CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Intimacy, what is it?

Intimacy, what is it?

It seems that the word is often misused in today’s society.  The word “intimacy” or “intimate” is used a lot to discuss sexual relations with one another.  The reason I state it is misused is because the physical part of intimacy (sex) is only one of three parts.  Below is the actual definition of the word:

in·ti·ma·cy /ˈɪntəməsi/ [in-tuh-muh-see] noun, plural in·ti·ma·cies.
1. the state of being intimate.
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

When I first entered recovery I really didn’t understand the meaning of the word or the different types of intimacy.  I always thought, as many still do, it meant “meaningful” sexual intercourse with another human being such as a spouse or committed partner.  Men would use the word “intimate” to signify they had sexual intercourse with their wives.  It wasn’t until our couple’s therapist pointed out a peculiar pronunciation of the word “Intimacy” that it began to click.

Although it isn’t actually pronounced as follows, he referred to intimacy as “In to Me See” which explained a lot.  That really is the definition of intimacy, to be close, familiar and loving in a personal relationship with another person or group.  To see into the other person, to get to know the other person on a deeper level, is what intimacy truly is.

Once I understood the word intimacy, I was able to break up the meaning into three categories:

  1. Spiritual
  2. Emotional
  3. Physical

Spiritual
Intimacy with God is paramount for us to be able to establish intimacy with others.  Spiritual intimacy between two humans can be a very powerful expression of connection and love.  When we are in deep prayer with our brothers in recovery or with our spouses, we open up a connecting bond that is truly incredible.  When we pray, our brains light up, our focus becomes much less about ourselves, and more about others and especially God.  Praying together, deeply, is one of the most powerful representations of intimacy that I believe can be achieved.  I believed God designed us to feel this intimacy with Him and with one another, when we pray!

Emotional
Emotional intimacy between two humans occurs when they share with one another their thoughts and feelings.  Sharing can be a very difficult thing for a lot of us in recovery.  Why? – Because we can’t trust anyone but ourselves!  We grew up with this mentality and trusting others with our thoughts and feelings would end badly for us.  After all, if someone knew who I really was, what I had done, what I think about, or how I am feeling, they wouldn’t like us, much less love us.  This is a common misbelief all addicts have.  This is why it is important to open ourselves up and share our thoughts and feelings in group meetings, with our accountability partners, with our sponsor, with our therapist, and even with our wives.  Sharing breaks down the walls of isolation and allows us to feel loved for who we really are not some façade we have created.

Physical
Finally, we arrive at physical intimacy; the intimacy that is most widely used.  However, physical intimacy does not always mean sexual intercourse.  Understand that intimacy is much deeper than just sex.  Heterosexual men can be physically intimate with one another without sexual intercourse.  There are many aspects of physical intimacy that should be analyzed.  However, for the sake of time and space on this blog, I will only briefly list and describe a few.  Holding hands is considered physical intimacy.  When we hold hands with another man either in meetings or in recovery exercises, we establish a small bond of physical intimacy.  Holding hands with our loved ones can be something very special; don’t ignore the opportunity to do so!  Hugging is also considered physical intimacy.  When we hug one another, we are exhibiting trust and building of intimacy either between two men or a man and his wife.  I would caution, though, that unmarried friends of the opposite sex not get into a habit of physical touch such as hugging or friendly kissing as we don’t want to end up where some of us started, in intimate relationships with a woman other than our wife!  Kissing is considered an act of physical intimacy, but we usually do this with our wives or a committed partner.  Kissing doesn’t have to be romantic or passionate to be intimate, a simple peck on the lips or cheek can be an act of physical intimacy.  And finally, non-compulsive sexual contact with our wife is the ultimate sign of pure, physical intimacy between a husband and wife.  When both partners are willing to know and trust one another so deeply that they become sexually intimate, it creates an amazing thing between the two and with God.  God smiles when we are sexually intimate with our wives!  In recovery, I have learned what great physical, sexual intimacy really is, it is a non-shameful sexual connection with my wife that nothing else in my addiction could ever come close to besting!

I hope you have noticed the order in which I wrote this discussion on intimacy.  I believe there is a reason for this order and that intimacy must begin with our spirits and God, then with other human beings on an emotional level, and finally, after both spiritual and emotional intimacy has been established, move on to the physical intimacy!  It is important to keep this in mind the next time we want to jump to the physical, sexual intimacy with our wives yet haven’t worked on the spiritual and emotional parts first!

All the above has been my own personal description of intimacy.  However, I believe one of the best descriptions of overall intimacy was presented to me during one of my Sex Addiction Specialist training sessions.  The quote below was adapted from Claudia Black.

“Intimacy is when I give the other the very weapons of my destruction (in my case the knowledge of and truth about me). Then, after taking the risk to share, the other uses the weapons of my destruction – not to destroy me, but to defend me.” 

I experienced this after doing my clinical disclosure to my wife and then my formal first step in recovery.  Both my wife and the men who heard my first step could have easily used the information I had given them to destroy my life, but instead they have chosen to use it to defend me!  My wife and the men in my recovery group know more about me than any other set of human beings alive, more than my own family of origin.  I challenge you to find that kind of love and support, to be truly intimate with each other as God intended.  Then to support and defend one another with the knowledge you have gained.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – May 12, 2012

Jesus Calling – May 10th

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9; Ephesians 5:20

This was the devotional read by one of my accountability partners during our most recent accountability meeting.  WOW!  How amazing is our God, who works all things for our good.  This also reminds me of how we define “Joy” at my church.  Joy is the steadfast assurance that God is in control.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) in my life, difficulties occur.  Prior to entering recovery, I relied only on myself, not on my God!  This is the way I grew up, relying only on me, because nobody else was going to watch after me, so I had to do it for myself.  Now, as a broken individual working towards wholeness, I must fully rely on God.  One of the many blessings from my recovery program is the thought that every single day, I need to be willing to turn my life and will over to the care of God.  It doesn’t always happen, from time to time I try to take my will back.  However, I acknowledge that I am willing on a daily basis, and my recovery is based on progress, not perfection.

The biggest blessing was when I hit rock bottom.  I was desperate, I wanted to run away, I wanted to go home, I wanted to live, I wanted to die.  Actually, I was in such turmoil that I didn’t know what I wanted, but God knew what I needed.  Again, He used my problems and mistakes to my benefit and growth.  I have seen time and time again how when I trust God to the fullest, he pulls me through every single difficulty I have faced and will face.  My sponsor always tells me, “it’s going to be OK, and if it’s not, then God is not finished.”  Keep in mind that “OK” to God, is not always the same “OK” it is for me.  I might not like what God’s version of “OK” is, but I need to keep in mind that it is in my best interest and maintain that “Joy” in my heart.  If it took me hitting rock bottom and going through that pain and suffering to bring me closer to God, to help me trust Him, to bring about an intimate connection that I didn’t have before, then it was all worth it and I would do it again.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

References:

John 15:5 – “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 – 8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

Ephesians 5:20 – And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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Do You Struggle with Sexual Purity?

One of the issues I come across in this ministry is speaking to men not in support, accountability, or recovery groups about sexual purity and the struggle.  Many men say to me that they don’t have a problem with sexual purity, that everything is “Ok” or that they don’t need a support group for their sexual purity issues.

So how does a man, not in a support group, recovery, or accountability group know whether they are sexually pure or have a struggle with maintaining sexual purity?  I’ve listed some activities that may seem normal (thanks to today’s mainstream society and the sexualization of America) to these men, but in reality are signs that sexual immorality is in your heart, mind, and soul.  We can all strive to be like Joseph when tempted by Potiphar’s wife (illustration to the right) but we need support and accountability along the way!

Here are some questions for you to ask yourself.  Or better yet, have someone you trust ask you these questions.  Be as honest as possible!

Do I look around at women in public places, taking second and third looks at an attractive woman?

Do I wish I could be with the attractive woman I just saw in public, either in a relationship or sexually?

Do I imagine myself being with women I see in public, either in a relationship or sexually?

Do I think of or fantasize about an attractive woman I saw earlier, either when I am alone or with others?

Do I look at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?

Do I make excuses to look at the SI swimsuit issue such as, I’m reading up on the latest sports or on my team?

Do I look through “fitness” magazines in order to look at the women in workout outfits?

Do I rationalize looking at “fitness” magazines saying I’m reading up on the latest workout/fitness trends?

Do I look through “Hot Rod” or other “Male Publications” and focus on the models in bikinis or suggestive outfits?

Do I look through women’s clothing catalogs?

Do I look through the Victoria’s Secret catalog?

Do I look through fashion magazines in order to look at the women who might wear seductive outfits or even appear nude?

Do I stare at billboards along the road as I drive and fantasize about the woman on the billboard?

Do I look over at other attractive female drivers and linger on them until I pass them by?

Do I purposely speed up or slow down in order to get alongside an attractive female driver on the road?

Do I purposely eat at restaurants where the waitresses wear skimpy outfits?

Do I visit websites that have photos of clothed models, either fully clothed or in swimsuits?

Do I visit message forums that post photos of models?

Do I visit social networking sites and look through the photos of attractive females on the sites?

Do I purposely walk by the lingerie or women’s underwear section of store without my wife present?

While in public, do I purposely change my course, or even set my course, because I see an attractive woman and want to walk by her?

The above questions are less-obvious examples of a struggle with maintaining sexual purity.  If you answered “YES” to ANY of the above questions, you need to look into a support or accountability group.  The questions below are more telling of a problem with maintaining sexual purity.

Do I watch sexually suggestive television shows, including reality shows, sitcoms, cable and non-cable TV shows?

Do I watch sexually suggestive commercials on TV?

Do I watch sexually suggestive movies such as American Pie type of movies?

Do I listen to sexually suggestive music or watch sexually suggestive music videos?

Do I watch sexually suggestive online videos or videos of girls in underwear or swimsuits?

Do I watch rated “R” movies that contain nudity alone or with my wife?  And if so, do I look at the nudity when it appears?

Do I watch sexually suggestive movies and the nudity while alone?

If you answered YES to the preceding questions, then I strongly recommend you get into a support group before you go too far.  The questions below are definite signs of a struggle with maintaining sexual purity.

Do I fantasize about or lust after other women while being physically sexual intimate with my wife?

Do I masturbate outside of physical sexual intimacy with my wife?

Do I engage in any sex outside of my marriage?

Do I look at “soft porn” magazines, videos, or internet sites that contain some sexual content or nudity?

Do I look at pornographic magazines, videos, or internet sites that contain full nudity or hardcore sexual material?

Do I surf the internet for pornography or try to circumvent any installed internet filters?

Do I surf the internet wanting to report sites not blocked by filters?

Do I visit sexually oriented business such as strip clubs, video stores, massage parlors?

Do I engage in sexually acting out with anonymous sex partners?

Do I engage in having a sexual or non-sexual affair?

Do I visit prostitutes, call girls, etc…?

Do I take extreme risks (being caught by police, public exposure, illegal activities) when acting out?

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, you are in definite and immediate need of a sexual purity support and recovery group as well as counseling for your intimacy disorder which may an addiction.

Regardless at what level of sexual purity you might struggle, please be courageous enough to seek immediate help, either in a support, recovery, accountability group, or with a trained professional therapist!  Do it now, before it is too late!

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Castimonia Meeting Topic May – Working Step 5

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)

An old Scottish proverb states, “An open confession is good for the soul.”  This is also true in our recovery.  When we work a Step 4 inventory on ourselves, we then review it with God, ourselves, and another human being – usually our sponsor.  By actually speaking out loud “the exact nature of our wrongs” that we wrote down in Step 4, we allow the healing to begin.

In Castimonia (much like in SAA), this is not an open confession of our sexual “wrongs” when we were in our addiction; that was performed in Step 1, hopefully in front of the group.  The wrongs we reference in Step 5 can vary.  Our “wrongs” can include some or all of the following.

Our character defects: We openly discuss the character defects we listed in Step 4, giving a full explanation and examples of each one to God, to ourselves, and to our sponsor.  These defects were often hidden from us until we entered recovery and started working the steps.  Our Sponsor can help us identify character defects, during our many meetings, which may not be obvious to us on our own reflections of who we truly are.

Resentments: As mentioned in Step 4, we list out our resentments and follow through to column 4.  It is critical we confess these resentments (even about our own sponsor) and work through each and every one.  In working steps 4 and 5, we learn a new approach to deal with people that we probably did not use in the past.  We would allow our resentments to build up inside and then act out because of the feelings we were trying to suppress.  Keep in mind, that in cases resentments arising from of childhood sexual or emotional abuse, we are not in the wrong for the abuse, however, we are in the wrong for holding onto the resentment!

Sexual wrongs: Did we leave anything out of our Step 1 reading to the group?  Perhaps there were issues that were too sensitive to read to the entire group?  Perhaps we were not ready to face those issues at the time we wrote and gave our 1st step.  These issues can keep us “stuck” in our recovery unless we deal with them in an open and honest manner.  Issues I have heard discussed in Step 5 but left out of Step 1 have varied.  Some have stated their lust other men, lust for younger women, others were victims of incest or sexual abuse as children, and some were sexual with animals or inanimate objects.  Regardless of the activity, we openly confess to God and our sponsor what happened.  Again, in cases of childhood sexual or emotional abuse placed onto us by others, we are not wrong for those activities.  However, we must be able to openly discuss them with our sponsor and therapist in order to achieve some level of healing.

Finally, as James writes, we must pray for each other!  We must pray for one another after a Step 5, either together or in private.  I ask sponsors that have worked a step 5 with their sponsees to pray for them, so that they can be healed!

Once we have learned how to properly work a Step 4 & Step 5, we are ready to move forward to Step 6!

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Interview – Behind the Scenes of a Pornographic Movie

I was disgusted by the reality of the “glamorous” porn industry!  It really sickens me how all these men and women act like it is the greatest thing ever, yet inside, they are slowly dying…  I am especially disgusted by the abortion relation in pornography and the making of pornographic movies:

” I’ve had a girl get pregnant from a movie I did for Hustler, there was no protection because Hustler and LFP frowned on condom use on set. Last I heard she was on probation and delivered the baby in jail. It was insane. But it was not uncommon for girls to get pregnant from a set shoot and then paid to have an abortion. This is the well-kept secret in the industry, Hustler, Vivid, Playboy all have a direct working relationship with Planned Parenthood and together they make a lot of money from one another. Girls would be told if they even were thought to be pregnant, they were given a pill (morning after) and it does happen quite a lot in the business.”

Because of how triggering this may be to recovering sex addicts or users of pornography, I have copied and pasted the entire interview and removed some of the offensive or triggering material.

Ex Hustler Producer Interview – Christopher Gregory 

With Shelly Lubben

Shelley: How did you get into the porn business?

Christopher: I got into the porn business by way of mere accident. I met a friend who was doing girls gone wild stuff and the curiosity got the better of me and when we started talking more about the industry; I thought it would be a way of A) making money and B) getting women. It was all a subtle slide down into the darkness that I thought was going to be fun.

Shelley: Did things that happened in your childhood have an influence on your choice to be a porn producer?

Christopher: Did things happen in my childhood affect my decision? Yes, only in the respect that I was in my early 20’s when my father died, I grew up in a traditional Christian home, actually, I got saved when I was 8 years old, but when I became older, after the loss of my dad, I grew angry and as most angry young men, I took off and found myself doing whatever I could to fill that void in my life. I thought everything and everyone was against me, even God, in my mind, left me. So as I grew older and traveled more and experienced more, it opened the door to the film industry and eventually leading me to Larry Flynt’s door.

Shelley: How long were you in the porn business?

Christopher: I was in the business for a very short time, almost 5 years (that’s short) compared to many. Again, to me it was a way to make money, build my name and then crossover. 20 Years ago that would have virtually impossible, but because Hollywood has virtually become an industry of virtually no morals, I was introduced to many people who worked part time (under assumed names) in the porn business as either camera guys, writers, or directors or producers and still worked during the day on mainstream industry films.

Shelley: What was it like being a director/producer?

Christopher: It was “okay” but the pressure and the demands were not as pleasant as one might think. There were times where I would get calls almost daily from Hustler execs, yelling and ranting and I thought “Really? You’re yelling? You’re cursing?” Believe it or not, it’s NOT a pleasant venture in this business; it’s cut throat, it’s evil and the men behind the masks, behind the power are rude, aggressive and simply don’t care, after all, you’re not filming a dramatic, you’re shooting porn.

Shelley: What is your worst memory?

Christopher: My worst memory was on the set of a Hustler film, I was shooting on location and the drug use was rampant with the talent, yet I was told to get it finished (it was a 5 days shoot) any which way I had to. If anybody tells you the porn industry does not endorse drug use is a liar. I’ve had my fair share of working with girls who worked with every top studio from Wicked to Hustler to Vivid and it was commonplace to make sure the girl(s) were ready, even if that meant drunk (alcohol was always provided and actually I was told when I first started working for Hustler, to provide alcohol on set, because it loosened up the people involved. Crazy.

Shelley: So it’s common for porn stars and crew to use drugs and alcohol on the set?

Christopher: Drugs and alcohol is used by ALL. No exceptions. It’s not out of the realm to have a drug dealer come on set and ‘hook’ women up. It simply happens all the time.

Shelley: What did you see going on the porn sets?

Christopher: I’ve seen some crazy things, drug habits, overdoses, fights between girls or girls and their boyfriends, boyfriends bringing their girlfriends to set bruised up, forcing them to perform simply to get a check. Again crazy things. I’ve seen girls come out of prison and go straight into this business. I’ve had a girl get pregnant from a movie I did for Hustler, there was no protection because Hustler and LFP frowned on condom use on set. Last I heard she was on probation and delivered the baby in jail. It was insane. But it was not uncommon for girls to get pregnant from a set shoot and then paid to have an abortion. This is the well-kept secret in the industry, Hustler, Vivid, Playboy all have a direct working relationship with Planned Parenthood and together they make a lot of money from one another. Girls would be told if they even were thought to be pregnant, they were given a pill (morning after) and it does happen quite a lot in the business.

Shelley: Were any of the women ever coerced or forced into doing sex acts they weren’t comfortable with?

Christopher: All the time. You have to remember, in the studios eyes women are nothing but meat. They are literally slaves, with the illusion of fame and fortune, but take it from me, they are not free moral agents in most circumstances, they are guided by habits, physical violence at home, or they are struggling to make payments on a mortgage. Nobody goes into this business for the “fun” of it.

Shelley: What is the average age of a girl who wanted to be in porn?

Christopher: 17. I don’t care what anyone tells you, 17 is the starting age of many girls in this business. The younger the more money it makes Hustler, Vivid, Wicked, Playboy and they know it too. I recall a girl, she had just turned 18 and we were in a coffee shop on a college campus, she asked me about getting into the business in one of my films I was planning. The next thing I know is, she’s topless. It’s that crazy. And the reason is, in most cases, they (girls) are looking for attention, someone to care for them because they aren’t getting that same love or attention at home. The sad thing is, the industry is filled with the faces of that same girl I remember those many years ago trying desperately to break into this industry. That’s why Hustler, Playboy, Wicked and other studios venture into the college campuses across the nation. It’s a pool of fresh meat. I’ve seen producers hook up with Ron Jeremy and do campus cattle calls and while on campuses, these same girls would perform sex acts on Ron or the producers or both or each other in front of hundreds wanting in. I personally know one of the producers who went to the big 10 campuses with Ron or without Ron and go into these bars and clubs, all of which are on colleges and Universities and persuade girls to get naked and have sex in PUBLIC! You simply don’t hear about this because it’s a well hidden secret. Sad.

Shelley: Why do you think women agree to do porn?

Christopher: I think women get into porn because they see an illusion presented to them. Hollywood, fame, reality programs play a HUGE part in the desire for any woman to get out of the hardness of life and make fast money and get a ‘name’ but the price is the soul. The desire for love is a big one and if that means they can be “loved” or have some sort of emotional aspect of love from a stranger, even if it’s on a porn set, for many that’s enough reason to get into the business. I think it’s also our culture today – especially young people today. 10 -20 years ago only certain types of women would dare even consider porn, but because porn has sadly become intermixed within our culture and it’s so “normal”, it’s no longer looked upon as a taboo, it’s almost a badge of honor.

Shelley: How do you feel about the recent condom ordinance that went into effect March 5? –

Christopher: From a mere health position, as insane as that is, it’s a start, but it doesn’t go far enough in my view – shut it all down is my view. But we live in a realistic world. Condoms won’t hinder HIV and they (studios and health professionals) know that!

Shelley: Yes, I feel the State of California must shut it down since the industry refuses to comply with health and safety and sex trafficking laws!

Shelley: Please watch this shocking video of footage of women being abused on the porn set and give me your input: *removed* (BEWARE GRAPHIC CONTENT!)

Christopher: It’s disturbing to say the least. I have heard of it happening because I heard the rumors going around town. There were an element of characters I stayed away from because they were, how do I put it, were bottom feeders. And let me say this, Hustler was no different. They didn’t care! The pressure for turnaround (money), marketing, sales and profit simply doesn’t include the safe and well-being of the talent, but why should it? In the major studios like Hustler or Vivid, it’s all about money; it’s never about the well-being of the woman or even the man. And let me just say this, too often we never see the end results of the men who get caught up in this, I know one individual who was a working actor in this business and he committed suicide. The trail of destruction is a long one, but it’s the price paid for fame.

Shelley: Are people in porn able to have loving relationships, marriages?

Christopher: No. It is impossible to separate the two for they are one and the same. Sooner or later that world, just like every other aspect of Hollywood, seeps into the private lives of those involved and the casualties are piling up. When I came into the business, I worked with a producer who was married and the marriage practically ended up in ruins. The most foolish thing one can say is that it doesn’t affect one’s life, but it does. I’ve known many who allowed their wives to act or do sex scenes with other men – or women, then they have a private affair and the man goes nuts -why? You weren’t so concerned when she was having sex with another man on set? The justification in the mind simply doesn’t make sense. The price for sin has always been an expensive one.

Shelley: How did you get out of porn? Who saved or helped you?

Christopher: I had a praying mom. I was in Los Angeles for a week, I was to meet execs from Vivid and then to meet execs from a mainstream studio, things were changing with me and I was barely holding on to my seat. That evening I was looking out my hotel room window, I watched the planes coming into LAX, they all lined up, and I thought, “They know where they’re going” but I didn’t. It wasn’t until a few nights later, I went to sleep one night, and I had just got a call from a certain friend (Pauly Shore) and all I can explain is that I went to sleep and suddenly had a vision. I saw myself standing by the side of the road, it was raining and I saw my body lying in the street under a crumbled car, I was obviously in a car crash and I knew I didn’t survive. I turned to the right and a black hole suddenly appeared out of nowhere as I found myself being pulled into it. I took one last look back, to catch a glimpse and there was one desire, if I could I would have fought to stay there, but the blackness over took me and I found myself moving deeper into what seemed like a tunnel of rock as I went further down, deep into the caverns and I knew within my spirit I was going to hell. The next thing I knew I was standing in an open space where I saw three holding cells, they were cubicle in design, but formed out of the earth and rock, and I knew that one of them was where I was going to be placed. I stood and contemplated my life and I knew that I would never come out of this place, this horrible place and more importantly, I would never hear my mom pray for me again – I was lost, without hope, without grace without Christ. Then suddenly, I was thrown back into the light and I woke up. I found myself in my bed, but my bed was literally covered in sweat, I had soaked my bed!

It was weeks later that I was driving back home, when I could literally hear God speak to my heart and he told me he was giving me a chance to make things right. Then one particular afternoon, I felt God convict my heart and I knew God was dealing with me to come home. I fought it at first, but then I simply asked Christ into my life and suddenly I knew, God loved me! Christ came into my life, forgave me of every wrong I ever did, he saved me from sin, death and hell. I cried all night practically, but I was overjoyed because I gave my life to Jesus Christ and he loved me enough that he saved me! Everything was gone, the sin, the guilt, the hate, the anger, everything, it was all gone the minute I accepted Christ into my life.

Since then I am preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, a restored man who is new in Christ and telling the world that there is second chances – I’m living proof. 

Shelley: That is AWESOME Christopher! What are you doing now for Christ?

Christopher: I am a writer and author of many Christian articles and books and my ministry page is at http://www.facebook.com/clgministries. My books below can be purchased through Amazon online.

The Noah Files – 

Sodom USA –

I also travel across the Midwest and South proclaiming the Gospel in a tent ministry, where we see salvations, healing, miracles and the prophetic released upon people who desire to be set free from the bondages of sin. Currently I’m preparing for going into India and Africa then on into the UK preaching the gospel, seeing the sick healed and working in the prophetic.

Shelley: What would you like to tell those who are still caught up in the industry?

Christopher: If I could say one thing to those caught up within this industry, there is a way out – it is through Jesus Christ. No one will ever love you enough like Christ will. No one will ever change your life like Christ will. No one can ever remove the hurt, the pain, the bitterness, the guilt like Jesus Christ can. Men will promise you fame, money, success but all they are offering you is a temporary fix to a lifetime of pain, yet Jesus Christ came and died that you could have life and life more abundantly. The enemy is a liar, he comes to steal, kill and destroy and he’ll use whatever means necessary to do it, even if it means money, but Christ has come to set us free if we’ll just accept his love and forgiveness. God’s not on a guilt trip, he wants us to come to him, repent of our sins and live for him, but the only way we can receive that is by turning over our lives to Jesus Christ, his son. I hope and pray those who would read this would know that there is hope, there is mercy and there is love and it’s through Jesus Christ.

But let me add this one word to those within this industry, the power behind the studios, the men and women who are hell bent on destroying lives, who would mock my words – your day is coming. One day, unless you repent, will face an almighty God and this same God will judge you for every action, for every lie, for every deed done to make you rich, to make you wealthy on the backs and lives of these men and women, you WILL give and account for this and if you don’t repent and come to Christ, you’ll have to answer to God and on that day, you’ll have no excuse, no mercy and hell will await you. The Larry Flynt’s of the world, the Hugh Hefner’s, the Steve Hirsch’s, these men who have shown no mercy in their desire to get gain, will stand before God and they will have no answer. But Christ loved them enough to give them that opportunity to repent. But they will have much to answer for.