CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

defects

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic, 08/04/2012 – Step 8 Step Study

We made  a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Today’s meeting is the first meeting of the month which is typically a “Step Study” of the corresponding month.  Since August is the 8th month, we reviewed Step 8 in both The Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

In understanding step 8, I must understand three core concepts.  The first concept is that the harm I have caused others was because of more than just my sexual acting out.  I admit that I had harmed numerous people directly and indirectly through my sexual activities, but the harm mentioned in Steps 5 and now in Step 8 has little to do with my sexual acting out.  The very first sentence of the SAA Green Book states it as clear as possible:

“With the Eighth Step, we begin to take responsibility for the harm we inflicted on others when we acted on our character defects.”

In reading this sentence, my list just got a lot longer.  Not only did I have to make amends to the countless victims of my sexual acting out, but now I also had to make amends to those I had harmed through my anger, impatience, procrastination, and other character defects.  I had lashed out in anger over trivial matters at work and I needed to add these people to my list.  I had lied to others about being late to meetings or appointments, I had to make amends to these people as well.

The second core concept is that in working Step 8, I only had to make a list.  I could not worry about the actual amends process, all I needed was a list of names and the harm I had done to them.  My list became rather long but my sponsor helped me trim it down by consolidating “anonymous” sex partners and separating them from people I actually associate with on a daily basis.  I would not make face-to-face amends with these former sex partners, but that is a discussion for next month and Step 9.  The bottom line is, make a list, that is all.  I couldn’t worry about how I was going to get in contact with these people or how I would make amends.  All I had to do is make a list with names and write down the specifics of how I harmed them with my character defects or my sexual acting out.

The third core concept is that I had to become willing to make amends to all of them.  Wanting to make amends and becoming willing to make amends are two different concepts.  I want to make amends to everyone I had harmed, but was I truly willing to do so?  I needed to review the harm I had caused them with my sponsor in step 8 (and later in again in step 9) and then become willing to make amends to them in order to “clean up my side of the street.”  For me, I was willing when I was able to empathize with the pain my character defects had caused them.  I was able to understand the harm I had caused them, leaving my selfish addicted-filled shell behind and truly empathized with these people.

Many tears were shed during my Step 8 meetings with my sponsor.  God had opened my eyes (and heart) to the harm I had caused others in my out-of-control lifestyle.  I was now ready to move on to working on Step 9.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic 6/30/2012 – Video – God’s Chisel

Sometimes we feel pain when God chisels away the bad things in our lives, especially our character defects!

When God chisels the dead weight out of our lives it can be quite painful. In this new high quality, remastered version of their most requested skit, Tommy and Eddie give a very creative look at a typical believer having to go through the process of discipline.

The writer of Ephesians says “For we are God’s workmanship” (Eph. 2:10). Elsewhere we’re described as a “poem.” God views us as being his original masterpiece.

Skit Guys website with remastered video:
http://skitguys.com/videos/item/gods-chisel

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic 6/09/12 – Working Step 6

Working Step 6

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove our defects of character.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

In working step 6 I need to come to an understanding of God and who He is in my life.  I also need to be able to re-word step 6 as follows: We were entirely ready to have God, not me, remove our defects of character.  In adding those two simple words, I have come to understand that it is God, not me, who will remove my defects of character.  There is nothing I can do to help this other than be entirely ready.

Understanding that there is a difference between wanting and being entirely ready is very important.  In the past, I wanted God to remove my defects of character, but I was not entirely ready.  I had grown up using these defects of character to protect myself, to survive.  Some of these defects of character such as lack of patience, anger, and control helped get me through college and early on into my career as an engineer.  I would use these defects of character to my advantage, not realizing that they would be part of my demise and are at the root of why I would act out constantly with my sexual addiction, my rage, alcohol, or drug use.

In order to understand my acting out behavior, I have to understand that my “malady has roots” and these roots are my character defects.  I can cut down the tree of “sexual addiction” on my life, but if I don’t cut out the roots, then the tree will continue to grow.  Side note, I actually experienced this recently when I tried to cut down a tree in my back yard.  Although, I cut it down, it was still partially connected to the roots, as I had to leave the roots in because they were so deep.  Within a few days, green leaves were growing on what was left of the tree, laying on the ground.  Then, after removing the actual tree, the roots started sprouting new stems with leaves.  With enough time, a new tree would have grown in the old tree’s place.  I finally had to kill the roots in order to ultimately kill the tree.  So too, must we identify and kill these roots, or have our higher power do it.  We have to be entirely ready to have God remove the roots of our addiction, for if we do not, then the “addiction tree” will continue to grow!

When we are entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character, when we have finally had enough of our acting out in various ways, when we have finally said enough is enough, and been truly entirely ready to have God remove negative character traits which use to keep us alive, we can move on to Step 7.

In working this step study, I read from two different books, The Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

Take what you like and leave the rest.