The story below was linked from an online news story and copied in its entirety. I hope this “self-loathing” sex addict has hit rock bottom. But by the second to last line, it sounds like he is still in denial of a problem…. May God grant him serenity!
It doesn’t pay to be a John. This is my story…
I write this piece as a warning to men in the DC metro area because I don’t want them making the same mistakes I did. In this large metropolitan area of nearly six million souls, you have people with a lot to lose; from your attorneys, business executives, scientists, and government employees, to your staffers that work on the Hill and even in the White House. So getting arrested (I’m not disclosing where I was arrested exactly) and having your reputation ruined is the last thing you want happening. Many of you who are repeat Johns or are thinking of becoming a John for the first time, need to think about that reality. I know it’s not something that really crosses your mind, but rest assured it can happen to you.
Take it from me, your former John. What I’ve done is now public information and is splattered all over the web. If you were to do a web search on my name, my mistake is there for the entire world to see. Sure it’s buried on the third or fourth page of search results, but eventually I’m going to have to answer for what I’ve done to anyone and everyone for the rest of my life. I wear a scarlet letter now.
I suppose I should be thankful. In other cities if you’re arrested for solicitation of prostitution; the police post a picture online along with your name and home address. It’s almost like you’re a sex offender, never mind that what you’ve done is a misdemeanor. They make if feel much worse; like it’s a felony. You’re almost expecting to be stoned to death in a public square.
What would drive any man to seek a prostitute and pay for sex you might ask. Some men are married and see escorts, while others are single. Some men are just lonely like myself. It takes all kinds–Eliot Spitzer, Jerry Springer, Hugh Grant, and David Vitter to name a few of the high profile cases. These are men who had everything, loving wives, great careers, kids, money and power, as opposed to the regular Joes (aka Johns, pun intended) with much less to lose, yet even that is too great a thing to willingly destroy.
As for me, I’m not married. I’m single. Actually I’ve always been single. I’m in my thirties and have never had a girlfriend. I’m not an attractive man. Women have never found me desirable. I was bullied a lot as an adolescent in grade school and this followed me all the way through my teenage years in high school. I wasn’t even safe in my own neighborhood. I was bullied for how I looked and for my ethnicity. I was a minority in a city full of minorities (I’m not originally from the DC metro area by the way). All of these attacks to my young persona destroyed me and the damage seems permanent. Even now, I really have no love for myself when it comes to my appearance. I value my ability to achieve and my intelligence, but other than that I don’t like myself very much. I am a lonely individual and loneliness can drive people to do the ridiculous.
My first sexual experience was with a lady of the night. It happened in my early twenties in the backseat of a friend’s car in the infamous Hunt’s Point section of the Bronx. After that experience it took me almost another decade to seek out paid sexual services again. I eventually came to the realization that I had hit my thirties and was a failure in my personal life. Everyone else I knew was either in a relationship, getting married or having children. This was how things are going to be I thought. I can only be with a woman if I pay for it and this is how things went for quite some time. I was now in the DC metro area & I used Craigslist to find my prospective “providers” until they shut that part of the site down and then I migrated to Backpage. Eros DC is another option but I found it was too expensive.
As I committed these acts, the thought of anything bad happening to me never crossed my mind. You hear about other Johns being arrested in the news, but you never think that you are going to be the one caught one day. Well, I was caught and let me tell you for what I’ve been through I’m never doing it again. I’ve never been in trouble with the law before and I don’t have a record, which is all the more reason why I found my arrest so traumatic.
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I found her on Backpage. She was advertised as the “perfect lover” a “busty Asian lovely doll.” She said she was Japanese. I gave her a call and asked her what her “donation” was. That’s the term you use when speaking to an escort. What you will often hear back is a monetary value followed by the word “roses” after it. In this case her donation was around a hundred “roses.” I then asked her where she was located. Sometimes they’ll ask you if you are a police officer first. Apparently, they think that by law if you’re a police officer you have to say that you are. Somehow, I doubt that.
In this case she did not ask of my “affiliation with any type of law enforcement.” I was given the address of a hotel where I was to meet her. When I was in front of that hotel I called her number again and was given her room number. When I knocked on the door and was let in I saw a woman who was not the woman I was expecting, this sadly is a reality of the escort underworld. She was much older but I went through with it anyway as many Johns often do in these scenarios.
After we were finished I proceeded to strike up a conversation. I learned that she was from China and was here on a visa. She had a husband that was still back in China. She was here to make money in one of the few professions open to someone here on a limited visa I suppose. She was heading back to China in August and this was only June. She was still learning to speak English and I found myself having to write down my sentences on a notepad so she could understand me better. I asked her what her age was and she answered with a question: how old was I? I told her my age and her next answer was that she was around that age too. It is only after we were all arrested and our names released to the public was I able to discern that she was actually much older.
It is at this time that I want to mention that I had actually seen her before. This was our second albeit unexpected meeting. Again, the Backapge advertising was false and I was expecting it to be someone else, but it was her again. As I left her place she gave me her number should I ever want to call on her directly again. Later, when talking to the police I would tell them that she wasn’t paying for the room herself. She was working for someone and would call them when a new John had arrived to confirm. I threw away the paper with her number on it as the police did not take it from me.
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I was leaving the hotel where I had just met my latest “friend” and was trying to justify the cost in my mind as I walked down a busy street bustling with nightlife. I was oblivious to my surroundings and I never saw my judge, jury and executioners coming. They appeared out of nowhere. The next thing I felt was the coldness of the glass window as I was forced up against it and then the tightness of the handcuffs as they were snapped into place on my wrists. It was open season on Mr. John. I was visible to everyone. Had anyone I knew seen me I don’t know what I would’ve done afterward to myself. I thought to myself that I rightfully deserved my fate and I am readily willing to admit it.
They were watching us Johns the whole time. As we went in an out of the rooms. In the end they got a whole bunch of us along with the escorts. It was a reverse prostitution sting without the female officer. They used the escorts that were there as the bait. I honestly should have turned back the minute I saw a police car in the parking lot leaving hurriedly, probably thinking that I spotted them or on their way to bust another John. But I wanted what I wanted and I paid the price. Even now when I walk past that hotel I look to see if they are staking the place out. I sometimes will see a police car parked there waiting for its prey. I then think about the poor fool who is about to be caught. Of course they use unmarked vehicles as well. If you see people standing around in a parking lot in plainclothes that’s them. All of this was being done the night I was caught, they actually didn’t come out of nowhere and I was stupid not to see the signs and know that they’re always watching.
I cooperated fully with the officers and told them everything they wanted to know. They spoke to me about the perils of prostitution. Besides the danger of STD’s (and yes I use protection) and the physical danger that these women are putting themselves into; I could also be robbed. They relayed to me some of the horror stories they’ve been subject to. While I too have read some of these stories online, having a police officer tell it to you in person really wakes you up to the reality.
So I appreciate what the police are doing and I know that I was wrong. All I’m saying is I’ll never do it again–not so long as I’m in a place where it’s illegal. The pain I’ve put myself through is not worth it. Now every time I’m walking and hear a car screech I flinch thinking it’s a cop coming for me.
I suppose I’ll rely on legal adult entertainment media from now on…
Don’t turn into me.
