Interesting video on why this one man decided to stop watching porn.
Recovery Articles
Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction: Science Shows How Porn Harms Us
Recent research is telling us a lot about the brain when it comes to watching porn.
Over a decade ago, Dr. Judith Reisman called porn an “erototoxin,” theorizing that the brain itself might be damaged while watching porn. She speculated that future brain studies would reveal that the surge of neurochemicals and hormones released when someone watches porn has measurably negative effects on the brain.
Recent studies are validating her theory about brain chemicals and porn addiction.
What Brain Scans Tell Us
Cambridge Neuropsychiatrist Valerie Voon was featured last year in the UK documentary Porn on the Brain. Her research demonstrates that the brains of habitual porn users show great similarity to the brains of alcoholics. A brain structure called the ventral striatum plays a significant role in the reward system of the brain—the pleasure pathways. It is the same part of the brain that “lights up” when an alcoholic sees a picture of a drink.
Dr. William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy, sounds a similar alarm, teaching that viewing pornography and masturbating actually weakens the region of our brain known as the singular cortex—the region that is responsible for moral and ethical decision making and willpower.
The Brain Chemicals of Sex
In The Porn Circuit, Sam Black describes the various hormones and neurotransmitters involved when someone views porn and how each ingredient in this neuro-cocktail contributes to the problem:
- When having sex or watching porn, dopamine is released into a region of the brain responsible for emotion and learning, giving the viewer a sense of sharp focus and a sense of craving: “I have got to have this thing; this is what I need right now.” It supplies a great sense of pleasure. The next time the viewer gets the “itch” for more sexual pleasure, small packets of dopamine are released in the brain telling the user: “Remember where you got your fix last time. Go there to get it.”
- Norepinephrine is also released, creating alertness and focus. It is the brain’s version of adrenaline. It tells the brain, “Something is about to happen, and we need to get ready for it.”
- Sex or porn also trigger the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones help to lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave him or her the sexual pleasure.
- The body releases endorphins, natural opiates that create a “high,” a wave of pleasure over the whole body.
- After sexual release serotonin levels also change, bringing a sense of calm and relaxation.
This system works the way it is supposed to work when you’re having sex with your spouse. Together you can experience a high, an alertness of sexual pleasure, and the deep calm afterwards (norepinephrine, endorphins, and serotonin). With each sexual embrace you are emotionally bonding to this person (oxytocin and vasopressin). Over time a craving for sex is transformed into a desire for one another (dopamine).
But short-circuits the system.
How Porn Hijacks the System
Multiple problems happen when porn is used. First, instead of forming a deep connection to a person, your brain ends up “bonding” to a pornographic experience. Your brain remembers where the sexual high was experienced, and each time you desire sexual stimulation, you feel a sharp sense of focus: I’ve got to go back to the porn.
In addition, pornography gives the brain an unnatural high. In a recent TEDx talk, physiology teacher Gary Wilson explained that when men look at porn, they experience surge after surge of dopamine in the brain. The brain eventually fatigues, stopping the production of dopamine, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. As a result, everyday pleasures stop causing excitement and the viewer seeks out more novel, more intense pornography to get the same high as before.
This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.
I Share, Therefore I Am – VIDEO
Perhaps sharing in a face-to-face group is better than online social media sharing. We all want to be heard, but the false intimacy of online “social” media is hurting us and in actuality, making us feel more isolated.
Watch “The Innovation of Loneliness” by Shimi Cohen:
“If we are not able to be alone, we’re only going to know how to be lonely.”
The #1 WRONG Reason to Stay in a Support Group
I have often asked these same questions below to the men who attend Castimonia. The key, for me, is to not be judgmental or condemning of these individuals and understand that sometimes wanting to save their marriage (rather than have God fix them and their problem) is what the Holy Spirit uses to get them to attend the group. After extended attendance, however, they move to more of a healing focus for attendance rather than the selfish, “save my marriage” motive they originally had.
I frequently ask the members of our Saturday morning men’s purity group:
- Why did you come to our group?
- Why do you stay in our group?
Many guys come to group because they got caught, they feel bad that they got caught and their wives are pissed at them. They want peace in the house. They want their wives to get over it. They want to get back in the bedroom and have sex again.
I’m OK with whatever reason drives a guy to group. Really. Whatever gives you the courage to break the ice on the group is fine. It’s your starting point. It is your reality.
But if your primary reason for staying in a support group is to fix your marriage and have sex again… wrong answer. Your motivation is shallow, and you’re making an idol out of your marriage and your wife. Also, you’re focusing on something other than YOU.
YOU HAVE TO BE THE FOCUS It sounds selfish doesn’t it. But we become sexual strugglers because of our choices. We have a lot of changing to do. Before we can repair relationships and regain trust, WE have to change ourselves. It will be great if our marriages get back to the intimacy (spiritual, emotional, relational and sexual) God has designed them for. But until you are a lover and not a luster, you can’t be what God wants you to be.
A friend of mine who’s helped guys in recovery for over 15 years tells guys they need to make themselves and their own recovery their #1 focus for at least the first TWO YEARS. Wow! It doesn’t mean we don’t work on our marriages. It means getting our core right with God has to be #1.
WHAT IF YOUR MARRIAGE FAILS? If a whole marriage and sex are your #1 reasons for recovery, where does that leave you if your marriage dissolves. Too many guys in my groups have left recovery after they separated and divorced their wives. It tells me their focus was off.
If our
Otherwise, we give up when our marriages give up. marriage fails, we still need to get our core issues right. We still need support, structure, and a purity plan. We still need the help of counselors, ministers and those experienced in recovery. We still need to be disciple on how to be pure.
MOTIVES SHOULD EVOLVE Our motives for staying in group should evolve. I don’t expect this to happen immediately.
For me, I came to group because I failed in life and ministry and thought I was a failure. I didn’t want to be a statistic. I didn’t want to be another fallen minister. I wanted to prove to myself, my wife, and my spiritual mentors that I was not a failure. This motive drove me hard into recovery. I was consumed for the first two years and did as much recovery, counseling, reading, and listening to podcasts as I could. Somewhere along the way God showed me through my counselor that I had an identity problem.
My early focus was to get back to “normal” in my marriage. But my “normal” was not healthy. I was not healthy for my marriage. I was not healthy for the Kingdom of God.
Q: Why did you come to our group?
My answer 6 Years Ago: To get rid of temptation. To get my marriage back to normal. So my wife won’t be pissed at me any more. To get on with my life. To get back into ministry.
Q: Why do you stay in our group?
My answer today: I can’t isolate and be OK. I need other brothers in my life who know my insides and love and accept me. I come to group to help other guys. Group helps me stay focused on recovery and accountable. Group reminds me I am only a few bad decisions away from falling back into bondage if I don’t stay engaged.
GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY
Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:
- Online / Phone Support Groups
- Accountability Coaching
- Personal Coaching
- Speaking at Conferences
Nadine Burke Harris: How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime – VIDEO
Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.
