CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Father’s Day 2016 (Repost)

Originally posted Father’s Day 2012

In celebration of Father’s Day, I would like to tell you a short story about my father’s day 2008.  It was the first time I attended my current Church, The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  My wife and I dropped off our 10 month old baby girl in the nursery for the first time.  I was nervous and throughout the entire service, I was worried they would call one of our cell phones to tell us that she needed to be picked up from childcare!  To be honest, I don’t remember the content of the service (apologies to our family pastor who typically preaches on Mother’s and Father’s Day – Robert Jackman), I wish now I had.

When we went to pick up our daughter, I was overjoyed at how happy she was when we picked her up.  And then my “heart strings” were tugged!  The attendants in the nursery handed me a father’s day gift.  I looked at it and read it, and was so grateful for this gift that I made a decision that this was going to be the church for my family.  The nursery attendants took the time to place my daughter’s hand in paint and place her tiny hand print on a poem and frame the paper they used (see the photo to the side).  WOW!  My wife and I now work in the nursery with the infants and sometimes we can get overwhelmed with children, but the fact that these selfless people took time out of their stressed-out baby duty to do this for all the fathers was fantastic!

At the time, I did not realize that us visiting that father’s day and the poem were a “God Thing.”  As I look back at the last 4 years, I can obviously see that it definitely was.  It was less than a year later that I entered recovery for my sexual addiction and it was this church (more importantly the body of Christ – the members) that supported me in my recovery.  To be honest, up until I entered recovery, I was not involved in the church. I was one of those husbands, fathers, men that would come sit on Sunday mornings and let it go in one ear and out the other.  My biggest question after church was “what’s for lunch?”  I just was not invested in the church.

And then my life fell apart, and who was there to help me put things back together?  The body of Christ!  I began getting involved in church activities such as a couple of men’s Bible studies including one on Joseph, a Man of Integrity and Forgiveness (Swindoll).  It was during the study of Joseph where I confessed to having a sexual addiction.  I believe most of the men in the room were shocked and silent.  During the study on lesson 2, resisting temptation, I admitted my past sexual sin.  The funny thing is, after the study a couple of guys came up to me and also told me they struggled with about the same issues as I did.

From there, I took a Men’s Fraternity course, the Quest for Authentic Manhood that addressed a lot of my wounds growing up as well as showing me how the Bible defines manhood.  I continued on to various Christian studies and then in June 2010 I started the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group, meeting for the first time on Saturday, June 12, 2010.

Had it not been for the experience at the nursery on father’s day of 2008, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  I pray all fathers in recovery have had similar experiences and that they can reflect on how God used the love of their children to draw them closer to Him.  And for fathers that are still living in sexual sin and need a reason to get out, I would like for you to look into the eyes of your children and understand that if you remain in that secret sexual sin, then there is a high probability your children too will inherit that sin or marry someone who has their own sexual sin.  Had I stayed in my addiction and kept it secret, I am certain that my daughters would have grown up to marry someone who carried the same character defects and same sexual secrets as I did.  Furthermore, if I had sons, it would be much worse for them as they would end up with some sort of intimacy disorder, such as sex addiction, if I had kept up my isolation and secrets.  So please seek help and step into the light, the path of recovery is not easy, but it is so much better than a life of sexual impurity.  It is a much better life for you, your wife, and especially your children!

Happy Father’s Day!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Childhood Trauma and ADHD

Link to "How Childhood Trauma Could Be Mistaken for ADHD"

Recent studies have shown a notable similarity between the behavior of children diagnosed with ADHD and the behavior of children living in traumatic and abusive situations:

Though ADHD has been aggressively studied, few researchers have explored the overlap between its symptoms and the effects of chronic stress or experiencing trauma like maltreatment, abuse and violence. To test her hypothesis beyond Baltimore, [Dr. Nicole] Brown analyzed the results of a national survey about the health and well-being of more than 65,000 children.

Brown’s findings, which she presented in May at an annual meeting of the Pediatric Academic Societies, revealed that children diagnosed with ADHD also experienced markedly higher levels of poverty, divorce, violence, and family substance abuse. Those who endured four or more adverse childhood events were three times more likely to use ADHD medication.

Interpreting these results is tricky. All of the children may have been correctly diagnosed with ADHD, though that is unlikely. Some researchers argue that the difficulty of parenting a child with behavioral issues might lead to economic hardship, divorce, and even physical abuse. This is particularly true for parents who themselves have ADHD, similar impulsive behavior or their own history of childhood maltreatment. There is also no convincing evidence that trauma or chronic stress lead to the development of ADHD.

For Brown, who is now a pediatrician at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, the data are cautionary. It’s not evident how trauma influences ADHD diagnosis and management, but it’s clear that some misbehaving children might be experiencing harm that no stimulant can fix. These children may also legitimately have ADHD, but unless prior or ongoing emotional damage is treated, it may be difficult to see dramatic improvement in the child’s behavior.

“We need to think more carefully about screening for trauma and designing a more trauma-informed treatment plan,” Brown says.

Dr. Kate Szymanski came to the same conclusion a few years ago. An associate professor at Adelphi University’s Derner Institute and an expert in trauma, Szymanski analyzed data from a children’s psychiatric hospital in New York. A majority of the 63 patients in her sample had been physically abused and lived in foster homes. On average, they reported three traumas in their short lives. Yet, only eight percent of the children had received a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder while a third had ADHD.

“I was struck by the confusion or over-eagerness–or both–to take one diagnosis over another,” Szymanski says. “To get a picture of trauma from a child is much harder than looking at behavior like impulsivity, hyperactivity. And if they cluster in a certain way, then it’s easy to go to a conclusion that it’s ADHD.”

A previous edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders urged clinicians to distinguish between ADHD symptoms and difficulty with goal-directed behavior in children from “inadequate, disorganized or chaotic environments,” but that caveat does not appear in the latest version. Unearthing details about a child’s home life can also be challenging, Szymanski says.

A child may withhold abuse or neglect to protect his family or, having normalized that experience, never mention it all. Clinicians may also underestimate the prevalence of adversity. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, a years-long survey of more than 17,000 adults, found that two-thirds of participants reported at least one of 10 types of abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction. Twelve percent reported four or more. That list isn’t exhaustive, either. The study didn’t include homelessness and foster care placement, for example, and the DSM doesn’t easily classify those events as “traumatic.”

It’s not clear how many children are misdiagnosed with ADHD annually, but a study published in 2010 estimated the number could be nearly 1 million. That research compared the diagnosis rate amongst 12,000 of the youngest and oldest children in a kindergarten sample and found that the less mature students were 60 percent more likely to receive an ADHD diagnosis.

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Porn Users Have Smaller Brains

Originally posted at: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/06/23/porn-users-smaller-brains

Monday, June 23, 2014 | Written by

According to a new German study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Psychiatry, there is a significant correlation between higher consumption of porn and a lower amount of grey matter in your brain.

It isn’t clear from the study if one phenomenon causes the other. Are those born with smaller brains more drawn to porn? Does porn cause the shrinkage? Are both caused by some yet unknown issue? While neuroscientists are unsure, others are connecting the dots from what they know to be true about the brain: any repetitive activity, especially ones that are highly stimulating, cause brain changes.

A Matter of Size

Researchers found that the forebrain structure called the striatum was smaller among participants who consumed more . This region of the brain is associated with motivating behavior through rewards.

Study co-author Simone Kühn says, “Since the striatum is part of the brain network that is known to respond to sexual cues, one can assume that this reflects a blunting of the reaction to erotic stimuli.” In other words, heavy porn users are more likely to be desensitized to real-life sex.

Also, the study showed that the connection between the striatum and prefrontal cortex worsened as more porn was consumed.

The prefrontal cortex is the region of the brain associated with decision making and willpower. This means that heavy porn users are also more likely to have a compulsive relationship with porn.

The Science of Quitting Porn

This study joins a host of other studies that show correlations between viewing porn and sub-par brain functionality. As we grow in our understanding of the hormones and neurotransmitters involved in sexual stimulation, the more we understand why so many are saying that porn has become their “addiction.”

The good news is that the brain is a plastic organ—that is, it changes over time. How can a man or woman strengthen these shrunken and malformed regions of the brain? Through the development of good, healthy habits.

In The Porn Circuit, Sam Black writes that our new habits that replace porn should be naturally rewarding: an entertaining and engaging hobby, physical exercise, meditation. Yes, one still needs to rid his or her life of the potentially tempting sources of porn, but ultimately this old habit must be replaced with new ones.

Learn more about what science says about porn addiction.

Luke Gilkerson is the general editor and primary author of the Covenant Eyes blog. Luke has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and is currently working on an MA in Religion. Luke is the author of Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

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3 out of 4 Men Use Porn. Are You One of Them?

originally posted at: http://purelifepodcast.wordpress.com/2014/07/01/3-out-of-4-men-use-porn-are-you-one-of-them/
by Frank Honess

Our efforts to become people of sexual purity can, at times, feel like a losing battle – especially as we see the number of people dealing with porn addiction  continue to rise. “Look at how much fun they’re having!” we reason with ourselves. Getting your choice of having sex with any body type, age, and even gender you choose? That’s freedom, right?

No. It’s imprisonment.

And it’s a lie.

The scary truth about the lie though is that at least 72% of men and 28% of women use pornography  (I wrote “at least” because, sadly, that statistic will probably be higher tomorrow).

We’re living in a society that is hurting so badly from past and present abuses, break-ups, traumas, and emotional baggage that people will medicate themselves with whatever drug they can get their hands on, and lust has become our culture’s most popular drug.

Pornography has spread like wildfire into practically every place in our culture. You’ll find sexually suggestive material on practically every TV show, movie, popular song lyric, magazine, billboard, and electronic device imaginable. Today, 31% of 14-17-year-olds own a smartphone or internet-accessible device. And many times because there are no restrictions put in place, smartphones can access graphic hardcore pornography with ease.

And it gets worse than that. One recent statistic showed that over 50% of men were first exposed to pornography before the age of 13! Many men I’ve talked to have seen sexually provocative images as early as 8 or 9.

Perhaps you’re single and think that when you get married, your porn problem will just magically disappear. Think again! 56% of divorce cases involve at least one spouse who was obsessed with porn.

Marriage is not a cure for porn.

These are some pretty grim numbers, but there’s still hope. There’s one statistic we can’t ignore, because it’s been proven true time and time again: 100% of men and women who truly desire freedom from pornography and other sexual addictions can find the healing they seek. Yes, it takes serious work on the part of the individual, but it is possible.

DISCLAIMER: The determining factor for whether those things will work in your life is you. If we’re unwilling to do the work that recovery takes, then we must question ourselves as to how much we want change.

Far too many of us are loners when it comes to finding help for our sexual struggles. It’s time to break that lifestyle and step out where you can find a safe place to share your addiction. Call a friend. Meet your pastor for coffee. Do something.

Don’t wait another second. You are more than just a statistic.