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You Don’t Have to Live with Guilt

SOURCE:  Rick Warren

“A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”(Proverbs 28:13 TLB)

God is always ready to give you another chance. That’s a bedrock piece of Christianity. We’ve all been irresponsible. We’ve all screwed up. The Bible tells us,“Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT, second edition).

God doesn’t want you living with a heavy guilt trip about all the irresponsibility in your life. Guilt destroys your confidence, damages your relationships, keeps you stuck in the past, and even hurts your health. I read a report a few years back that said 70 percent of people in the hospital could leave if they knew how to resolve their guilt.

God wants far better for your life than that. You don’t want to live with guilt. And here’s an important truth to always hang on to: You don’t have to.

God wants you to live with a sense of promise and hope. God can even bring good out of the stupid decisions that you’ve made in your life if you’ll give those failures to him.

How do you do that?

Admit to God you’ve made a mistake. It doesn’t surprise him. And it won’t change his perception of you. I hope you’ll take this step today. When you do, here’s what you can expect from God:

  1. God forgives instantly. The very moment you admit your sin to God, he forgives you.
  2. God forgives freely. You don’t need to earn it, and you’ll never deserve it.
  3. God forgives completely. He wipes your sin absolutely clean.

If you’re mired in guilt and shame, you’ll likely perpetuate whatever problem you have. You’ll tell yourself that you blew it, so you’re bad. Since you’re bad, you believe you’ll blow it again. It’s a nasty cycle from which we often can’t seem to escape — at least not on our own.

You need a power beyond yourself. You need a Savior. You need Jesus.

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Better or Best

From: NotUnknown.com by Keith B.

“Lay down what’s good and find what’s best…” – Johnny Diaz, “Breathe”

A Bible study teacher pointed me to Acts 16 to answer this question: should we choose what is good for our lives, or allow God to show us what is best? Paul and Silas had set out on what Paul chose to do – preach in Asia. Key words here are “Paul chose.” In Acts 16:6, “the Holy Spirit prevented them from preaching the Word in Asia at the time.” God had in mind best, not good. When Paul failed to seek His will, God intervened through the Holy Spirit and prevented them from preaching in Asia.

I settled for what I thought best for most of my life. I didn’t view my decisions as settling. In my pride, I thought I knew best. Through my own brokenness, I believed the only person I could trust had to be me. So many others had failed me or didn’t really want to hear me. Or so I thought. Like Paul, I settled for what I believed good and right. That thinking led me to damaging choices. Damaging to myself and everyone around me.

Paul had a plan. He had his own plan. He chose to follow his plan to Asia, where he wanted. God’s plan differed from Paul’s. The Holy Spirit prevented Paul from stopping in Asia and gave him a dream as prodding to move on elsewhere. Paul listened. He paid attention to God’s direction and changed his plan from good to best. When I plan (I said when…because I can’t help myself), I can become convinced what I want is good and proceed. The question I have to ask, to make sure I have the right plan, is if this is a good thing right now.

Paul understood that his plan didn’t fit right now. A door closed. A window shut. I have moved forward with a job, continued in a relationship, decided to speak up in a way that I thought right; all of these happened after the door closed in my face or the opportunity ended. I charged through anyway, believing in my own judgment and discernment. Paul sought out God’s discernment in what to do next. He listened and asked the simple question: is this a good thing to the Lord?

Paul had a vision of a man from Macedonia calling out for help. Macedonia didn’t fit in Paul’s original plan. My plan for restoration in my marriage and family after my affair became known involved repentance and amends. Nowhere in my plans did full disclosure show up. God revealed to me over and over the necessity for honesty and transparency as the building blocks for healing. I didn’t want to hear that and slipped back into my old life of lies and sexual sin. After the vision of the man calling from Macedonia, Paul immediately obeyed and set sail for Macedonia. He obeyed, answering the simple question: what is the last thing the Lord convicted me to do?

Paul started teaching and preaching in Macedonia. He had few followers. People denounced him, threw him in prison, beat him. He didn’t immediately recognize the results of his obedience. After I finally obeyed, followed through with full disclosure of my years of deception to my wife, our marriage didn’t magically heal. The first few months meant separate rooms, anger, yelling, threats. I knew I had obeyed God, but I wondered why I even bothered. Paul continued and slowly realized the fruits of God’s direction. He reaffirmed his commitment by asking the question: is my effort backed by the hand of the Lord and bearing fruit of the Spirit?

Laying down what’s good and finding what’s best doesn’t come easy for me. My immediate response seems to skew toward what’s the least painful or difficult or what fits my own view. However, I have chosen to seek what’s best in my life. After walking through my third step, and turning my life and will over to the care of God, I find opportunities to seek His direction in how to daily turn my will over to Him. Thanks to Paul, I have a great example of how to find what’s best.

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 51: Seeing Clear in Sex Addiction Recovery

Episode 51 – Seeing Clearing in Sex Addiction Recovery

Doug discusses how riding a hoverboard can be the same way that we approach life. He also discusses the importance of utilizing tools in our recovery walks. He looks at practical tools that we can use to meditate and focus on what God really wants for our lives.

Email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org for more information, and remember that you are not walking on this road of recovery alone.

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8 Common Myths About Boundaries

SOURCE:  Chip Dodd/Sage Hill Institute

The benefits of healthy boundaries are wonderful: the freedom to create, the wisdom to understand how life works, and the ability to “do unto others what we would have them do unto us”. So what prevents us from living in the gifts that boundary-setting can bring?

We have to give up these eight common myths to experience the benefits of boundaries. The myths are hard to release because we have experienced them as a mythological moral code. However, boundaries express love of self, respect for others, and honor the God who loved us first.

Boundary Myths:

  1. I’m being selfish to say, “no”.
  2. I will be belittled, mocked, or rejected if I don’t “go along” or disagree.
  3. The recipient of my boundaries will resent me, never forget, and the future will be full of tension.
  4. I will be perceived as difficult and demanding.
  5. I will be put in a position of fighting, fleeing, or freezing when my boundaries are not honored.
  6. I will feel overwhelming toxic shame about revealing my needs.
  7. The boundary will be permanent.
  8. I will not be free to change them as I process, grow, or decide differently.

Having personal boundaries expresses a mature sense of responsibility and wisdom. In the world of land ownership, boundaries communicate where the ownership of land begins and ends. In the world of identity, boundaries communicate where a person starts and where they end.

A person’s “land” is the space they live in, which they are responsible to take care of—internally and externally. A person’s land is the emotional, spiritual, physical, and moral sphere that is one’s own to attend to. Boundaries are expressed through the use of one’s voice. When we use our voices to express our feelings, needs, desires, and values, and take action that is congruent with our voices, we lay claim to our “land.”

Having boundaries is no one else’s responsibility. It is my job to say, “no” and “yes”. It is my responsibility to tell the truth, to live by a value system, to attend to my body with responsibility and dignity. It is my responsibility to face myself, others, and God emotionally and truthfully.

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Boundaries in Dating: Why Say No to Sex?

1 Peter 2:11 – “Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.”

If you have hung around the church for very long, you have probably heard that God wants people to reserve sex for marriage. If you haven’t and that is news to you, then we can understand the shock you might be feeling. For many people, both inside and outside of the church, it does not make sense. If sex feels so good, and is good for the relationship, and both people are consenting, then what is the problem?

Consider this viewpoint: When someone can say no to sex while dating, their behavior is a sign that he or she is capable of delaying gratification and exhibiting self-control, which are two prerequisites of the ability to love. If someone cannot delay gratification and control himself or herself in this area, what makes you think that they can delay their own gratification in other areas of sacrifice? What is going to curb the “I want what I want now” mentality in the rest of life? If someone is able to respect the limit of hearing no for sex, then that is a character sign of someone who can say no to their own desires and hungers in order to serve a higher purpose, or to love another person.

You fall in love with a person and think about making a real, committed relationship with him or her. Naturally, that is going to mean some sacrifice down the road. You are going to want to be with a person who can deny himself or herself for the sake of your relationship in many areas. Think of the areas of sacrifice that a relationship takes. There are sacrifices of time, when you might want to spend time on your favorite hobby, and yet the family needs you. There are sacrifices of money. One person may want to buy a new car, and yet the family needs money for the home. There are sacrifices of getting one’s way. One person may want to go to one place for dinner and the others want something different.

Most importantly, there is the sacrifice that it takes to work out conflict. One person is hurt and wants to strike back in anger or hurt, yet to reconcile, the ability to put one’s own desires aside for the sake of the relationship is necessary. If someone does not have self-control and delay of gratification in pleasure, can they delay the gratification of getting his or her own way in conflict?

Think about it. Wouldn’t you want to be with a person who can hear and respect the “no” of others? Having a boundary in sex while you are dating is a very important test to see if the person loves you. We have all heard people refer to the line “If you love me, you will.” In reality, you should say back, “If you love me, you won’t make demands that I do not feel comfortable with.” Love waits and respects, but lust must have what it wants now. Are you being loved, or are you an object of self-serving lust? Saying no is the only way to know.

We cannot overemphasize the value of dating a person who can delay their own gratification. If you are with someone who ultimately has to have what they want when they want it, you are in for a long time of misery. Choose someone who can delay gratification for the sake of you and the relationship. To the extent that he or she says, “I must have what I want now,” you are in trouble. Boundaries with sex are a sure-fire test to know if someone loves you for you.

This devotional is drawn from Boundaries in Dating, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.