CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

co-dependency

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The Twelve Steps – VIDEO

Drama and suspense have never really been my favorite genres of movies but I am a big fan of Liam Neeson ever since he played a Jedi Knight in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  And then there were the Taken movies where he single-handedly fights human trafficking!  I watch a lot of movies, not sure if you can tell and some have recovery themes and some do not.  Nevertheless, watching any movie with my “recovery glasses” allows me to spot recovery themes.  These themes can include alcoholism, drug addiction, support groups, honesty, courage, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie. 

A Walk Among the Tombstones is one of these movies.  The plot of this movie has been pasted below courtesy of Google:

Matt Scudder (Liam Neeson), formerly part of the NYPD, now works as an unlicensed private detective. His latest client is a drug trafficker (Dan Stevens) whose wife was kidnapped and brutally murdered, and as Scudder delves deeper, he finds that the crime’s sequence is the modus operandi of the perpetrators. Before they can strike again and destroy other lives, Scudder races through the back streets of New York to catch the killers, blurring the lines between lawful and criminal as he goes.

 I’ll be honest.  The only reason I posted this movie was because Neeson’s character was a recovering alcoholic and he actively attends meetings and works on his recovery.  I really enjoy a movie that openly acknowledges the Twelve Steps even if the plot of the movie is not about recovery.  What I like about this movie is that Neeson’s character has suffered through a lot of trauma, especially against the brutal murderers in this movie and he still works his program, attends meetings, and believes in the promises of AA.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Courage – VIDEO

I love fantasy, but not the fantasy I used to engage in.  This is the genre of fantasy full of dragons, knights, castles, or in this case, Hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, Wizards, and Orcs!  As a child I watched the cartoon version of The Hobbit by Rankin and Bass and loved the music and funny characters.  I was then able to read the book and then watch the movies by Peter Jackson.  Nevertheless, it wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, courage, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie. 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, the first of The Hobbit Trilogy is one of these movies.  The plot of this movie has been pasted below courtesy of Google:

The Hobbit, or There and Back Again is a fantasy novel and children’s book by English author J. R. R. Tolkien.  Set in a time “Between the Dawn of Færie and the Dominion of Men”, The Hobbit follows the quest of home-loving hobbit Bilbo Baggins to win a share of the Dwarven treasure guarded by the dragon, Smaug.

 I thought the courage exhibited by Bilbo Baggins to go on this dangerous journey was a parallel to the courage it takes to enter and stay in recovery.  Recovery isn’t easy, in fact, it is very difficult.  Therefore, it takes a lot of courage to enter meetings where you finally accept that we are not perfect and we are wounded human beings.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Usually On a Misson

In codependent relationships there is a lack of personal boundaries as well as respect for complete honesty. Often there is level of secrecy that exists between the couple that they tend to hide from others. One partner is usually the caretaker and unknowingly controlled by the moods, ideas, whims, and behavior of the other. The caretaker is usually on a mission to keep their partner happy, stable and content. Unfortunately the caretaker often finds that they need to disown their own gut instincts for the sake of the happiness of their partner.Telling their partner the truth usually means emotional upset will erupt. The partner being taken care of is perceived as weaker in some way to the caretaker. This perceived helplessness, is a manipulative tactic that keeps the caretaker indebted to the needs of the taker. The taker is usually highly emotional, overreactive, perceived as fragile and unable to deal with living life on their own terms without demanding someone else assume responsibility for their happiness. Codependent relationships are dysfunctional and do not work in the long run. If codependent relationships continue, both partners suffer terribly as time goes on. The caretakers wind up feeling used, drained, frustrated, angry and resentful. The taker in the relationship continues on in life assuming others are responsible for their state of being. Their relationships are never authentic, because their caretakers often feel they must conceal their true feelings for the sake of the others happiness.  The true shameful reality is, no one in the relationship ever get to be who they really are. The good news is that once you see the role you have assumed in your relationships clearly, you can change it.
From an article by Lisa A. Romano
http://www.examiner.com/article/codependency-and-how-it-destroys-relationships

“Caretaking is never about the other person. It’s about wanting to feel needed because you’re afraid you’re not wanted.” – Claire Fontaine

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Trying to Fix Someone Else

Codependency is rampant in this society. Like cancer is to the body, codependency is to relationships. Codependency refers to a state of being that is centered around the unconscious desires an individual has towards catering to the needs of others at the expense of themselves. People with unclear boundaries, who lack the ability to say “no” often times are victims of codependent thinking. Codependency shows up in relationships that include partners suffering an addiction to substance abuse, as well as other forms of addiction. When people are in love with alcoholics, they tend to find themselves worrying obsessively about their addicted loved one. They worry about them physically, financially and emotionally. They worry about them so often, that they lose touch with their own needs because so much of their attention has been paid to trying to fix the alcoholic. The alcoholic is dependent upon the alcohol, and the alcoholics partner is dependent upon the fixing the alcoholic. Whenever people find themselves trying to fix someone else, to the point where they have lost touch with their own needs, they are engaging in codependent behavior. On the other side of the equation, whenever people behave like victims to get their selfish needs met, they are engaging in codependent behavior. When people are unable to be honest in relationships, because they fear hurting the feelings of the other person, they are engaging in codependent behavior. Any behavior that disallows the full, honest expression of one human being to another, can be considered codependent in nature. From an article by Lisa A. Romano http://www.examiner.com/article/codependency-and-how-it-destroys-relationships

“The only person that can ever truly make you happy is yourself. Stop depending on everyone else.” – Anonymous

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Hope – VIDEO

I love superhero movies.  I don’t really know why.  I don’t read comic books.  Maybe it was me, as a child, hoping to be rescued from sexual abuse and neglect or maybe it was in watching superhero movies like Superman, I was able to escape my dysfunctional childhood for a few hours.  Nevertheless, it wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie. 

X-Men: Days of Future Past is one of these movies.  The plot of this movie has been pasted below courtesy of Google:

Convinced that mutants pose a threat to humanity, Dr. Bolivar Trask (Peter Dinklage) develops the Sentinels, enormous robotic weapons that can detect a mutant gene and zero in on that person… More. In the 21st century, the Sentinels have evolved into highly efficient killing machines. With mutants now facing extinction, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) volunteers to go back in time and rally the X-Men of the past to help change a pivotal moment in history and thereby save their future.

What I saw in this movie was the hope that we give to others when we sponsor them as well as us needing hope for healing as we listen to the worst of the worst from our sponsees.  Therapists and counselors also experience this hope when they see the transformation process.  But it is up to the sponsor, therapist, or counselor not to break underneath the weight of the brokenness of those he is trying to help.  It is the greatest gift we have, to help one another the way God helped us and help them bear their burdens.  This movie is dedicated to all sponsors, mentors, facilitators, therapists, and counselors who willing help others out of their love for God and His healing of the individual we help.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.