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We Are All Wired For Affairs

I do not necessarily believe that we are “all wired for affairs” but found this information interesting, especially the negative emotional effects which the wayward spouse experiences.

affair_2314494bYou or your spouse are more likely to have an affair than you are to divorce. And your chances of divorce are already 50-50. An affair is devastating to almost everyone involved. It’s one of the most painful experiences that the jilted spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is also very painful for the children. Friends and members of the extended family are usually hurt as well. But what most people don’t realize is that the unfaithful spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. It almost always causes them to suffer acute depression, often with thoughts of suicide. With all this sadness, why do so many people do it? Affairs are almost always with friends and co-workers. That’s because the people you work with and those you spend leisure time with are usually in the best position to meet your most important emotional needs. But in the world of the internet, total strangers can also meet your emotional needs through chat rooms and e-mail because they meet your need for conversation so effectively. Do you and your spouse talk as much and as deeply as you talk to people on the internet? If not, watch out. As you probably know, an affair through the internet is becoming one of the most dangerous risks of owning a computer. We are all wired for affairs. The only people who are exempt are those who are utterly incapable of meeting someone else’s emotional needs. If you can’t meet anyone’s needs, no one will ever fall in love with you. But if your spouse has anything to offer others, and you are not meeting an important emotional need, commitment to “forsake all others” can become words without meaning. From “Coping With Infidelity” by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

“There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it’s the endings we’re unprepared for.” – From “Not To Us” By Katherine Owen

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Creating a New Culture: No Radio Needed

Originally posted February 19, 2013 · by

turnoffradioMany of us have felt it, thought it, and probably said it out loud, “Oh, what difference can I, just one person, make in this loud and porn-saturated culture?”

Honestly, there is something you can do…something that will make a difference for the next generation. It’s a small, yet significant step in the right direction, the kind that will help to create a new kind of culture: one that embraces truth and dignity.

Sounds like a grandiose vision, yet getting started takes one simple conscious act.

Turn off your radio.

Yes, it’s as simple as that!

Read the following song lyrics from Kesha’s new release (C’mon) and you be the judge of what kind of culture our sons and daughters are saturated in:

Feeling like I’m a high schooler, Sipping on a warm wine cooler.  

Hot ’cause the party don’t stop, I’m in a crop top like I’m working at Hooters. 

We been keepin’ it PG, But I wanna get a little frisky.

Come gimme some of it, yum like a lollipop, Let me set you free.

We’re both going home satisfied, Let’s go for it just for tonight,

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon. 

 I don’t wanna go to sleep, I wanna stay up all night, I wanna just screw around. 

I don’t wanna think about, What’s gonna be after this, I wanna just live right now

The misguiding, sexual and pornographic messages in these lyrics are so obvious that it seems pointless to over analyze or debate the fact. Just think about what exactly is being forecasted to a younger generation through these words.

And the second step? Begin talking to your kids.

Protecting kids from this kind of message means taking action and speaking up. When we do this, we get to influence our sons and daughters, instead of allowing the culture around them to have its way with their impressionable young minds. We get to help create a new culture for them to grow up in.

So, be encouraged – be empowered – turn off your radio and let the conversation begin…today!fam

Here are some other ideas for you to consider:

1) If you don’t want to turn the radio off, at least change the station and explain why to your kids.

2) Talk to your kids about sex; if you don’t, they’ll learn about it elsewhere (from Kesha?! One has to shudder!).

3) Tell your kids, at the appropriate age (and it’s younger than you think), the truth about pornography and all of its not-so-subtle messages pushed on them by the media.

4) Ask your son and daughter what they think about lyrics such as in this song…and really listen to their answer – you might learn something.

5) Critique your own music choices; if you wouldn’t want it for your daughter or son, then why listen to it?

6) Offer or introduce your kids to music that is inspiring, challenging, fun, beautiful, interesting, and emotive.  There is a treasure trove of great music in all styles; and as wisdom would tell us, the radio is not the best place to find innovation or true greatness.

7) Teach your kids that sex is a sacred gift from God; one that is to be enjoyed and valued, not a taboo, dirty subject.

8) Tell your daughter and son she/he is worth waiting for! Empower them to say ‘NO to sex…and, by the way, oral sex is sex!’

9)  Tell your kids that ‘screwing around’ leads 1 in 4 teens to having an STI – leaving many of our daughters affected for life.

10) Be grateful for every opportunity to talk about such issues and take advantage of them – you’ll get plenty of them!! Your kids will thank you one day…much later in life, of course!

11) And one more, call your local DJ and radio stations and tell them why you are offended by songs such as these and why you will not tune in.

Whatever you decide to do to help create a new culture of truth and dignity, remember this: it’s never too late to start – and you don’t even need a radio to do it!

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Coming From Inside You

imagescat0v1faMany partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you. From the book “Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction” by Alexandra Katehakis,

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Former ‘Scandal Queen’ Donna Rice Hughes on Becoming a Voice of Decency and Morality

Coming home:
Former ‘scandal queen’ Donna Rice Hughes on becoming a voice of decency and morality
by Marvin Olasky
http://www.worldmag.com/2013/01/coming_home/page1

hughes_1Late in 1987, the frontrunner for the following year’s Democratic nomination for president was Sen. Gary Hart. Reporters asked him about rumors of extramarital affairs, and he dared reporters to follow him. Two Miami Herald reporters staked out Hart’s Washington townhouse and saw Donna Rice, 29, going in one night and coming out the next morning. The National Enquirer soon after front-paged a photo of her sitting on Gary Hart’s lap. Seven years later Rice married Jack Hughes and joined the anti-pornography group Enough Is Enough: Today she is its CEO.

You grew up in Christian settings? From middle school up through high school and college I was very involved in youth group and choir. I was a summer missionary through the Southern Baptist Association and I dated Christian guys. I was really like a poster child for “good Southern Christian girl.”

When you graduated in 1980—a magna cum laude biology major at the University of South Carolina—did you know what you wanted to do next? I really was not sure. I knew I wanted to make a difference.

What happened over the next seven years? Toward the end of my college career, I started making these little left turns. Before long I was dating some non-Christian guys and thought, “That’s not a big deal.” As soon as I graduated I lost my virginity when I was date-raped by one of those non-Christian guys. I was Miss South Carolina in the Miss World pageant and was on my way to New York. That was the catalyst. I went radically prodigal for seven years.

It started with subtle compromises? It’s hard to believe how you can go from here to there—you don’t go there overnight, you go there by little wrong choices. I saw Hart only twice—but all that said, God had been trying to get my attention prior to that, and it took an international sex scandal because I was stubborn. God will track you down. He will let things happen, the natural consequences of our choices.

So suddenly you’re infamous: What happened then? It was a year and a half of hell. I had been a model, so all these old bathing suit pictures of me were popping up on covers of magazines all over the world. I was being called names you wouldn’t believe. Playboy said we’ll do an interview—it will start at a million dollars and go up, depending on what you’re willing to say.

You did the one commercial for No Excuses jeans—and what about the other temptations? I was offered some of the things I had wanted. The chairman of CBS saw me on Barbara Walters’ show and said, “Do you want to do drama, news, daytime, nighttime, whatever?” Millions of dollars thrown my way, blank checks at times, a lot of exploitive things—and over here God saying, “Come home.” I started taking baby steps back to the Lord. There were no good role models of women who had been in situations like this whose reputations had been restored and redeemed. So I started my journey back to the Lord and went underground for seven years.

Where did you go to get away from this? I hid in plain sight, living in Northern Virginia with a family, taking care of a disabled lady. Eventually I moved to California and started a production company, but moved back to the Washington area, planning to get married, and took a job with Enough Is Enough as communications director.

You’ve now been at it for almost two decades. Give us a two-minute education in the current pornography problem. Nine out of 10 kids have seen pornography on the internet. The pornographers put free pictures and free videos and everything else on the internet in order to get people to come to their site and get hooked on the material before they ever get charged for it. We have today, in this country, absolutely no regulation with respect to softer-core material. The harder-core material, including sex acts or any deviant material like bestiality, group sex, and rape, violence, everything else, is prosecutable for adults as well as for minor children.

But those laws aren’t enforced. They’re not, so it’s freely available for anyone, including kids. Then there is child pornography showing a child who’s being abused. It’s a huge business on the internet, and kids as well as adults have free and easy access to that as well.

The battle against sex trafficking is a strong priority for a lot of college students, but is “pornography” a cold topic right now? Yes, but pornography fuels the trafficking business: Someone gets hooked on it and wants to have the sexual experiences he’s seeing. Most anyone who’s been trafficked is appearing in pornography on the internet, and that fuels more and more of the behavior—a vicious cycle.

A lot of folks say, “Sure, I’m against something involving children, but with consenting adults it’s a private matter.” Why is it a public matter? The Witherspoon Institute has gathered the evidence of the harms against men and women from the addiction standpoint and how this fuels sexual abuse. There has been a rise in sex crimes by children against other children imitating what they’ve seen in pornography. Brain science is showing how this affects the chemicals in your brain: These images get so imprinted that it’s very hard to get them out of your mind and experience any type of sexual satisfaction without that material. There’s a whole epidemic of young men who are using Viagra because they are having trouble relating to their wives because of pornography. There is a big trend now with business people losing their jobs: About 40 percent of people who are sex addicts lose their jobs because of their addiction. They can’t stop, and then of course you’ve got acting out.

If you hadn’t visited Gary Hart in Washington and painfully become the center of a sex scandal, do you think you would have continued in the mistaken course you had set over the seven years since graduating from college? I really don’t know. Prior to going up to Washington, where The Miami Herald followed me, I had made a deal with God. I had said, “I just need to have one more conversation with this person, and then I’m coming back to you, Lord.” I hope I would have done that—but who knows? Oddly, I was Miss Scandal Queen 1987 and now I’m seen as this voice of decency and morality. That’s a God thing.

Copyright © 2013 God’s World Publications. All rights reserved.

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Study: Watching porn boosts support for same-sex marriage

Study: Watching porn boosts support for same-sex marriage
February 4, 2013 | 8:51 am
by Paul Bedard

There is no delicate way to say this: Exposure to pornography softens opposition to same-sex marriage among the largest group of naysayers, heterosexual men.

A new scholarly analysis suggests that the more straight guys, especially those who are less educated, watch pornographic videos, the more they warm to same-sex marriage. The reason: Porn opens their mind up to accepting non-traditional sexual situations, like gay sex.

“Our study suggests that the more heterosexual men, especially less educated heterosexual men, watch pornography, the more supportive they become of same-sex marriage,” Indiana University Assistant Professor Paul Wright told Secrets.

Explaining the findings of the analysis published in the authoritative Communication Research journal, Wright said, “Pornography adopts an individualistic, nonjudgmental stance on all kinds of nontraditional sexual behaviors and same-sex marriage attitudes are strongly linked to attitudes about same-sex sex. If people think individuals should be able to decide for themselves whether to have same-sex sex, they will also think that individuals should be able to decide for themselves whether to get married to a partner of the same-sex.”

He added: “Since a portion of individuals’ sexual attitudes come from the media they consume, it makes sense that pornography viewers would have more positive attitudes towards same-sex marriage.”

Consequently, the results of the study co-authored by Ashley Randall of the University of Arizona, could be interpreted as suggesting that backers of same-sex marriage should encourage men to watch more porn.

The authors tapped into National Science Foundation-funded studies of some 500 heterosexual men over the past six years. “Pornography consumption did predict over-time increases in support for same-sex marriage,” the duo found.

Of note, the authors suggested that since lesbian porn “is quite popular among males,” the change seen in the men toward same-sex marriage suggests “a change in males’ attitude regarding male-male marriage.”