CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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5 Porn Stats Most Parents Don’t Know…But Should

Posted on July 3, 2013 by

embarrassed momWe know it’s out there. We know it’s harmful. We just may not realize how prevalent it is. Here are a few numbers every parent needs to know:

90% of internet porn is FREE. A study in 2010 led by Gilbert Wondracek, a computer security expert from the International Secure System Lab, examined a total of 35,000 pornographic domains and found that 90% were free. As reported on DailyTech, these free sites are given content from paid porn sites in order to drum up business. Kids can easily find free porn and plenty of it.

30% of all internet bandwidth is used for pornography. It might actually be worse than that. A software security service company called Optenet did a study looking at 4 million URL’s and approximately 37% contained pornographic content.

thinking asian girl11 is the average age children are exposed to pornography, according to the PornHarms website. As more and more kids get smartphones at earlier ages, that age will get younger.

90% of porn depicts violence against women. A study which looked at 50 popular pornographic websites and DVD’s found that 90% of all content included verbal or physical abuse against women.

The violence of internet pornography is documented in a recent article in the Guardian:

Rape Crisis South London carried out simple research that involved typing “rape porn” into Google and then quantified the results: 86% of sites that came up advertised videos depicting the rape of under-18s, 75% involved guns or knives, 43% showed the woman drugged, and 46% purported to be incest rape.

sleepoverNearly 80% of unwanted exposure to pornography takes place in the home. This is a frightening statistic. But it’s also empowering because you have a lot of control over what happens with your kids in your own home. Start with an internet filter, and then establish family media standards with your kids. Get them on board at a young age and they’ll be much better protected as teens.

Any child is just 3 clicks or swipes away from violent, degrading sexual content. Carole Cadwalladr, a British journalist put it this way, after describing her experience of Googling “rape porn” and viewing both simulated and actual rape scenes online:

“Rape porn”, and then two clicks of the mouse, and that’s what’s there. It’s not skulking in some dark recess of the internet, it’s a dropdown box on one the most popular porn sites in the world, but my experience – of not knowing, and not really wanting to know – is not unusual. There’s a collective, willed ignorance of porn.

The nature of it, the accessibility of it, the preponderance of it has changed so fast that a lot of people simply haven’t kept up. Huge numbers of us, including most of the mainstream press, have drawn a polite veil over the subject, except at a largely theoretical level.

dad and son looking at workbookFor our kids’ sakes, let’s get ourselves educated about what’s out there…because our kids will find out one way or another. Have you talked to your kids about pornography? If not, what’s holding you back?  I’d like to write a post about blocks parents have to overcome in discussing this topic with their kids, and you could help me! Please leave a comment! Thanks!

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Parakaleo Women’s Support Group – 3/24

I am happy to announce that a trio of leaders have stepped forward to restart the Parakaleo women’s support group.

Parakaleo is a Christian support group for women whose lives have been affected by the sexual behavior of a significant male in their lives.  The group is designed for the female partners of men who struggle with maintaining sexual purity, no matter what the man’s struggle might be.

Date: Monday Nights starting March 24th
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch – Student Building
22765 Westheimer Pkwy
Katy, TX  77450

Characteristics of Parakaleo
  1. Parakaleo is primarily a group providing support and comfort to its members through the empathy of others who have had similar experiences.  It is not a therapy or counseling group.
  2. Parakaleo is a Christ-centered program or group, and as such recognizes that Christ is the “highest power”, however any individual of any faith or no faith at all may attend.
  3. Parakaleo meetings are only for women whose lives have been affected by the sexual purity issues of a significant male in their lives.
  4. Parakaleo is a group led by non-professionals; meetings are facilitated by women who have experienced the healing power of Christ in their own lives in the area of dealing with men who act out in compulsive sexual ways.
  5. Parakaleo provides a “safe place” for women dealing with men having sexual purity problems.  Elements of safety include confidentiality, anonymity, and an accepting environment.
  6. Parakaleo meetings provide a place of structure and familiarity where the chaos, confusion, and craziness of living with a male who is acting out sexually can be put aside.
  7. Parakaleo provides opportunities for its members to grow and heal through working through the 12 steps under the guidance of sponsors.

The facilitators of Parakaleo can be contacted at Parakaleo@merimnao.org.  Women who might want to be part of this group are encouraged to contact the facilitator ahead of time with their own personal questions.

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Dr. Benjamin Carson: Same-Sex Marriage and the correlation between Homosexuality, Pedophilia, and Bestiality

Some of the views posted in this article are not those of the leaders of Castimonia, but of the original writer.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

Posted on April 11, 2013 by

As a professional, Dr. Carson understands that he is the Director of Neurosurgery alongside pedophile professionals who are seeking to through academia justify and re-categorize pedophilia so that it is seen with the same tolerance and acceptance as homosexuality. This movement did not began today.

Johns Hopkins University held a conference last year for a group of homosexual-pedophile professionals who are working diligently to change the definition of pedophilia from a mental disorder by the American Psychological Association, within its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to a sexual orientation like homosexuality.

In 1973, when the same thing happened to homosexuality, there was only one defining piece of information that led to the change of homosexuality from a mental disorder to a sexual orientation, and that was the “Kinsey Report”. The “Kinsey Report” as it is affectionately called is a book that was put out by Alfred Kinsey who was a Satanist, a homosexual-pedophile, sadomasochist, who believed in having sex with same-sex, animals, and children.

His influence has started movements in the homosexual (Harry Hay) and pornography (Hugh Hefner) communities. The next stop you ask? Legalizing sex with children. Bestiality will follow. There’s one problem with the Kinsey system (other than the obvious), he lied. Dr. Judith Reisman has spent her entire professional career proving this to be true.

He interviewed pedophiles and people who were already in jail, and passed off their stories and submissions as research within the communities of stable, white suburban households of women who would have never done the things that he professed in his book. He launched an entire movement because people thought that their neighbors told Kinsey something that they weren’t telling each other.

So when Dr. Benjamin Carson who is the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital makes statements about his personal views regarding the correlation between homosexuality, pedophilia and bestiality it is important that we seek out the information that he may be unable to say in his public comments. In that respect I will offer them here from both a professional and biblical standpoint.

John Hopkins University, and Pro-Pedophile Movement Dr. Fred Berlin

The pro-pedophile agenda is pushed by Dr. Fred S. Berlin and Dr. Finkelhor who are both respected in their professions, which can be very misleading to the masses. Education has become a bully and a determinant of who knows best. Dr. Fred S. Berlin is the associate professor of the Sexual Behavior Consultation Unit within the Psychiatry and Behavioral Science Department at John Hopkins University.

Dr. Berlin, founder of the Johns Hopkins Sexual Disorders Clinic, specializes in the evaluation and treatment of patients with sexual disorders, such as pedophilia, voyeurism, and exhibitionism, according to John Hopkins’ website.

In my personal opinion, anyone who supports the idea that pedophilia should be legalized is either a pedophile or some kind of sexual predator or child molester. Dr. Berlin, is closely tied to groups like B4-U-Act, an organization very similar to NAMBLA who is seeking to legalize sex with children.

Dr. Carson accepted a request for my daughter’s class many years ago. She was mesmerized by his humble nature, his level of success and his outright disclosure that he is a Christian. It is a defining moment in her youth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-HrSqewI34

and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbBib1HmLNY

As Dr. Carson said in his video response about his personal views on homosexuality, pedophilia and bestiality all-inclusive, his beliefs about same-sex marriage have been that way for 20 years. Today however, the media launches full-out attacks on people, making assumptions about their entire view. And, people are being conditioned to do the same.

As a Christian, it is believed that God sees homosexuality, pedophilia and bestiality as sexual perversion. And in my research I find individuals who worship Satan as the leadership of sexually perverted movements like Aleister Crowley and Alfred Kinsey.

After viewing the entire Penn State Child Sexual Abuse Conference, which was put together as an action to resolve the Sandusky case from a societal perspective I was alarmed and baffled by some of Dr. David Finkelhor’s beliefs about relaxing the laws concerning pedophiles.

Finkelhor spoke at John’s Hopkins for that conference last year and was slated to be the keynote speaker this year before it was cancelled after all the media attention to John Hopkins University because of Dr. Carson’s statements.

Dr. Carson’s comments were that of his belief system. The core of who we all are reflect what we believe. All of the choices we make, who we vote for or against, and what we stand up for or remain silent on have to do with what we believe. This should never be bullied by opposing views and I appreciate Dr. Carson’s unshakable demeanor concerning those who would seek to delegitimize his success because his thoughts are not supported by popular demand.

He was not choosing to create a political platform, rather to express his beliefs in a way that would create dialogue to rising issues like movements which promote pedophilia. As Dr. Carson said, homosexuality and pedophilia are not the same in that, children are unable to consent.

The ACLU defends pedophilia, but that’s another story. There are groups of people in white coats, suits and ties with Dr. in front of or acronyms placed behind their name leading unsuspecting individuals without those credentials to believe that the lawyers, judges, politicians, and educators know what is best.

I believe that God has always known what is best, and it is important that we understand what God-intimacy is, so that we can identify the movements that seek to change definitions and force agreement upon us that would harm our children and families.

Dr. Carson is entitled to his views without being bullied or called childish names. I encourage black liberals not to make this about Affirmative Action or racially motivated stances but to see the real issue – that Dr. Carson is working alongside some of the people we should be protesting but he is not one of them.

In conclusion, from a biblical perspective there is a correlation between what Dr. Benjamin Carson said about homosexuality, pedophilia and bestiality. However from a completely NON-BIBLICAL perspective there is a correlation between what he said as well. The movement that I write about is being conducted through the disguise of “science and research” and THEY – NOT ME – are saying that normalizing homosexuality allows them to do the same with pedophilia. I am the messenger – don’t shoot me just wake up! – Thank you. – Ressurrection Graves

Ressurrection Graves is a child sexual abuse grooming expert who has authored a petition to make it a felony. She writes, speaks and educates the masses on protecting children and healing as adults from past child sexual abuse.

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Stress of Life

originally posted to the Sex Addiction and Love Addiction Recovery Blog

I offer these tips for achieving mind-body-spirit balance in our hectic world:

1.

“Create a healthy boundary for solitude.  People today are suffering from information (sensory) overload. The effect may result in poor memory, poor processing skills, poor attention span, poor decision-making, as well as decreased productivity. Resolve the process-addiction habits of constant cell phone, e-mail, Ipod, and Internet accessibility. Declare high-tech free zones (in space and time) each day.   In this solitude, take time for some simple relaxation techniques (e.g., breathing, yoga, tai chi, etc.) as an essential step in caring for the caregiver.

2.

“Resolve issues of anger and fear. Research is conclusive that chronic stress suppresses immune function (Kiecolt-Glaser, 1999). Energetically speaking, unresolved issues of anger and fear congest various aspects of subtle anatomy… thus affecting the integrity of various target organs. Making peace with our emotions (e.g., diplomatically confronting our fears and resolving anger issues through forgiveness) is essential for mind, body, and spirit. Additionally, joy, mirth, and gratitude are essential. Consider finding one humorous thing a day to lighten your heart.

3.

“Make a daily practice of meditation but this won’t happen until dedicated time and space is combined with the discipline to domesticate the ego.  Sitting still to clear your mind of ego chitchat is essential for mind-body-spirit equilibrium. Insights from a clear mind lend support to the Chinese axiom, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come” (N. Cheng [author of Life and Death in Shanghai], personal communication, January 21, 2006), but this won’t happen until dedicated time and space is combined with the discipline to domesticate the ego.

4.

“Engage in regular (daily) cardio-vascular exercise.  Exercise is the fight-or-flight response, so it would make sense that if you are stressed, exercise (like a homeopathic remedy) would help restore homeostasis. The benefits of regular cardiovascular exercise are numerous, including parasympathetic rebound and the “flushing” of stress hormones (cortisol) out of the system.

5.

“Maintain healthy eating habits.  The stress response depletes essential nutrients that often are not replaced with fast foods and comfort foods (empty calories). Moreover, many foods (e.g., caffeine, sugar, salt) act to increase the release of epinephrine and nor-epinephrine, hence throwing gasoline on the fire. Additionally, many foods contain significant traces of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides that overload the immune system. Organic foods are always the best choice.

6.

“Nurture strong support groups.  Friends offer a buffering effect to personal and social stress. It is now known as the “tend and befriend effect” (Taylor, 2002; Taylor et al., 2000). While friends cannot always help solve our problems, they can offer emotional and spiritual support. Remember, it’s not the quantity of friends, but the quality of friends that matters. The mind-body-spirit connection is far more complex than today’s science has yet to validate, yet when stress is left unresolved, we know this: ultimately the body becomes the battlefield for the war games of the mind. Where there is chronic stress, there are ego control will tell you these are the inner resources needed to successfully confront all roadblocks. The days of being chased by a saber-toothed tiger have now become days of entitlements with unmet expectations, urban sprawl, corporate downsizing, information overload, electromagnetic pollution, unruly teenagers, global warming, elder-care, in-your-face marketing, e-mail avalanches, and the threat (real or imagined) of global terrorism. As renowned stress researcher Hans Selye (1976) warned us, the physical body, in all its wonders, cannot stay in a state of stressed arousal without dire consequences. Ultimately stress kills. For this reason, a holistic approach is in our best interest.” – Dr. Brian Luke Seaward in Beginnings Winter 2007

Reducing stress is a lifestyle change.  Less TV, more friends and more exercise, more quiet time.  Life in balance leads us to able to handle the necessary stress of life.

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A Pastor Reflects on Porn and Church Leadership

Originally posted at: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/06/21/a-pastor-reflects-on-porn-and-church-leadership/

by Dr. T. C. Ryan

26/365 - Such ShameA very challenging situation came to my attention recently. It involves a woman who’s married to a man with a long-term addiction to pornography. She has talked with their pastor (the husband’s brother) but not much came of that. She is hurt, feels betrayed and doesn’t talk with her husband about his struggle anymore. We addressed this aspect of her story yesterday.

There is another facet to this situation which leads to questions about sexual brokenness and church leadership.

The woman writes that now her husband is being considered for an elder position by their pastor (his brother). It appears that in this congregation’s polity, everyone in the church votes for the leadership and their votes are known.

This is creating terrific anxiety for the woman. She feels betrayed (again) by her brother-in-law/pastor and by her husband because all three of them know the husband has a long-standing and unaltered practice of using pornography.

She feels that she cannot vote “yes” for her husband on principle; but if she votes “no” she’s afraid the truth will come out and her husband’s standing in the church will be ruined. She feels caught, alone and frustrated by an intolerable situation not of her own making.

How should we think about the leadership and spirituality?

The principle that should guide the development of healthy church leadership should never be performance and perfection. The Gospel mandate for healthy church leadership is pursuit and progress. 

In the greatest sermon ever preached, Our Lord made it clear that the goal of spiritual transformation is completeness or perfection. We live the Christian life to become like Christ, fully reflecting the goodness of our Father (Matthew 5:48). The path to that goal is to learn to fulfill the first and second great commandments, loving God with all our being and becoming more attached to him than anyone or anything else, and loving others as ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40). The truly spiritual life is one of progressing along that path.

Our sexuality is a primary arena in which we must learn to continually bring ourselves to the school of Christ for rewiring and transformation. We all have some mal-attachments in sexual thinking and perception—for all of us are sexual beings and all of us have challenges in the way we handle our thoughts and feelings. Sexuality is such a powerful force that it creates tremendous attraction—and in some cases revulsion—in us and we need the Spirit’s help in becoming healthy sexual people.

So how should churches handle compulsive sexual behaviors in leaders?

The church that wants to be useful and relevant will regularly share in board meetings, leadership group training and especially from the pulpit messages like this:

  • We live in a sex-crazed culture;
  • As beings made in the image of God we are all vulnerable around sexuality because it is so special, so wonderful, so personal and so powerful;
  • Because we so easily get our wires crossed around sex, lots of people—men and women—are finding themselves trapped in behaviors and habits they know are not right, ways of living they themselves don’t respect but are having trouble changing;
  • We can help each other change if we will use truth and grace.

Create an atmosphere of encouragement and growth, not inquisition. No condemnation or shaming. Be easy about it. Be open, not uptight. Intentionally develop a climate of invitation for everyone in the church body to grow in the grace and life-changing knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Regularly teach that leaders struggle just like everyone else, and in fact their isolation in leadership sometimes makes it more difficult and challenging to lead the life they really want to lead. This isn’t an excuse for unhealthy behavior, but it’s important to recognize the difficulty.

If leaders need help and are willing to get it, churches must do everything feasible to make it available. What helps the health of the leadership nurtures the well-being of the whole body.

Offer strategies for positive self-care steps. Educate the church body about compulsive sexual behaviors and strategies for recovery. Those who aren’t struggling with sexual addiction need to understand it anyway because so many folks around them are.

Remember to make the Main Thing the Main Thing

So what should the wife do about the church vote? She should probably vote “no” because that is what her conscience is telling her. But it’s important to explore the motivation. She doesn’t want to ruin her husband’s “standing” in the church; but his reputation isn’t real. It’s a façade. Her motivation can’t be for how he appears to others; her motivation has to be love for his soul.

We don’t forbid the brother who’s caught in the throes of addiction from leadership so that we protect the church or protect our reputations. No, we don’t put him in that role because right now, that’s not the loving thing to do for him. He needs something else. He needs recovery and health and growth in grace. And then he can serve.

Not too long ago, a notable church leader’s hidden sexual struggles came to light in a media storm. A friend told me about two separate conversations with atheists who reacted by strongly declaring that this was why they didn’t want to have anything to do with the Christian message. Because of this leader’s failure? No, they said, because of how badly the church treated him. They valued what we too often disregard. Love.

Remember the words of Jesus:  “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Agape love, self-giving love is how Jesus teaches us to treat each other.

T. C. Ryan is the author of Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction (InterVarsity Press, 2012) and is a speaker about life in Christ, genuine spirituality and Christ and recovery. He can be found on Facebook (T. C. Ryan), tweets (@tcryanone) and his website is tc-ryan.com.