Pornography: The Third Step; I Died!
What fantasies on porn sites attracted me the most? How exciting were they to view? What one site surprised me the most? Sexual addiction was an emotional depression of my spirit. I lost touched with my core feelings.
This year, I will turn 62 years old. However, I died last year.
The Third Step in the twelve step program discusses surrendering to the Higher Power of the universe as we are aware of His power. In November of 2013, I died (surrendered).
After another bout with online pornography, I attempted suicide. My wife and granddaughter found me on the bedroom floor. I ended up in ICU and then the psych ward. While I was in the ward, I told my story to a psychiatrist, nurses, mental health professions, and my wife. I also talked to God.
I discovered that I had spent my entire life in denial. I was sexually addicted but was not honest with myself. I had not been honest with anyone—God, myself, my family, or friends. Throughout the years, my sexual escapades grew worse and worse. Because there was a time lapse between each incident, I thought I was not so bad. However, I was disgusting.
I have made huge improvements. In six months, I have had only one slip. The next six months, I look forward to a porn free life. The “surrender step” is death, and hope comes from surrendering to the Higher Power. I cannot do it on my own.
What’s Adult About “Adult Entertainment”?
Originally posted at: http://mattfradd.com/whats-adult-about-adult-entertainment/
by Matt Fradd
Pornography is, no doubt, a form of entertainment. But what are we to make of the protest of porn advocates that pornography is “adult entertainment.” What is it that they mean? I think they mean either a) pornography is not for children. or b) pornography is adult entertainment in that it is appreciated by the sophisticated—like blue cheese, good scotch, and Dostoyevsky. Perhaps they mean both. Either way, let’s address each point:
Pornography is not for children
If this is all that porn advocates mean, then fine; I agree. But if this is meant to be an argument for the legitimacy of the adult use of pornography, it’s hopeless. That would be like arguing that since racism, heroine, bigotry, and mockery of the poor are not for children, that it therefore follows that they are for adults. Certainly it would be less disturbing to see these actions in an adult than a child but that doesn’t mean they’re not disturbing actions for an adult to commit.
Pornography is sophisticated entertainment
Seriously? What exactly is sophisticated about porn? The acting? The script? The man who sneaks away from his wife late at night to get a “fix” from his iPhone?
It says “Adult”
Yes, strip clubs and porn stores have large, often flashing, neon signs that say “adult” or “gentlemen’s club.” But, doesn’t this seem a tad defensive? I can imagine the following conversation taking place between two co-owners of a strip club:
Erk: They’re saying that what we’re doing is immoral.
Bob: Immoral?
Erk: Yeah! That “real men don’t go to strip clubs.”
Bob: The nerve!
Erk: How can get across the fact—that you and I both realize—that paying women money to pretend to like you is totally manly?
Bob: Huge neon sign that says “Manly”?
Erk: Nah, too blatant.
Bob: “Gentlemen’s Club”?
Erk: Bloody brilliant!
Actions speak louder than words; even when those words are five feet high, neon, and constitute the phrase “gentlemen’s club.” It seems to me that the attempt to make sexual deviancy appear gentlemanly was nothing more than the attempt of weak men to justify shameful behavior; and I think deep down we all know this. I think deep down even porn stores realize this! The back entrances and covered windows have more to do with their noble desire to safe-guard the innocence of children.
So, in my humble opinion, it seems that, despite the porn industry’s protestations to the contrary, “adult entertainment” is very efficient means of making those who buy into it increasingly juvenile.
Sexual Abuse Conference in Katy, TX – Saturday, April 16, 2016
Date of Event
Apr 16, 2016
08:30 AM–04:00 PM
08:30 AM–04:00 PM
Location
Living Word Lutheran Church
3700 S. Mason Road
Katy, Texas 77450
3700 S. Mason Road
Katy, Texas 77450
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Katy Christian Ministries Crisis Center will host a workshop that showcases the services available for sexual abuse victims. Sexual abuse happens from a variety of situations including adult sex crimes, human trafficking, child sexual abuse, and much more.
The conference is a free community event for professionals, parents, and anyone in the community with a goal to raise awareness of sexual assault and human trafficking. It will allow participants to gain knowledge of the resources available, strategies for prevention, and current interventions.
Make plans to attend on Saturday, April 16 from 8:30 – 4:00 pm. It will be located at Living Word Lutheran Church located at 3700 South Mason Road.
Click here to register for the event.
Contact Glenn Lerich for more information.
How to Give up the Illusion of Control
A great read for those of us who are “control freaks” and crave controlling everyone and everything around us so that we feel safe! This was posted by a sexual abuse survivor.
Recently I went to a Styx concert with my youngest daughter. They were my favorite band in high school and I was looking forward to an evening of hard-rocking nostalgia.
The lights went out and the crowd went crazy. The group bounded out on stage and the initial blast from guitars and drums hit with the force of a hurricane. Then came the dramatic opening lyrics of the night: “Welcome to the Grand Illusion…”
The song was the title track of band’s 1977 album that helped launch them to stardom. The theme is about finding meaning amidst of the superficiality that surrounds us. If we’re going to live with purpose, we have to see past the facades to the real stuff underneath.
The Grandest Illusion of them all
In other words, things are hardly ever what they appear. If we’re not careful, not only can we get sucked into what appears to be, but we can fall prey to the grandest illusion of them all: control.
Let’s be honest – all of us struggle with this. We want, and think we need, control in certain areas.
We’ve tried to control situations and circumstances. We’ve attempted to control what others think about us and how our relationships go. “Control freak” is a term that could apply to every human in some sense.
Low on trust. High on control. That’s our M.O.
Why we struggle with control
And no wonder. We’ve been hurt and disappointed. We’ve been neglected and abused. We’ve had our hearts broken, shattered, or crushed. We’ve encountered darkness and evil along the way. Things haven’t turned out the way we dreamed or planned. We’ve settled for less and find ourselves sighing through life, wishing things were different but not daring to hope they ever will be.
So we protect ourselves. We pose, posture, and manipulate. We try to make things work out. We put on our tough shoes and attempt to lay some control on the people and circus around us.
Control is an illusion.
What you DON’T control
What are you actually in control of? It would be far easier to list what you DON’T control:
- What others think or say
- What others feel
- Decisions others make
- How others respond to you
- What happens to you or around you
- The results of what you do or say
- The results of what you’ve done in the past
- Your spouse, kids, or family
- Your health
- The economy
- The world
- Death
- God
Yes, we can influence some of these, but we don’t have control over them. And when we attempt to exercise control, we sign up for slavery. We put ourselves in bondage. We buy into an illusion, and then get upset when it evaporates.
What you CAN control
So what can you do?
First, set free what you can’t control. Release it, and him or her.
Second, be very clear on what you actually can control (at least to some degree) and focus there.
What are you in control of?
- The thoughts you choose to dwell on
- What you allow into your heart
- What you put into your body
- Your decisions
- What you choose to do or say next
- How you respond to others (though you may not be able to control the initial reflex)
What you can do
Be courageous. Rise above the chaos. Guard your mind and heart. Feed your body and soul with health. Work on you. Heal and grow.
Be yourself. By this, I mean be who God created you to be. If you don’t know, your first priority needs to be to find out. Why? Because you will live out who you really believe yourself to be. You can’t afford to be foggy about this.
Be loving. Meet others where they are. Lose the personal agendas. Look and listen for their heart. Connect with them.
Be gracious and forgiving, with others and yourself. Deal with your own issues and allow others to deal with theirs. Send the life-sucking guilt monster packing. Refuse to let bitterness or resentment eat your soul.
I hear those lyrics again, “Welcome to the Grand Illusion…”
Abandon the illusion of control. Look beyond the facades. Embrace companionship with God and safe people. Use your influence to impact the world around you for good.
Greater freedom is right in front of you. Live a little more of it today.
Question: What control issues do you think most people struggle with?
