CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Affairs

By

Sex Addiction Research – PARTICIPANTS WANTED

An attendee of Castimonia meetings since 2011 is conducting a study of the effects of deviant sexuality on the brain.  He works as a technician at Unique MindCare, a neurofeedback clinic, where he runs an EEG (electroencephalogram) software program which reads electrical brain activity for the purpose of diagnosis and treatment of physical causes in the brain for behavioral symptoms.

They are looking for a minimum of 30 individuals involved in Castimonia who would like to voluntarily participate in a sex addiction study.  Participant involvement is completely voluntary and confidential.

The study aims at examining differences in electrical activity in the brain common within this group’s population compared to other men who do not have these struggles. They expect to find irregularities in areas of the brain known to deal with impulsive behavior, pain and pleasure, fear responses and potentially other areas as well.

This could be used as a way to put a 12th step into action as this research could possibly lead to better understanding the physical reasons to why we struggle as we do and, therefore, later lead to future treatments designed to help relieve symptoms and/or possibly decrease recovery time.  Each participant will also receive a personalized quantitative EEG or “Brain Map”.  A brain map will show you where in your brain there is too much or too little brain activity compared to others your age and can identify strengths or abnormalities that can explain certain, consistent issues. This is a valuable resource which is usually charged at $1,400.00 but will be free of charge in exchange for the participants’ aid to their research.

For more information, please contact Ben or Dominic through any of the following methods;

Phone #s
713-660-1100
281-989-6483

Emails
info@uniquemindcare.com
dominic@uniquemindcare.com
benisaiahswisher@gmail.com

Websites
http://uniquemindcare.com/

By

Wives Want to Know: Why Am I Not Enough?

http://porntopurity.com/blog/2014/03/19/wives-want-to-know-why-am-i-not-enough/

A question I am frequently asked by wives who have just discovered their husband has been viewing pornography is, “Why am I not enough?”  In fact, some wives will whisper that they were shocked because they were the higher desire partner, as if that is something to be ashamed about.  For these wives, the discovery of porn in their marriage was a double slap in the face. “I was available and I initiated all the time and I was rejected,” they cry out. “Yet all along, he was looking at strangers online.  I don’t understand!”

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE While I doubt they believe me, I ask wives to consider whether porn has less to do about them and sex and more about something else.  Maybe when their husbands were first exposed as teenagers it was about the sex.  But what if they have gotten into the habit of turning to porn to distract them from something much deeper and darker within their spirit?  It doesn’t make it less sinful or the husband less guilty. I’m not trying to defend their actions.  But the more I learn about pornography, the more deceptive it seems to be and I wonder if there is more to it than meets the eye.

Consider a desert, and a weary man stumbling across the sand, desperate for a drink of water to quench his thirst.  Just above the hill he sees an oasis.  When the exhausted traveler finally gets right to the edge of the crystal clear pool, he realizes he is grasping at hot sand.  It was only a mirage; his mind playing tricks on him.  But up ahead, there is another pool in the distance, so he stumbles towards it.  But he will be disappointed again. HE THINKS HE SEES SOMETHING PERFECT, BUT IT ISN’T REAL AND IT DOESN’T QUENCH HIS THIRST.  That is how I picture pornography.

THE REAL QUESTION With her question, “Why am I not enough,” the wife is really saying, “I want to be the one to quench my husband’s thirst.” Which, at first glance, seems like the right response.  Except with porn addiction, I really don’t think it’s about sex anymore.  That is why wives are not capable of quenching his thirst, because it is no longer a sexual thirst our husbands are after.  It is a spiritual one.   You can’t possibly meet a spiritual need with a sexual fix, whether it is pornography or even an intimate connection with a spouse.  That deep, dark space in your husband’s spirit that he is trying to ignore, forget, avoid, numb, whatever… can only be healed by Jesus.

THE DEEPER NEED So the answer to the question, “Why am I not enough,” in light of this revelation is “You are not designed to meet your husband’s deepest spiritual needs. “  Only God can meet those needs. For anyone or anything else to stand in God’s place, would be idolatry.

In addition, only God’s Holy Spirit can reveal spiritual needs.  That can be difficult to accept for the wife who now understand her husband’s battle with pornography has spiritual roots.  She will want to help the Holy Spirit by helping her husband see the light.  But only God’s Spirit will be able to reveal truth to her husband, convict him of his sin and call him into repentance and actions designed to restore trust.

So what is a godly wife to do?  Is this her new normal?

  • A wife can focus on her own recovery and healing, which is centered in resting in the shadow of God’s love. Drawing close to God daily will give wives all they need to walk the difficult road ahead and answer those hard questions.   As she prays for herself and her family, she can also pray for her husband, that his eyes would be open and his heart would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
  • A wife can also read recovery material and educate herself about pornography. If a husband chooses to fight the battle, it will help tremendously if the wife knows as much as possible when she comes alongside him to fight for the marriage.
  • As part of her healing, a wife can seek out Christian counseling for herself, preferably a counselor who specialized in marriage counseling and sexual addiction.  She can also explore if there are any groups for spouses in her area.
  • A wife should also draw boundaries for her marriage based on what she needs in order to begin her healing process.  Again, her growing prayer life, close walk with the Lord and the support of her team will be a tremendous help as she makes difficult decisions and answers tough questions.

The answer to a broken wife’s haunting question “Why wasn’t I enough” is “Only God can meet spiritual needs.”  Hurting wives need to know that is the same answer for them as well.  Only God can comfort and heal them on their darkest days.

Email:  marsha@puritycoaching.com 

She offers help to spouses of sexual strugglers through phone coaching and online spouses’ support groups.

Check out our site:  www.puritycoaching.com

By

Self-Encouragement

by applyingmybeliefs

1 Sam 30:6 – And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.  ESV

The scene is this:

David and his 600 men had gone to fight with and for the Philistines, because he had pledged his group to serve their king.  There was an upcoming battle ahead with the Israelites under Saul, and the Philistine leadership complained to the king about David and his men, this was reasonable because they were Israelites themselves, and therefore they may not be trustworthy in the upcoming battle.  So David and his men were released from their pledge, and they took off home.

Three days later they got to their home in Ziklag to discover that the Amalekites had raided the town in their absence, burned it to the ground and taken every person they found there captive, with all the material goods they could carry.  This included David’s two wives.  Everybody slipped into grief, and eventually every one of his men turned against him in bitterness, and started talk of stoning him.

Did David run?  No, he engaged in a practice we all ought to take note of:

    • Self-Encouragement

Our scripture says “David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.”  The Hebrew word used here is “wayitchazeeq” (root word chazaq) which is more often translated as encouraged himself instead of strengthened himself.

In Christian recovery the need for self-encouragement is evident.  We are constantly receiving messages of condemnation, negative criticisms and heavy judgments.  Some of it comes from inside our own minds.  We must all take a lesson from David’s example here and self-encourage by remembering the promises of God, especially this one:

Rom 8:31 – What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  ESV

Later in our story we see that God delivers the Amalekites into the hands of David and his men, restoring all that had been taken, plus the wealth of the enemy.

The take-away from this is that there are times when we need to practice self-encouragement, it is something we can do for ourselves and it is a scriptural activity.  David went from feeling that the world was against him, to becoming encouraged and then he went humbly to God to ask Him what to do next.  (1 Sam 30:7-8)

When we practice self-encouragement we are engaging in what is described here as “work out”:

Phil 2:12-13 – Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.  ESV

In our recovery there are just some things we have to do ourselves, and self-encouragement is one of them.

By

Uzzah – God Violator

by applyingmybeliefs

1 Chron 13:9-10 – And when they came to the threshing floor of Chidon, Uzzah put out his hand to take hold of the ark, for the oxen stumbled.  And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he put out his hand to the ark, and he died there before God.  ESV

 Uzzah was a Levite priest who was charged with bringing the Ark of the Covenant into Jerusalem.  In this story they were using a cart pulled by oxen, when God had instructed that priests they were supposed to carry the Ark on poles threaded through it.  Both David the king and the priests were being disobedient.

In the story, the oxen stumbled, and Uzzah violated God by putting his hand out to steady the Ark.  The Ark was where God manifested His presence to the nation of Israel at that time, and it was as if Uzzah was trying to help God do the job of taking care of Himself when he touched the Ark.  Even if Uzzah had the best of intentions he still presumed that God couldn’t take care of the situation.  For his transgression, Uzzah was struck dead.

Isn’t that so like us in recovery?  We reach out to try to do in our lives, and worse than that, in the lives of those in our recovery fellowship, what God has reserved for Himself.  For example, we engage in conviction (of sin, righteous and judgment, see John 16:8-11) or trying to bring rest into someone’s life (Mt 11:28-30).  Fortunately, God doesn’t strike us down like He did poor Uzzah, but we can be sure that He does try to communicate that He does not appreciate us playing God in another person’s life.  He may do that directly through the Holy Spirit, or through His word, but most likely He does it through others around us who gently tell us something.  Stop trying to fix other people, stop doing God’s job!