Castimonia recommends that disclosure of an affair (or numerous affairs) be done in the presence of a qualified therapist or counselor who can immediately assist the betrayed spouse in processing their feelings in healthy ways.  We recommend the use of the 3-day intensives offered by Comfort Christian Counseling and Hope & Freedom Counseling, both linked to the left of the page under links.

Posted by James Browning on February 26, 2013

lying-main_full1It’s not only patronizing, but it’s also false to assume that your spouse cannot bear to hear the truth. Illusions do not make us happy, they cause us to wander through life, bumping into barriers that are invisible to us because of the illusion that is created. Truth, on the other hand, reveals those barriers, and sheds light on them so that we can see well enough to overcome them. The unsuspecting spouse of an unfaithful husband or wife wonders why their marriage is not more fulfilling and more intimate. Knowledge of an affair would make it clear why all efforts have failed. After revealing an affair, your spouse will no longer trust you. But lack of trust does not ruin a marriage, it’s the lack of care and protection that ruins marriages. Your spouse should not trust you, and the sooner your spouse realizes it, the better. If you knew that your affair would be discovered — that right after having sex with your co-worker, your spouse were to find out about it — you would probably not go through with it. And if you were honest enough with your spouse so that YOU would be the one to tell him or her what you did, your honesty would be a huge reason to avoid any affair. How the victimized spouse should respond to the revelation of an affair is a subject of a later column. I do not have the space to treat it here. But a spouse is twice victimized when he or she is lied to about an affair. Truth is far easier to handle than lies. From “Coping With Infidelity Part II” by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D

“The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one’s self. All sin is easy after that.” – Pearl Bailey

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