CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

pornography

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Sex Industry Workers: The First in a Tier of Victims

Originally published April 10, 2006 by “BB”

Ok, on Friday I told everyone that I was going to get into the tiers of pornography and the harm it does, at every single level.

Today, I wanted to start at the ‘bottom’ so to speak. I wanted to address the women who are actually the first level of harm. The ones who take the brunt of the pain foisted onto them. The women who are actually in the sex industry. There are so many aspects to this that I doubt I will be able to get them all clearly and concisely but I’ll try nonetheless.

The sex industry destroys so many of the women in it, they are sacrificed with no thought, to the alter of the penis. Story after story comes out, and in each and every one of them we hear similar themes.

We have L**** L*******, who the porn-apologists still insist was lying about the porn industry, even though she passed numerous hours of lie detector tests. Clearly, for anyone willing to do the research, the sex industry is not what they want us to believe it is. As a woman who worked in the sex industry I can back up that most of the girls I worked with had stories of rape, abuse, and sexual assault that makes my gut clench to think about. For my part I can say that my own experiences mirror what radical feminists have been saying for years. The sex industry is damaging to women.

Now, there are always one or two people who want to step forward and tell us differently, who want us to believe that there may be one or two women out there who enjoy it. That may be true, certainly I will not claim to speak for every woman. What I WILL claim is that how many women does it take before someone gives a f***?

The people that inevitably pop up to say that my experiences are wrong, are simultaneously saying that there MAY be a few women who enjoy the sex industry therefore all is well in Wonderland.

They’re wrong. Dead. Wrong.

All is not well in the Wonderland that people want to believe exists in the sex industry. Here are some gems, lifted from One Angry Girl.

In the early hours of July 11th, 1994, porn actress S****** W*****, a.k.a S*******, put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

Friends say she was upset about crashing her Corvette into a fence earlier that evening– she thought she’d broken her nose and would have to cancel an upcoming stripping appearance in New York. She was also worried about not getting paid for a recent strip show in Las Vegas. Then again, she was also high on heroin and cocaine when she shot herself, so it’s fair to say her judgment was a bit off.

S****** was born in California, and was 23 when she killed herself.

Or this story

“I was having a hard time surviving, so when I met a guy on the streets who offered to pay me and feed me and buy me some clothes just for letting him take pictures of me, I really thought I had a good deal. After a few months I really thought everything was going to be great. I was sleeping with him, and I didn’t care that the cameras rolled and took pictures of us while we made love, because he was the first guy who really seemed to want me. After a while he told me that I was the best he’d ever seen, and he thought I could probably take two or three guys on whereas most girls couldn’t do that…I really didn’t want to…

“They began to film with several guys…Then came all the disgusting things; [edited to remove triggering language] By this time I had been with (name) for about 3 years.

He was still supporting me, but he was now beating me a lot, and was spending most of his time with other girls. I was getting completely broken and desperate. I started using drugs about 2 years into being with him, and now he is no longer asking me to do anything to make him proud. Now he would just withhold my drugs and tell me if I wanted them I’d have to do these things. I needed that dope just to get through the day. I was strung out pretty bad and [edited to remove triggering language] I didn’t care how many of them took pictures of it. I really didn’t care about nothing…

The thing I guess that finally got me out of there is when he brought another woman he’d been with and told me I had to do it with her for the pictures…I don’t know why that was worse than [edited to remove triggering language] or maybe it was just all of it combined but anyway, I had just had it. So I took off…I was just about 18.”

Or this story

“I was raped when I was nine,” she says. “You have to understand: My dad always called me his favorite son, y’know. He said he wanted to teach me to be tough. So he would drop me off in places like Sawtell, y’know, bad neighborhoods, and let me find my own way home.”

A***** tells the story like she’s fine about it, like it is what it is.

“I wandered into some courtyard, a building with gates, y’know, and three – I think three –  guys basically passed me around. I know there were two more, standing watch by the gates. Then I think I blacked out. Anyway, I was more afraid of what my father would do to me when I got home. I had a broken nose and a bloody lip – I fought – so I knew he’d know something.”

A***** says she’s not sure whether anything happened before that or whether her father ever sexually abused her. She describes a second rape, at fourteen: A guy pinned her against a Dumpster behind the cheesecake factory where A***** worked. This time she spiked the guy in his eye with one of her high-heeled shoes then ran.

“That was an easy one for the cops, ‘cause they knew who they were looking for – someone holding his eye,” A***** says, laughing…

Or B*********’s story

The director had told M******* that V**** liked her work, and when the pair saw each other they immediately fell into each other’s arms, kissing from one side of the house to the other.

“There’s nothing bad about you,” she told him admiringly as they prepared for the shoot. “You don’t know me very well” he replied with a grin.

But when the director finally got the pair to settle down to the business at hand – filming a sex scene – the tone changed. Without any prompting, V**** got rough during the sex, [edited to remove triggering language].

Afterward, she looked shaken, her face reddened and her eyes watery. But she insisted she was OK. “I look torn up – can you tell?,” she asked an ABCNEWS producer who was following her progress for Primetime . Laughing and wiping her eye, she turned away and said without conviction, “I took a beating today, and it was great.”

After the session, she was shattered. “I wasn’t ready for [edited to remove triggering language] … It was painful. But I can hide it really well.” She had just turned 18, the legal age for participation in sexually explicit films.

M******* went on more shoots over the next few months. Then her agent sent her on a job where she would have sex with male actors in prison outfits – [edited to remove triggering language], she tried to back out, telling the director it was “sick,” but once again she was talked into it. [edited to remove triggering language] “It was really hard because I really felt like a piece of meat … in a lion’s cage, [edited to remove triggering language]  She was paid $4,000.

So, $4000.00 is apparently the going rate now to be able to allow every man on the face of the planet to degrade B********* until she’s naught but dust in a casket?

Or, this study.

In the second phase of her survey, Kelly found that:

100% of the women reported physical abuse in the club.

100% of the women reported sexual abuse in the club.

100% of the women reported verbal harassment in the club.

100% of the women reported being propositioned for prostitution in the club.

100% of women also witnessed these things happening to other strippers in the club

The women in the survey reported that customers have

1. spit on them

2. sprayed beer at them

3. flicked lit cigarettes at them

4. pelted them with ice, coins, trash, condoms, room keys, pornography, and golf balls

5. hit them with cans and bottles

6. pulled their hair

7. yanked them by the arm or ankle

8. ripped their costumes or tried to pull their costumes off.

9. bitten, licked, slapped, punched, and pinched them

All of which I had experienced when I was in the sex industry as well.

Even more these are the things they’re thinking about while they’re gyrating for you –

“I daydream about nothing in particular to pass the time of 12 minutes.”

“I’m thinking about how good I look in the mirrors and how good I feel in dance movements.”

“I tell myself to smile.”

“I think about getting high and that I am making money to get high.”

“I am giving these guys every chance to be decent, so that I don’t have to be afraid of them.”

“I am filled with disdain for the customers who do not tip, but sit and watch and direct you to do things for no money.”

“I think of how cheap these f****** are, what bills I need to pay.”

And, when they’re doing that lapdance? Again, most of the things I have felt before myself when I was working in the sex industry –

Strippers engaged in private dances reported these reactions:

“I don’t want him to touch me, but I am afraid he will say something violent if I tell him ‘no’.”

“I was thinking about doing prostitution because that’s when customers would proposition me.”

“I could only think about how bad these guys smell and try to hold my breath.”

“I spent the dance hyper-vigilant to avoiding their hands, mouths, and crotches.”

“I was glad we were allowed to place towels on the guys’ laps, so it wasn’t so bad.”

“I don’t remember because it was so embarrassing.”

Still think those women just love what they’re doing?

read on

Prostitutes in one study had this to say –

  • 89% had been molested or raped as children (2/3 of the molesters were fathers, stepfathers, or foster fathers)
  • 38% reported that they had been used in porn as children
  • 97% of them had been raped as adults
  • 70% reported that sexual abuse affected their decision to prostitute.
  • 44% percent had attempted suicide
  • 24% of those who’d been raped said that their rapist had specifically mentioned his use of pornography during the crime
  • 22% of those who’d been molested as children said that their molester used pornography during the crime or mentioned its use during the crime

 Or, check out what Shelly Lubben has to say about her time in the sex industry.

And you know what’s scary? There’s more, thousands more stories from the sex industry. I took this teeny, tiny sample from OAG’s website. I have an entire list of websites that are bookmarked that have hundreds more stories attached to them all of them different, all of them unique and all of them saying the same thing. They were abused and harmed while in the sex industry.

Then, there are the stories of suicide, the stories of murder. Prostitutes, porn stars, so many women in the sex industry who are dying in the industry. At some point you’d think that we’d be collectively screaming ENOUGH! But we don’t do we? Or rather, the men don’t. Because, as I’ve asserted before, men believe they have a right to the bodies of these women.

By and large the women in the sex industry are destroyed shells. Existing but not living. Drinking, doing drugs, self-medicating the pain while they are used and beaten and raped and their stories, their lives go unnoticed.

The numbers don’t lie and they’re also not hidden. The statistics and studies that have been done have shown conclusively that women in these jobs are hurt, raped, abused, and harassed at every level.

For $4,000.00 you can film forever the degradation of one woman [edited to remove triggering language]. You can film it and you can make money off of it, off of her degradation and pain, for as long as technology allows it. Long after she’s dead in her grave that $4,000.00 will continue to bring you money. Long after she dies penniless in a car accident (L**** L*******) you will be able to make money from her rape.

The numbers are out there, the stories are out there, but we’re screaming them into a wind of denial by men. So many left-leaning men are quick to research a company before they purchase something from them, unless and until it comes to prostitutes and porn stars. And then, when the information is put before them, they close their eyes and insist it doesn’t exist. Yeah, male privilege is nice that way.

The abuses continue as the men eat it up, the more painful and degrading the better. The girls are used and destroyed, committing suicide, dying of overdoses, or melting into oblivion penniless and forever bearing the mark of the sex industry. And despite what they want you to believe it is NOT just “a rare occurrence”, it infects the industry. Yet, industry defenders are quick to point to the women who have ‘made it’. The J**** J******’s of the world, and even they are not immune. Ms. J****** herself has experienced rapes and abuses that would crush any man I’ve ever met. How exactly is she not a victim again?

When you masturbate to the image of a porn star it is more likely than not that you are benefiting from rape. When you hire a prostitute you are more likely than not benefiting from her rape. You are benefiting from the fear, the worry, the low self-esteem inflicted onto her from men just like you. If you believe yourself a ‘good man’ then how can you use these women? These broken women who have a long history of abuse, rape, molestation?

Why? Because they are not human. Very often even women direct their anger to the bottom tier of the sex industry. They grow angry with the ‘tarts’, the ‘whores’ the ‘bimbos’ and the rage falls squarely onto the shoulders of these young girls who are simply following through with the training that men have given them. These women are victims…no, strike that, these women are survivors that have more courage, willpower and desire to live than any man I have ever met.

They have the ability to weather the storms of rape, violence, and molestation and they continue to live…broken as they are. They defy the violence that has been wreaked upon them and exist despite it, and perhaps that is yet another reason that men hate them. They exist despite how you have tried to break them.

Is it a stereotype? Sure it is, but you know what? When the numbers back you up it ceases to be a stereotype and becomes fact. Stereotypes are unfounded, malicious rumors that exist merely to create fear and loathing of a person. FACT however, is when the statistics and the studies and the numbers stand in your favor. The fact of the matter is that sex-industry workers are in big trouble. The facts are that the majority of them suffer through abuse regularly. The fact is that most of them have been raped, abused and more. Those are FACTS.

The fact is that if you give the sex industry your money you are fueling the drive for degradation, for harder and more damaging abuses. You are fueling a culture filled to teeming with broken women and the results are so much more far reaching than you ever thought. (A fact I will get into in later posts) You don’t want to benefit from the rape of women? Then stop doing it. Stop giving your money and intimate support to an industry that benefits from the rape of women.

You don’t like the mafia? You don’t like benefiting from the pain of women? Then stop it. Stop the excuses, stop the dumb act, stop the rhetoric. The stories are out there, they’re solid, and they’re real. The numbers are out there and they are equally real. The truth is, that if you don’t like an industry that destroys women then you have the power to make it stop, just stop putting your dick over the needs of women. It’s simple.

They’re hurting, and if you boycott Wal-Mart and Nike and other businesses but you don’t boycott and fight against the sex industry then you are a hypocrite of the worst order.

The sex industry is promoting and causing rape, so much work and study has been done on the topic that Donnerstein states that the “Correlation between porn and rape is greater than the correlation between smoking and lung cancer”.

These women are just as deserving of your sympathy as the workers at Wal-Mart. They’re just as deserving of being fought for as any child in China but unlike these other causes there are very few of us standing in support of them. The rank and file of people standing shoulder to shoulder to fight the oppressor that is the sex industry is abysmally small.

If you hate war, then wake up and see the war that is being waged daily on women. If you hate men abusing women then stop taking your part in the abuse. These are human beings and all of the stories above are coupled with more stories, thousands of them. More than I could ever quote, a blog could never contain all the stories, all the numbers all the statistics. I could write and not stop writing for years if I tried to chronicle the stories that come out of the sex industry. Every day there are MORE stories, more tales, more destruction.

Do the research, see what there is to see. The women in the sex industry are on the front lines of the sexism that flows like water through our society. You don’t think I know what men think? You’re only fooling yourself. As a woman who interacts with men sexually I know EXACTLY what most of them are thinking. The fact is that the most violent pornography is the stuff that sells the best.

Even pro-pornography sites recognize this. As I was hunting for more information this morning I stumbled upon a porn site (WARNING- DO NOT click on that link. It is a link to a porn site). I wasn’t going to mention it but the irony went too deep. It’s an article that discusses the degradation inherent in pornography; it accepts it and acknowledges it. It’s a good article, that recognizes the harm in porn and while their ideas clearly do not mesh with my own, even the pro-porn crowd admits that not only is degradation rampant but it is also the highest selling stuff on the market.

That link and the story therein, is a good read if you can stomach the porn site and the links to even harsher sites. The point is that even ardently pro-porn people still contend that abuse is there and that men LIKE to see it, that they crave it, that they want more of it.

If you don’t support abuse then stop supporting it. Women are being made to do the most disgusting things and if you, as a human being, think that taking someone who is already broken and breaking her further is wrong then stand up and try to stop it. But don’t, for all that is holy, contend that it’s not happening.

How many women must be sacrificed before we get that they are the victims? How many stories need to come out before we finally fix this broken record? How many? What’s your number? Before you start to care? How many Belladonna’s have to be hurt before you believe the statistics? Before you STOP yourself from participating in the gang-degradation that you have come to love?

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Child Predators Over The Internet

Originally posted by Mahamas Earth on 09/13/2012

Human Trafficking!

With more than one billion internet users around the world, the internet has become an integral part of our daily lives. As New York Times columnist Tom Friedman wrote in his best selling book The World is Flat, the internet has leveled the playing field, creating a convergence of people, places, knowledge and information. As individuals, we have good global. However, there is a dark side to this globalization.

Criminals are readily making use of the internet, to carry out activities, ranging from computer intrusions to money laundering. Terrorists around the world are recruiting, training, and planning attacks, armed only with laptops. One of the most insidious uses of the internet is for Child ” Sexual ” exploitation. According to the Internet Watch Foundation (IWF), an Organization that works internationally to remove child Sexual abuse images from the internet, graphic images of child abuse are growing significantly in number on the web. The latest report published by the IWF, claims that the percentage of abusive websites had increased almost 28 percent in 2009. On these reported websites, 73 percent of the persons subjected to abuse appeared to be under age of 10 years.
Approximately 65 percent of the images and videos depicted sexual activity between adults and children, including rape and sexual torture of the children. In total, 715 unique sources of commercial child sexual abuse websites were identified. Each of the webpages or websites is a gateway to hundreds, or even thousands, of images or videos of children being sexually abused. These websites are, unfortunately, supported by layers of payment mechanisms, content stores, membership systems and advertising frames. Payment systems may involve Prepay cards, credit cards, ‘virtual money’ or e-payment systems, with transactions being carried out via secure webpages or e-mails. Case after case, we see adult predators taking advantage of the weakest among us, the proliferation of mobile phone and multimedia messages add another twist to the story. Recently, The Concise Oxford English Dictionary introduced several new words in its latest edition of dictionaries. Among these is the term ‘Sexting’ which is defined as the act of sending Sexually-Explicit text messages or pictures of individuals ( including minors ) via a mobile phone.
These messages and pictures are generally passed from mobile phone to mobile phone until they end up being uploaded on (and downloaded from) the internet. After this, these posts are extensively redistributed online, which makes stopping them or removing them from the internet, virtually impossible.
Modern technology has given users unprecedented ease and ability to become photographers and publishers. Unfortunately, having access to technologies and tools, and using them responsibly are two very diverse concepts.

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Breaking the Silence About Human Trafficking

By Deborah Bostock-Kelley
Email the author
August 31, 2012

Right now, as Week of Welcome fades into memory and college campuses  are merely days into full operation, naïve freshman, away from home,  possibly for the first time, are being watched.

Blondes, brunettes, redheads – bespectacled bookworms, pink haired video gamers and underage partiers.

Each are new on campus, trying to find their footing in an environment completely alien to them.

The Predator Makes His Move

The freshman is sitting alone, wishing she had taken a better  meal plan. She peeks into her wallet a third time, but she cannot will a  $5 bill to appear to buy the latte that is splashed across the coffee  shop sign.

In a college logoed T-shirt and ripped jeans, young, clean cut,  handsome or “hot”vas her friends back home would describe, he  approaches. There’s nothing shady about him. He blends in perfectly with  the other students on campus. 

He makes casual conversation, learning her hometown, the beloved  pet she left back home, how she misses her mom, dad, her younger sister.  She’s shocked that he would talk to her and he encourages the dialogue,  offering to purchase the drink. She hesitates and he playfully nudges  her. She finally relents. College is about new experiences, meeting new  people. She decides to trust him. He befriends her and they meet  regularly.

A few weeks later, he is her boyfriend, showering her with  attention and ultimately, gifts – a haircut, a manicure, jewelry, the  dress she was looking at in the mall display window, but could never  afford. He gives her the world and tells her how sexy and beautiful she  is.

And then the time comes.

He reminds her of everything he’s ever done for her, that he loves  her so much, but there’s this party and if only this one time, she  could do this one thing for him. She thinks of all her mother’s  warnings. She feels a little uneasy, but rather than upset the man who  loves her, she goes against her gut instinct to say “no.”

Traffickers Prey on the Vulnerable

“Traffickers look for teens who lack assertiveness. People are more  afraid of offending someone than saying the word ‘no,’ ” explained  Connie Rose, founder of Victims2Survivors.

Rose explained that the young girls are often drugged at the parties.

“They are not going to know what they’ve done and there is going to  be pictures taken of them,” said Rose. “The girls are mortified at what  they did because they don’t remember. The pimps use the photos to  threaten to show to new friends, Mom and Dad back home. They tell things  like that little dog that they talked about will be gone. They start  listing all the things that they will do to them if they don’t do what  they want, so what is a girl to do?”

A Voice of Experience

Rose, 56, is a survivor of human trafficking, sexual violence and the  daughter of a sex offender. As a child, Rose was raped by her father  and as a teen, sold in to sexual slavery.

Rather than self-destruct down the common path of drug and alcohol  abuse, Rose talked openly about her experience and in 2010,  founded  Victims2Survivors to give voice to other sexually trafficked children.

“It is not something new and is becoming a horrific epidemic.  Children can be sold 20 to 40 times per night. Sexual trafficking is a  $32 billion business. It is only second to drug trafficking.”

Knowledge is Power

Rose recommended that college students learn the signs of a predator,  trust their gut instincts, and have a plan of action if there comes a  need.

“I work with Wendy Vazquez-Ernest of I Know My Plan.  Oftentimes, when I speak, she comes with me. She can teach you what to  do to defend yourself,” said Rose. “Most of the pimp runners on campus  are the really good-looking, young guys because the girls are going to  talk to them. They’re scouting for the pimp.”

Vazquez-Ernest teaches a RAD (Rape Aggression Defense) program at the  University of South Florida for credit and also throughout the Tampa  Bay community. The course teaches women and teens realistic self-defense  techniques to escape violence.

“The most important thing to do is to keep your wits about you, trust  your instincts and don’t put yourself into a compromising situation.  Women need to feel empowered. To start on this journey is to enroll in a  class that teaches you about risk reduction,”  said Vazquez-Ernest. “I  teach this class because of the importance of woman being educated that  they do have a choice.”

On campus, the trafficker can also manipulate into such a situation  by using guilt. The pimp runner reminds the freshman about their student  loans—how can the parents afford college, and make suggestions how to  earn lots of money through things like stripping so they can “go party,  get their nails done, buy that cute dress,” said Rose. “They go through  the whole list. Everything that a freshman in freaking out about—they  have no money, plus the fact the guy is saying ‘your family is not here;  they’re not going to know. You want freedom? Here’s real freedom, a way  to make a lot of money.’”

Once the girls begin stripping, it often leads to sexual slavery.
“Eventually, they will be sold,” said Rose.

Fighting Back

In August, volunteers distributed thousands of bars of soap with the  National Human Trafficking Hotline number 888-373-7888 to area motels  and hotels. Save Our Adolescents from Prostitution, called the S.O.A.P.  project educated motel owners and managers on signs of human  trafficking.

The SOAP Facebook page said, “Due to the approximate 50,000 people who will be coming to  Tampa for the RNC, human trafficking is expected to rise by 50%.”

Rose works tirelessly with this and other local, national, and  international organizations and trafficking task forces to raise  awareness of sexual trafficking, especially during large events like the  Republican National Convention.

“This has nothing to do with a political party,” explained Rose.  “Whenever there’s a large event, it’s candy to the traffickers. There’s  now tens of thousands of visitors in one place.”

A joint effort between Shared Hope and the Zonta Club of Pinellas County,  a billboard campaign running May through September in nine locations  throughout Tampa Bay, sends a crystal clear message to guests and Tampa  Bay locals, “This man wants to rent your daughter.”

“Human trafficking is a human rights issue,” said Rose. “And I hate  the term prostitute because that word gives the false impression that  this person choose this life. This is a sexually trafficked  child. When someone is starting to be sold or rented, there whole  dignity is taken away. Everything about them is stripped. They’ve been  totally (desensitized).”

That is, by no means, a choice.

To learn more about Victims2Survivors or have Rose speak at your organization’s next event, visit her Facebook page.

Connie Rose is a voice for trafficked minors. She works with Wendy Vazquez-Ernest, who teaches Rape Aggression Defense classes at the University of South Florida. The two hope to prevent teens and young women from falling prey to predators.

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Burritos and Porn

Posted on February 27, 2013 at 5:41 pm.
by Aszia Walker
http://purehope.net/burrito-porn/

Burrito

Everywhere I’ve gone the past week, there has been online radio, in-car radio, billboard signs, and television commercials bringing me face to face with what I’ve dubbed “burrito porn.”

Advertisement after advertisement has had me drooling over tantalizing descriptions of the perfect burrito, full of fresh ingredients and euphoric flavor that this restaurant chain (that shall not be named, because their food isn’t actually evil, but I am using them to make a point) promises to deliver.

So, where has tuning in to all of these delicious marketing schemes taken me? Well, last week it almost took me off the highway to the nearest unnamed-burrito-location… even though I have the exact same ingredients at home.  I was willing to forsake my commitment to my food budget, for one measly burrito.

And then it hit me, this is what men (and women, but I’m going to commend the fellas for a minute) deal with every single day. They are bombarded with image after image of seductive women in general media, porn, and real life singing the siren song of “come away with me, forsake your commitment to your wife and/or your God and delight in all the pleasure I can offer you.”

I could barely resist a freakin’ burrito after enduring a mere three days’ worth of ads.

This revelation has given me an overwhelming compassion for the men in my life who figuratively speaking (and kind of literally) have their radios and televisions off, billboards blocked out, and are staring straight ahead at the highway of purity, justice, love, and covenant stretched out before them.

You go guys! It’s hard work. We live in a consumeristic society pimping burritos and women at every turn. I now know the extreme lengths to which I will have to go to avoid the temptation of a silly Mexican food dish.  How much greater lengths do you valiant men go to daily to act out the love you have for your families, your own heart, and your Lord!

Jesus’ grace abounds to you as you continue to fix your eyes on Him.  I am proud to call you brothers because you know the Way, Truth, and Life that is better than simple lies of a sexualized culture.  The way you men pursue Christ and guard your hearts, eyes, and loved ones is such an inspiration to me.  Stay strong!  Even when you are tempted to take the nearest exit to earthly-indulgence, know that He can keep you from stumbling and provide you a way back into your lane, just flip that blinker!

By the way… I make one heck of a burrito bowl with what I have at home. Not to brag, but it’s far better than anything I could pick up at burrito-place-I’m-still-not-naming.  I’m sure all of you married men can attest that the love of your bride is more intoxicating than any cheap imitation may claim to be.  And you single men who understand that “delight yourself in the Lord” is not some feminine, poetic line (although we have attempted to hijack that one, sorry) but is a bold truth echoing from the heart of warrior King David, and resounding today in your own soul… You guys are a testament that what the world offers is indeed incomparable to the goodness of our Lord.

Keep on men. Keep on.

Aszia1Aszia serves as the Social Media & Internship Coordinator for pureHOPE.  Shameless plug: feel free to follow us on Twitter and Facebook, or apply for our summer undergraduate internship.

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Sexual Sin in the Ministry

Sexual Sin in the Ministry
by Harry Schaumburg | March  6, 2012
Originally posted at: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/sexual-sin-in-the-ministry

For the last twenty years thousands of men from across America struggling with sexual sin have come to our intensive counseling workshop. Over half were pastors and missionaries.

I wish our experience was unique.

Several years ago a seminary professor told me: “We no longer ask our entering students if they are struggling with pornography, we assume every student is struggling. The question we ask: ‘How serious is the struggle?’”

One missions agency told me that 80% of their applicants voluntarily indicate a struggle with pornography, resulting in staff shortages on the field.

Pornography is just one level of sin, a form of visual sex, or heart adultery. Physical adultery includes an affair, multiple affairs, prostitution, and homosexuality. Other sexual behaviors within the ministry are such heinous “unfruitful works of darkness . . . it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret” (Ephesians 5:11–12). To face the crisis we must correctly understand the nature of the problem, ask God to search our own hearts, and be committed to restore each one caught in sexual sin “in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1).

I have pondered long and hard two questions: Why do people repeatedly return to sexual sin and why do people turn away from sexual sin?

Lured Toward Sin

First, I would say that after two decades of helping set free those held captive by sexual sin, I’m convinced that the concept of sexual addiction as a disease does not fully identify the seriousness of the problem. If we are going to get serious about the problem in the church we can ill afford to be misled in our thinking. The real problem is hidden deep within. The least bit of lust is an indication of vast corruption in the human heart. It is an enslavement that cannot be broken through any form of behavior management, recovery program, or counseling. The inside is so ravaged by sin that we can do nothing to change it.

When one is held in the grip of sexual sin, there is no hope of self-reform or self-efforts, for those living according to the “passions of their flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and mind” (Ephesians 2:3). To put it bluntly, those living in habitual sexual sin are “dead in their trespasses and sin” (verse 1). Dead, in a loss of spiritual life. Dead to finding satisfaction with God. Dead to living for his purpose. Holiness is dead. Wisdom is dead. Purity is dead. Love is dead. Like David, the sexual sinner has sinned “against the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:13), and in so doing has “utterly scorned the Lord” (verse 14). The horrible fact is they are “by nature children of wrath” (Ephesians 2:3).

I believe addictionology plays down the seriousness of sin and the necessity of the work of God when it encourages the sexual addict to accept the theory that recovery will only be successful when they begin to believe that they are a good person at the core and just have a disease.

Diagnoses always determine the method of treatment. So ‘good’ people only need to get serious, follow the steps of recovery, and remain in recovery. The opposite is true. When dealing with sexual sin we must hold fast to the teaching of Jesus Christ, “For from within, out of the heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality,  . . . adultery” (Mark 7:21).

By nature and by choice we satisfy ourselves, rebel against God, and have no accurate understanding of the depth of our problem. The heart is deceptive, and without supernatural change it will grow worse. The only hope is “the grace of God . . . training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” (Titus 2:11–12).

Look closely and you will see that the sexual sinner is disappointed with pleasure in their pursuit of what is essentially false intimacy. As one pastor, who was living in two adulterous relationships, put it: “This was the insanity; I no sooner finished the sexual act and immediately broke into tears, devastated by what I had done, but I only returned again and again to the same sinful relationship.”

As sinners we are created with desires for intimacy and for delight. Therefore, “The way to fight lust is to feed faith with the precious and magnificent promise that the pure in heart will see, face to face, the all-satisfying God of glory” (Future Grace, 338).

Yet the sexual sinner, finding no pleasure in real intimacy with God, ultimately finds no pleasure in false intimacy. Real intimacy has both pain and pleasure; false intimacy offers the illusion of no pain, but in the end there is no real pleasure! A part of exchanging the “truth about God for a lie” (Romans 1:25) is that you end up with pleasure now, pain forever!

Descending Deception

Deception runs deeper than we think. Deception is inherent to the problem of sexual sin on two levels.

First, there is the double life with clandestine liaisons, endless hidden hours on a computer, or the misuse of unaccounted time away from the office or home. The behavior is carefully hidden from view, but there are lies, then more lies to cover the lies. Face the facts: the motive for secrecy is to keep doing it. But secrecy of sexual sin also indicates a person’s commitment to flee from the light. “And people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil” (John 3:19).

The second level of deception is self-deception. If the heart is deceitful, it impacts the way we want to see the secret things in our lives, particularly secret sexual sins. The missionary can justify going to nude beaches; a pastor sees the value of an affair because it makes him happy; going to a prostitute on Monday is just a reward for hard work on Sunday.

When you say, “I will keep this part of my life a secret,” what are you hiding?

Hidden from view is a scandalous behavior that would certainly horrify any congregation or spouse. It is also a calculated contradiction of one’s public image that if revealed would bring ruin. It also may be a relationship that you believe is so fulfilling you can’t imagine ending it.

Everyone thinks they are hiding their acts of sin: lust, cheating, porn, and adultery. Such thinking makes it easier to justify the secrecy for the greater good of one’s marriage, family, ministry, job, and future. Such rationalization is universal to all secret sexual sin. “After all, a lot of people would be hurt if they knew what I was doing.” As one pastor put it, “I was in a six month affair, at the same time preaching and counseling against adultery, and telling myself that God didn’t care because the church was growing.”

In reality, it is not the behavior alone that is hidden.

Secret sexual sin is an invasive poison to the soul, mind and the body. It is a poison deep within the recesses of the soul that keeps one from finding satisfaction in God and meaningful intimacy with others. This is a poison that will kill not only in this life, but also life eternal! “For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure . . . has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Ephesians 5:5). Sexual behavior that is indistinguishable from the unbelieving world may indicate a person is not truly a child of God.

The Turn From Sin

Why do people turn away from sexual sin?

In thousands of cases that I have counseled, only about one-percent of the men have come to us voluntarily and preemptively. Ninety-nine percent of the men were caught.

Getting caught in sexual sin doesn’t change the heart.

I can’t prove it, but I believe that God will providentially expose the secret sexual sin of his children.

It staggers our finite imagination that God will allow his chosen ones to go deep into brazen sexual sin, live in it for many years, and have so many people badly hurt. And no matter how difficult it is for spouses and church members to see it in the moment, God is at work when a pastor’s sin is exposed. Exposure is a sovereign act of God. God’s ways are not our ways! In all the vileness and rebellion against God that is a big part of sexual sin, exposure is showing us the perfect patience of Christ.

Many times I’ve been asked, “How can you keep dealing with such sinful men?” There are two reasons: First, I have seen over and over again the power of God to change the darkest sinner. Second, restoration with God is more important than anything. It is more important than career or marriage. God cares more for you, your soul, and your wife than he does your gifts and calling. You are his child before you are a pastor or a husband.

Conviction

After secret sexual sin is exposed we can make the mistake of focusing on the actions and attempt to eliminate behavior. We may be inadvertently feeding a false conviction rather than aiding true conviction.

False conviction is a reflex reaction caused by self-disgust, a sorrow over the consequences of sin. True conviction is an abiding sorrow over the offence against God, and while not the natural response, it does demonstrate that God has begun a good work that he will complete. True conviction is followed by true repentance. False conviction is followed by counterfeit repentance that only sees the consequences of sexual sin and the pain it caused others. Often this leads to a temporary change in behavior without a heart change.

Heart change is critical, “For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexual immoral (Gk. porneia) or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater) has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Ephesians 5:5). There is no room for error when it comes to dealing with sexual sin. There is a demand to either repent or perish (Luke 13:3, 5). So there must be inner transformation of the heart because it is “deceitful above all things and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9).

Christians must take severe measures in killing this sin. This is the real danger: “Every unclean thought would be adultery if it could” (John Owen). “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality . . .” (Colossians 3:5).

The cross isn’t a recovery program, the place to improve on what good is already there. It is a place to die. It is not a question of giving up sexual sin, but of giving up one’s rights!

“But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness” (Romans 6:17–18). As dead sinners we lived “in the passion of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind” (Ephesians 2:3). Deceived, we foolishly think we can use our bodies as we choose when we are in love, when it brings us pleasure, when it makes us a whole person or feeds our spiritual well being. The truly repentant sexual sinner begins to grasp, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20).

True repentance is radical change from the inside out. “The basic meaning of repent is to experience a change of the mind’s perceptions and dispositions and purposes” (What Jesus Demands, 41). Repentance is not just becoming sexually pure, but an inward change, “so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (Colossians 1:10). Inward change leads to sexual purity. Repentance happens on the inside where heart change includes the development of an ingrained attitude to flee sexual immorality.

Don’t Wait To Get Caught

Some time ago I met a pastor who told me that he had two or three affairs in each of the several churches he had pastored. He said, “My reputation in my denomination is to take a small struggling church and see it grow, only to again take another small church and see it grow. I’ve made that move three times, but in fact, I was only moving to a new church before I got caught in those affairs.” That man has no reason to expose his sexual sin or leave the ministry. Why should anyone know?

Why should anyone turn from sexual sin before being caught?

First, don’t let yourself be deceived. “Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil . . . No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God” (1 John 3:8, 9). While not completely free from sin, the heart of the true believer has been transformed, and they cannot live in a pattern of continual sexual sin.

Second, the exhortation is to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Third, fear is not a virtue. Yes, exposure will be costly, but right now you are dying on the inside. It may not feel like dying right now, but you are, you are slowly killing yourself, your spouse, your family, and your congregation.

Fourth, if secret sexual sin has severe consequences, it is worth dealing with before the devastation occurs. Obvious examples come to mind to get help before: your Internet browsing history is discovered and shared; the prostitute turns into an uncover police women and you are arrested for soliciting; you contract an STD; or you are publicly exposed, humiliating yourself, your spouse, your family, and your congregation.

Fifth, it will come out. God is never mocked. “Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness” (Romans 11:22).

Sixth, getting caught shatters trust and honesty in marriage, embarrasses your spouse, and makes reconciliation more difficult.

Seventh, there is hope. It begins with facing the truth. It is never just a struggle with your thought life; like all sexual sin, it is evil. If there is an old self to put off, there must be a new self to put on; that is the gospel.

Hear the Better Word

Christ bears the wrath that will come for all sexual sin. If you are a true believer and real change has occurred, you are called to put off the old and put on the new. Killing sexual sin starts with exposure; it ends with no longer being enslaved (Romans 6:6). Exposure is painful, but it is better to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” than to hear, “I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

If you are a pastor stuck in sexual sin, no matter how well you have attempted to cover those sins with layers and layers of lies, I plead with you, step out from the darkness of those sins. Step into the light. Get help. You will never find life in the shadows.

Dr. Harry W. Schaumburg is a speaker, author, and counselor specializing in the area of sexual sin in the church. He is the director of Stone Gate Resources and the author of False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction (1997) and Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships (2009). He has been married to his wife Rosemary for 43 years, and they have two adult sons.