CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Castimonia

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6 Types of Erosion the Sexual Addict Can’t See

http://porntopurity.com/blog/2014/01/31/free-article-how-to-share-your-sexual-struggles-with-your-church-leaders/

Posted: 31 Jan 2014 03:00 AM PST

Our sexual sin affects many things we cannot see, yet. Erosion brings a hidden, slow devastation.  Erosion to soil can cause a house to sink into the ground.  Erosion of the nuts and bolts in your car cause parts to go bad.  Beach erosion causes houses and lighthouses to have to be moved. When we are struggling sexually and don’t talk about it, a deadly erosion takes place on many levels. Erosion of our spiritual life – Our relationship with God.  Our prayer life.  Our spiritual fervency.  Our intimacy with God.  Our focus on Kingdom things.  We cannot be holy vessels when we are holding onto sexual sin.  We cannot be sensitive to the Holy Spirit when we are in sin. Erosion of our authenticity – We can’t be our true self.  A second person exists.  We lack integrity.  We pretend.  We lie. Erosion of our sense of truth – We are slowly being deceived into thinking that keeping a secret is OK.  We begin to convince ourselves that it would be better not to share; that there will be less carnage and consequence.  We start believing lies.  Even lies that our behavior is not that bad, or that somehow, it’s OK with God.  We don’t realize how far we are straying from a sense of truth. Erosion of our relationships – We give less energy and passion to others.  We are becoming self-absorbed,  protective and private.  There’s a part of us that we can’t offer to others.  We cannot fully minister to others.  When we do connect with others, it is devoid of the power of God from a clean vessel. Erosion of our passions – Our passion is not God, but ourselves.  Our passion becomes our sexual habits.  This is idolatry.  We are giving ourselves to something God did not ordain for us.  The energy that we could be using to serve Him, our spouse, and others is being given to porn, fantasy, masturbation or adultery. Erosion of other people’s lives – Some of us are involved in illicit relationships with other people.  We may be having an affair, encounters with prostitutes, anonymous sex, or an emotional affair.  In some cases a parishioner is involved; someone you counseled, a secretary, a teenager, a child.  Other people become victims of our behaviors. When we are in the middle of our sexual sin, we do not see these types of erosion.  God may have blow our life apart before we see the erosion.  There is always degradation with sin, and sin always puts us on its destructive path. THE SOLUTION The key to stopping the erosion is to share the secret.  The only way for the power to be taken out of the secret is to talk about out with safe people.  Darkeness must come into light.  The affects of erosion will contnue as long as the secret remains.  Erosion will never magically disappear.  It has to be arrested and counteracted with something bigger than ourselves. GET HELP FOR YOUR PURITY JOURNEY Jeff Fisher helps guys with their purity journeys through:

  • Online / Phone Support Groups
  • Accountability Coaching
  • Personal Coaching
  • Speaking at Conferences

www.puritycoaching.com jeff@puritycoaching.com

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Merimnao 5 Year Celebration Reminder (and Childcare)

On this upcoming Saturday, January 10th we will be having Merimnao’s fifth year celebration event.  It begins at 3:30, the presentation part begins at 4 and concludes (we estimate) at 5, we will then spend time chatting with each other and meeting new friends.  It is being held in the life center at the Fellowship, 22765 Westheimer Parkway.

Please make every effort to be there.

Some details:

We will have a combination of audiovisual and testimonies for the first part of the presentation.  In the second part we will recognize some of God’s handiwork and some people, talk a little about what Merimnao is (for the visitors) and then discuss the vision for the ministry going forward.

Childcare is available for children up to 12 years.  This is free for this event!  Come a little early if you are dropping kids off.  Childcare will be in the Student Building, rooms S101 and S102, it will be available from 3 to 6 pm.

Bring any and everybody you want, especially spouses.  Invite people you personally know are engaged in helping ministry or recovery ministry, as leaders or participants.

We will have coffee, Kosmos will be open too and we’ll have some snacks and water.

MINISTRY LEADERS – Please make sure this is announced this week in each group meeting, and invite all present and past group members, because from these people as a group will come future leaders.  E-mail the invitation as you see fit.

AND – We will have a resource center.  So if there are some things you want to display please be sure to bring them.

AND – Make yourself available to talk to people, after the presentation, who might want to know about your ministry.

Finally – can we please ask that every person reply to this email in some way, so we know you received and read it.  – Thanks!

 

 

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Definition of Codependency

To many professionals in the treatment field and their clients, the term “codependency” can be confusing and unclear. Some clients even find the term offensive and/or say that it is a poor fit to describe them, according to Ann W. Smith MS, LPC, LMFT, NCC. Smith is the Executive Director of Breakthrough at Caron, which is a 5 ½ day residential personal growth workshop designed for those who are struggling with relationship patterns developed from early attachment injuries in core relationships. She explains the evolution of codependency starting in 1980 when the addiction field began to show interest in involving the family in addiction treatment. Soon after that time, Caron introduced a residential family program. She discusses the labels that were used before the term “codependency” came about. One of these labels was “co-alcoholic” and she says that this one didn’t stick because the term chemical dependency replaced alcoholism. Another label that was used early on was “chief enabler or ‘collateral,’” which were used for the spouse of an addict when their spouse was in treatment. As time went on, committees met and the terms “Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)” and “codependency” began to emerge across the country around 1981. At the 1989 National Conference on Codependency, a commit of experts in the codependency field… came together to establish this definition: “Codependency is a pattern of painful dependence on compulsive behavior and on approval seeking, in an attempt to gain safety, identity and self-worth. Recovery is possible.” Although Smith was on the committee that developed this definition, she still felt that it was too general and that it couldn’t be applied to specific people. She explains the following definition of codependency that she created: “Codependency is a condition or state of being, that results from adapting to dysfunction (possibly addiction) in a significant other. Codependency is a learned response to stress which, over a person’s lifetime, can lead to the development of the following characteristics: External Focus, Repressed Feelings, Comfort with Crisis, Boundary Conflicts, Isolation, Stress related illness. By Shannon Brys, Associate Editor http://www.addictionpro.com/article/codependency-patterns-attachment

It’s hard to give up the self-esteem connected to being codependent and appearing ‘right,’ which is probably a survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear. Melody Beattie

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The Addict Rarely Sees a Problem

Parasites can suck the life out of a healthy body. Relationship parasites can also destroy a healthy marriage. One form of relationship parasite is addictions, such as addictions to alcohol, illegal drugs, prescriptive drugs, gambling or pornography. No matter what the form, however, all addictions can be marriage killers. Addictions typically seem innocent at first: There’s nothing “wrong” with “a beer or two.” Lots of people buy lottery tickets or go to the casinos for a little fun. If there was anything wrong with prescriptive drugs, they would be illegal. Moreover, most people who drink beer, buy lottery tickets or take prescriptive drugs suffer no problems. What seems like fun, however, becomes an addiction when behaviors change from something a spouse enjoys to something he or she needs, then to something the spouse craves, then to something that becomes the central focus of the person’s life. Addictions don’t disappear on their own; they only get worse. Thus, the first step in addressing addictions is honestly admitting that an addiction exists. The first person to take this step is usually the non-addicted spouse. This takes courage and requires a willingness to be assertive and to clearly communicate to your spouse that there’s a problem. It may also involve your learning about the addictive process and how one begins the recovery process. The addict rarely sees a problem and, in fact, often denies a problem exists, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Breaking through this denial can be extremely difficult. It may require the non-addicted spouse meeting with a professional counselor to develop a plan. Groups such as AA, NA, or Gamblers Anonymous can also provide useful information. Once the denial is dealt with, dealing with the addiction will also require planning and a great deal of effort. The thought processes of the addict have been changed by the addiction, and just starting the process of getting the mind to function in a rational way will take three to six months. Since the marriage is affected, it’s also essential that couple therapy get started. There will be issues of forgiveness and reconnection that need to be addressed. Addictions can destroy a marriage, but with hard work and honest support, couples can heal the hurt and rebuild their marriage into the healthy relationship they hoped for when they first fell in love. From an article by James Sheridan http://www.news-sentinel.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120502/LIVING/305029997/1008

“Here I am trying to live, or rather, I am trying to teach the death within me how to live.” – Jean Cocteau