CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 15: Structure

Recovery requires a schedule. That is what I am finding. A rhythm. A cadence. Whatever word you like. One day at a time is the mantra I hear in meetings. And each day has a schedule and a structure.

My days start at 5:45 am spending time reading my Bible. I joined a men’s Bible study through my church. I tried a few out until I found this one. I like it. We are going through 1 Timothy right now. Only about 10 verses at a time. We are going in-depth and the study takes about 20 minutes each day. I have never studied the Bible like this. It is starting to make sense to me. I see what others have meant about scripture coming alive.

I drive to work. My commute is usually about 45 minutes. I spend most of the drive in prayer but different prayer. I try and have a conversation with God. If I am going to know Him personally, I need to talk to him like a person. So I do. I tell Him how thankful I am for revealing truth to me every day. I talk to him about my struggles, my worries, my anxieties and my recovery. I thank Him for my wife and ask Him to keep healing her.  And I whine some, too. Recovery is hard. It sucks some days. I know He knows this, but I am practicing rigorous honesty!

I schedule my time at work. I don’t do well with empty, unplanned time. That’s when I find myself zoning out, searching the internet, not focused. My mind without focus is where my addiction lives. I don’t want to go there again. So, I schedule my time. I keep my priorities on my white board so I don’t lose sight of them. My counselor pointed out there is a dividing line from alone time to isolating. I don’t want to cross that line.

At lunch, I write my story or I text my recovery friends. My accountability partners. I say hello to my wife if she has time. I go for a walk outside and listen to a podcast or a recovery book on Audible or I listen to my recovery music playlist.

I leave work on time. I don’t find reasons to stay late, to avoid my family, to not go home. I have a call with an accountability partner on the way home, or I listen to a podcast or I just listen to recovery music until I get home. I check in with my wife to let her know when I leave and make sure she knows where I am.

I come in and see my wife and my children. I catch up with them about their day, what is happening, what is important to them. I stay engaged in their lives, stay present. We have dinner together if we are all there, but at the very least I get to spend some time with my wife catching up. Depending on the day, I may go to a recovery meeting (usually 3 or 4 per week).

When I get back home, my wife and I spend some time doing our intimacy exercises, talking about our feelings, what we love about each other, and we pray for each other after we read a devotion together.

My days and weeks are structured, simple, focused. Not chaotic. My addict thrives on chaos and uncertainty. This clarity and structure is new. I am thankful for it. I am thankful for the focus on what is important: to my God, my wife, my children and to me. In that order. This is new…and its recovery. And I just want it to be my life.

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 30: Recovery Clichés

Recovery is known for having a whole host of clichés that are passed around. Many are deep nuggets of wisdom buried inside an easy to remember saying. While some may seem trivial, they often have a deep truth to be explored.

Jorge and Doug discuss many of the clichés found in recovery. Most have roots in AA, but some are specific to those in Sex Addiction recovery.

Let us know if any of these clichés help you at puritypodcast@castimonia.org.

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Don’t Masturbate!

Not Biblically accurate but gets to the heart of the matter.

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What does the Bible say about compassion?

Originally posted at: http://altruistico.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/what-does-the-bible-say-about-compassion/
by altruistico

The Hebrew and Greek words translated “compassion” in the Bible mean “to have mercy, to feel sympathy and to have pity.” We know that, according to the Bible, God is “a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness” (Psalm 86:15). Like all of God’s attributes, His compassion is infinite and eternal. His compassions never fail; they are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, exemplified all of the Father’s attributes, including His compassion. When Jesus saw His friends weeping at the grave of Lazarus, He felt compassion for them and wept alongside them (John 11:33-35). Moved with compassion for the suffering of others, Jesus healed the large crowds who came to Him (Matthew 14:14), as well as individuals who sought His healing (Mark 1:40-41). When He saw the large crowds as sheep without a shepherd, His compassion led Him to teach them the things the false shepherds of Israel had abandoned. The priests and scribes were proud and corrupt; they despised the common people and neglected them, but Jesus had compassion on them, and He taught and loved them.

When asked what was the greatest commandment, Jesus responded that it is to love God with all our heart, mind and strength. But He added that the second commandment “is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:34-40). The Pharisee had asked Him which single command of God is the greatest, but Jesus provided two, stating not only what we are to do, but also how to do it. To love our neighbor as ourselves is the natural result of our loving devotion toward God.

First John 3:17 asks, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need, but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?” Originally made in His image, man is to exemplify God’s traits, including compassion. From this it follows that “If anyone says, ‘I love God’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen” (1 John 4:20). The Bible is clear that compassion is an attribute of God and of God’s people as well.

 

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 14: Emotions

“How is your anxiety level right now? Why don’t we raise it?”

That is what my counselor just told me after 45 minutes of session time. We spent most of the session with innocuous conversation and suggestions. Then he just asked me that question. I said that my anxiety level was low. He stated that was expected now that I was comfortable with the routine and knew what to expect.  Initially in counseling, I would have had a higher score due to heightened anxiety but would now be used to meeting with him.

At the beginning of the session, he said that he would probably try to heighten it soon but not now because I was expecting it. And so the session went on as we talked about the outcome of my recovery versus the process.  We discussed crafting my sobriety statement with my wife and how that should be similar to a mission statement, but one for my life and marriage.  I should make it a couple of concise sentences that I could remember and quote.

We spent several minutes on anger. My wife has anger and I don’t always know how to respond.  My counselor stated that the goal was to let yourself be angry without hurting anyone.  He specifically referenced Ephesians 4 where Paul talks about in your anger to not sin.  My counselor pointed out that God expects us to be angry and that anger is a necessity.  However, don’t sin, don’t “hurt” anyone including yourself in your anger.  Explore it, let it happen, dig into the root and secondly, don’t let the sun go down on your anger, in other words….deal with it.

And then he changed the focus, 45 minutes into a 1 hour session that turned into a 1 hour and 15 minute session. He asked me a simple question:

“How did you respond when your discovery occurred? Where did that drive you? How did you feel?”

I answered that maybe shame? I wasn’t sure.  I couldn’t name how I felt.

“So, where is your anxiety level now?”

I answered that it was high and rising.

“Why is that? So here is what I suspect and have suspected for some time.  Every week you come in here with this jolly front.  You seem and come across in a good mood. I think its a defense.  I think you are depressed.  You told me coming out of your disclosure that tests showed that you were depressed.  I think that is true.  I think you suffer from depression and probably anxiety.  So where is your anxiety level now?”

Through the roof, I said. And I am very uncomfortable.  I had never felt that emotion.  That touch on the base underlying depression that I didn’t know was there.  My wife has pointed out to me that she knew I hid my emotions, that I avoided them.  My counselor said the same thing.  He told me that he thought I didn’t know how to handle them or experience them, that they terrified me and I avoided them.  He suspected that I had difficulty naming my emotions at any time because I constantly avoided them and didn’t experience them.

“So how was that whole situation? How did that experience feel to you, touching your emotion? Did it feel raw?  I suspect it did.”

 Yes, that is exactly what I felt. Raw but more accurately……exposed.  Unprotected.  Vulnerable.  That was the most terrifying 10 minutes I have had in my recent memory, worse than discovery or disclosure.  My anxiety and terror were at a very high point.  Now what do I do with that?