CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

codependent

By

Unable to Allow Themselves to Love

Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner’s love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother’s love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant. Bell Hooks

Sometimes we have to
behave indifferent towards
people who proclaim
their love for us,
just to see if they
are really different.
Michael Bassey Johnson

By

Finding Lasting Love

Relationships can break your connection to your family. Relationships can be the ultimate symbol of growing up. They represent starting our own lives as independent, autonomous individuals. This development can also represent a parting from our family. Much like breaking from an old identity, this separation isn’t physical. It doesn’t mean literally giving up our family, but rather letting go on an emotional level – no longer feeling like a kid and differentiating from the more negative dynamics that plagued our early relationships and shaped our identity. Love stirs up existential fears. The more we have, the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality. Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening. In an attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on more superficial concerns, pick fights with our partner or, in extreme cases, completely give up the relationship. We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears. We may even try to rationalize to ourselves a million reasons we shouldn’t be in the relationship. However, the reasons we give may have workable solutions, and what’s really driving us are those deeper fears of loss. Most relationships bring up an onslaught of challenges. Getting to know our fears of intimacy and how they inform our behavior is an important step to having a fulfilling, long-term relationship. These fears can be masked by various justifications for why things aren’t working out—but we may be surprised to learn about all of the ways that we self-sabotage when we get close to someone else. By getting to know ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining lasting love.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201401/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-love
Read more from Dr. Lisa Firestone at
http://www.psychalive.org/author/dr-lisa-firestone/

In the arithmetic of love,
one plus one equals everything,
and two minus one equals nothing.
Mignon McLaughlin

By

Afraid of Love

Real love makes us feel vulnerable. A new relationship is uncharted territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel exposed and vulnerable. Our core defenses are challenged. Any habits we’ve long had that allow us to feel self-focused or self-contained start to fall by the wayside. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt. When we enter into a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how we’ve been impacted by our history. The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from our childhood, have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to as well as how we act in our romantic relationships. Old, negative dynamics may make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new. We may steer away from intimacy, because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss, anger or rejection. As Dr. Pat Love said in an interview with PsychAlive, “when you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,” the pain you felt at not having it in the past.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201401/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-love Read more from Dr. Lisa Firestone at http://www.psychalive.org/author/dr-lisa-firestone/

Love takes off masks
that we fear we
cannot live without
and know we cannot
live within.
James Arthur Baldwin

By

Star Wars: Redemption – VIDEO (Part 3)

This is the finale of the previous two Anakin Skywalker movies, Star Wars: The Fall and Star Wars: Tribulation.  One of the most fundamental items to understand about the Star Wars Saga is that it is not just a battle between rebels and an empire, it is all about the redemption of one man, Anakin Skywalker. 

The Star Wars Saga was probably one of the best film series ever created and had an amazing recovery theme.  Below is a short summary of the overall movie from Wikipedia:

Star Wars is an American epic space opera franchise centered on a film series created by George Lucas. It depicts the adventures of various characters “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away”, mostly involving, but not limited to, the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker.

In this final part of the Star Wars Redemption Trilogy, we see Darth Vader continue to struggle with the fact that he has a son and the Emperor (the addiction) wants to cause harm to his son after years of tormenting Darth Vader.  Many of us in recovery have felt the Holy Spirit speak to us about our children and the effects that our addiction had on them.  For Darth Vader, it is just the same.  A struggle continues inside of Darth Vader.  He knows he has lost a lot to the Dark Side, his first master, Qui-Gon Jinn murdered by a Sith, his mother, Schmi Skywalker murdered by evil Sand People, and even his wife, Padmé Amedala who dies from a broken heart after Anakin chooses the Dark Side.  Now there is a possibility of losing his son Luke to the Dark Side, aka the unhealthy lifestyle.  Will he draw the line and say this problem ends with him, or will he allow the addiction to continue and pass on to his son?  Can someone so vile and evil be redeemed or is he destined to live a life of anger and rage?

One of the things I explain to my daughters is that my own personal story is a lot like Anakin Skywalker’s.  A lot of bad stuff happened to me when I was a child that formed me into an unhealthy individual that made a lot of bad choices.  For 30 years, I was involved in unhealthy behaviors.  But like Anakin, I was redeemed from my past with the help of the “Son” Jesus Christ and now do good for the Lord.  My small children seem to understand this and have compassion on Darth Vader rather than fear him.  Maybe we should all have compassion on those that have fallen into the pit.  After all, if I, “Darth Vader” can be redeemed than anyone can.  I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

 

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

By

Star Wars: Tribulation – VIDEO (Part 2)

This is a continuation of the previous Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader movie, Star Wars: The Fall.  One of the most fundamental items to understand about the Star Wars Saga is that it is not just a battle between rebels and an empire, it is all about the redemption of one man, Anakin Skywalker. 

The Star Wars Saga was probably one of the best film series ever created and had an amazing recovery theme.  Below is a short summary of the overall movie from Wikipedia:

Star Wars is an American epic space opera franchise centered on a film series created by George Lucas. It depicts the adventures of various characters “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away”, mostly involving, but not limited to, the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker.

In this part of the Star Wars Redemption Trilogy, we see Darth Vader begin to struggle with the fact that he has a son and the Emperor (the addiction) wants to cause harm to his son.  Many of us in recovery have felt the Holy Spirit speak to us about our children and the effects that our addiction had on them.  For Darth Vader, it is just the same.  A struggle begins inside of Darth Vader causing him great internal suffering or tribulation.  Another part of this movie is where Luke Skywalker trains in the ways of the Force in order to be able to “fight” Darth Vader, but more importantly in order to help Darth Vader turn back to the Light Side of the Force.  Yoda is introduced in this movie as the “ultra sponsor” that helps Luke work his own recovery steps so that he can later help his father, Anakin Skywalker, through his own recovery program and ultimate redemption by the Lord.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

 

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.