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Colin Farrell: Having sex after getting sober was ‘one of the most terrifying moments in my life’

The ‘Winter’s Tale’ actor talks about getting clean and how he has ditched his ladies’ man ways.

BY Kirthana Ramisetti
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Thursday, February 13, 2014, 3:22 PM

Colin Farrell has been sober for eight years, but he still remembers how tough it was to change his wild-child ways.

“I worried I wouldn’t be able to talk, full stop,” the “Winter’s Tale” actor said, when asked by Elle magazine whether he could talk to women after getting clean. “I hadn’t uttered a word sober in about 15 years.”

The difficulties extended beyond making conversation, the Irish celeb revealed in the magazine’s March issue.

“I made love to a woman about two and a half years after I got clean, and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life,” he said. “It was in the afternoon. The windows and the curtains were open. It was lovely, and, to be crass, it wasn’t f–ing. She was very gentle. But it was terrifying. Because I was just used to drunkenness and dark rooms and clubs and toilets and wherever.”

Farrell, 37, had a reputation as a ladies’ man earlier on his career after being linked to the likes of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.

He even had a few memorable nights at the Playboy mansion when he first moved to Los Angeles in the early 2000s. The “Tigerland” star told Elle that he had been to Hugh Hefner’s famous abode twice in his life, describing it as “a rite of passage.”

“But it kind of came back to haunt me,” he added, referring to former girlfriend, Playboy model Nicole Narain, who he accused of trying to distribute a sex tape the two had made in 2003.

Farrell was offered $5 million for the 14-minute video, but he and Narain reached a confidential settlement in 2006 to block its sale and distribution – but the video still turned up online.

“The whole thing was horrifying,” he added. “I was deposed for four hours explaining why I didn’t want it to be released. God forbid it’s an On Demand movie in a hotel room and my mother says, ‘Oh, I haven’t seen this work of my son’s,’ and hits purchase.”

Farrell, a single father of two, joked that he is now “just trying to weed out the gold-diggers.”

As for future love and marriage, he said, “For me, I don’t know if it’s possible. But I certainly do believe in monogamy. I don’t believe that it’s for everyone.”

But when asked if he could ever fall in love with a woman who wasn’t a fan of his movies, Farrell said he could “for sure.”

“I needed to learn to love myself while not loving my movies,” he said. “I would never hold that against anyone.”

Read more:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/colin-farrell-opens-sober-sex-elle-article-1.1613466#ixzz3509ENA6p

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The Prisoner

by Nicola Tsoi

He knows how cruel the bigger world can be, so thinks it would be safer to stay at the bottom of a pool. But despite his efforts, the outside world finds its way in anyway, and only sees him for what he is.

A prison only becomes a prison when the person inside doesn’t want to be there, no matter how large, small, grand or dilapidated  the space may be. At least the pool was chosen by him, and his lifestyle was one he didn’t want to change.

Perhaps the world may know better. Perhaps the people around him think they know better, and are actually trying to help him, but he’d rather do it in his own terms rather than roll over at the first sign of help.

He’s all rusty and squeaking from staying in one position for so long, but it’s his choice, and no one can change his mind but himself.

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I’m a Pastor and I Look At Porn

by Frank Honess

I’ve had two conversations lately with senior pastors who found themselves in bad situations. After years of hidden porn addiction, they decided they didn’t want to keep living like this, so they confessed to their wives and then called me to talk about their next steps.

Out of every hundred calls I get, only two are ever like this. Two from pastors who didn’t get caught, who came clean on their own before their addiction progressed to strip clubs, hiring prostitutes, office affairs, or anything else.

I don’t care if they’re pastors or not: these guys are brave. These guys will break free because they are no longer living with the shame and guilt and secrets.

Think about it for a second… Could you come clean without getting caught first? I want to say I could, but it’s very difficult to be certain about that.

So what’s next for these guys?

With their wives’ support, some fantastic friends around them, and a few great resources, these guys will be fine in their personal lives and in their hearts. When you make the decision to come clean and break free from porn, you have a much better chance of long-lasting healing than when someone else makes the decision for you.

That’s the good news. But now comes the question: what about their jobs?

If they worked for the government, they would have no problem. Heck, Obama’s aides were getting prostitutes on a recent trip, and they just got sent home. But since these men are pastors who work and run churches, they do have a problem, and this is what sucks.

I offered to talk to their boards and do whatever I can to keep these guys in their jobs. Why? Because they are brave, courageous, and had enough integrity to come clean before they get caught. They will be able now to relate to so many more people in their congregation because of this. This is real life stuff that is messy — and that should be okay. It’s a tremendous example to our churches that life is messy. After all, Jesus came for the sick not the healthy and I think we expect way too much of our pastors to think they are the healthiest ones in the congregation.

Sometimes — more than you think — pastors are the sickest.

If either of these pastors’ churches fires them, then we have it all wrong. They’re upholding a backward standard:

Confess your sin = lose your job
Conceal your sin = keep your job

I have a hard time with the Ted Haggards of this world and other TV guys who have blown their ministries and families into pieces, been caught, and who were able to step right back into ministry. If you get caught, the consequences should be way more severe; if you come clean on your own, there should be grace given and extended.

If these churches fire these guys, then they send a message to the rest of your staff and congregation, making it all the harder for them to come clean on their own. If we want people to live free of this stuff, we have to encourage honesty and openness, and when people do that we can’t push them out the door.

Confess your sin = keep your job
Conceal your sin = lose your job

Too harsh? Why risk it? Oh, and you can probably replace the word “job” with “marriage” in there as well, because it will be a lot easier to restore that if you come clean on your own.

The path to freedom begins with you being honest with yourself and with others.

Get open.

–Craig

Source: I’m a Pastor and I look At Porn.

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Filling the Void After His Affair

by thiswillnotdefineus

There is a tragic irony in the story of infidelity, or at least my story. My husband was drawn into his affair because he felt like something he and I once shared was gone. He displaced his insecurities on me, believing I was no longer attracted to him and that our diminished sex life was a symptom of my indifference. He felt like something was missing so he cheated. Paradoxically, his affair left me feeling like I lost something, something important to my definition of “us”. The irony is that he cheated to fill something he felt was lost but in reality, his affair robbed me and left a hole.

It was a year ago my therapist asked me what I would do if I never found those missing puzzle pieces as I was struggling to find a concrete explanation for my husband’s affair. I sat in silence on the couch with my husband to my left and therapist in the chair across from us. I was silent because I didn’t know the answer to her question. At the time I wanted to believe if I asked enough questions that I would figure out why my husband cheated. I wanted evidence that my decision to stay and rebuild my marriage was the right one. I wanted to believe that I could fix what was broken. I wanted definitive clarity.

Six months after that therapy session I made an appointment to go back alone. I was struggling to move forward again. We had passed the one year mark, we were now a stronger and healthier couple but I now felt like something was missing from me. His affair had stolen my sense of security in my marriage. As I sat across from my therapist she suggested I make a list or write about what I was feeling. I wrote this post. My therapist also told me that I might never be able to find that missing piece again; I needed to accept the loss. The missing puzzle piece I had been relentlessly searching for was in fact, missing from me. The question still remained: What if you never find that missing puzzle piece?

The tragic irony in my story transpired because my husband believed I was the spouse with the lack of love and affection, yet while I was faithful he abandoned our marriage and began an affair. I accept my husband’s choices but I still feel like I was stripped of something I once believed was essential in our marriage. As time moves on, the hole inside feels smaller but I sometimes wonder if it’s actually shrinking or if other people in my life are filling the gap. Is it possible this empty hole within me can no longer be filled by my husband? Or does it just take time to fill the void?

And then I remembered my favorite childhood author, Shel Silverstein, wrote  about a missing piece. Sometimes it just takes a deep breath in to realize that my journey is creating me and I need to trust in the journey.

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The #1 Indicator of a Problem

Originally posted by CurePornAddiction

If I felt a pull to go online and view pornography, I would substitute tasteful images of women. I told myself that I would only view pictures of the most beautiful women in the world.  However, I spent more and more time online.  I clicked onto Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.  I thought: It was okay; I wasn’t looking at porn.  I compulsively visited lingerie Web sites.  Before I realized it, once more, I succumbed to pornography.  The #1 indicator of sexual addiction: Compulsivity grows into an obsession.

I felt that I had gone through this cycle a thousand times; perhaps, I did.  I kept asking God for help; yet, I sought answers from other sources; church leaders, motivational speakers, or life in general.

I had to ask myself, “Did I seek Him with my whole heart.”

Pondering the question for a long time, I had to answer no. I had asked the Higher Power of the universe for help; however, I did not wholly surrender my will.

Now, I feel the pain of sex addiction and experience the universal joys of love.