started approaching my work and my relationships at work much differently. Specifically, I determined to be rigorously honest, only focused on work when I was at work, and not try to manipulate or lie to anyone. Unfortunately, that had been my primary work mode in the past…lying and manipulating wherever I could for my own benefit.
I found that my work relationship with my boss didn’t improve, despite what I knew to be a change in my working behavior. I came to finally understand that I could only change my own behavior, focus on my own faults and character defects. I realize now that I previously believed that my boss and past bosses didn’t have the same type of issues that I had. That somehow they were fair, truthful and above reproach.
I look now at how I have worked over the past year. I can clearly say that I wasn’t perfect. I can clearly and honestly say that I was transparent, and open, and rigorously honest, and not manipulative. I did good work. I did the best I could. The hard part is it wasn’t enough to remain there, because that isn’t where God intends me to be. I don’t like that, not being in control of my own career and work. But that is how God wants me to be…dependent on him for everything. Turning my life and will over to the care of God…all of it. I haven’t done that yet. Not all of it…but I am moving toward Him. Not away.
I was texting my friend in recovery who had to evacuate his house. Something struck me that he said to me as he asked me and others for help. He said he was thankful that he was in recovery because prior to that he wouldn’t have asked for help. That rings true to me as well. Prior to recovery I would not have openly sought help and guidance for my next steps in my career. Now I am seeking help and guidance from God and the people He has put in my life.
Being known feels dangerous and risky. Being known is terrifying. And being known is how God wants to use my story.
26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger can be a dangerous thing. We are all human so therefore we are all broken. We are imperfect people who on a daily basis is following the leading of the Holy Spirit. But from time to time we may fall into the pitfall of allowing our flesh to lead us instead of the Holy Spirit. One manifestation of this is anger.
We are surrounded by people who are broken and who also make mistakes. A person may cut us off in traffic, a person may say something or do something that offends us, a person may do something that either injures us or injures someone we love and as a result we may become angry. What we do in response to this anger is the key. The anger we have will either control us or we will control it. We must guard our hearts from being led by our flesh or our emotions.
One of the greatest ways that we can be led by the Holy Spirit is abiding in the Lord each day. By spending time in God’s word and prayer it will prepare our heart for everything we will face and it will make us more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. The more time we spend with the Lord the more we will be transformed into His image. This is key when dealing with anger. The Lord will empower and strengthen us to be led by the Holy Spirit instead of being led by our flesh and our emotions.
One year. Twelve steps. A spiritual awakening.
My timing is terrible or perfect. Depends on your perspective. My journey through recovery landed at step 12 at the end of one year. Step 12, regardless of your flavor of recovery, is the culmination of a harrowing adventure of self discovery for most. For me, it has been truly as described. A spiritual awakening. And having experienced that awakening, it is now my charge to revisit these steps and to carry this message to others. To show the path that was shown to me.
My year hasn’t been smooth or simple or straight or calm or soothing or any other serene type words. Quite the opposite. It has looked like one of my earlier titles for a post – a rollercoaster. Lots of ups and downs. I remember clearly my step one, where I had to read my litany of sexual sins to a room full of people I didn’t know that well, while I sobbed under the weight of my shame. I can’t understate the importance of working step three, where I finally realized that I had turned my life and salvation over to God but never my will. I hadn’t ever truly believed that I could trust my secrets to Him and that He wouldn’t abandon me too. Ups and downs.
Completing a searching and fearless moral inventory in step four was way more suffocating than I imagined. But foundational. I review that list as my list. My flaws. The ones He imparted to me. Some are gone. Some are ingrained. All are there because of how He made me. And I am aware of them all. I know they are there and can only be endured by His strength, not mine. This realization gave me the courage to complete step five, to share my flaws with someone else. Someone not in recovery, who didn’t know my stains. Scary and valuable.
Through these flaws I see into the struggles of others. I can carry this message to others because my flaws are still here. Reviewing these flaws in light of step six, being entirely ready for God to remove them, for me meant truly being ready for God to bear them, for Him to have dominion over all of me. And using them for the difficult work to come. Amends.
Having a clear understanding of my defects of character has made it clear to me how I have hurt and damaged others. This awareness allowed me to identify those I had harmed, shaped my heart to become willing to make amends, and then actually following through. Seeking out a daily living amends to my wife. Constantly staying close to the pain and the brokenness my years of betrayal have caused her and building some stability with her, one moment by one moment. Spelling out in detail the years of absence and abandonment I caused to my boys and listening as they poured out their hurt from my lack of connection. And seeing the gift of time…the opportunity God has given me to make amends to them.
Today having an actual relationship with God. One where I listen and talk. Give and take. Understand and seek understanding. This year has been a true spiritual awakening. Gradual. Time consuming. Unending. And ready for the next step.
This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
