CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Sexual Purity Posts

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Two Levels of Internet Safety: One Mom’s Advice on Filters

Originally posted at: http://pornproofkids.com/2014/07/24/two-levels-of-internet-safety-one-moms-advice-on-filters/

by Kristen Jenson

Our kids need every defensive tool against pornography that we can provide and Internet filtering is one of the basics. Marisa Corless is passionate about being a mom and providing her kids with the best childhood possible. She’s an avid researcher on topics concerning child-rearing and today we get her take on Internet filtering. 

One Mom’s Advice on Internet Safety

By Marisa Corless

marisa corlessTo provide Internet safety, most parents use some sort of software that is loaded onto their computer. This is a great first start, but what about the other mobile devices like tablets, mp3 players, and game consoles that also access the Internet and can be used to browse? What about the devices that come into the home with a friend? They too need a filter.

Two Levels of Filters

  1. On my home network, I use two filters. I use an Internet filter on ALL computers. No one needs to see pornography and if a site is miscategorized, as I have found on occasion when I have tried to access a known site, the parent can override and white-list  that particular site (i.e. add it to the filter’s list of safe sites). Peace of mind is worth more than the inconvenience of having to unblock or override occasionally.
  2. Beyond filtering all computers, I run a filter on my router. I personally use OpenDNS Home*. The free version allows for customization and filtering at the level you desire, as parents. Upgrading to the Home VIP plan, which costs $19.95 per year, allows for more thorough reports on internet usage.

two girls with cell phone

How does it work?

OpenDNS changes the IP address of the existing router and filters incoming traffic before it ever leaves the router. In this way, all devices are filtered. A major positive is that unlike many device specific Internet filters, OpenDNS does not slow down internet access. I really appreciate that. And even though I have parental controls enabled on various Internet accessible devices, those controls don’t actually filter the internet most of the time, but OpenDNS will.

I also appreciate that if a friend accesses my internet with an unfiltered device, my router will filter the Internet for that device.

Beyond Filters

One caveat–no filter is 100%.  And you can’t assume your kids will be protected when they leave your home for other activities. That’s why you need to talk with your kids about the Internet safety—the good, the bad and the ugly.

I am really grateful that Kristen A. Jenson and Dr. Gail Poyner, and the rest of the PornProof Kids team, worked so hard over the past several years to write a read aloud book (Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids) to help parents talk to their children about Internet safety. It isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when; and when kids are exposed to pornographic images, they need to be prepared with tools to handle the situation so it doesn’t take hold and dominate their lives.

Marisa Corless is a wife and homeschooling mother of five amazing kids, master herbalist, scout leader, home school co-op co-chair and mentor, and very part time karate Sensei. 

*Note: Marisa’s product recommendations are her own; PornProof Kids receives no compensation for promoting any filtering products.

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Is It Love or Love Addiction? Part II

11. Healthy Love encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.
Addictive Love encourages secrets. We want to look good and put on an attractive mask.

 12. Healthy Love flows out.
Addictive Love caves in.

 13. Healthy Love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are together.
Addictive Love creates a loss of self the longer we are together.

 14. Healthy Love gets easier as time goes on.
Addictive Love requires more effort as time goes on.

 15. Healthy Love is like rowing across a gentle lake.
Addictive Love is like being swept away down a raging river.

 16. Healthy Love grows stronger as fear decreases.
Addictive Love expands as fear increases.

 17. Healthy Love is satisfied with what we have.
Addictive Love is always looking for “more, bigger, better.”

18. Healthy Love encourages interests to expand in the world.
Addictive Love encourages outside interests to contract.

 19. Healthy Love is based on the belief that we want to be together.
Addictive Love is based on the belief that we have to be together.

 20. Healthy Love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy.
Addictive Love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we make our partner happy.

 21. Healthy Love creates life.
Addictive Love creates melodramas.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-is-it-love-or-love-addiction/

We are addicted to our thoughts.
We cannot change anything
if we cannot change our thinking.
Santosh Kalwar

 

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 4: What is Sexual Purity?

Episode 4: What is sexual purity?

Seems like an easy answer, but looking at how it takes a daily commitment makes it a much more challenging concept.

But don’t lose hope!  Purity is attainable, and it is worth the time and effort!

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A Declaration of Independence

A Declaration of Independence
Originally posted on July 4, 2012

Today, we celebrate Independence Day in the United States of America.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have been given in this country.  Some of the freedoms I had, however, were very harmful to me.  These freedoms included the freedom to view and use pornography, the freedom to pursue happiness in legal forms of sexual acting out, and the freedom to worship my own god; sex impurity.  I have also been given new freedoms, the freedom choose a recovery program that satisfies my needs, the freedom to say “no” to sexual acting out, and the freedom to call Jesus Christ my highest power, and worship Him fully without fear of persecution or harm against me or my family.

Independence means a lot of things to different people.  The definition is written below:

in·de·pend·ence /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəns/ [in-di-pen-duhns] noun 1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent. 2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

In our case, it is freedom from the control of our sexual impurity and the behaviors associated with it.  Every July 4th, we not only celebrate the independence of these United States of America, but we should also make the following declaration written below, as edited from the original Declaration of Independence.

I, __________, a man who struggles maintaining sexual purity, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intention, do, in the Name, and by Authority of Jesus Christ and my healthy being, solemnly publish and declare, That I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of sexual compulsive behaviors, that I am Absolved from all Allegiance to demoralizing and incomprehensible compulsive sexual behaviors, and that all connection between me and my sexual impurity, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent man, I have full Power to levy War against my sexual impurity, conclude Peace of mind, contract Alliances in my recovery, establish psychological therapy as needed to do all other Acts and Things which a healthy, sexually pure man may of right do.  — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, I mutually pledge to my Life, my Fortunes, and my sacred Honor.

My declaration is short and to the point, definitely not as elegant as the one written by our Country’s founders.  Also, I wish it was as simple as making the declaration!  The United States had to fight a war, and subsequent wars against the British to gain their independence.  Furthermore, the United States had to continue to battle against other foreign nations in order to gain full independence.  And later, it had to fight a Civil War (a war against oneself) in order to maintain its independence!  Even today, the United States continues to fight to maintain its independence, this fight may be against terrorists, against energy monopolies, against corruption, etc…  The point is, the United States of American has continued to fight to maintain its independence and must continue to fight.

In this same way, we need to continue to fight against our sexual impurity.  We can’t let our guard down.  If we do, then we will have allowed our sexual impurity a foothold into our life and that makes the fall easier!  We must be always vigilant in our struggle to maintain sexual purity.  Sexual Purity is not a right, it is a privilege given to us, by God, on a daily basis, and we must always be grateful for that privilege and do whatever we can to maintain it.  We have not been and are not perfect, however, we will continue to strive for progress, not perfection in our recovery.

So we not only declare independence from our sexual impurity but also that we will do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety.  One moment at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Protecting My Son from a Pornified World

Originally posted: http://purelifepodcast.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/protecting-my-son-from-a-pornified-world/

by Frank Honess

On October 3, 2013, I became an incredibly proud father to Nathan Lee Honess, our new baby boy.  And the immense responsibility that I feel for our boy has never left my heart.  It’s true that when you become a parent, whether to a little boy or girl, an unexplainable love emerges from places you never knew existed within.

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I know that one of my primary roles as a dad is to be a protector to my son Nathan.  And while there will be many things in life that I can’t protect him from as he becomes a young man, there are countless things I can help him avoid until that day comes. Namely, helping in throughout the next 18 years to understand what it means to be a man of sexual purity.

I don’t know yet how that first conversation about sex is going to go.  Most likely it will be a tad bit awkward, and yet it will be a necessary one.  Until that conversation takes place (and beyond), there are a few areas that I want to model to my son in hopes of preventing him from making choices that will compromise his sexual integrity.

  1. Marriage — I want to show Nate how much I love his mom. Through words of affirmation, affection, and service.  And not only that, I want him to understand that his mom is also my wife.  Respecting the opposite sex, whether parent or sibling or friend is an incredibly crucial things to learn.  I want to Nate to see a healthy marriage in action.
  2. Technology — In an age of smartphones and tablets, technology has advanced to unimaginable places, and I can’t even begin to fathom what technology will look like when my boy is in his teens.  Regardless, I want him to enjoy it while also understanding that technology has limits.  Restrictions, time limits, and monitoring are all things I hope he will learn to appreciate.  Privacy will not even be given the chance to turn into secrecy.
  3. Spirituality — I don’t think it’s too naive to want my son to be more in love with Jesus than he is his iPad.  I want him to understand the importance pursuing purity in a sexually saturated world.  Being a man of integrity who makes choices that result in good character are rare today, and I want him to stand above the rest.

You might ask how these three areas can really prevent a child from accessing pornography and other sexual explicit material.  Perhaps they won’t.  The sad reality in our day is that children can literally be doing their homework on a computer and an advertisement that looks very innocent is really linked to a hardcore pornography website.

But I believe in investing as much love and truth in my son as possible.  Helping him build a strong foundation of integrity in his life is my goal.  And I believe that will go a long way if I’m able to do it well.  Ultimately, there will come a point where Nate will make his own decisions in life.  It’s my prayer that he’ll be reminded of two parents that did everything they could to equip and train him to be a man of sexual purity.