Short intro video for church about things we tell ourselves that God disagrees with.
co-dependency
Step 4 Resentments Topic: 4 Things Forgiveness Is Not (Part II)
Originally posted at: http://ignitedisciples.com/2016/08/29/4-things-forgiveness-is-not-part-ii/
by Jon Kragel
“…God’s grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver… From the earliest parts of the Bible, it was understood that God could not forgive without sacrifice. No one who is seriously wronged can “just forgive” the perpetrator… But when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the dept. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness, then is costly.” Tim Keller
Forgiveness can be costly. But choosing not to forgive can and will be more harmful to your heart in the long run. Next week, we will take a look at a biblical definition and discussion of what true forgiveness looks like, but for today, I want to continue our clarification on what forgiveness is NOT…
Last week, I shared that forgiveness is NOT forgetting what happened. If forgetfulness is our goal, we will be sadly disappointed. Also, forgiveness is NOT absent of consequences. For a deeper look into these concepts, read here. Let’s look at two more ways to F.A.I.L. at forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness is NOT Ignoring the pain.
Trying to ignore the pain that comes with forgiving someone is like shaking up a can of soda and not expecting it to explode when you open it. The hurts, pains, suffering, and debts in our life often leave scars. I had ACL replacement surgery in my knee back in 2004. I still see the scar every time I bend down to tie my shoe. While Jesus rose from the dead to provide victory over sin, He still had scars in His hands and feet from wear the nails went it during the crucifixion. While some scars are physical, more common are the scars that are etched into our memories, emotions, and our minds. We can have relational scars, and sometimes spiritual scars.
Here’s the thing… scars might describe our past, but they do not determine our present, and they do not dictate our future. Psalm 23 does not say that we walk around the valley of the shadow of death, but rather we walk through valley of the shadow of death, because we have God with us. Stop trying to ignore the pain. Forgiveness is not ignoring the pain, but rather forgiveness is born from the center of our pain.
4. Forgiveness is NOT a License to keep on sinning.
John Piper once said, “Jesus did not come to simply cover sin, but to conquer sin.” Forgiveness is the first step to reconciliation, but reconciliation requires both parties to be involved. Your relationship with the person might not be reconciled immediately (two way), but you can choose to forgive that person now (one way). We should ultimately seek reconciliation and a restored relationship, but understand that forgiveness is just the first step. When you forgive someone, you’re not saying that it’s okay for that person to do the same thing again and again. An interesting contrast can be found in Galatians 6:2 and 6:5. In verse two, we’re called to bear one another’s burdens, but in verse five, everyone must carry their own load. Notice that each person is required to take responsibilities for their own actions (load), but Christians can support and help each other through various difficult problems and circumstances (burdens). Don’t enable a person to continue making poor choices, but rather encourage them to follow the ways of God.
Romans 6:1-2
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom’s sake that Christ died to set us free.
We’re not called as Christians to be victims. We’re called to be victorious. We’re not called to be cowards. We’re called to be courageous. Forgiveness is often not about the consequences of the person’s actions against you. Instead, forgiveness is about God’s greater sacrifice already made for your sins and the sins of the person who hurt you. Free yourself through learning to forgive others, trusting that any power to forgive comes from the fact that Christ first forgave us. Next week, we’ll dive deeper into what it means to forgive, as I will offer practical steps and suggestions that can help you learn to forgive someone, but for today, remember that…
Forgiveness is NOT (F.A.I.L.)
- Forgetting what happened.
- Absent of consequences.
- Ignoring the pain.
- License to keep on sinning.
What thoughts, comments, and questions do you have on the topic of forgiveness? Please leave a comment below, or feel free to email me at jkragel@northridge.org, and I will try to address questions in next week’s post. Thanks for taking the time to read this article, and I hope that you found it helpful.
Make it a great day, and God bless!
Jon Kragel
High School Pastor
North Ridge Community Church
Step 4 Resentments Topic: 4 Things Forgiveness Is NOT (Part I)
Originally posted at: http://ignitedisciples.com/2016/08/22/4-things-forgiveness-is-not-part-i/
by Jon Kragel
No one says when they were a child, I want to grow up to be a bitter, jaded, angry person, who spends his days hoping for revenge…but the reality is life is tough. We’re in a broken, sinful world, where we go through trials, tribulations, and difficult circumstances. Unfortunately, there are times when people hurt us. But thankfully, we have a God who has saved us from this world, and while we hurt Him… nailed Him to the cross even… He if faithful and just to forgive. And as I stand in the freedom and light found only His forgiveness, I can find it in my heart to forgive those who hurt me. In this three week blog series, I want to talk about the challenges we face when trying to forgive someone who has hurt us. Conflict is inevitable. Growth is optional. I believe if we learn these principles, discuss them with our kids, and apply them on a regular basis, we will be better in our relationships.
Forgive – to cancel a debt
We can forgive others because Christ first forgave us. He cancels our debt because our sins were paid on the cross. Canceling a debt does not mean the debt does not exist, but rather, you don’t expect the other person to pay it any longer. In week three of this blog series, I will talk more about a biblical definition and description of what it means to forgive. I will also offer four steps to forgiving someone. Now, in these first two weeks, however, I wanted to clarify what forgiveness is NOT. You see, one of my hangups over the years in forgiving people is my faulty understanding of forgiveness. I felt that if I forgave someone, I was saying what that person did was okay. That is simply not the case. Forgiveness is the first step to trust and reconciliation, but forgiveness is not the only step to reconciliation. They are not exclusively the same thing. If you want to truly forgive someone, then avoid that these four ideas. If you want to F.A.I.L. at forgiving someone, then try doing these four things.
1. Forgiveness is NOT Forgetting what happened.
You might have heard the saying “forgive and forget,” but while that saying may be commonplace, it’s not practical. In understanding Scripture, we have to match premise with reality. We have to match principle with practice. For example, Isaiah 43:25 does say that God “remembers our sins no more,” but God is also omnipotent and omniscient, meaning He’s all-powerful and all-knowing. If God forgets something, then He is not God. What does this verse mean then? God does not “forget” our sins, but rather, He does not act toward us in light of our past sins once they are forgiven. Face it… the reality is that you will not forget anytime soon if someone hurts you deeply. It’s okay. Acknowledge what the person did. Recognize how it hurt you. The key is to treat a person in light of God’s grace for them, and not light of your pain from them. Forgiveness is more about obedience we follow than an emotion we feel.
2. Forgiveness is NOT Absent of consequences.
Colin Powell once said, “You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.” Choices have consequences, and even though you might forgive someone, that does not mean that consequences will not soon follow. When parenting children, you might forgive their actions, but disobedience still requires consequences. Consequences are a part of training up children and maturing them into fully functioning productive adults. Consequences are also found in the Bible. While God has forgiven many sins throughout the Bible, many “godly” characters still faced severe consequences because of their sin. Moses couldn’t enter the Promise Land because of sin. David’s kingdom was diminished, people lost their lives, and he lost ministry because of his sinful relationship with Bathsheba. Solomon, who was considered to be the wisest person to ever live, lost his kingdom and his house became divided because of repeated sexual sin. Consequences happen. Spiritual forgiveness, does not negate earthly consequences. Present day consequences can look like broken homes, broken relationships, custody battles, and filling for bankruptcy (to name a few examples). But know that in the midst of all these consequences, God still works, and forgiveness is still possible. God still shows His grace and mercy. How do I know that sin always has consequences? I know because the greatest consequence of all history happened when Christ died on a cross as payment for OUR sins. God takes sin seriously, and we should, too.
What do you think? How is it helpful to know that forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting? How is it helpful to know that forgiveness does not negate consequences? How will you discuss these truths with your kids? I’m always open for more discussion on the topic, and I would love to hear your feedback. Stay tuned to next week’s post as we share two more things forgiveness is NOT.
God bless,
Jon Kragel
High School Pastor
North Ridge Community Church
jkragel@northridge.org
Jesus, Me, and Porn
Step 9: Pursue Peace With All People
Originally posted at: Pursue peace with all people
14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; 16 lest therebe any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. 17 For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears. Hebrews 12:14-17
We are called to pursue peace with all people. We live in a world that is full of much diversity. We have people from many different cultures and religious backgrounds. Jesus said that broad is the road that leads to destruction and many will find it. But narrow is the road that leads to life and few will find it. The sad truth is that there are many more nonbelievers in the world than there are true believers in Jesus Christ.
But no matter what we are called to pursue peace with all people. No matter if people persecute and stand against us we are still called to love them and pursue peace with them. There is no greater testimony of the love and grace of God then when a true follower of Jesus Christ prays for those who stand against them. All people are simply lost sheep without a shepherd and until people come to true faith in Jesus they won’t have their eyes opened to the truth.
We must understand what a person meditates and fixes their mind and heart on is what will drive the decisions and actions of their lives. The life we live is simply a compilation of all the choices we have made in our lives. When people injure us or offend us we must have the heart and mind of Christ. We must examine what the Lord said upon the cross as people hurled insults at Him. He simply said forgive them Father for they know not what they do. No matter how badly a person has persecuted or injured us we must continue to pray for them. Pray that their eyes and heart be open to the love, truth, and grace of who Jesus Christ is. Once a person’s eyes are truly open to the truth their life will be changed for an eternity.
