CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Fight of Your Life “2015”

Fight of Your Life || October 24 || 8:30a-12:30p || FCC

This powerful 4 hour event is an effective and preventative learning experience to help men 16 & older gain ground in the battle against the dangers and temptations of our overly-sexualized culture. The Fight of Your Life event is for Men Only (16 and up). It is a powerful one day event, Saturday, October 24, 8:30a -12:30p @FCC. $20pp (sons 16-18yrs free).

Register:

https://fccsm.wufoo.com/forms/fight-of-your-life-2015/

Church Home:

http://friendswoodchurch.org/home/events

Contact Kevin Pate for more information.

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Goliath – Invincible Corpse

http://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/goliath-invincible-corpse/

by applyingmybeliefs

1 Sam 17:4 – And there came out from the camp of the Philistines a champion named Goliath of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span.   ESV

Goliath was a true physical giant, his strength was such that the tip of his spear was six hundred shekels, about eighteen pounds twelve ounces.  He was probably between nine feet six and eleven feet, depending on how one measures a cubit.  Although he lived with the ancient enemy of Israel, the Philistines, he was most likely from the tribe of giants called Anaks.  In this scripture (read 1 Sam 17:4-58 for the full story) Goliath came out and taunted the Israelites as he was to do for 40 continuous days.  It was common practice for enemies to send their champion into a one-on-one fight with the victor’s side winning the war.  This avoided the very dangerous reality that both sides could get wiped out, making them easy targets for a third enemy.

We all know the story, the young boy, David, goes out and kills the giant Goliath under God’s protection, and the Israelites win the war.  This story, while it is an actual historical event, is also symbolic for humanity, if they care to listen.  It is one person, plus God, defeating something that cannot be overcome any other way.

This is a great figurative story for us in recovery.  The giant is something big that we have to fight and that we know we cannot defeat with our own resources and power.  If we have anything in our lives that determines how our day goes, where we spend our time or money or how we think, feel and choose, then we have a giant.  God could be our giant, but we all know that if He were, we would never have got into recovery in the first place.  No, our giants are the compulsions or addictions that we struggle with; they could also be our challenges trusting or being intimate with a spouse after a betrayal.  Whatever they are, they can only be defeated with God’s help.

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Ashley Madison Exposes More Than Just Names

http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2015/september/ashley-madison-exposes-more-than-just-names-men-and-women-h.html

by Shaunti Feldhahn

The fallout from the Ashley Madison leak shows us that there is a critical sexual disconnect between men and women.

Most women are completely dumbfounded at the Ashley Madison scandal, asking, How could it be so easy for so many men – including godly, Christian men – to visit such a site?

Most men are completely chilled at the Ashley Madison scandal: thinking, There but for the grace of God go I.

There’s something more important here than the Ashley Madison issue itself: a vast disconnect between men and women on modern sex-related issues that affect nearly all men and boys every single day – but which many women aren’t even aware of. While actual infidelity affects only a small percentage of marriages, the factors creating online temptation impact everyone. And we women don’t always understand why.

Our men are vulnerable in ways most of us never realized. Our sons have a target on their backs. They need our support, prayer and awareness as they stand against the temptations of this culture – or as they work to heal their lives and marriages from poor choices.

After years of research and multiple nationally-representative surveys to investigate the inner lives of men and boys for For Women Only and Through A Man’s Eyes, I now believe if we women understood just five key things, it would change how Christian men handle temptation. Just to be clear: men are 100% responsible for their choices. But that doesn’t mean we women have to sit helplessly while our men are out there facing temptation alone.

So for every woman who wants to understand and support her man (or her son), here are five key facts:

Fact 1: Due to how their brain wiring interprets attractive sights, men in this culture are constantly being sexually stimulated.

Although we can’t get into the brain science here (see this article for more), the bottom line is that a straight man can’t not be sexually stimulated when he catches sight of the female body in the spandex shorts or the low-cut top. Even if he doesn’t want that pleasurable stimulation, it just happens. If he wants to honor his wife (and God) in his thought life, he instantly has to choose whether to shut down that stimulation by looking away or thinking about something else. A few minutes later he will have to make that choice again. And again.

Fact 2: Visual-sexual stimulation salves a man’s hidden vulnerabilities.

Men have far more self-doubt than women realize. Pleasurable stimulation hits men right where it hurts, and makes them feel better. One man told me, “A guy might be feeling like a failure at work but being intimate with his wife — or with pornography, which is the counterfeit — makes him feel like he does measure up. It is a salve that goes very deep.” When a man is intimate with his wife, he experiences true comfort and care. When he turns to porn he avoids intimacy; it is the counterfeit solace of the alcoholic’s bottle. And it is terribly ironic that his counterfeit indulgence triggers his wife’s own vulnerability – her worry that she is not enough for him.

Fact 3. The visual and emotional temptation looms large.

In today’s culture, a man’s physical responses and emotional vulnerabilities combine to create a perfect storm of temptation. Even if he fights it well (which most men in the church do try to do), it looms large. This is how my husband, Jeff, describes the struggle:

It is almost as if we are all former alcoholics and there is a bottle in front of us with an empty shot glass saying, “Just this once. It’s been such a hard day.”

As guys, we are all sitting there, looking at that bottle – and if we’re feeling particularly vulnerable, we’re saying ‘God help me.’ And it has nothing to do with our wives. It has everything to do with a man feeling like a failure and this is that one drink that he thinks will make him feel better tonight.

Many men won’t have had that thought about alcohol, but most of us have had it about porn. It is everywhere. And it turns men into cowards. So if we are honest, every man knows that if we’re not extremely careful, that is where we could go.

Fact 4: Some men fight it successfully — and others fall.

While many millions of men make those careful choices every day, others grow weary of the struggle. They give in. They secretly look at what is always just a click away. Many, especially in the church, know it is wrong and are ashamed. The hard truth is that porn reels in men who would have never set out to devastate their wives and families. Pornographic images are like a gateway drug to videos, chat rooms, and, for some, Ashley Madison. Men can find themselves in the grip of addiction. And since Christian men usually are ashamed of and hide the first step into temptation, the rest of the progression also stays hidden – and the men stay trapped.

Fact 5. A wife’s support can make a difference – if he chooses to let it.

One reason I’m passionate about encouraging women and men to understand each other: we don’t have to be helpless in the face of confusing (or scary) issues. Although a man or boy’s ultimate actions are fully his responsibility, there’s a lot a wife can do to support her husband or son, if he chooses to accept it. First, show your husband it is safe for him to talk to about these struggles with you. If a wife shows that she wants to understand (“What makes things more difficult for you?”), that she won’t freak out, and that she’s willing to help (“Absolutely, we can block those problematic cable channels”) most men will open up and share over time. And if a wife shows her husband that she does desire him sexually, that she cares for him in that way, closeness usually grows. Neither are a guarantee, but I’ve seen both lead to breakthroughs and much more intimacy.

I’d venture to guess that the enemy of our souls wanted to use the Ashley Madison hack to steal, kill and destroy many marriages, and to put fear into many others. But there’s something about bringing hidden things to light that God uses to set people free. For all of us as women, let’s use this unique moment to step out in maturity, face down our own fears and insecurities, and stand with our men – and our sons – so they know they don’t have to face the darkness alone.

 

 

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The Parable of the Prodigal Son……..with a different ending

The Parable of the Prodigal Son……..with a different ending

Luke 15:11-32

by Mike M.

This story is for those who feel that what they have done is so awful and so bad that there is no way God could still love them. It’s for those who think they are worthless, and not worthy of God’s love. There are also those who feel that God is so disappointed over what they have done that He can never look at them the same way again with love and compassion. This story is for them.

The Story            

                Our story begins with the prodigal son at the point he “came to his senses.” (vs. 17) In Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery groups, they call it “finding your true bottom.” That’s the point at which he woke up and all the money was gone, his “friends” had left him, and he was broke and hungry. He got a job feeding pigs, and envied the pigs because they had food to eat. “Wow, I have really screwed up!” he thought. “This lifestyle doesn’t work. I have made a mess out of my life! I have sinned against heaven and against my father and my family. Look at me now — starving to death. Why, even the servants in my father’s house have food to eat! I’m going home.”

                So he gets up and starts walking back home. It’s a long journey, for he had gone to a distant country.

Finally, one day he climbs to the top of a hill and there, in the distance, he can see his home!

Fond memories of childhood growing up there, and of safety and security quicken his step. But then he remembers his fall from grace, and the shame and guilt of it weighs him down until he is barely trudging along the road.

Alternative Ending

(This is where we depart from the narrative as told by Jesus – vs. 20)

                His father is sitting on the porch looking out toward the road and sees him coming, but does not get up. When the young man arrives he falls forward on his knees and bows his head.

“I knew you would come back, starving, penniless, and groveling,” the father says in a tone of disgust.

“Father…” the boy begins.

“Just a minute! It’s my turn to tell you some things. You wouldn’t listen before. Just turned your back and stormed off. You just had to get out of here after I gave you all of that money — my money! I’m sure you wasted it all on prostitutes, drinking and carousing, too.”

“Father, I…”

“I told your mother when you were little, I said, ‘He’ll never amount to anything. He’s worthless. Look at him, he can’t do anything right!’ She protested and fought with me about it, but I knew I was right. Guess I should be grateful she’s not around anymore to see your failure. Your brother and I had a good chuckle about it the other day, though. We were sure you would come crawling back when the money ran out.”

The boy looks up at his father’s face entreatingly. The father waves his hand dismissively.

“Oh, go ahead, say what you came to say.”

“Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make

me like one of your hired servants.”

The father considers this for a moment, then blurts out,

“You think that makes everything all right?”

He rises from the chair in anger, pointing a finger at his son, and yelling.

“You actually thought you could demand your inheritance, flit off to a distant country, squander all of my money in riotous living, then come waltzing back here, ask for forgiveness, and all would be well?”

The boy just stares at the ground. The father sits back down, furious. He tries to compose himself, and in a voice still seething with anger, but not as loud, says,

“Get up. That’s right — stand up!”

After the boy rises, the father continues.

“Foolish boy! You never learn, do you? It doesn’t work like that. You’re going to pay for what you’ve done! And you bet you’ll work like a servant of this house! Why, I’ve had servants more faithful and loyal than you!”

With that the father shakes his head in disbelief, rises and turns to go into the house. Then he abruptly stops, turns around and walks down the steps to where his son is standing, who is biting his lip in fear. Pointing a finger directly in his son’s face, in a measured, angry tone he says,

“And don’t forget. I’m keeping my eye on you! One little slip and Boom! You’re out of here! In fact,

I’m going to have your brother check on you. That’s right — your brother. Now, there’s loyalty for you.

Works hard, always does what he’s told. Never asks for anything special.”

The son walks away after his father leaves, knowing he did the right thing by coming home, but in a state of

utter hopelessness and despair.

Application

Friends, God could be the God of the alternative ending! He would have every right to be. But how fortunate we are that He is not!

Of course we know this is not how the story ended as told by Jesus. This ending is 180 degrees from the impression of God’s love and concern for us He was teaching. In the previous parables here in Luke 15 — the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin — Jesus talks about how the angels in heaven rejoice over one sinner who repents!

But we get down on ourselves and think we’re not worthy, or that He loves others, but not us. When we do this, we’re not paying attention! Somehow it is easier to check out of “hope” and check into “self-doubt.”

Listen to David, the sweet singer of Israel, talk about His attitude toward us.

Psalm 25:6, 7

Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,

    for they are from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth

    and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

    for you, Lord, are good.

Psalm 25:11

For the sake of your name, Lord,

    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Psalm 51:1, 2

Have mercy on me, O God,

    according to your unfailing love;

according to your great compassion

    blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity

    and cleanse me from my sin.

Psalm 51:9

Hide your face from my sins

    and blot out all my iniquity.

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

    a broken and contrite heart

    you, God, will not despise.

 

Now, what about the prodigal son?   Did he have a broken and contrite heart? Of course.

But his father took that heart and crushed it (in the alternative ending). Our Father will not do that.

Remember, when He forgives, He forgets.

Hebrews 8:12

For I will forgive their wickedness

    and will remember their sins no more.

“But, He’s God! How can he forget?”

I don’t know. Maybe He chooses to not remember. Think about your own children. Do you remember everything they did wrong 10 years ago?

 

Conclusion

Perhaps some of us experienced abuse from our earthly father, and consequently we have molded this into

our perception of our Heavenly Father. Even if this isn’t the case, our view of God is heavily influenced by our relationship with our earthly father. Let us remember that when we repent and come back from sin, our Heavenly father welcomes us with open arms.

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Why some couples just can’t seem to reconcile–Part 1

http://affaircare.com/2014/02/17/why-some-couples-just-cant-seem-to-reconcile-part-1/

Have you ever known a couple who decided to reconcile after one of them had an affair?  They even went to a marriage counselor and everything! Yet they just spun their wheels and never could really get ahead, and they ended up divorcing even though they really tried?

Or is that maybe where you find yourself today?  Your spouse had an affair -OR- you were unfaithful, and the two of you made a choice–a decision–to reconcile, but it just isn’t working?  Oh you are going to marriage counseling and the counselor told you to “try dating” but how in the world do you DATE someone who tore your heart out?  How do you DATE someone who gave you the silent treatment when you desperately needed and wanted their attention?  You’re trying…and I mean really trying, not that faking it stuff… and yet somehow you get no traction and your marriage just is not recovering.  You worry if you will ever feel loved again and wonder if you’ll just end up divorcing even after all this effort.

There is an uncomplicated reason why some couples just can not seem to reconcile, but in order to understand the explanation, you need to understand our Basic Concepts here at Affaircare.  Let me summarize:

To keep it simple, envision that the love in your marriage is like a campfire. There are actions that people do to stoke the fire of love and make it hotter–those are Love Kindlers. Much as adding fuel to a fire keeps it burning, makes it brighter and warmer, so concentrating on Kindlers, making them part of your daily interaction, builds the fire of your marriage. There are actions that people do that are like putting water on a fire–some are like dribbles out of a holey bucket, and some are like dumping a big bucket of water on the fire. Smothering a fire will eventually put it out. Actions that kill the fires of your love are Love Extinguishers.

When you go to marriage counseling, and you’re told to “try dating” …what the counselor is focusing on is the Love Kindlers. But what happens is that the husband tries to think of some nice “kindler” to do for his wife but picks the wrong love language, so she doesn’t notice or if she does notice…she’s underwhelmed. Well hey–it didn’t mean love to her in her language! So he gets upset that he put ALL THAT EFFORT into it, and got no benefit, no brownie points, no passion…and he starts finding fault with everything she does, and one step forward just became three steps back! Or the wife tries to win her husband with his favorite meal and a ticket to the ballgame (what guy wouldn’t love that?) but she works herself into a frenzy that he’s going to meet “her” at the game and ends up bringing up the affair and making several disrespectful judgments about why he’d rather go to a sporting event than be with her. One step forward…three steps back!

Love Kindlers are lovely. They are! They are what make us fall in love with each other, and we often call them “romance.” But we can not fall in love with each other if we are sabotaging the relationship with LOVE EXTINGUISHERS. So before you can get to the rather fun part of adding Love Kindlers, it is vital to first look at yourself (not your spouse, and I don’t care if they were the Disloyal or not), and be honest.  Have you been doing these things?  If you have, forget the Kindlers for now and practice stopping these Love Extinguishers!!

1.  Emotional Neglect

  • Scorekeeper–Do you keep track of who “won” or who has done the chore more times? Does your marriage feel like a competition?
  • Fault Finder–Do you make a practice of discovering your spouse’s faults and then pointing them out over and over? Criticize everything they do?
  • Controlling–Do you manipulate every situation to your own benefit? Center their existence around you? Tell them where they can and can not go, for how long, and with whom?
  • Bottomless Pit–No matter what they do to try to please you, do you always want more? Are you unable to express gratitude or pleasure?

2. Spiritual Neglect

  • Will Not Forgive–Did they do something wrong a long time ago, and you are STILL holding it over their head ? Even if they do everything you tell them, you never let them off the hook?
  • Lack of Personal Transparency–Do you hide your cell phone from your spouse and close the screen on your PC when your spouse walks into the room? Do you keep them at arm’s length and hide yourself and your life from them?
  • Smoke and Mirrors–Do you give your spouse false information with the express intent of making them doubt themselves, their memory or their sanity?
  • Disrespectful Judgments–Do you act like you are “straightening your spouse out”? Do your lecture them instead of discussing respectfully? Are they afraid to discuss their point of view with you?