CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Archives for March 2013

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Red Light

I have taken the liberty to edit out what I felt might be triggering language for our readers in recovery.

Red Light
by Brian Westbye

They used to say that my looks could stop traffic. Yeah, I’d stop traffic for any cheap hood waving a $20 in my face. Looks can only take you so far, and then it’s what you do with your looks. And when you’re young and dumb and desperate to make it…

I worked Avenue B a lot. Noon rush, usually. I’d get lots of executive types that would cut out for a little “exercise” on their lunch break, if you know what I mean. Alphabet City was a wasteland back then, so these big-wigs would come down from midtown or up from the financial district, ‘cause they didn’t want to be seen anywhere around their offices. Smart, right? But business was good. Lots of Jaguars and Mercedes and guys that had money to burn on cocaine and hookers. And there I was.

Like I said, I was young and dumb. Fresh from the sticks. I wanted to make it as an actress. Hell, who didn’t? I tried waitressing, but I was horrible at it. Tried working in a grocery store, but I was horrible at that, too. Tried working as a secretary, but I couldn’t pass all those tests. I was out of work, and one of my girl friends suggested I try it. Some friend, right?

I guess I got “lucky” on my first time. I went out with my girl friend, and my first was some middle-management guy in a cab. He was clean, and he was staying at the Sheraton on Seventh at 52nd.  First time out and I hit the jackpot.

If only the rest were like that. You wouldn’t believe what pigs some of them were. Guy in a Bentley pulls up, I jump in and the car reeks. Can you imagine sex with that? Sometimes we’d do business in the car on the sidewalk in broad daylight. And sometimes we’d check into the most disgusting flops you could imagine. Cockroaches, stains on the sheets…just sick. Lot of times after a  job like that I had to take my shoes off in the street and shake out the bugs. And you can imagine what it felt like up my skirt.

It’s a hell of a thing to be servicing a guy whose wardrobe is worth more than your monthly rent in a dump like that. It really kind of makes you feel your place in life. But I felt my self-worth in a pile of bills in my hand at the end. And then I went out and felt even more self-worth.

Me and my looks, right? Jesus. Me, the Human Red Light.

By

The Prostitute

The Prostitute
by A Single Delight

All she wants is to be held in someone else’s arms.

It’s a gnawing feeling that only crawling into someone else’s bed can erase, and even then, she’s found that the ideal arms she’s looking for are not as easily found as she first thought they’d be.

The first man had skin like burnt sand, made to look even darker by being carpeted with coarse black hair. His muscles were high-strung and cruel, but even so, she almost didn’t want to escape, because he’d convinced himself that he needed her in the way that a master needs a slave.

The next set of arms were milder, with reddish undertone that flared up when the owner’s blood quickened. They were kind arms that lulled her into dancing for him; a jerky, disjointed dance where she became like liquid in his arms, and flopped about helplessly, even with his support. To them, their dance was never embarrassing unless someone else pointed it out.

She’d also been desperate enough to go to the arms of a merchant; a man with fat, golden arms covered with self-inflicted scars. Time after time, those arms would give her no rest, not even when she tried to give him everything he wanted. Despite this, she would usually go back to him, not because he is any better than the others, but because she is the one who made him rich.

She continues her search, even if it means she has to writhe on the ground in order to move forward. People raise their eyebrows at her stubbornness and persistence, while some laugh at her stupidity. Others would wrinkle their nose in disgust, but most would try to ignore her presence. Very few have shed tears for her.

She is not a prostitute. A prostitute demands money for her services. A prostitute is wanted. A good prostitute can twist others’ arms into loving her and giving her everything she could ever want, and more.

She is the opposite of a prostitute – even though she does the same things, she goes about it in the opposite way, with the opposite effect. So she builds shrines to herself, settles for the arms of second-rate men, and tries to forget where home is.

The above story is one person’s analogy of what is written in Ezekiel 16 about Jerusalem and her destestable practices.  God uses “shock & awe” to get His point across to the people of Jerusalem by comparing them to a prostitute that freely gives herself to many lovers.  How have you prostituted yourself?

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Slaying The Giant Of Pornography

Slaying The Giant Of Pornography
by Jared Keel, September 19, 2012

Pornography is a serious problem that is plaguing today’s generation of men, especially our young men. Even though Pornography has been around for many of years, it is worse now than any other time before because of technology. Technology has made it so easy to look at porn all you have to do is fire up the computer and click a few buttons. Actually it is even worse than that, pornography can now be viewed on your cell phone.

Statistics show that the average age of first internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old, 47 percent of Christians say that pornography is a major problem in the home, and about 1 in 5 pastors have done something sexually immoral in the past 30 days and most of that is because of pornography. These statistics are scary but true.

After reading the statistics about porn and seeing how much of a problem it is in todays society a question came to my mind, and it actually bothers me alot, that question is, “Where is the church?”. I grew up going to church all my life and I have never heard a pastor or youth pastor talk about the issue of pornography.  It would seem like our pastors and especially our youth pastors would try to address the problem of pornography and do something about it. So where does this leave our young men? It leaves them very confused, they feel as if there is no help, and that there is nobody to talk to about it. If you are struggling with pornography, don’t worry you are not alone, there are millions of people out there that have the same problem you have. There is help and I know that with God’s grace you can and will overcome this.

What does pornography do to you? Many people believe that pornography isn’t serious and they think that it is normal for somebody to look at it. They believe it has no effect on somebody but pornography  is just as dangerous and addicting as cocaine. Pornography and cocaine release the same kind of chemicals in the brain. Pornography actually releases more of these addicting chemicals, therefore it is about 5 to 7 times more addicting than cocaine. After men look at porn, it leaves them with feelings of guilt, shame, regret, and humiliation which results in them isolating themselves. That leads to loneliness and depression and can eventually lead to suicide. Pornography rewires your brain and makes you view women differently. Pornography makes you think that women are these dirty, nasty, sex crazed objects that only want sex. This is not true. Women were never created to be viewed as or thought of like this. If your addiction to pornography is not dealt with now then it will greatly affect your relationships. Your addiction to pornography will not end when you get married. It will take away your intimacy in marriage and eventually your wife will no longer be “good enough” for you. It can even lead to adultery.

What does the Bible say about pornography? Even though the Bible does not use the word pornography, it actually does have something to say about it. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:28, I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart, (NKJV). One of the ten commandments (God’s holy moral law) says, you shall not commit adultery. So Jesus is telling us that  lusting after a woman is the same as committing adultery. This means that if you are looking with lust or looking at pornography then you are in big trouble with God. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to, “flee sexual immorality”, we are not to make any provision for sexual sin. We need to be like Joseph when he was tempted by potiphar’s wife, fleeing from sexual immorality!

Pornography is addicting and it is a battle that almost every man faces but just like David went out to fight and slay the giant Goliath, you also can slay the giant of pornography. The first step to overcoming it, is surrendering your whole life to Jesus Christ. There is no way you can overcome it without God’s help. Repent of your sins, turn away from them and never look back, and place your faith in Jesus Christ to save you. Give your whole life to Him, completely surrendering. Jesus said He would send us a Helper (John 16:7), Which is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will help you when you are tempted. He will give you the power to overcome it. Hebrews 4:16 says, Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace in time of need. We can come boldy to God and recieve His grace to help us and empower us to overcome any temptation.

Here are ten ways to break the stronghold of pornography. these were written by my favorite evangelist Ray Comfort.

1. Would you ever take pornography to church and view it during worship? You may as well, because God is just as present in your bedroom as He is in your church building.

2. Face the fact that you may not be saved. Examine yourself to ensure that Christ is living in you (2 Cor. 13:5). See Romans 6:11-22; 8:1-14, Ephesians 5:3-8.

3. Realize that when you give yourself to pornography, you are committing adultery (Matthew 5:27,28).

4. Grasp the serious nature of your sin. Jesus said it would be better for you to be blind and go to heaven, than for your eye to cause you to sin and end up in hell (Matthew 5:29).

5. Those who profess to be Christians yet give themselves to pornographic material evidently lack the fear of God (Proverbs 16:6). Cultivate the fear of God by reading Proverbs 2:1-5.

6. Read Psalm 51 and make it your own prayer.

7. Memorize James 1:14,15 and 1 Cor. 10:13. Follow Jesus’ example (Matt. 4:3-11) and quote the word of God when you are tempted (see Eph. 6:12-20).

8. Make no provision for your flesh (Rom. 13:14; 1 Pet. 2:11). Get rid of every access to pornographic material-the internet, printed literature, TV, videos, and movies. stop feeding the fire.

9. Guard your heart with all diligence (Prov. 4:23). Don’t let the demonic realm have access to your thought life. If you give yourself to it, you will become its slave (Rom. 6:16). Read the Bible daily, without fail. As you submit to God, the devil will flee (James 4:7,8).

10. The next time temptation comes, do fifty push-ups, then fifty sit-ups. If you are still burning, repeat the process ( see 1 Cor. 9:27).

You can overcome pornography. God will help you. Seek God in prayer before you start the day, asking Him to help you when temptation tries to come your way. It is said that the idle mind is the devils playground. Keep yourself busy and you won’t have time to look at pornography. A battle is never won without a fight, so pick up your sword and slay the giant of pornography.

By

Rising from the Depths of Pornography

Rising from the Depths of Pornography
September 19, 2012
By Alcoholic’s Daughter, Schizophrenic’s Sister

Let me tell you a side story of my life…

As a child around five or six years of age, I was inadvertently exposed to visual pornography by careless adults, including my alcohlic father, who watched videos thinking I was already fast asleep on the couch, or who left their magazines just lying around.

When you can’t understand things, you are not even sure why they are wrong. My natural curiosity made me want to go over them time and time again. I also played the scenes back and forth in my mind. I even encouraged my sister (who was diagnosed as schizophrenic in her late twenties) to join in the fun, not to chicken out and turn off the TV when intimate scenes were on display.

At one point, I remember pre-adolescent me crying and in a tantrum as my mother found the stash and threw it away. The problem was that she did not leave me any explanation of why this was wrong and sinful in the first place.

For a time, I had no more of such stimuli, and developed a fascination with the written word. By my teen-aged years though, literary pornography came into the picture with graphically-written romance novels and best sellers describing the requisite intimate moments. Peer pressure was on with this being the favorite pastime of all the girl in my high school. I kept on buying and borrowing books. Even the required English class reading featured a few scenes here and there. By this time, I would go back to these books, re-read these specific scenes and practice self-abuse. If I had ever been in a relationship during those turbulent years, I would have had dallied with pre-marital sex, gone through teenaged pregnancy, married at a young age and then separated by the time I was in my mid-twenties. This happened to a lot of my peers, even those on the honor roll.

In my late teens, God’s grace intervened. I rediscovered the beauty of the Catholic faith, started to frequent the Sacraments, followed sound advice from prudent spiritual directors, and answered the call to virginity for the sake of the kingdom of God.

I still have to struggle to live chastity in my state of life and live a temperate life with all the temptations made available to us by mainstream media and the new media powered by the internet. I have also been left with self-esteem issues due to comparisons with the reality of my developmental changes in comparison with what I have seen or read.

I count on the grace of God though to overcome my past and look forward to a future in His Heavenly Kingdom.

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Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex: A Real Look at Pornography

Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex: A Real Look at Pornography
Find freedom from porn addiction, see the 9 lies of pornography and how to break free.
By Gene McConnell
Originally posted to: http://www.everystudent.com/wires/toxic.html

Porn & addiction…sex out of context

effects of pornography - porn addiction - pornography addictionOn a cold, dark night, there’s nothing better than a blazing fire in the fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and warm. It’s safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same fire out of the fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in the middle of the living room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It can burn down the whole house and kill everyone inside. Sex is like that fire. As long as it’s expressed in the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, it’s wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.

It’s a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn’t care how. They’ll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. “There were 11,000 porn video titles last year versus 400 movie releases from Hollywood last year…[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites.”1

What Fuels Porn Addiction

One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers — people they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn’t matter whose body I’m using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

The problem with porn’s shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.

To Find Freedom from Porn Addiction: Recognize the Lies

You can’t learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn’t deal in truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies — lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let’s look at some of those lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

  • Lie #1 – Women are less than human The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them “pets.” Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.
  • Lie #2 – Women are a “sport” Some sports magazines have a “swimsuit” issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to “win,” “conquer,” or “score.” Men who buy into this view like to talk about “scoring” with women. They start judging their manhood by how many “conquests” they can make. Each woman I “score” with is another trophy on my shelf, another “notch” in my belt to validate my masculinity.
  • Lie #3 – Women are property We’ve all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It’s not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.
  • Lie #4 – A woman’s value depends on the attractiveness of her body Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don’t fit into porn’s criteria of the “perfect” woman. Porn doesn’t care about a woman’s mind or personality, only her body.
  • Lie #5 – Women like rape “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for entertainment.
  • Lie #6 – Women should be degraded Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown being tortured and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging for more. Does this kind of treatment show any respect for women? Any love? Or is it hatred and contempt that porn is promoting toward women?
  • Lie #7 – Little kids should have sex One of the biggest sellers in pornography is imitation “child” porn. The women are “made-up” to look like little girls by wearing pony tails, little girl shoes, holding a teddy bear. The message of the pictures and cartoons is that adults having sex with kids is normal. This sets the porn user up to see children in a sexual way.
  • Lie #8 – Illegal sex is fun Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex more “interesting.” It suggests that you can’t enjoy sex if it isn’t weird, illegal or dangerous.
  • Lie #9 – Prostitution is glamorous Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of the women portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls trapped in a life of slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some of them are infected with incurable sexually transmitted diseases that are highly contagious and often die very young. Many take drugs just to cope.

Bottom Line of Porn Addiction

Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young women and entraps men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to their product.

effects of pornography - porn addiction - pornography addictionWe might think that the things we see and hear don’t affect us. Yet we all admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot to our lives. They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us. Just as uplifting media can benefit us, pornographic images can negatively affect us.

Images are not always neutral. They can persuade us. Businesses know that if they can get a persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly emotional moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. The advertising scientists are so good at what they do, they can predict just how much more of their product you will buy if you see their ad. Sometimes, viewers don’t even see the name of the product. Reese’s Pieces paid a huge price just to have their candy shown for a few seconds in the movie “ET,” and sales of Reese’s Pieces skyrocketed. Why? Because the emotions connected with watching that small boy reaching out to the alien were transferred to the visual image of the candy. If a split second view of a product — even when it’s not the center of attention — can affect people’s behavior, imagine the effect of a movie that keeps your attention glued to the screen for an hour and a half with sexually explicit images.

What are the effects of pornography on a man?

What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of Pornography

Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies don’t mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It’s great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For porn addicts, I’ve found that there is another stage that comes first — early exposure. Let’s look at these stages:

EARLY EXPOSURE Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very young and it gets its foot in the door.

PORN ADDICTION You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You’re hooked and can’t quit.

ESCALATION You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.

DESENSITIZATION You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn’t excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can’t find it.

ACTING OUT SEXUALLY This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.

Porn Addiction: Am I Addicted?

If you see any of these patterns in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn becoming more and more in control of your life? Do you have trouble putting it down? Do you keep going back for more?

Porn Addiction: What Can I Do?

The first thing you’ve got to do is admit that you struggle with pornography. Believe me, you are not strange or unusual if you do. Millions of men are at various stages in the struggle with porn. It’s really not surprising. The porn industry has spent billions of dollars trying to snare you. Is it really shocking that they have succeeded? For some of you there may also be issues in your past, such as abuse or sexual exposure, that makes porn addiction even harder to shake. There is only so much you can do in fighting addiction without help.

You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the secrecy is absolutely vital. You probably can’t escape addiction without it. That doesn’t mean everyone has to know you’re struggling. Pick someone you can trust who counsels men who are having problems with addiction — a pastor, youth group leader or counselor. Someone you can completely trust, feel safe with and has experience in the area of addiction isn’t going to be surprised.

Is There Any Freedom from Porn Addiction?

Pornography entraps you with lies. In contrast, God can lead us into truth. Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”2 Those who heard Jesus say this were offended and countered, “We have never been slaves of anyone, how can you say that we shall be set free?”3 And Jesus explained that people are enslaved to sin, but that He can set you free.4

Sin not only enslaves us, but it distances us from God. And no one is perfect. No one is righteous in God’s eyes. Instead we’re told that “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way.”5 We all deserve God’s judgment and punishment. Yet God, who is holy and loving, provided a solution for our sin, so that we would not have to be justly condemned. He personally took the punishment for our sin on Himself. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was tortured and died on the cross for our sin so that we could be forgiven. Three days later Jesus rose from the dead, just as He said He would. And He now offers you a relationship with Him. One of the most amazing statements in the Bible is this one, “If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”6

The Most Important Relationship

In your search for intimacy and love, pornography is an empty substitute for real love. We have been created by God to have our intimacy needs met most deeply by God Himself. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”7 In contrast to the darkness and destruction that pornography can bring to people’s lives, Jesus said, “I came that they might have life, and have it more abundantly.”8 God offers you his forgiveness through a relationship with Him. Do you want to ask Him to forgive you and come into your life? You can tell Him right now. If you need help putting this into words, here is prayer that might help:

“Lord Jesus, I am aware of my sin, and I know that you are also. I ask you to forgive me and cleanse me. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I ask you to come into my life right now and begin to work in my life. Direct my life as you see fit. Thank you for your forgiveness and for coming into my life right now.”