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Should a Pastor be Fired if He’s Viewing Porn?

Ask adult Christians what should be done if their pastor is using pornography, and 41% say “He/she should be fired or asked to resign.”* Another 29% say the pastor should take a leave of absence until he/she stops using porn.  Those over 50 years of age were more adamant about that—47% of age 51-69 and 57% of age 70+ were ready to can the pastor.  But only 35% of age 25-30 and 27% of age 31-50 felt that way.

Wow! If that were the case, a lot of pastors would be out of a job! More than half (57%) of pastors say they are either currently struggling (14%) or have struggled in the past (43%) with pornography, and 33% of the ones currently struggling say they “are addicted” to porn.

Among youth pastors, the numbers are higher: 64% say they are struggling (21%) or have struggled in the past (43%).  A whopping 56% of those currently struggling say they “are addicted” to porn.

It is not surprising that pastors think a little differently than the 41% of lay people who say pastors should be fired.  Only 8% of pastors think that a pastor “should be fired or asked to resign” if found using porn.

And it is even less surprising to find out that 55% of those using porn “live in constant fear of being discovered.”  No kidding! I know of many pastors who, upon being discovered, lose their careers, their families, their homes, their friends, everything.  Some have even ended their own lives as a result of being discovered.

What solutions do pastors suggest?

  • 82% said they should find a professional counselor.
  • 59% said they should find “a group of mature Christians who can hold him accountable.”
  • Only 1% of the pastors said that the congregation should be told.

But congregations are  unaware of the scope of the problem.  Awareness precedes understanding, and understanding precedes action. Once the people understand how addictive porn is and recognize that pastors are as prone to the sin as anyone else, they can take action.

If there is no problem among your pastors, that’s great!  But as the pastors themselves say, accountability is the best preventive medicine.  How devastating it would be to coast along, thinking there will be no problem, only to find out you need to rehabilitate or replace a key staff person.  How disrupting to the ministry, how costly for the counseling, how humiliating for the staff—all of which could be headed off by installing Covenant Eyes on all of the staff computers to maintain accountability and have open and transparent conversations.

It would be like the Black Plague on the church if all of the struggling pastors had to resign.  I believe they need help, not banishment.  I also believe we need to educate the church that porn is a pervasive problem, and pastors are human, too.  If we force pastors to live in constant fear, we force them to NOT seek help, the very help they know is needed.

The majority of those who struggle know what must be done–they need professional counseling along with accountability partners.  But they aren’t going to seek that help if they can’t admit they struggle, and they can’t admit they struggle if they know they’re out the door the next minute.  We need to meet them at the foot of the cross, where Christ took on the burden of our sins, as well as those of our pastors.

Send your pastor to the Set Free Summit, and have him bring a copy of this article to the Covenant Eyes booth for a free year’s subscription of Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability for you or your pastor.

*All data in this article are from The Porn Phenomenon, a 2016 study by the Barna Group. Get the full results at the Summit.

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PORN & MASTURBATION: 40 Questions Pastors Should Ask Your Husband

Originally posted at: http://prevailingwordministries.wordpress.com/2014/12/04/porn-masturbation-40-questions-pastors-should-ask-your-husband/
by prevailing word ministries

Even as information is available everywhere to discuss this taboo issue, many wives have expressed disappointment and frustration over the fact that pastors are ill-equipped to address their husband’s porn and masturbation activities.

The answer is simple.

Pastors are ill-equipped for three reasons.

1. They’ve never studied the subject thoroughly enough.

2. They are secretly involved in porn and masturbation themselves (50% of pastors in America).

3. They refer the subject to worldly counselors and Christian counselors, specializing in this area.

I thank God for Pastor Roger Jamison, senior pastor of Sword Of The Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY for showing me where to get the information and he deserves much of the credit for this. A majority of these questions were posed to me by Pastor Roger. I’ve written down a few of my own to cover as much ground as possible.

I believe that every pastor should understand the very basics of this subject because sooner or later, a wife will come into the pastor’s study with questions. Sooner or later, a husband will come into the pastor’s study and ask questions to be delivered.

In many circles, deliverance ministry is often the way many pastors address the issue.

They anoint with oil, pray for them, lay hands on them, and then send them on their way.

Few realize that it will take this and one on one ministry over a long period of time.

Sexual immorality is a very entrenched stronghold that requires tenacity, vigilance, persistence, and a willingness to cut certain things to the root.

It is man’s most sacred idol.

You mess with a man’s immoral sex life and you will get his wrath.

Very few men will desire to be free because they believe that this is their business.

Pastors should avail themselves with as much material on this subject because every church has a person that is into porn and masturbation. The size of the church doesn’t matter. And the reputation of the church doesn’t matter. Just because something looks holy and sound holy is not excluded.

Mega, mid-sized, and store front churches all have some measure of men involved in sexual immorality, porn and masturbation.

If the pastor knows everything and what every man is doing sexually, this statement wouldn’t be as bold. Even I, in a small storefront church with only 9 men as members in Brooklyn, NY, would never take it for granted. Men are capable of falling into Secret Sexual Sins no matter how much I preach on this subject.

Having said this, many women will express exasperation over her husband’s porn and masturbation addictions.

If her husband is willing to sit with a pastor, a pastor must be clean, holy, and pure before God. He must ask pointed questions to get at the heart of the issue. He must be prepared with as much information as possible. It will not take one night of pouring oil and laying on of hands. It will take a great deal of dealing with the mind of a man bent on keeping his perversion.

The wife must be supportive and prayerful. She must be patient because his addiction didn’t happen over night.

Finally, the pastor should ask that man to answer 40 questions. This will help the pastor to ascertain to depths of the husband’s porn and masturbation involvement. Many of you reading this will not agree with this and the questions. However, every person has a different approach to dealing with porn and masturbation.

Sexuality Questionare

1. Do you know Jesus as your Lord & Savior?

2. Do you love your wife and your children, if any?

3. How often do you attend church with your family?

4. How often do you read your Bible and pray?

5. Do you know that your wife loves you and how does she express her love for you (she says that she loves you)?

6. How often do you look at movies with sexual content?

7. Do you look forward to looking at movies with sexual content?

8. Does the magazine stand with sexually provocative pictures, TV commercials, Internet news and weather stories with sexually attractive women stimulate you to watch porn and masturbate when you get home?

9. Do you consider yourself an introvert (isolated) or are you very social?

10. Do you believe that porn and masturbation is a sin? Why or why not?

11. Do you believe that looking at another woman sexually is a sin? Why or why not?

12. Do you believe in marriage and monogamy? Why or why not?

13. How often do you and your wife experience sexual intimacy?

14. Are you still sexually attracted to your wife?

15. Does your wife satisfy you sexually?

16. Do you share your sexual preferences (reasonably mutual sex positions and sex acts), and does she share her sexual preferences with you to please each other in the bedroom?

17. What emotions and attitudes does your wife possess that turn you away from her? (loud, boisterous, combative, confrontational, overbearing, headstrong, mean spirited).

18. Does she ask questions for information or does it turn into an inquisition?

19. How often do you and your wife argue, and over what specific issue(s)?

20. Do you watch porn and masturbate? And if so, how often?

21. Are you into drugs and alcohol, or any other substance?

22. If involved, describe such involvement. Occasionally, moderate to heavy addiction?

23. When you are not sexually satisfied (orgasm), do you masturbate to achieve sexual satisfaction?

24. At what age were you exposed to watching porn?

25. At what age did you start touching yourself sexually?

26. Were you ever molested or sexually assaulted?

27. Is any thing preventing you from having sexual intimacy with your wife regularly?

28. Do you have any medical conditions (such as ED erectile dysfunction) that may prevent you from sexual performance with your wife?

29. In the morning and at night, do you touch yourself sexually when an erection occurs?

30. Have you ever committed adultery or solicited a prostitute?

31. What keeps you interested in watching porn?

32. Does sadness, depression, worry, fear, pain in the soul, anger, loneliness, hunger, fatigue, job satisfaction or job dissatisfaction, job or marriage pressures, marriage dissatisfaction, discouragement, or money issues trigger the desire to watch porn and masturbate?

33. Do you and your wife resolve the issue(s) before going to bed?

34. Have you seriously considered getting help to stop watching porn and masturbation?

35. Have you seriously considered understanding the true facts behind pornography and masturbation?

36. Have you ever considered the fact that if you have children, your son might eventually be exposed to your porn and masturbation habits?

37. Have you ever considered the possibility that if you have a daughter, she might be kidnapped for the sex trade, kidnapped for child porn or molestation, or grow up to be a porn star, or get married to a man with porn and masturbation habits like you?

38. How often have you called it quits to porn and masturbation and return to committing these acts?

39. Have you ever been so mad at yourself for watching porn and masturbating that you’ve considered doing harm to yourself?

40. Do you want to be free?

Pastors, feel free to use these questions because you will need them.

But make sure that you are free from porn and masturbation yourself. You can’t help a man out of a burning building if you are burning in the same building.

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Pastor outed on Ashley Madison commits suicide

Let’s pray for the family of John Gibson and for others that suffer through our problem.  This is why we have the empty chair in the middle of our circle.  Sometimes we lose hope if we don’t know there is a way out…

http://money.cnn.com/video/technology/2015/09/08/gibson-family-interview.cnnmoney/

http://money.cnn.com/2015/09/08/technology/ashley-madison-suicide/

John Gibson was a pastor and seminary professor. When he wasn’t teaching at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, one of his favorite pastimes was fixing cars.

He was married with two children. His daughter, Callie, was teaching in front of 250 college students when she got the call. Her father had killed himself.

It was August 24, six days after hackers exposed the names of millions of people who had signed up for Ashley Madison, the notorious site for those seeking affairs. Gibson’s name was on the list.

His wife, Christi, discovered her husband’s body.

“It was a moment that life doesn’t prepare you for,” she told CNNMoney. “I had to call my kids. How do you tell your kids that their dad is gone and that he took his own life?”

In his suicide note, Gibson chronicled his demons. He also mentioned Ashley Madison.

“He talked about depression. He talked about having his name on there, and he said he was just very, very sorry,” Christi said. “What we know about him is that he poured his life into other people, and he offered grace and mercy and forgiveness to everyone else, but somehow he couldn’t extend that to himself.”

Ashley Madison was hacked in July, and hackers released users’ personal information in August. Since then, authorities in Toronto have said they’re investigating suicides that could be linked to the data dump. Hackers have also sent extortion emails to people who were on the list.

Gibson said her husband was likely worried he’d lose his job.

“It wasn’t so bad that we wouldn’t have forgiven it, and so many people have said that to us, but for John, it carried such a shame,” she said.

Gibson, 56, was known as a great teacher with a “quirky laugh,” but he had struggled with depression and addiction in the past, his family said.

In a statement, a spokesman for Avid Life Media, Ashley Madison’s parent company, expressed the firm’s condolences.

“Dr. Gibson’s passing is a stark, heart-wrenching reminder that the criminal hack against our company and our customers has had very real consequences for a great many innocent people.”

Since his death, his family has made a pact to be more transparent with one another about their struggles.

Christi Gibson has a message for the 32 million people exposed and their communities.

“These were real people with real families, real pain and real loss,” she says. But “don’t underestimate the power of love. Nothing is worth the loss of a father and a husband and a friend. It just didn’t merit it. It didn’t merit it at all.”

–Eric Marrapodi contributed reporting to this story.

 

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How Your Church Can Handle Sexual Sin the Right Way

http://porntopurity.com/blog/2013/02/24/a-church-that-handled-sexual-sin-the-right-way/

Posted: 24 Feb 2013 03:00 AM PST

It is a rare thing for a church to handle sexual sin the right way.  Some of you may have experienced the heavy hand of a church or pastor.  Some may have seen a leader or pastor fall to sexual sin.
I know of some churches that have done it the right way.   They are Hall of Fame churches in my opinion!  Here are some things I have observed about churches that do it right:
1.  They are upfront with the congregation – Churches that do it right do not try to cover up or hide the sin.  They do not dismiss the minister or person quietly.  They realize that truth is better than cover up, even if it’s messy.
2.  They do not share the details – Church members do not generally need to hear names, dates, and specific sexual details.  Those should be shared with the right people (like counselors, and church elders).
3.  They remind the church that we are all sinners – Sexual sin is no worse before God than other sins.  It has different levels of consequences, yes.  But it is breaking God’s standards for godly living.  We all break God’s rules.  We all have junk and need to deal with our junk.  Some of us are in bondage to different things.
4.  They take sin seriously – Churches that do it right rebuke wickedness.  They call the person to repentance.  They do not gloss over it or try to pretend its not serious.  Our sin steps on the holiness of God and defiles us and His name.
5.  They extend love, grace and forgiveness – This has to be the other side.  Deal with sin seriously with one hand.  Extend grace with the other.  Churches that are doing it right surround the person, get in the mud with him, and help rescue him back to health.
Extending forgiveness is not the same thing as restoration or restored trust.  Good churches understand that.  They can forgive trespasses, but consequences will still happen.
6.  They invite others to prayer – A sexual problem in a church affects the whole of the church.  Good churches call for prayer, not just for the individual or couple, but for themselves.  Many others may be in bondage too.  Trust has been broken, hypocrisy exposed, and wounds have happened.  The church body needs healing when a member is caught in bondage to sexual sin.
7.  They provide resources – So many churches fail here.  Good churches have resources, counselors, or programs to help, or they go out and help the sexual struggler find them.
8.  They develop a plan for restoration and oversight – Another major failure of many churches.  Good churches deal with sin, then continue to work with the person or couple.
 
 
I’M CURIOUS WHAT YOU THINK…
There are many, many people in our churches holding on to sexual sin.  Consider your own church.
Q:  Is your church a safe place for people to share?
Q:  Do you as a church leader share your own struggles and invite others?
Q:  What are you doing to resource those who are struggling with sexual sin?
Q:  What are you doing in your own life in the are of sexual sin?