Originally posted at: https://recoveringthroughfaith.wordpress.com/2017/03/17/oh-really-really/
I just shared this with my SAA fellowship:
“Morning all, I just need to check in some resentment. About 3 weeks ago I was involved with some work via church to help with gardening and painting at local schools. For me it was an excellent chance to spend time working alongside people and build healthy connections. I was also able to make a difference to the life of some children.
All good you might think.
However. It was not well supported and, despite being promised many volunteers, I was down to only one other on two of the days. The organisers were nowhere in sight. This caused some resentment but I dealt with this by giving constructive feedback to the organisers and they were receptive to this. There are many feelings that this process generated but I think, in part, that it added to my recent wallow in the middle circle. So why check this now?
Last night I was at a meeting where one of those who had pledged their support for the work was present. Not long back this person enrolled on a training programme with the church to develop their faith. Part of their commitment to the programme is to be involved with small groups, like last night, tell their faith story to the church (which they did a couple of weeks ago) and tell of how the programme is helping them, and be involved in the bigger projects like the one with which I was involved. I was therefore pretty upset to discover that this person has stacks of free time because they are currently unemployed, have been for some time, and therefore they are ‘devoting their time to the church and church things’. Cue: my intense resentment which, coincidentally, has just crystallised as I have written this. They had pledged their time to the work but were nowhere in evidence for the whole week.
If you read this far, then I thank you for your attention and apologise for the rant. I am now taking time to process my resentment and move forward. I recognise that my personal prejudice has a part to play and that I have discovered another little corner which requires some tidying up. Thanks. “
Resentment is a bugger. It can be hard to overcome and, in truth, that was not the only resentment that surfaced last night. I’ve been tasked with leading the next one (I volunteered) but I might withdraw for a while as I think the resentment triggers could be too great. I manage far better with a group of sex addicts of various types…