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Porn Aftermath: 3 Simple Steps to Help Your Child Process Their Feelings

Posted on July 18, 2013 by

Shocking WebsiteSadly, it’s inevitable. At some point your child is going to be exposed to pornography. Hopefully, you’ve talked to them about what it is and why it’s dangerous. But even after several porn talks, kids need help sorting out their confused feelings. If they feel comfortable talking with you after they’ve been exposed, you’ve just added another layer in their armor against pornography. Especially if you can stay calm and reassuring.

I recently came across an excellent video on the Women for Decency website produced by LifeStar Network, a pornography and sexual addiction recovery organization. Jeffrey Ford, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses three steps you can take to help your child after they’ve seen pornography.

worried-boy1. Ask: How did your body feel? Ford advises parents to recognize that pornography arouses sexual feelings, which physically feel good. Acknowledging that sexual arousal feels good will avoid shaming your child about having normal sexual feelings.

2. Ask: How did you feel emotionally? Kids often say they feel sick to their stomach or “yukky” after seeing pornography. This is confusing. How can my body feel good but my emotions feel so bad at the same time?

3. Explain that marriage is the right time to experience sexual feelings. Teach them that both their bodies and their emotions can feel good when they grow up and find someone they love to marry. Sexual feelings are good and normal and designed to bring two people together and keep them together in a committed and loving relationship like marriage.

mom-talking-with-11-year-old-son

Depending on the type of pornography they’ve seen you may also want to reaffirm that sex is not about hurting another person, but it’s about showing kindness and affection.

Pornography gives very mixed messages to kids, which are extremely confusing. The worst case scenario is to have a child turn to the internet for more information on pornography.  As a parent, you can provide a safe setting for sorting out the confused feelings produced by seeing pornography.

I highly recommend watching this 4 minute video What if my child has been exposed?

Please leave a comment and let me know if you thought it was helpful! Thanks!

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Pornography hurts… (Video)

Stacey tells her story of growing up in Africa, becoming a minister’s wife, and finding out her husband had a secret struggle with sexual addiction. Hear how God brought them through and restored their relationship.

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Greg’s Story (Video)

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Addiction Parallels in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – VIDEO

One of the gifts of recovery I have noticed is being able to recognize recovery-related themes in movies.  When I first watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy I was still in my addiction and was blind to the relationship between the One Ring and that of an Addiction.  However, having recently watched the trilogy, various aspects of the movie, in my opinion, directly relate to an addict’s fight against an addiction.

This 38 minute video consists of scenes from The Lord of the Rings trilogy as filmed by Peter Jackson and originally written in the 1950s by J.R.R. Tolkien.  The Lord of the Rings is an epic high fantasy novel written by English author J. R. R. Tolkien. The story began as a sequel to Tolkien’s 1937 children’s fantasy novel The Hobbit, but eventually developed into a much larger work.  The book consists of three volumes, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King.  

J. R. R. Tolkien once described The Lord of the Rings as “a fundamentally religious and Catholic work” he wrote to his friend, the English Jesuit Father Robert Murray, “unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision.“(The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, 142). There are many theological themes underlying the narrative, the battle of good versus evil, the triumph of humility over pride, the activity of grace, Death and Immortality, Resurrection, Salvation, Repentance, Self-Sacrifice, Free Will, Humility, Justice, Fellowship, Authority and Healing. In it the great virtues of Mercy and Pity (shown by Bilbo and Frodo towards Gollum) win the day and the message from the Lord’s Prayer “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” was very much on Tolkien’s mind as Frodo struggled against the power of the One Ring (Letters, 181 and 191). I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed editing it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest! (from http://tolkiengateway.net)

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