Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
Negative emotions can be described as any feeling which causes you to be miserable and sad. These emotions make you dislike yourself and others, and take away your confidence. Emotions which can become negative are hate, anger, jealousy and sadness. Yet, in the right context, these feelings are completely natural. Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life. The longer this goes on, the more entrenched the problem becomes. Emotions are psychological (what we think) and biological (what we feel). Our brain responds to our thoughts by releasing hormones and chemicals which send us into a state of arousal. All emotions come about in this way, whether positive or negative. It is a complex process and often we don’t have the skills to deal with negative feelings. That’s why we find it hard to cope when we experience them. There are a number of coping strategies to deal with negative emotions. These include:
• Don’t blow things out of proportion by going over them time and again in your mind.
• Try to be reasonable – accept that bad feelings are occasionally unavoidable and think of ways to make yourself feel better.
• Relax – use pleasant activities like reading, walking or talking to a friend.
• Learn – notice how grief, loss and anger make you feel and which events trigger those feelings so you can prepare in advance.
• Exercise – aerobic activity lowers your level of stress chemicals and allows you to cope better with negative emotions.
• Let go of the past – constantly going over negative events robs you of the present and makes you feel bad.
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Negative_emotions_coping_tips
“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
When upset, women are more likely to express their feelings directly, and to seek the support of friends and family, whereas men might hide their emotions or withdraw. Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant. They are sometimes focused on providing for their loved ones and hide their own emotions. This behavior is reinforced everyday in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behavior within our society. More powerful than film characters are the roles we see our parents playing. Many men have experienced fathers who were emotionally distant, who rarely, if ever, cried or expressed affection outwardly. The way we see our parents behave becomes the unconscious template for our own behavior. It is helpful to think in terms of four basic human emotions: Sadness; Anger; Happiness; Fear. Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss. As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able cope on their own. We might not always be able to identify what we’re feeling or have the words to describe our emotions. Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief. https://www.google.com/search?q=men+emotions&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&ie=&oe=
“Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” – Vincent Van Gogh
People develop addictions to shield themselves from intolerably painful feelings. An addiction always creates harmful, often ignored consequences. Only when the addiction becomes unmanageable will people do something about it. Love addicts spend much time, effort on a person to whom they are addicted. Love addicts value this person above themselves, and their focus on the beloved other often is obsessive. This behavior results in love addicts neglecting to care for themselves in a variety of ways, in essence abandoning important aspects of their lives and well-being to stay connected to the object of their affections. Love addiction doesn’t necessarily pertain only to romantic or sexual relationships. It is possible for a person to relate as a love addict with their friends, children, sponsor, guru or religious figure, or even with a movie star, whom they have never met. A love addict’s core fantasy is the expectation that someone else can solve their problems, provide unconditional positive regard at all times, and take care of them. When this unrealistic need isn’t met, love addicts may find themselves feeling resentful, and may create conflict in their relationships with others. Some love addicts find that when not involved in a love-addicted relationship, they are able to care for themselves quite adequately. However, when they become involved, the love addict quickly finds that their self-care capacity steadily declines. From “What is Love Addiction?” By Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CST, CSAT
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/26/what-is-love-addiction/
“My fear of abandonment is exceeded only by my terror of intimacy.” – Ethlie Ann Vare
One of the things I have appreciated in my recovery is the ability to spot recovery-related items in Hollywood movies. In the movie Gladiator, there is a scene where the gladiators must fight in the Colosseum in Rome replaying the Battle of Carthage. Out numbered and overpowered by chariots, the gladiators, led by the outcast General Maximus Decimus Meridius, are commanded to “stay together” to survive. As men in recovery, we have learned that we need to stay together, as part of the group, in order to battle the addiction. For me, this translates to, making phone calls, attending meetings, sponsoring others, and reaching out to those that still struggle. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
