Sexual Purity Posts

Wives, your Husband needs your HELP!

This post is specifically to the spouses of men who struggle with sexual purity.  Too many times I’ve heard  that wives are not comfortable with their husbands attending a sexual purity group.  Sexual sin carries great shame, both for the husband and also the wife.  There are some wives that don’t want people to know that their husband struggles with sexual sin.  There are some wives that don’t want others to know that their marriage might have problems.  There are some wives who don’t want to be seen going into their own recovery group because their husband as a “little” pornography problem.  Of course, there are those wives that actively support their husband, his recovery, and her own recovery.  Keep in mind, you can’t actually do the recovery work your husband needs to do, nor can you heal him.  However, you can support him in his recovery every step of the way.  Here are some thoughts I have for spouses that don’t want their husbands to attend a Castimonia (or other sexual purity) meeting.

  1. Don’t automatically assume this is a group only for sexual addicts who have acted out outside of their marriage.  Castimonia is for any man who struggles with ANY type of sexual impurity, whether it be lustful thoughts, self-gratification, or even watching non-pornographic sexual material on the internet or cable TV.  If your husband struggles with any type of sexual impurity, they should attend Castimonia (or any other type of sexual purity group).
  2. Don’t underestimate the enemy and his temptations.  This is a huge issue in our sexualized American society.  One can hardly go a day without seeing some sort of sexual advertising, TV show, news story, magazine, etc…  The enemy knows your husband’s weakness, and it isn’t just your husband, it is every man.  For millennia, the enemy has tempted man sexually and many men have fallen to sexual temptation.  Don’t assume because your husband is a “godly” man, he won’t fall to sexual temptation.  The perfect example is King David, a man after God’s own heart.  If he can get help when he has the lustful thought, then perhaps he can prevent a lifetime of heartache by following through with immoral sexual activity.
  3. Don’t shame your husband because he is wanting to seek help.  By shaming, I mean, don’t automatically assume this is only his problem or even call him names or call him weak.  Understand, that by bringing it into your marriage, it is BOTH of your problem.  Yes, if he is a sexual addict, he will need healing for himself, but the good “side effect” is a more intimate marriage and a better husband to you and better father to your children.  You should be praising God that your husband is seeking help now for what might be a “minor” sexual purity issue, than later when has crossed the flesh-line.
  4. Don’t make the argument that you don’t want others in your church to see your husband may have a problem with sexual purity.  Understand that ALL men have had problems with sexual purity; remember the 80/20 joke a few months ago?  Yes, 80% of men struggle with some sort of sexual purity issue and the 20% that say they don’t, are lying.   Having your husband step forward and state they have a problem with sexual purity is a blessing to other husbands and wives that have been waiting for someone else to step forward to seek help.
  5. Don’t make the assumption that his problem will magically disappear without any recovery work.  Pretending everything is “OK” will not make the problem go away. Like a wound, it will continue to fester until it becomes infected and nearly out of control before the healing comes.  Although family is important, make time in your schedules so that your husband can attend recovery meetings or therapy appointments.  Recovery from sexual impurity can be a long process, depending on how far down the scale your husband has gone.  However, it is possible for all those who earnestly desire it.
  6. Don’t ignore the pain and trauma your husband has caused you.  This goes back to the “it’s his problem, not mine” attitude I mentioned early.  Again, sexual sin is extremely shameful to both the husband and wife.  Discovering your husband has a sexual purity problem can be a very traumatic event, especially if it involves pornography or sex outside of your marriage.  It is important that you get into your own support and recovery group and seek therapy to help you heal from these wounds your husband has caused.  Running away from the marriage will not work.  Telling your husband, “this is your problem, not mine” will not work.  You, the wife, needs healing too!

For those wives that actively support their husbands attending recovery meetings, I give you a tremendous amount of thanks.  Having a supportive and fearless wife has helped me tremendously in starting and maintaining Castimonia.

And if you still have fear about your husband attending a Castimonia meeting at your home church, keep in mind that we are slowly expanding.  We now have FOUR meetings, two of which are off-campus.  You can click on the link below for meeting times and locations.  Don’t let fear keep you from helping your husband attend Christ-centered recovery meetings!

For those that live North of I-10, a fifth Castimonia meeting is being scheduled for late 2012 early 2013 North of I-10 between I-10 and 290!  Please help your husband seek the help he desperately needs by asking him to attend and supporting his attendance at Castimonia or other Christ-centered Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Groups!

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