CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Emotions

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Keeping Secrets

According to new research published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in 10 men are harboring serious sex secrets of one kind or another. “There are two kinds of secrets guys keep,” says Les Parrott, author of Crazy Good Sex. “Things they wish their wives or girlfriends would understand but are scared they won’t, and things they’re just plain trying to get away with.” With that in mind, we polled hundreds of men to learn what they hide at each stage in a relationship and enlisted experts to offer their insights. Some men exaggerate to sound more sexually experienced; others low-ball so you don’t dismiss them as players. “Men know that if they confess to a large number of partners, it sends the message that they’re unlikely to commit to one. That is, to you,” says David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of The Evolution of Desire. According to a study at Brigham Young University, 87 percent of men have looked at some form of porn in the past year, and one in five help themselves to X-rated fare daily. Men like to look at naked chicks—no surprise there—but what is shocking is how quickly they can become dependent on those erotic images. A powerful pleasure cocktail of endorphins and epinephrine (hormones responsible for arousal and alertness) are released while a man watches porn… And that feeling can become addictive. Technology has made it easier than ever to reconnect with former flames. In the past four years, the number of adults with profiles on social-networking sites has quadrupled. Experts say that men may reach out to an ex as a sort of insurance policy. “People like to have backups, not necessarily to form a long-term relationship with now, but to have as a placeholder so they’re not left high and dry should their existing relationship end,” Buss says. From an article by Carrie Sloan
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/mens-sex-secrets?page=1

“Anything will give up its secrets. if you love it enough.” – George Washington Carver

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Causes and Risk Factors for Sexual Addiction

No one factor is thought to cause sexual addiction, but there is thought to be biological, psychological, and social factors that contribute to the development of these disorders. For example, the intoxication associated with sexual addiction is thought to be the result of changes in certain areas and chemicals in the brain that are elicited by the compulsion. Research differs somewhat in terms of gender-based patterns of sexual addiction. For example, some studies describe males who are introverted and highly educated as more inclined to develop an Internet addiction, including sexual Internet addiction. Other studies indicate that middle-aged women using home computers were more at risk for Internet sexual addiction. Psychological risk factors for sexual addiction are thought to include depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. The presence of a learning disability increases the risk of developing a sex addiction as well. As people with a history of suffering from any addiction are at risk for developing another addiction, being dependent on something else makes it more likely for sexual addiction to occur. Sufferers of these disorders tend to be socially isolated and have personality traits like insecurity, impulsivity, compulsive behaviors, trouble with relationship stability and intimacy, low ability to tolerate frustration, and a tendency to have trouble coping with emotions. People who are sexually abused are at somewhat higher risk of developing a sexual addiction. By Roxanne Dryden-Edwards, MD and Melissa Conrad Stöppler, MD
http://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/page2.htm#what_are_causes_and_risk_factors_for_sexual_addiction

“Just as a heroin addict chases a substance-induced high, sex addicts are bingeing on chemicals — in this case, their own hormones.” –  Alexandra Katehakis

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The Twelve Steps – VIDEO

Drama and suspense have never really been my favorite genres of movies but I am a big fan of Liam Neeson ever since he played a Jedi Knight in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  And then there were the Taken movies where he single-handedly fights human trafficking!  I watch a lot of movies, not sure if you can tell and some have recovery themes and some do not.  Nevertheless, watching any movie with my “recovery glasses” allows me to spot recovery themes.  These themes can include alcoholism, drug addiction, support groups, honesty, courage, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie. 

A Walk Among the Tombstones is one of these movies.  The plot of this movie has been pasted below courtesy of Google:

Matt Scudder (Liam Neeson), formerly part of the NYPD, now works as an unlicensed private detective. His latest client is a drug trafficker (Dan Stevens) whose wife was kidnapped and brutally murdered, and as Scudder delves deeper, he finds that the crime’s sequence is the modus operandi of the perpetrators. Before they can strike again and destroy other lives, Scudder races through the back streets of New York to catch the killers, blurring the lines between lawful and criminal as he goes.

 I’ll be honest.  The only reason I posted this movie was because Neeson’s character was a recovering alcoholic and he actively attends meetings and works on his recovery.  I really enjoy a movie that openly acknowledges the Twelve Steps even if the plot of the movie is not about recovery.  What I like about this movie is that Neeson’s character has suffered through a lot of trauma, especially against the brutal murderers in this movie and he still works his program, attends meetings, and believes in the promises of AA.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Male Emotions

Fear and shame result from messages that men are not doing the job – in the work place, or at home. And the job is increasingly difficult to accomplish today, because the man as sole bread-winner is unrealistic in this economy. In a sense, life was much easier for men in the past, when they were simply hunters and warriors. A complicating factor is the male tendency to fear any “feminine” aspect of their personality, behavior or feelings. Men, who are raised predominately by women, are afraid that certain emotions, and their need for nurturance, means they are not masculine. If they are emotionally vulnerable, sensitive, or dependent on others, they feel ashamed and out of control. A man who is shamed by childhood abuse or enmeshment with an overprotective mother may become emotionally hypersensitive and subject to narcissistic injury (any perceived insult, complaints, criticism, or unmet entitlement needs lead to excessively hurt, angry feelings). There are many challenges for boys learning to be men today, particularly in families where effective male role models are not fully available. In too many families, distressed parents are angry, rejecting, or even abusive. The male brain often adapts to these circumstances, and can result in defensive role rigidity, anger and rage. Boys learn during childhood to suppress emotion – for boys becoming men, feelings and their expression can be considered shameful. To complicate this situation, boys are not generally socialized or taught to connect, bond, or develop meaningful, emotionally supportive relationships – especially with other boys and men. Boys are physiologically and neurologically oriented toward action, tasks, and playing with objects – not toward relating interpersonally. Raised primarily by women, boys get most or all of their emotional needs met by women without any required reciprocity on their part. This results in emotional, narcissistic injuries as adults when their needs and expectations are not met. Anger develops as a coping mechanism. William Pollack (1995) says that anger is their “way of weeping” – the way they express their emotional pain. From article by Richard J. Loebl, LCSW, PA http://www.goodtherapy.org/therapy-for-men.html

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

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Courage – VIDEO

I love fantasy, but not the fantasy I used to engage in.  This is the genre of fantasy full of dragons, knights, castles, or in this case, Hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, Wizards, and Orcs!  As a child I watched the cartoon version of The Hobbit by Rankin and Bass and loved the music and funny characters.  I was then able to read the book and then watch the movies by Peter Jackson.  Nevertheless, it wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, courage, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie. 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, the first of The Hobbit Trilogy is one of these movies.  The plot of this movie has been pasted below courtesy of Google:

The Hobbit, or There and Back Again is a fantasy novel and children’s book by English author J. R. R. Tolkien.  Set in a time “Between the Dawn of Færie and the Dominion of Men”, The Hobbit follows the quest of home-loving hobbit Bilbo Baggins to win a share of the Dwarven treasure guarded by the dragon, Smaug.

 I thought the courage exhibited by Bilbo Baggins to go on this dangerous journey was a parallel to the courage it takes to enter and stay in recovery.  Recovery isn’t easy, in fact, it is very difficult.  Therefore, it takes a lot of courage to enter meetings where you finally accept that we are not perfect and we are wounded human beings.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.