CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 49: Replacement Therapy

Replacement therapy. Ever heard of that? So replacement therapy is when you try to make up for a deficit of a substance normally present in the body. Think nutrients or blood. Sounds simple enough and logical. Tonight I heard about another type of replacement therapy. Replacing the negative and destructive thoughts and behaviors with positive or good thoughts and behaviors. I will have to admit, I never thought of this type of replacement therapy.

I went to a group meeting tonight. The Tuesday one I like that isn’t too large. The leader is consistent, kind, and encouraging. Not bad qualities to have. So tonnight the topic was on Step 7 and humbly asking God to remove all our shortcomings. Did you catch that word? Humbly. Yeah, that one. So the steps leading up to Step 7 are focused on identifying those flaws and character defects that have led us down this path. Sorry, to identify those that have led ME down this path. I have done that. I have done Step 7. I have humbly asked him to remove them. I have also witnessed that happen. He has instantly removed some, He hasn’t others. I kind of expected them to all go away immediately. Yeah, I was that dumb. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

We went through the meeting, everyone shared. And the leader was closing the meeting. Until one guy I know and knew before recovery had something else to say. I am glad he interrupted because I hadn’t really tuned in to the discussion because I had already done Step 7 and asked God to remove my shortcomings. So obviously I had this, right? I was an expert. Only, I almost missed it. And I love how God connects everything.

He stopped us and said he wanted to say one more thing that was important to him. Something he almost missed when working Step 7 that his sponsor pointed out to him. He said he would have missed it because he hadn’t seen this written down anywhere. Ok, I am listening now. He said that his sponsor encouraged him to not just humbly ask God to remove his flaws and defects of character. He should also ask God to REPLACE them with fruits of the spirit. Where his flaw was focus on self, he prayed that God would not only remove that but give him the desire to focus on others before himself. That when you remove a behavior or trait from your life, something has to fill it. So why not be intentional in seeking out fruits of the spirit to fill in for my flaws? Wow.

In my life, I have removed many of the destructive behaviors I previously had. I have filled in that time with relationships in recovery, with writing, with presence in my wife and kids lives. I spent this morning reviewing my flaws from my Step 4. God, I have asked you to remove my arrogance. Replace it with a spirit of humility. Remove my flaw of criticism and replace it with the gift of encouragement. Take my pride, please Lord take my pride, and replace it with a knowledge of my identity in and through you. Thanks for the word at group, my friend. Replacement therapy is what I call it. What an amazing gift God gives us. The opportunity in recovery to know our flaws, identify them by name, and seek His help in replacing them. Pretty damn cool.

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 48: Can Someone Spare Some Peace??

I was sitting in group tonight, caught up in my everyday life. The stressful day I had with my job. The things I needed to do at home. Worrying about my kids and the issues they have in their lives. Wondering what kind of mood my wife would be in when I got home, hoping for a relaxing and peaceful night. Peaceful. To be at peace. What does that mean? There are multiple definitions. I kind of like this one courtesy of Miriam-Websters: a state of serenity or tranquility. Ok, I am not aware of that state. I am most certainly not at peace.

So God has this great way of continuing to reinforce the lessons He has for me. Like this one. About peace. And that I am not familiar with that state. Just as I am thinking about peace and my lack of it and how I am sure I am the only one who isn’t at peace, another guy in our group says that he is afraid to be at peace. He never has been and in anxious just thinking about being at peace. Yeah, exactly. Not worrying makes me….worried!

Romans 5:1 says that since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we can have peace. 1 Peter 3 says that we are to seek peace and pursue it. In John 14, Jesus told us He was leaving his peace with us. The great writer C.S. Lewis said that God could not give us happiness and peace apart from himself. Yet…I am not comfortable with the idea of being at peace. I don’t know how to be at peace.

So then another guy said something that really solidified it for me. He said that he had been a Christian since he was 15 but he was just now grasping it, what it actually meant to be a Christian. He had been living in God’s grace but not pursuing righteousness. He hadn’t really been living out his faith. I had to just stop and meditate on that and how it applied or didn’t apply to me. It does. Apply to me, I mean. Stay with me.

When I did Step 3 and turned over my life and my will to the care of God, I chose to turn over my thoughts and actions to Him. What I haven’t done is really pursue His righteousness. I have been trying to live out the steps, to follow them, to use them as my path of sanctification. However, I hadn’t really consciously pursued God’s righteousness, to seek to become more like Him in how I live my life.

So what does that have to do with peace and being at peace? According to His word I can have peace because I have been made right in His sight by faith. Not only can I have it, I am supposed to PURSUE it. Really truly seek it out and aspire to leave at peace. That is a little different than where I am at the moment, not at peace. So, this is something I aspire to, to be at peace. At least some of the time. And peace for me means a state of serenity and tranquility. I like that goal. God, grant me peace.

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 47: Friendship is a Gift

My wife has mentioned many times throughout the last year of my recovery that she likes that I have friends. Yeah, me too. Only she meant real friends. Not acquaintances. Not people I say hello to, how is it going, what’s up (sup for you millennials), or how’s work? No, she means David and Jonathan type of friends. Funny how God keeps improving my constant contact with Him. See, I was in Bible study not long ago and the lesson was on, yep you guessed it, friendship. What real friendship means. Not what I thought it was or meant.

So as many of you know, Bible studies are required to have five main points. Or that is how it seems to me. Sermons have three main points, Bible studies have five main points. I think that is a law. Somewhere in Malachi or Amos I think. Anyway, this Bible study had five main points. Stay with me, they were good ones.

The entire focus of this Bible study was about the friendship between David and Jonathan. Yep, that David. The adulterer, murderer, man after God’s own heart. And Jonathan, basically the rightful heir to the throne who was being usurped by David and who loved him more than he loved the idea of being a king. 1 Samuel 23 outlines their friendship, again focusing on five main points of how Jonathan and David demonstrated friendship. Basically, you demonstrate your friendship through:

  • Presence – a Biblical friend shows up, even when it isn’t convenient
  • Prayers – you pray for your friends; not that lip service stuff, real prayer where you lift up your friend and their needs to your Father
  • Protection – you step up for your friends, even if it involves sacrifice or risk to you; especially when they can’t protect themselves
  • Personal loyalty – friends mess up, sometimes badly; Biblical friends have “fierce allegiance” especially when they stumble
  • Promise – friends seal friendship with loyalty, with a promise to be a friend; that means always

After I entered recovery, let me be clear – after I was found out to have lied to everyone around me, I had to tell a friend that I had kept a whole part of myself from him. This was someone I had spent almost every Saturday morning with on long runs for the past 6 years. I had to tell him that I hadn’t been completely open with him, that I had kept things from him, that I had purposefully lied to him to make myself look better and to protect myself and my sin from being found out. So really all those five points above, I had kept none of them.

I didn’t know how he would react. I feared he would not want to be my friend. Ok, I knew that he wouldn’t just walk away. I knew he was too much of a Biblical friend to do that. I expected that he would agree to be my accountability partner and he would help me to stay accountable and transparent and honest. I expected him to be my friend. I didn’t expect that he would let me be his friend as well. See, he didn’t cut himself off from me. He didn’t keep things from me or not trust me with his struggles or issues or stumbles. He let me practice and learn to be a Biblical friend to him. That gift has been huge.

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 46: Me and God

If you have been reading my posts, you are aware that I am an expert at working each one of the steps. For those of you that haven’t been reading my posts, shame on you and I am practicing sarcasm. I am most definitely not an expert at working the steps. I think I know what to expect and find that I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Also, if you have or haven’t read my stuff, I am convinced that my sponsor is a sadist. Or more likely, he really enjoys watching me squirm. I am sure in a good, productive, healthy way. But he most assuredly finds continual amusement in watching me struggle with my flaws. Honestly, I think he just enjoys watching God help me identify and name and work on them. That I get.

So, here I am. About 300 days into recovery. I am on step 11. For those of you that don’t know step 11, don’t be lazy. Look it up. Read it. Meditate on it. I am not going to quote it exactly. Its basically about improving my conscious contact with God. Ok, so I am ready for that. I think. I know I want my contact with God to improve. I recognize that His mercy, grace and love are all involved in my recovery and growth. So how do I improve it? Additional prayer? More church? Intensive Bible study? Well…as I mentioned in paragraph one, my sponsor likes watching me squirm. So not exactly.

I will be transparent, I figured this step would be easy. I thought I would just do more. Yeah, you read that right. Do. How has that whole trying to do more myself thing worked out for me to this point? Not so well. So, my sponsor said he was worrying about me doing too much. And that to improve my constant contact with God, I needed a process for recovery decisions. Ok, not really sure how this relates? I wasn’t either so bear with me. Basically, my decision making is not good, leaves a lot to be desired, is no bueno, doesn’t have the best track record…ok, I am being kind. My decision making sucks. Example: Several months after going through a detailed listing of all of my sexual sin with my wife in a process called disclosure, I remembered something. Something I hadn’t told her. It had nothing to do with anything specifically related to her. She wasn’t at any risk by not knowing this. However, I was sure that I needed to tell her. So I spoke with my accountability guys, my sponsor, my guys in group…they all asked if I had a screw loose. Why on earth would I tell her something that would hurt her that had no bearing on past actions or future risk. Uhhhhhh…ok, see what I mean? Not great decision making. So, I need help.

So, I worked through a process. How to make recovery decisions. I drew this neat little decision tree diagram. I talked it over with my wife, my counselor, my sponsor, other guys in recovery. I implemented it and started using it. The key steps are:

  • Is it bigger than me
  • What does God say
  • Pray over it for 7 days with my wife
  • What does my circle say (counselor, sponsor, accountability guys)
  • Do I have time

And I use it. I have a process. A process for making sure God is at the center of my decision making. You know, increasing my constant contact with God by including Him in my decisions. After all, He promises work in all things for His good and according to His good purpose. Pretty damn cool.

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Tuesday July 4th Meeting at Cinco Ranch Church of Christ Cancelled

Our host church, Cinco Ranch Church of Christ will be closed in observance of Independence Day on Tuesday, July 4th so we are canceling the Castimonia Tuesday night meeting at this church. The meeting will resume the following Tuesday night at its regular time and location.

For an alternate meeting, please visit the Sugar Land location at the Vineyard Church.

Tuesday Nights
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Vineyard Church of Sugar Land
Mosaic Room (Ring door bell and enter through FRONT door.  Go to the second floor)
5015 Grove West Boulevard
Stafford, TX  77477
Contact: Troy P. at 713.906.6658 or rphtroy@gmail.com