CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

human trafficking

By

Recovery Themes in Disney Animated Movies – VIDEO

I often wonder, of all the movies I have viewed in my life, how many of these movies had a recovery-related theme.  It wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie.

I’m a big fan of animated movies, I think Disney (and others) have done a tremendous job of inserting some of these themes in their movies so I picked out a few of the movies and decided to compile them into one film.  Of course, because of the numerous amount of Disney movies out there and my limited time, I only chose four of these movies, of which I recall vividly. The first, “Wreck-it Ralph” is one of my favorites, showing good recovery and support, a trauma response, and self sacrifice.  The second, Monsters University, has a scene where friends become real with one another, something you rarely see outside of recovery rooms. The third, “Finding Nemo” is a classic “Father wound” (yes I cried), trauma response, recovery meeting, and relationship trust movie.  Finally, I picked out one short scene from a non-Disney movie, “Despicable Me 2.” You’ll understand why I chose it when you see it.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

By

Wayward

16 August, 2013 http://singledelight.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/wayward/

She always has an impeccable sense of timing; when the light fades but there’s still enough left to set her skin aglow. She turns, and in the right angle, the shadow hides her hands, and her allure is highlighted to set sparks in the eyes that turn her way. Her feet never stay at home, and she’s everywhere at once – in the streets, the squares, the corners that churn out a restless chaos.

She has a way with words, her sweet voice charming the ears of even those who hear, saying everything that wants to be heard. It’s a voice that speaks only to desire, stirring it into a roaring fire.

She has a way with her body, as if certain actions were engraved in her muscles before she was born. She holds people and places kisses with a brazen face, and her mouth never stops moving. It’s her mouth that makes money; that paves a highway to her house and to the grave.

She leaves a trail for those foolish enough to follow, made of those who are none the wiser.

Adapted from Proverbs 7

By

Father’s Day

Originally posted on June 17, 2012

In celebration of Father’s Day, I would like to tell you a short story about my father’s day 2008.  It was the first time I attended my current Church, The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  My wife and I dropped off our 10 month old baby girl in the nursery for the first time.  I was nervous and throughout the entire service, I was worried they would call one of our cell phones to tell us that she needed to be picked up from childcare!  To be honest, I don’t remember the content of the service (apologies to our family pastor who typically preaches on Mother’s and Father’s Day – Robert Jackman), I wish now I had.

When we went to pick up our daughter, I was overjoyed at how happy she was when we picked her up.  And then my “heart strings” were tugged!  The attendants in the nursery handed me a father’s day gift.  I looked at it and read it, and was so grateful for this gift that I made a decision that this was going to be the church for my family.  The nursery attendants took the time to place my daughter’s hand in paint and place her tiny hand print on a poem and frame the paper they used (see the photo to the side).  WOW!  My wife and I now work in the nursery with the infants and sometimes we can get overwhelmed with children, but the fact that these selfless people took time out of their stressed-out baby duty to do this for all the fathers was fantastic!

At the time, I did not realize that us visiting that father’s day and the poem were a “God Thing.”  As I look back at the last 4 years, I can obviously see that it definitely was.  It was less than a year later that I entered recovery for my sexual addiction and it was this church (more importantly the body of Christ – the members) that supported me in my recovery.  To be honest, up until I entered recovery, I was not involved in the church. I was one of those husbands, fathers, men that would come sit on Sunday mornings and let it go in one ear and out the other.  My biggest question after church was “what’s for lunch?”  I just was not invested in the church.

And then my life fell apart, and who was there to help me put things back together?  The body of Christ!  I began getting involved in church activities such as a couple of men’s Bible studies including one on Joseph, a Man of Integrity and Forgiveness (Swindoll).  It was during the study of Joseph where I confessed to having a sexual addiction.  I believe most of the men in the room were shocked and silent.  During the study on lesson 2, resisting temptation, I admitted my past sexual sin.  The funny thing is, after the study a couple of guys came up to me and also told me they struggled with about the same issues as I did.

From there, I took a Men’s Fraternity course, the Quest for Authentic Manhood that addressed a lot of my wounds growing up as well as showing me how the Bible defines manhood.  I continued on to various Christian studies and then in June 2010 I started the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group, meeting for the first time on Saturday, June 12, 2010.

Had it not been for the experience at the nursery on father’s day of 2008, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  I pray all fathers in recovery have had similar experiences and that they can reflect on how God used the love of their children to draw them closer to Him.  And for fathers that are still living in sexual sin and need a reason to get out, I would like for you to look into the eyes of your children and understand that if you remain in that secret sexual sin, then there is a high probability your children too will inherit that sin or marry someone who has their own sexual sin.  Had I stayed in my addiction and kept it secret, I am certain that my daughters would have grown up to marry someone who carried the same character defects and same sexual secrets as I did.  Furthermore, if I had sons, it would be much worse for them as they would end up with some sort of intimacy disorder, such as sex addiction, if I had kept up my isolation and secrets.  So please seek help and step into the light, the path of recovery is not easy, but it is so much better than a life of sexual impurity.  It is a much better life for you, your wife, and especially your children!

Happy Father’s Day!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

By

Reasons to Take Back a Cheating Husband

http://repairingshatteredpieces.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/reasons-to-take-back-a-cheating-husband/
Posted in Affair by

Mercicouple4-640x360

A friend e-mailed me this article last week, 10 Reasons Not to Take Back a Cheating Husband.  She’s a long recovered betrayed spouse and we’ve talked quite a bit about our reasons for reconciling.

I think this is such a personal and individual decision.  I would never tell someone who is facing infidelity in their lives to stay and reconcile or to divorce.  I can only say what I did for me.  I mean I went against even my own initial thoughts on infidelity when I found out.  I always said I would never stay married to a cheater.  No questions asked, he would be gone.  But then, it happened to me.  Suddenly, all the “I never’s” changed in an instant.  Somehow things were different.

I know many people do not understand why I chose to stay with my husband and try to reconcile once, let alone after multiple DDay’s and AP’s.  Here’s the thing though, all that matters in the end is that *I* chose to stay and I have to be accountable for that decision, just as he is being held accountable for his decision to have multiple affairs.  His infidelity almost broke us, however we’re choosing a different path.  It’s the hardest work of my life, but hopefully worth it in the end.

So I’d like to counter the article and give 10 reasons to take back a cheating husband:

  • The Relationship will never be the same, but it can be better.  I’d like to challenge the article saying that “usually” the relationship can not be better after infidelity.  It CAN.  But it takes a lot of work and a remorseful spouse.  Yes, trust is lost, but that trust can be rebuilt over time.  Transparency and honestly always are a must, on BOTH spouses.  By work, I mean counseling both marriage and individual.  Deep introspection into the why’s of how the affair began.  Open and honest discussions.  And most importantly?  The wayward spouse has to take on the role of healer and help the betrayed spouse heal.
  • Cheating can happen in any relationship at any time, by fixing your current relationship, there is less risk in the future.  Throwing in the towel does not guarantee infidelity will not hit your life again.  In fact, the risk goes up in second marriages.  By working on your current relationship, trying to dig deep to fix what is broken, you have a chance at not only repairing your relationship, but stopping infidelity in its tracks.
  • You teach your children that cheating is not acceptable but you can recover.  By staying with my husband, I am NOT teaching my children that cheating is acceptable.  They are seeing the hard work that both of us are doing to repair our marriage.  They know that by choosing to stay it was a difficult decision.  They also know that I am not a door mat and that if, heaven forbid, my husband does cheat again, there will NOT be another chance.  But they also see that we are FIGHTING for our marriage and each other.  Some times, marriages are so disposable, we are showing them that we are choosing a different path.
  • Therapy is worth the money.  I began seeing a therapist long before I found out about my husband’s infidelity.  Therapy has made me a better person.  Therapy has changed my life.  Therapy has changed OUR lives.  Therapy has helped my husband in more ways than I can count.  I’m sure I would have found numerous ways to waste that money, like on shoes or take out.  Instead I see it as an investment.
  • 447604aa047b052d09d2315d93508a18I never lost my self-respect.  I never lost it.  Yes, my self-esteem took a hit, but even that is back now.  But my self-respect?  I never lost it.  I did not cheat, therefore, I had nothing to lose my self-respect for.  My husband?  He did.  By staying in my marriage, I find that is something TO BE respected for.  It is not easy to either end a marriage or fight for a marriage.  However, to say one loses their self-respect because they choose to work at repairing their marriage?  Hog-wash.  In my husbands eyes, my children’s eyes and more importantly in my eyes, I have earned that respect.
  • Things CAN get better.  If you have a unremorseful spouse, of course things can get worse, but if you have a remorseful spouse, who wants to help repair the marriage, make amends for the pain they caused, your marriage can come out stronger and better than ever.  Will you forget?  No.  There will always be memories and some pain attached, like any trauma suffered.  However, you can heal, you can grow, and you can have a chance to make your marriage into something you’d always wanted.
  • There is no easy way.  Regardless if you choose to reconcile or divorce, there is no easy way.  Neither is harder than the other.  Both are f******* hard, both cause pain and heartache.  Both cause growth, both can have happy endings or not.  Hopefully it’s the former.
  • I *DO* need a partner.  I don’t have a child.  He was never a child, he made very adult decisions.  Drastic, devastating ones.  He was a crap partner for a while, I admit that.  However, now, he’s become an amazing partner.  Frankly, as long as he was willing, I’d rather be with him, who I’ve spent the last 13 years with and have him work on becoming an amazing partner, than to divorce, start over and have a crap shoot guessing game if I’d get a good partner or not.  Even if I divorced my husband, there is no guarantee that I’d end up with a good partner.  I could end up with another cheater!  (High probability in second marriages).  It is correct that it isn’t my job to fix him, but you see, I’m not fixing him, he’s fixing himself, and we are BOTH fixing the marriage.
  • I *DO* deserve better, and he’s becoming better.  He’s becoming the man I always wished for, the one I always knew he could be and our marriage is becoming better.  In turn *I* am becoming better.  Again, there is no guarantee that I will find better if I divorce.  Instead we are making better together.
  • I do NOT need a reason.  I don’t *need* to justify my reasons to anyone as to why I’ve chosen to reconcile with a cheater.  However, I have opened up to you all as to why I have made the decision I have.  I believe in us, I believe in our marriage, I believe we have something worth fighting for.

These are just are a few of my reasons as to why I took back a cheater.

By

Stereotype of the Heroic Male

o-men-take-more-pain-men-570When upset, women are more likely to express their feelings directly, and to seek the support of friends and family, whereas men might hide their emotions or withdraw. Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant. They are sometimes focused on providing for their loved ones and hide their own emotions. This behavior is reinforced everyday in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behavior within our society. More powerful than film characters are the roles we see our parents playing. Many men have experienced fathers who were emotionally distant, who rarely, if ever, cried or expressed affection outwardly. The way we see our parents behave becomes the unconscious template for our own behavior. It is helpful to think in terms of four basic human emotions: Sadness; Anger; Happiness; Fear. Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss. As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able cope on their own. We might not always be able to identify what we’re feeling or have the words to describe our emotions. Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief.  https://www.google.com/search?q=men+emotions&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&ie=&oe=

“Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” – Vincent Van Gogh